Quote:
Originally Posted by Czymra
I wish you had a better suggestion for this one. I can't really connect with "Angels" and the like. I have a conviction that it's all inside me. However, I've been terrified ever since I've been a child, especially in the dark and I now get the feeling that I locked out anything spiritual due to that fear. I could lay in bed and sleep when I ignore that I'm being stared at. It's coming back now and the worst part is that I have the feeling that when I look there with the expectation of seeing something, it will actually be there! That thought is so scary I either go blind with eyes wide open or I just ignore it.
I've been trying to rid myself of this fear by going across cemeteries and through forests at night. In fact I quite like the cemetery. In the forest every single sound makes me 100% ready for fight or flight. It's not necessarily fear then anymore but it's not surrendering either.
But the problem really is that when I'm trying to sleep my awareness is half gone and I feel extremely susceptible to just about anything and I can't find the border between paranoia and what ever else is there.
I guess I just have to sit it out once.
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and this is exactly so, you must once sit it out, this is how you get beyond it, this is what turns the page which you continue to find yourself on ...
you need not call in assistance if that doesn't resonate within you, your greatest power is your own truth, your greatest strength and your courage is your knowing that you are NOT your fear, deep within, you know this ...
it is your own self which brings forth the fear of the unknown, your SELF is assisting you to find your truth of who you are ...
what you sense stares at you in the dark probably is, but it is your fear which stares upon you ...
one day i listened to my heart, my conviction of what i knew was great increasing at that time, and so was my fear, so was what i believed to be my paranoia ...
that night, i decided i would put forth my truth, i would finally challenge this fear, the dark i sensed ...
it visited me once more, felt again how it entered my home, my room and stood at the foot of my bed ...
i was terrified, but strangely, in my fear, i was reminded of my conviction, my truth and my passion of purpose ...
with my eyes shut i could see the dark approach my head, i could feel how it sat there ... waiting ...
and i waited, and it waited, and this went on for what seemed eternity, probably only twenty minutes, long enough for my liking ...
i could sense how it waited for my self to break, it waited for that, it waited for a way into my true being ...
i wouldn't allow it, i stood my ground, hardly did i breathe but i knew what i have always known and i knew who i am and this dark, this fear, was not going to consume me any longer ...
and it left, it left disappointed, i could sense that, could sense anger in it as well ...
a few weeks later it came once more as i slept, i could sense its denseness immediately, it did not visit very long, it hoped to find its way in again, i would not allow it ...
a month later it visited for the third time, by that time i no longer felt terror, some fear yes but i also had come to know my strength within, the power i had over my fear ...
as it floated away, i knew it would no longer return, why, because i would never again invite it, i knew solidly who i am, it no longer placed its fear in me, i would not allow it ...
i have never again been visited by that darkness, i know i am of love and light and dark cannot break that down within me, it hasn't the power, not when the conviction and the passion of what one knows is of great depths, solid and true ...
face the dark with your light, face the fear with your love ...
free yourself from the page you are on, you need to move on to another chapter, it is time ...
the time is now ...
blessings,