Spregovori

My Cocker Spaniel (English type) named Lan is dying. Yesterday I took him to a veterinarian who conformed it.

X-ray showed his heart is much greater in size than it should be...it is failing...as a result...so are the other organs...also heart "cage" and other parts of the body a flooded with water. He will be 15 in just 7 days. Too old to do anything...too complicated to actually do anything.

No time was given...only that it will not be long. He still has the spark in him (he always did)...but his body is failing.

To others it is just a dog. To me it is much more than many other people.

He has some trouble breathing, does not move much, is reluctant to go out...but still loves to eat. He is not in pain and it will end when time comes. I will not prolong it.

I am just not sure how to face this.

Am I being selfish?

I found a lot of things I could do but did not. I got him when I was 13. He was already 2 at that time. The previous owners decided they can no longer take care of him.

Much was happening during the years. There were domestic problems and there were my personal problems...my inability to cope with everything. He never failed me. But I think I failed him. There are a lot of things I could do better for him but I did not....and this is eating me inside out. (very typical?)

I am also unsure...should I wait until the last moment or should I take him back to the vet before that?

What would be his wish? If there was some way to talk with him...

I experienced a lot of sad feelings before...more than I wished I had...but it was never like this.

I hope that he will be acknowledged as good as I see him after he passes on...to whatever it might be...