Hey Sammytray.
Allowance is a tough one, but I've found it very rewarding as I've gotten better at it. I think a big part of allowance is about releasing control.
Threatening somebody to do something is easy to label. Dark. But I think many don't get the flip side - guilt, "saving" somebody, aloofness, getting on the high horse wringing the finger for not following the one and only path, and so forth. Though the intentions may come from the heart, it's still controlling. I will speak my mind though with gusto and power if I feel like it. - Allowance is definitely a work in progress for me.
