I grow weary

lock'N'load · 09-13-2008, 09:26 PM

Its been over half a decade since I embarked on my journey of truth. As a child with an idealistic vision of the world i was very dissapointed and distraught with what i found..
But still, that yearning to know the truth of who we are and what we are capable of has been the sole driving force in my life for some time now.

Yet, i feel it every morning, every afternoon and everynight. It feels as if my heart has turned to lead.. and the situation is not improving, in fact it gets worse.

Im finding it very difficult being here at this time, but to trade what i know for happiness would feel much worse then the burden i carry. I cannot turn my back now.

I feel that if i vent this maybe something will come of it, maybe somehow my sorrow will be lifted and i will be free again. I doubt this will happen until my departure, something i look foreward too.

I remember doing an indigo test a few years ago. I got a score of 97.4% .. i was hardly surprised. Many have said that i have a beautifull aura, and that my presence brings love in many peoples hearts. And threatens others.
But i do not feel beautifull, i do not feel of love. I feel despair, i cannot even drink alcohol now for the emotions it will raise. This sucks, and it sucks big time.

I really do not know what to do.

I guess in writing this im putting it out there, for those of you with thoughts that may help, i would be most gratefull.

This is one of the burdens you shall carry if you continue your search for truth, for the truth is indeed bitter.

This is a terrible way for our children to be. Not many know of the pains they feel. When they turn on their televisions and see hatred and violence, it has permenant ramifications on their personalities.

This is how we treat our angels.

My sole reason now for even continuing to live is the hope that i can some day help children who are sensitive and intuitive. So that i can help them avoid the pain that i discovered.

I hope this didnt depress anyone, that wasnt my intention. My intention was solely to bring awareness to the pain that some people are feeling, a much much worse pain then anything physical.

09-13-2008, 09:26 PM	#1
lock'N'load Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ireland Posts: 130	I grow weary Its been over half a decade since I embarked on my journey of truth. As a child with an idealistic vision of the world i was very dissapointed and distraught with what i found.. But still, that yearning to know the truth of who we are and what we are capable of has been the sole driving force in my life for some time now. Yet, i feel it every morning, every afternoon and everynight. It feels as if my heart has turned to lead.. and the situation is not improving, in fact it gets worse. Im finding it very difficult being here at this time, but to trade what i know for happiness would feel much worse then the burden i carry. I cannot turn my back now. I feel that if i vent this maybe something will come of it, maybe somehow my sorrow will be lifted and i will be free again. I doubt this will happen until my departure, something i look foreward too. I remember doing an indigo test a few years ago. I got a score of 97.4% .. i was hardly surprised. Many have said that i have a beautifull aura, and that my presence brings love in many peoples hearts. And threatens others. But i do not feel beautifull, i do not feel of love. I feel despair, i cannot even drink alcohol now for the emotions it will raise. This sucks, and it sucks big time. I really do not know what to do. I guess in writing this im putting it out there, for those of you with thoughts that may help, i would be most gratefull. This is one of the burdens you shall carry if you continue your search for truth, for the truth is indeed bitter. This is a terrible way for our children to be. Not many know of the pains they feel. When they turn on their televisions and see hatred and violence, it has permenant ramifications on their personalities. This is how we treat our angels. My sole reason now for even continuing to live is the hope that i can some day help children who are sensitive and intuitive. So that i can help them avoid the pain that i discovered. I hope this didnt depress anyone, that wasnt my intention. My intention was solely to bring awareness to the pain that some people are feeling, a much much worse pain then anything physical.