Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i beg... - Page 2

rhythm · 07-09-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sleepingnomore

Thank you Carmen, it's one of my favorites! I was hoping to get rhythm to roll on the floor laughing!

rhythmmm

:rol l1:

:ro ll1:

:lol3 :

rhythm · 07-09-2009, 08:14 PM

are you realy ready for the best joke EVer .....

there is no ME !!!!... ...

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 09:08 PM

Advice given to me by my father in 1957 when I was contemplating marriage.

"Son, there are five important things to know about finding a perfect woman.

1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans the house and has a steady, well paying job.

2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It is important to find a woman whom you can trust and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. And, it is most important of all that these four women don't know each other."

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 09:12 PM

An actor on set location, needs to visit the toilet and asks for directions. He is told where the toilet is and is warned that "it has no door on it."

The actor looks puzzled for a few seconds then asks, "How the hell do I get in then?"

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 09:18 PM

Two blonds are walking towards each other. One is carrying a large paper bag. When they meet, one says, "Hi Sally-Anne, watcha got in your bag?"

"Some kittens."

"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"

"Heck, If you guess right you can have both of 'em."

"Okay. Ummmmmm . . . . . five?"

rhythm · 07-09-2009, 09:23 PM

NOW were

cooking ......

mines a double

of what ever you lot are on ......

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 09:31 PM

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about two seconds to say, "Gimme a break lady, your daughter's pregnant!"

The mother turns purple with indignation and argues with the doctor that, "her" daughter was a good girl, and would "never" compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor turns and gazes out the window silently studying the horizon.

Enraged, the mother demands that he "stop looking out the window and pay attention to me!"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention madam. It's just that the last time this happened, a bright star appeared in the east and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 09:47 PM

An old cowboy dressed to kill in a cowboy shirt, Stetson hat, jeans, chaps and embosed leather boots with high heels and spurs, enters a bar and orders a drink. As he is sitting there sipping his drink an attractive woman takes a stool beside him and orders a drink.

After it arrives and she takes a couple of sips, she turns to the cowboy and asks, "are you a real cowboy?"

He replies, "well, I've spent my whole life on a ranch working at breaking horses, herding cows, mending fences - so I guess I'm a genuine cowboy."

After a short while he asked her what she was. "Ive never been near a ranch," she replies, "so I know I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short time later she finished her drink and leaves the cowboy pondering what she had spoken of. He orders another drink. A couple comes in and sits beside him. The woman turns to him and asks, "Are you really a genuine cowboy?"

He hesitates for a moment then replies, "You know, all my life I've considered myself to be a cowboy but I've just learned that I'm actually a lesbian."

Brinty · 07-09-2009, 10:07 PM

This will be my last one for the day.

A duck waddles into a feed store and asks, "got any duck feed?" The guy behind the counter says, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.

The next day the duck waddles into the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the the guy behind the counter says, "no." and the duck leaves.

Next day the duck waddles in and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The guy says, "Look, I've told you twice already, we don't have any duck feed, we've never had any duck feed and we will never have any duck feed. If you come in here and ask one more time for duck feed, I'll nail your feet to the floor!"

The next day the duck waddles into the feed store and asks, "Got any nails?" The guy frowns and replies, "No."

"Good," says the duck, "got any duck feed?"

Phtha · 07-09-2009, 10:56 PM

Ok this 3rd one is kind mean but I admit, I laughed:

rhythm · 07-10-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brinty

An actor on set location, needs to visit the toilet and asks for directions. He is told where the toilet is and is warned that "it has no door on it."

The actor looks puzzled for a few seconds then asks, "How the hell do I get in then?"

me i cant find the way out

Carmen · 07-10-2009, 10:31 PM

Thought I'd add some great dance to the jokes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh6ZG...eature=related

Cheers

Carmen

micjer · 07-10-2009, 10:38 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzAXb7qCCAo

Foster Brooks as Drunk pilot on Dean Martin Show

Christo888 · 07-10-2009, 11:47 PM

Who invented copper wire?

A Rothschild and a Rockefeller fighting over a penny!!!!

rhythm · 07-11-2009, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christo888

Who invented copper wire?

A Rothschild and a Rockefeller fighting over a penny!!!!

THEY must be needin the toilet .. i guess..

rhythm · 07-13-2009, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carmen

Thought I'd add some great dance to the jokes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh6ZG...eature=related

Cheers

Carmen

yet Carmen what a great vid

got me in the mood girl

Dantheman62 · 07-14-2009, 04:41 AM

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.. 'How about
nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .. Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.....'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
Sh..t?

Dantheman62 · 07-14-2009, 04:47 AM

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money
if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in
Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the
child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby
was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed
and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.''

Jack · 07-09-2009, 09:14 PM

lol brinty. And after all these years have you managed to keep them apart?

Ok this ones an oldie but a goldie ;

Why married women should avoid a girls night out....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a teensy bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape an argument.
(Even when totally smashed I KNEW... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ' MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem upset in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said , 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh!#$.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'

JesterTerrestrial · 07-09-2009, 09:34 PM

ABLE TO LAUGH!!! Awesome!!!

THEY'RE ON TO SOMETHING ALRIGHT MR. SHATNER!!!

Dance n Laugh to the Shatner Funk!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLpLU7D7MWk

JesterTerrestrial · 07-09-2009, 09:39 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

Drugs are bad mmmmmKay. just stick to the herbs...still this video is kinda funny.

anyone remember the old Hinterland Who's Who...heres the real link..

http://www.hww.ca/index_e.asp

rhythm · 07-09-2009, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JesterTerrestrial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

Drugs are bad mmmmmKay. just stick to the herbs...still this video is kinda funny.

anyone remember the old Hinterland Who's Who...heres the real link..

http://www.hww.ca/index_e.asp

rhythmmms gona we we!!!

Mercuriel · 03-03-2010, 03:35 PM

Q - Why will the Clock at Work never get stolen ?

A - Because everyones always watching It...

Kulapops · 03-03-2010, 04:20 PM

I'm sorry but having visited cakewrecks.com... the tears are just rolling down my face.. I don't think I've laughed so hard in ages.

A helpless, gurgling puddle of pure joy. I don't know why I found it sooo funny, but it just gets me. Each scroll down would produce another howl.. the frogs on the home page... and the balloons with 20010 on... I mean...

life.. does... not ... get any better than this....

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/searc...tive%20Grammar

thank you for making my whole year worthwhile so far...

K x

rhythm · 07-09-2009, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JesterTerrestrial

ABLE TO LAUGH!!! Awesome!!!

THEY'RE ON TO SOMETHING ALRIGHT MR. SHATNER!!!

Dance n Laugh to the Shatner Funk!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLpLU7D7MWk

firkin hillarious

:roll 1:

:r oftl:

07-09-2009, 08:14 PM	#2
rhythm Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: devon england Posts: 1,905	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be *are you realy ready for the best joke EVer .....* *there is no ME !!!!... ...*

07-09-2009, 09:08 PM	#3
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Advice given to me by my father in 1957 when I was contemplating marriage. "Son, there are five important things to know about finding a perfect woman. 1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans the house and has a steady, well paying job. 2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It is important to find a woman whom you can trust and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. And, it is *most important of all* that these four women don't know each other."

07-09-2009, 09:12 PM	#4
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be An actor on set location, needs to visit the toilet and asks for directions. He is told where the toilet is and is warned that "it has no door on it." The actor looks puzzled for a few seconds then asks, "How the hell do I get in then?"

07-09-2009, 09:18 PM	#5
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Two blonds are walking towards each other. One is carrying a large paper bag. When they meet, one says, "Hi Sally-Anne, watcha got in your bag?" "Some kittens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "Heck, If you guess right you can have both of 'em." "Okay. Ummmmmm . . . . . five?"

07-09-2009, 09:23 PM	#6
rhythm Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: devon england Posts: 1,905	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be *NOW were* *cooking ......* *mines a double* *of what ever you lot are on ......*

07-09-2009, 09:31 PM	#7
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about two seconds to say, "Gimme a break lady, your daughter's pregnant!" The mother turns purple with indignation and argues with the doctor that, "her" daughter was a good girl, and would "never" compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor turns and gazes out the window silently studying the horizon. Enraged, the mother demands that he "stop looking out the window and pay attention to me!" "Yes, of course I am paying attention madam. It's just that the last time this happened, a bright star appeared in the east and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."

07-09-2009, 09:47 PM	#8
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be An old cowboy dressed to kill in a cowboy shirt, Stetson hat, jeans, chaps and embosed leather boots with high heels and spurs, enters a bar and orders a drink. As he is sitting there sipping his drink an attractive woman takes a stool beside him and orders a drink. After it arrives and she takes a couple of sips, she turns to the cowboy and asks, "are you a real cowboy?" He replies, "well, I've spent my whole life on a ranch working at breaking horses, herding cows, mending fences - so I guess I'm a genuine cowboy." After a short while he asked her what she was. "Ive never been near a ranch," she replies, "so I know I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short time later she finished her drink and leaves the cowboy pondering what she had spoken of. He orders another drink. A couple comes in and sits beside him. The woman turns to him and asks, "Are you really a genuine cowboy?" He hesitates for a moment then replies, "You know, all my life I've considered myself to be a cowboy but I've just learned that I'm actually a lesbian."

07-09-2009, 10:07 PM	#9
Brinty Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Blackbutt, Queensland, Australia Posts: 1,004	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be This will be my last one for the day. A duck waddles into a feed store and asks, "got any duck feed?" The guy behind the counter says, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves. The next day the duck waddles into the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the the guy behind the counter says, "no." and the duck leaves. Next day the duck waddles in and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The guy says, "Look, I've told you twice already, we don't have any duck feed, we've never had any duck feed and we will never have any duck feed. If you come in here and ask one more time for duck feed, I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The next day the duck waddles into the feed store and asks, "Got any nails?" The guy frowns and replies, "No." "Good," says the duck, "got any duck feed?"

07-09-2009, 10:56 PM	#10
Phtha Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 947	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Ok this 3rd one is kind mean but I admit, I laughed:

07-10-2009, 10:31 PM	#12
Carmen Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 992	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Thought I'd add some great dance to the jokes! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh6ZG...eature=related Cheers Carmen

07-10-2009, 10:38 PM	#13
micjer Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ont. CANADA Posts: 1,043	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzAXb7qCCAo Foster Brooks as Drunk pilot on Dean Martin Show

07-10-2009, 11:47 PM	#14
Christo888 Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: OC, CA and next... Posts: 1,289	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Who invented copper wire? A Rothschild and a Rockefeller fighting over a penny!!!!

07-14-2009, 04:41 AM	#17
Dantheman62 Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: So. Cal. U.S. Posts: 4,205	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.....' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know Sh..t?

07-14-2009, 04:47 AM	#18
Dantheman62 Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: So. Cal. U.S. Posts: 4,205	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.''

07-09-2009, 09:14 PM	#19
Jack Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 454	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be lol brinty. And after all these years have you managed to keep them apart? Ok this ones an oldie but a goldie ; Why married women should avoid a girls night out.... The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a teensy bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape an argument. (Even when totally smashed I KNEW... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ' MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem upset in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said , 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh!#$.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'

07-09-2009, 09:34 PM	#20
JesterTerrestrial Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ontario, Earth, Milky Way, Love, Infinity x2 Posts: 5,267	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be ABLE TO LAUGH!!! Awesome!!! THEY'RE ON TO SOMETHING ALRIGHT MR. SHATNER!!! Dance n Laugh to the Shatner Funk!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLpLU7D7MWk

07-09-2009, 09:39 PM	#21
JesterTerrestrial Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ontario, Earth, Milky Way, Love, Infinity x2 Posts: 5,267	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc Drugs are bad mmmmmKay. just stick to the herbs...still this video is kinda funny. anyone remember the old Hinterland Who's Who...heres the real link.. http://www.hww.ca/index_e.asp

03-03-2010, 03:35 PM	#23
Mercuriel Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Manitoba, Canada Posts: 362	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be Q - Why will the Clock at Work never get stolen ? A - Because everyones always watching It...

03-03-2010, 04:20 PM	#24
Kulapops Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Torbay, UK Posts: 704	Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be I'm sorry but having visited cakewrecks.com... the tears are just rolling down my face.. I don't think I've laughed so hard in ages. A helpless, gurgling puddle of pure joy. I don't know why I found it sooo funny, but it just gets me. Each scroll down would produce another howl.. the frogs on the home page... and the balloons with 20010 on... I mean... life.. does... not ... get any better than this.... http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/searc...tive%20Grammar thank you for making my whole year worthwhile so far... K x