Zynox
09-19-2008, 08:11 PM
Soul Retrieval Experience
January 17, 2006
Awakening to the Crow’s Caw
I awoke to the caw of a crow that seemed to be right at my window, though I didn’t see it. I instantly recognized the uniqueness of the experience, as I hadn’t previously been awakened by the pleasant sounds of nature in this home. What message was there in this, I briefly contemplated, while slowly shrugging off the slumber of a night without dream recall.
Alas! My next thought was of the special day that had begun and the long awaited soul retrieval appointment. The day had finally arrived and with it the emotions of anticipation, anxious energy and thoughts, hope and adventure! Curiously absent were specific expectations. Who am I and what had I done with myself? I always carried too many expectations and missed some of life’s graceful flow because of this funky personality trait. My expecting nature and way … recognized and undesired, yet omnipresent nonetheless. Had some alchemy been performed I hadn’t remained focused upon and hadn’t been actively evaluating? Could this be a sign, an affirmation of the validity to the gentle approach … the finding without seeking, the grace I have grasped to have, to hold, to posses within? What is the recipe, and ingredients, of the elusive miracle of genuine and lasting change? Perhaps it manifests only when allowed by not trying, by not demanding, driven forward by an authentic unflinching core desire.
Does new structure of personality and spirituality construct itself, without complete awareness, in a life when so much has been stripped away, peeled in the succession of transformed relationships, automobile accident, devastating residence fire, leaving corporate employment and moving to a new home?
Travel in the Rain
E* arrived to accompany me on this journey, to share this experience and support me. Her gifts express in diverse fashions, always blossoming in new hues bringing touches of grace. Her gift of presence held further significance as she granted me her time, her day, even with an out of town friend remaining at her home. She was adorned with her medicine bag and protection, ever vigilant and prepared.
In further wisdom, she drove us, not knowing what state the day would leave me in (thus … a wise woman). We proceeded in her white carriage, fitting, with the rain and overcast sky generating the stage. We overshot the destination with my limited focus on navigation and we both noted a flock of birds on some utility lines, no coincidences?
Initial Impressions
As we headed up the dirt road, Kimberly, to the Shaman’s home, I knew the moments of waiting had expired. As I stood and scanned the sky and trees in front, the door opened and E****** greeted us warmly. The ambiance of her home commenced with the pine trees and cedar siding exterior and developed further as we were led to her fabulous meeting area full of artifacts, totems, crystals and assorted spiritually evoking treasures. Of prominence was the welcoming and resonant Mayan Turquoise wall paint which was an extraordinary hue of medium saturation that produced a feeling of being embraced within me. It was apparent that the ritual and environment were intentionally created to provide a comfortable and secure set for the work to be initiated.
On the way in, gold beads, a bone bead and other segments of E*’s medicine bag fell to the floor.
Opening Dialog
E****** welcomed us and asked me how my day had felt. I explained that I had been in a funky unsettled mood for several days and she redirected back to her question about the day. I explained that I had intense internal heat and that I was already sweating profusely. I mentioned that I had been awakened by a crow. She shared that her morning had been incredible and that she had observed a flock of crows twice over her home. No coincidences.
E****** explained that the retrieval process would include an evaluation of me followed by the actual soul retrieval segment. She asked for permission with each step and detailed the four direction medicine wheel location where I would place the objects I brought with me and where I would lay for the retrieval.
Placement of Totems and Fetishes
I was asked to place my objects near the wheel layout and I felt to put Moldavite Stone to the North, Black Panther Totem to the East, Male/Female Trinity Fetish to the South and the extensively fractured crystal which went through my recent apartment fire with me to the West. Based on her descriptions of the meanings and powers of the four cardinal compass directions, I chose with feeling to lay with my head east and have her lay to my right. I was surprised that I hadn’t chosen North, the orientation I choose to sleep.
Assessments and Extractions
E****** had me stand and assessed my posture. She noted an overall fair stance and she demonstrated that it would be simple to push me backwards (which wasn’t met with much resistance from me). She recommended that I curve my feet inward some and loosen my knees to be more fully stable in my stance. I noticed this creates a mild triangle with the feet which is more firm than a pair of parallel feet.
E****** asked what form of journey I sought and I responded an upper world with intent to meet a female guide and increase my connection to all and the source.
E****** and E* sang a song together which I found difficult to follow. I sensed my ego was blocking the flow and commenced to hum to remain within the process after my attempts to sing failed.
With permission, E****** performed a scan of my energy body and noted blockage in my back behind and a touch below the heart chakra. As she performed the work, she located some form of external intrusion and extracted it with intent, physical force and spiritual direction. After this moment, I felt lighter and her massage of my shoulder was therapeutic.
Next she used a conch shell with a severed opening to produce intense sound which she focused up and down my spine several times. The sensations were incredible and on par with my experience with crystal bowls. I felt waves of vibratory energy impacting my back, spine and nervous system in pleasant ways.
Twilight Journey
I laid down within the medicine wheel with E****** inviting E* to join her in affirmations and blessings around the medicine wheel. I don’t recall all the specific blessings, but the most impressed was by E* that I find my authentic self, voice and expression. E****** and E* continued the process of the soul retrieval with rattles and drumming. Not really knowing what to expect or how to facilitate the process, I listened to the sounds and willed myself to be open and accepting as a clear channel. Further, I envisioned myself floating upward to the upper world. I didn’t encounter the same resistances of process and technique in contrast to previous self initiated drumming based journeys, I just floated upward, I didn’t need to climb a rope or stairs or see myself as smoke.
I slipped into alternate consciousness and have little recall beyond the magic felt when E* began toning. I know it didn’t last ‘long’ but it felt to be a vector that wrapped me in peace and security, allowing further surrender? Sequences are undefined, but I also recall E****** laying next to me with what seemed to be our feet, hips and shoulders in contact. I recall shaking and shuddering physically, and it seemed that E****** had lain next to me twice with some sort of break or interruption in between. I don’t recall any verbalizations from E******, or any direct vision of animals or guides.
Fragments Blown Back into Head and Heart
Somewhere within the journey, E****** blew soul fragments back into my head and heart. I didn’t recognize what these were but they didn’t feel foreign or unusual. I believe I shed many tears, hot streaming tears throughout the process, before and after receipt of the fragments. I am certain my physical body was undergoing extensive reorganization and vividly recall extensive vibrations over and within my entire structure. Most prominent was a massive long duration wave of vibration across the cheeks of my face. I remember feeling the sensation was natural, core and something I had known and experienced before. I absolutely did not want the sensations to lull or terminate.
Returning from Elsewhere
I know I resisted returning, the vibrations and state of bliss and grace, of connection was incredibly alluring. Why did I return, could I not have remained as a mush of fleshless energy on the floor in the Mayan turquoise heaven for eternity? Would this have been rejection of life, of creative potential and selfish?
I don’t recall a callback drumming sequence but do remember being asked by E****** to sit up. As I sat up, I opened my eyes and rivers of emotional release flowed down my face and I was certain I wouldn’t yet be able to speak as my cheeks continued to oscillate as if tuning forks were near them. Beyond inability to speak, there was no desire as words aren’t powerful or descript enough to express the feelings I experienced.
Embraced, Soft Touch of the Sacred Feminine
E****** welcomed me back and we all sat together and she taped the conversation. She invited me to speak and I symbolically indicated I wasn’t yet with a voice.
As my vibrations and emotions settled, ability to softly speak returned with support of sips of water.
I expressed that I was aware that I was told to sever my connection and that I had then chosen to sever my connection. These were things I knew without knowing details. I had chosen in a defensive posture to be distant, to extract myself from life, to be dead. It seems the details are not important, the concept is. With each dark night of the soul experienced, we have the opportunity to grow or decay and the process may be consciously decided. This is akin to victimhood, we may choose to observe disconnected or be engaged with our life and our love.
E****** shared her profound amazement that she didn’t perform my soul retrieval, but that I had. She indicated at first her ego had become bewildered that I had come to her and yet I was doing the work. I was curious, without active recall of much of the experience, and that I hadn’t visualized finding a guide. She continued to detail that when she understood what was happening that she instructed me to take my black panther with me and proceed on the journey. In fourteen years of engagement in Shamanism, E****** hadn’t encountered a similar occurrence.
She noted that I was chosen as a medicine man / shaman and that it would be for me to determine how to proceed forward. I had full amazement and searched within for recall of the memories of the journey to balance the received information. I also felt a pull of the ego to celebrate some special selection and a somber recognition that peace for me may be found in some form of service including the sacrifice of past attachments and comforts.
She warmly narrated her visions of the female guide, the ‘beloved’, that manifested. She described her as a young woman from India with a snow white silk scarf and indescribable colored clothes. I shared that what I felt was pure softness, tactile impressions and not visual.
E****** detailed the process for me to retain and strengthen the connection found. The four elements for communion with my guide are to tell her how I feel, what I need, what my wounds are and how I feel separated from source.
E* noted that I have often advanced spiritually and then set the work aside.
E****** also recommended that I investigate crow medicine with such powerful symbols having crossed both of paths in synchronism.
E****** invited us to take flowers and to perform a ritual with them in celebration of the day and to hold the energy going forward. We ate a small snack and embraced with hugs on departure.
Playful Afternoon
E* and I drove back towards home and we stopped for cigarettes. We encountered a treasure trove of fancy wood cigar boxes for sale in the store and rummaged through them for a long pleasant while, selecting the best for a variety of creative projects.
We then went to Indian and Korean markets and procured exotic foods with each location having unique energy and feel.
We returned home and cooked a seaweed soup together and celebrated our friendship and the day. I was fortunate to have E* participate and our friendship is a miraculous gift in my life. She gave me the pieces that fell from her medicine bag and I’ll add them to the flower I intend to save as tokens of the day and experience
Reintegration and Reflections Forward
In the following days, I have experienced swirling raw emotions and also more firm footing and a sense that further balance and harmony are developing. Tears flow easily, and often.
I know that one of the powerful messages is to continually discharge the emotions that we all encounter. This requires conscious effort and awareness that we are all really one, connected to each other and the same source, and the source is us, within us, of us and greater than us, a trinity – father, son and holy ghost / above, within and below / mind, body and spirit. We are like trees with roots in the earth and branches extended outward and above, we are the bridge between heaven and earth. We are sacred.
Walking the Path
To be determined, consciously!
January 17, 2006
Awakening to the Crow’s Caw
I awoke to the caw of a crow that seemed to be right at my window, though I didn’t see it. I instantly recognized the uniqueness of the experience, as I hadn’t previously been awakened by the pleasant sounds of nature in this home. What message was there in this, I briefly contemplated, while slowly shrugging off the slumber of a night without dream recall.
Alas! My next thought was of the special day that had begun and the long awaited soul retrieval appointment. The day had finally arrived and with it the emotions of anticipation, anxious energy and thoughts, hope and adventure! Curiously absent were specific expectations. Who am I and what had I done with myself? I always carried too many expectations and missed some of life’s graceful flow because of this funky personality trait. My expecting nature and way … recognized and undesired, yet omnipresent nonetheless. Had some alchemy been performed I hadn’t remained focused upon and hadn’t been actively evaluating? Could this be a sign, an affirmation of the validity to the gentle approach … the finding without seeking, the grace I have grasped to have, to hold, to posses within? What is the recipe, and ingredients, of the elusive miracle of genuine and lasting change? Perhaps it manifests only when allowed by not trying, by not demanding, driven forward by an authentic unflinching core desire.
Does new structure of personality and spirituality construct itself, without complete awareness, in a life when so much has been stripped away, peeled in the succession of transformed relationships, automobile accident, devastating residence fire, leaving corporate employment and moving to a new home?
Travel in the Rain
E* arrived to accompany me on this journey, to share this experience and support me. Her gifts express in diverse fashions, always blossoming in new hues bringing touches of grace. Her gift of presence held further significance as she granted me her time, her day, even with an out of town friend remaining at her home. She was adorned with her medicine bag and protection, ever vigilant and prepared.
In further wisdom, she drove us, not knowing what state the day would leave me in (thus … a wise woman). We proceeded in her white carriage, fitting, with the rain and overcast sky generating the stage. We overshot the destination with my limited focus on navigation and we both noted a flock of birds on some utility lines, no coincidences?
Initial Impressions
As we headed up the dirt road, Kimberly, to the Shaman’s home, I knew the moments of waiting had expired. As I stood and scanned the sky and trees in front, the door opened and E****** greeted us warmly. The ambiance of her home commenced with the pine trees and cedar siding exterior and developed further as we were led to her fabulous meeting area full of artifacts, totems, crystals and assorted spiritually evoking treasures. Of prominence was the welcoming and resonant Mayan Turquoise wall paint which was an extraordinary hue of medium saturation that produced a feeling of being embraced within me. It was apparent that the ritual and environment were intentionally created to provide a comfortable and secure set for the work to be initiated.
On the way in, gold beads, a bone bead and other segments of E*’s medicine bag fell to the floor.
Opening Dialog
E****** welcomed us and asked me how my day had felt. I explained that I had been in a funky unsettled mood for several days and she redirected back to her question about the day. I explained that I had intense internal heat and that I was already sweating profusely. I mentioned that I had been awakened by a crow. She shared that her morning had been incredible and that she had observed a flock of crows twice over her home. No coincidences.
E****** explained that the retrieval process would include an evaluation of me followed by the actual soul retrieval segment. She asked for permission with each step and detailed the four direction medicine wheel location where I would place the objects I brought with me and where I would lay for the retrieval.
Placement of Totems and Fetishes
I was asked to place my objects near the wheel layout and I felt to put Moldavite Stone to the North, Black Panther Totem to the East, Male/Female Trinity Fetish to the South and the extensively fractured crystal which went through my recent apartment fire with me to the West. Based on her descriptions of the meanings and powers of the four cardinal compass directions, I chose with feeling to lay with my head east and have her lay to my right. I was surprised that I hadn’t chosen North, the orientation I choose to sleep.
Assessments and Extractions
E****** had me stand and assessed my posture. She noted an overall fair stance and she demonstrated that it would be simple to push me backwards (which wasn’t met with much resistance from me). She recommended that I curve my feet inward some and loosen my knees to be more fully stable in my stance. I noticed this creates a mild triangle with the feet which is more firm than a pair of parallel feet.
E****** asked what form of journey I sought and I responded an upper world with intent to meet a female guide and increase my connection to all and the source.
E****** and E* sang a song together which I found difficult to follow. I sensed my ego was blocking the flow and commenced to hum to remain within the process after my attempts to sing failed.
With permission, E****** performed a scan of my energy body and noted blockage in my back behind and a touch below the heart chakra. As she performed the work, she located some form of external intrusion and extracted it with intent, physical force and spiritual direction. After this moment, I felt lighter and her massage of my shoulder was therapeutic.
Next she used a conch shell with a severed opening to produce intense sound which she focused up and down my spine several times. The sensations were incredible and on par with my experience with crystal bowls. I felt waves of vibratory energy impacting my back, spine and nervous system in pleasant ways.
Twilight Journey
I laid down within the medicine wheel with E****** inviting E* to join her in affirmations and blessings around the medicine wheel. I don’t recall all the specific blessings, but the most impressed was by E* that I find my authentic self, voice and expression. E****** and E* continued the process of the soul retrieval with rattles and drumming. Not really knowing what to expect or how to facilitate the process, I listened to the sounds and willed myself to be open and accepting as a clear channel. Further, I envisioned myself floating upward to the upper world. I didn’t encounter the same resistances of process and technique in contrast to previous self initiated drumming based journeys, I just floated upward, I didn’t need to climb a rope or stairs or see myself as smoke.
I slipped into alternate consciousness and have little recall beyond the magic felt when E* began toning. I know it didn’t last ‘long’ but it felt to be a vector that wrapped me in peace and security, allowing further surrender? Sequences are undefined, but I also recall E****** laying next to me with what seemed to be our feet, hips and shoulders in contact. I recall shaking and shuddering physically, and it seemed that E****** had lain next to me twice with some sort of break or interruption in between. I don’t recall any verbalizations from E******, or any direct vision of animals or guides.
Fragments Blown Back into Head and Heart
Somewhere within the journey, E****** blew soul fragments back into my head and heart. I didn’t recognize what these were but they didn’t feel foreign or unusual. I believe I shed many tears, hot streaming tears throughout the process, before and after receipt of the fragments. I am certain my physical body was undergoing extensive reorganization and vividly recall extensive vibrations over and within my entire structure. Most prominent was a massive long duration wave of vibration across the cheeks of my face. I remember feeling the sensation was natural, core and something I had known and experienced before. I absolutely did not want the sensations to lull or terminate.
Returning from Elsewhere
I know I resisted returning, the vibrations and state of bliss and grace, of connection was incredibly alluring. Why did I return, could I not have remained as a mush of fleshless energy on the floor in the Mayan turquoise heaven for eternity? Would this have been rejection of life, of creative potential and selfish?
I don’t recall a callback drumming sequence but do remember being asked by E****** to sit up. As I sat up, I opened my eyes and rivers of emotional release flowed down my face and I was certain I wouldn’t yet be able to speak as my cheeks continued to oscillate as if tuning forks were near them. Beyond inability to speak, there was no desire as words aren’t powerful or descript enough to express the feelings I experienced.
Embraced, Soft Touch of the Sacred Feminine
E****** welcomed me back and we all sat together and she taped the conversation. She invited me to speak and I symbolically indicated I wasn’t yet with a voice.
As my vibrations and emotions settled, ability to softly speak returned with support of sips of water.
I expressed that I was aware that I was told to sever my connection and that I had then chosen to sever my connection. These were things I knew without knowing details. I had chosen in a defensive posture to be distant, to extract myself from life, to be dead. It seems the details are not important, the concept is. With each dark night of the soul experienced, we have the opportunity to grow or decay and the process may be consciously decided. This is akin to victimhood, we may choose to observe disconnected or be engaged with our life and our love.
E****** shared her profound amazement that she didn’t perform my soul retrieval, but that I had. She indicated at first her ego had become bewildered that I had come to her and yet I was doing the work. I was curious, without active recall of much of the experience, and that I hadn’t visualized finding a guide. She continued to detail that when she understood what was happening that she instructed me to take my black panther with me and proceed on the journey. In fourteen years of engagement in Shamanism, E****** hadn’t encountered a similar occurrence.
She noted that I was chosen as a medicine man / shaman and that it would be for me to determine how to proceed forward. I had full amazement and searched within for recall of the memories of the journey to balance the received information. I also felt a pull of the ego to celebrate some special selection and a somber recognition that peace for me may be found in some form of service including the sacrifice of past attachments and comforts.
She warmly narrated her visions of the female guide, the ‘beloved’, that manifested. She described her as a young woman from India with a snow white silk scarf and indescribable colored clothes. I shared that what I felt was pure softness, tactile impressions and not visual.
E****** detailed the process for me to retain and strengthen the connection found. The four elements for communion with my guide are to tell her how I feel, what I need, what my wounds are and how I feel separated from source.
E* noted that I have often advanced spiritually and then set the work aside.
E****** also recommended that I investigate crow medicine with such powerful symbols having crossed both of paths in synchronism.
E****** invited us to take flowers and to perform a ritual with them in celebration of the day and to hold the energy going forward. We ate a small snack and embraced with hugs on departure.
Playful Afternoon
E* and I drove back towards home and we stopped for cigarettes. We encountered a treasure trove of fancy wood cigar boxes for sale in the store and rummaged through them for a long pleasant while, selecting the best for a variety of creative projects.
We then went to Indian and Korean markets and procured exotic foods with each location having unique energy and feel.
We returned home and cooked a seaweed soup together and celebrated our friendship and the day. I was fortunate to have E* participate and our friendship is a miraculous gift in my life. She gave me the pieces that fell from her medicine bag and I’ll add them to the flower I intend to save as tokens of the day and experience
Reintegration and Reflections Forward
In the following days, I have experienced swirling raw emotions and also more firm footing and a sense that further balance and harmony are developing. Tears flow easily, and often.
I know that one of the powerful messages is to continually discharge the emotions that we all encounter. This requires conscious effort and awareness that we are all really one, connected to each other and the same source, and the source is us, within us, of us and greater than us, a trinity – father, son and holy ghost / above, within and below / mind, body and spirit. We are like trees with roots in the earth and branches extended outward and above, we are the bridge between heaven and earth. We are sacred.
Walking the Path
To be determined, consciously!