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Old 04-03-2009, 08:17 AM   #1
Humble Janitor
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Default Can anyone lend an ear?

I've been incredibly frustrated as of late, mainly with my job and the kind of people I'm encoutering. It seems as if people are trying to trip me up by scrutinizing every single aspect of my job. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this and I seem to be attracting very negative energy from my co-workers. It doesn't help that they are very intense people (probably Reptilians?) that leave little or no room for failure. They criticize every aspect of my job. They refuse to believe me when I report that I've completed certain duties. They belittle and berate me when I try to discuss matters.

I am not sure how to deal with these people but it is starting to cause cracks in my armor. I find myself wanting to lash out more but there's a (ridiculous) fear of losing my job for no real reason.

Again, I feel that I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I also feel incredily, incredibly lonely and yet, I have friends to talk to. I feel that I can't even share things with them anymore because they are preoccupied with their own lives.

I really don't like drawing attention to things but I am stuck in a corner here and I don't understand why people are the way they are towards me.

Is it jealousy? Is it my refusal to work overtime because I have things I need to do with my time off? I feel that my boss does not understand my determination to achieve as much as I can in my life. I feel he resents my schooling and he acted offended when he found out that I am not fully deaf and that I can listen to music and I don't tell him about my DJ gig because it'll just be more of the same.

Again, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate it. The place I go to for college also seems to be rejecting me and I am putting in a lot of energy to finish my classes and get a degree and I feel unwanted and feel like I shouldn't be there for some reason. The only bright spot about that place is the DJ gig and those folks seem to actually have a bit of respect for me.

I appreciate anyone who bothers to read this thread. It would certainly be better than the rude and snide comments I get from "friends" on Facebook, people who I believe never were my friends to begin with.

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Old 04-03-2009, 08:46 AM   #2
Carmen
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

You sound very Down, HJ Are you drawing this to you because of your negative state, or is there change happening in your life that is being reflected on the outer? By that I mean, have you made changes to your inner self that are starting to cause outer change? Is it time for you to move on from where you are? Do you enjoy your work or do you just endure it?

If you like your job and wish to keep going with it, meet negative critical attitudes with gentle smiling responses. It will confuse the negative ones and will empower you. This is difficult initially, especially if you are used to reacting in kind. Another powerful method of changing a situation is before you go to sleep imagine the situation with your employer in a different light. Have an imaginary conversation that is bright, positive and affirming. See it being as you wish it to be. Create it first in your mind and then let it go. Create your day the way you wish it to be, and allow your Inner God to make it happen for you. Do not pollute this imaginary dialogue with doubt. Keep doing this till you notice a change.

Hope that this may help in some way

Keep your chin up

Cheers

Carmen
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Old 04-03-2009, 08:52 AM   #3
iainl140285
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Humble Janitor View Post
I've been incredibly frustrated as of late, mainly with my job and the kind of people I'm encoutering. It seems as if people are trying to trip me up by scrutinizing every single aspect of my job. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this and I seem to be attracting very negative energy from my co-workers. It doesn't help that they are very intense people (probably Reptilians?) that leave little or no room for failure. They criticize every aspect of my job. They refuse to believe me when I report that I've completed certain duties. They belittle and berate me when I try to discuss matters.

I am not sure how to deal with these people but it is starting to cause cracks in my armor. I find myself wanting to lash out more but there's a (ridiculous) fear of losing my job for no real reason.

Again, I feel that I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I also feel incredily, incredibly lonely and yet, I have friends to talk to. I feel that I can't even share things with them anymore because they are preoccupied with their own lives.

I really don't like drawing attention to things but I am stuck in a corner here and I don't understand why people are the way they are towards me.

Is it jealousy? Is it my refusal to work overtime because I have things I need to do with my time off? I feel that my boss does not understand my determination to achieve as much as I can in my life. I feel he resents my schooling and he acted offended when he found out that I am not fully deaf and that I can listen to music and I don't tell him about my DJ gig because it'll just be more of the same.

Again, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate it. The place I go to for college also seems to be rejecting me and I am putting in a lot of energy to finish my classes and get a degree and I feel unwanted and feel like I shouldn't be there for some reason. The only bright spot about that place is the DJ gig and those folks seem to actually have a bit of respect for me.

I appreciate anyone who bothers to read this thread. It would certainly be better than the rude and snide comments I get from "friends" on Facebook, people who I believe never were my friends to begin with.


Hi HJ,

I'd like to try help if I can.
First off, keep your eyes on the prize. The fact that you have taken on so much with a new job, college, your DJ'ing, furthering your self in other ways, is a LOT! Balancing all that is a very difficult task but just remember why you are doing it. To better yourself.

The problem people will have with you deep down is that they want a piece of that drive. I'll bet most of them are trapped in what they do and so strive to make you feel the same way.

The attacks you receive in your work place sound like a form of bullying. If you do not stay after hours, no matter what THEY say to, saying your not part of the team, ignore it. Its bull. The fact is YOU have a life outside your work place and they do not. It happens everywhere my freind and I know a list of such people.

So, this is the reason for the way they act towards you the way they do, in my opinion, and now a soloution ....

Do your job to the best of your ability.
Do your college work to the best of your ability.
Do your DJ'ing to the best of your ability.

Take pride in EVERYTHING you do because YOU have done it for YOURSELF. Not to fit in, not to please others. For you. If you go about this and remain humble in doing so the tide will turn.

Peace
Iain
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:08 AM   #4
Swanny
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

You should read the book "the power of now"
Siht happens mate don't worry about it
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Old 04-03-2009, 10:49 AM   #5
Steve_A
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Hi Humble Janitor,

Many times when a person explains their problem, they give the answer to their problem themselves.

You, as much as what you have said, are no exception.

There are several things which you have said that could explain why these things appear to be happening and make you feel frustrated.

Before I go into what you have said, we need to understand that we are all different, and sometimes people can be 'put off' by, or have preconceptions of those differences. It's important that we don't resent them for thinking like they do.

Once we are aware of that, half the problem is solved, even if we don't understand why.

Many people react differently under stress and you mentioned that your co-workers have no room for faliure. Does that mean they are being pressured by the company to be spot on every time? Does that create unnecessary stress?

You mention that you are partially deaf. Were you employed as a regular Joe or were you employed using the law of a 'special needs person'? I'm not sure how it is in the States, but in the UK and here in Brazil companies are obliged to hire a number of special needs people.

If this is your case, what do your co-workers think about it? Do they think you are being unfairly protected by the law?

If this is the case what do they think about your second job being a DJ?

If this is not the case, are you a well known DJ? Do they resent a certain celebrity staus that you might have?

You say that your friends are preocupied in their own lives. This shows a sign of the times and it's just as important that you become an 'ear' for them as much as it does for them to become an ear for you.

It could be good to ask them questions about their lives and allow them to let off steam too. That sometimes gives them the energy to allow you to let off steam also.

Don't forget, you yourself have changed in your life, putting in extra hours at college which will change your priorities to some degree. Also as you move from group to group (co-workers, friends, college etc.) you will be taking a little of the stress / sadness / happiness / humour with you from the last one.

Remember, the next person you meet is not the responsible for the last one you have just met.

It's clear that the DJ crowd will have respect for you, as you are all in the same environment to have a good time, and the person who will make that good time happen is you.

One of the best books I have ever read was written in 1929 by a chap called Napolean Hill. The book is called 'Think and Grow Rich'. This book is the daddy of all self help / awareness / how to be succesful books and is free on the internet as an e-book, just google 'think and grow rich free'.

Once you have read that book your life will take on another meaning. Beleive me. You will read it and before the last page, the penny will drop and you will scream "Eureka!".

Best regards,

Steve



Quote:
Originally Posted by Humble Janitor View Post
I've been incredibly frustrated as of late, mainly with my job and the kind of people I'm encoutering. It seems as if people are trying to trip me up by scrutinizing every single aspect of my job. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this and I seem to be attracting very negative energy from my co-workers. It doesn't help that they are very intense people (probably Reptilians?) that leave little or no room for failure. They criticize every aspect of my job. They refuse to believe me when I report that I've completed certain duties. They belittle and berate me when I try to discuss matters.
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Old 04-03-2009, 11:47 AM   #6
burgundia
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Sit quietly in your room, close your eyes and ask your higher self why the things are the way they are. you might get an answer.
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:17 PM   #7
Humble Janitor
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve_A View Post
Hi Humble Janitor,

Many times when a person explains their problem, they give the answer to their problem themselves.

You, as much as what you have said, are no exception.

There are several things which you have said that could explain why these things appear to be happening and make you feel frustrated.

Before I go into what you have said, we need to understand that we are all different, and sometimes people can be 'put off' by, or have preconceptions of those differences. It's important that we don't resent them for thinking like they do.

Once we are aware of that, half the problem is solved, even if we don't understand why.

Many people react differently under stress and you mentioned that your co-workers have no room for faliure. Does that mean they are being pressured by the company to be spot on every time? Does that create unnecessary stress?
I guess you could word it that way. They do have a very high set of standards for cleaning that seem to be nothing short of insane to me. There's no way that dust accumulates every single day in this building and yet, we are expected to dust frequently. I believe in tackling what's most important and what will stand out the most in an inspection. Everyone else i too preoccupied with what will happen if the building fails an inspection. The failure to relax actually creates plenty of unnecessary stress and tension.

I also should mention that my co-workers are Vietnamese and Bosnian respectively. They have very different ideas of what constitutes "good work" and do not even know how to give praise whenever I have done my job correctly. The boss is an ex-military type that treats us like his "grunts" with his atttiude and refusal to listen to our needs (at least from my experience so far).

Quote:
You mention that you are partially deaf. Were you employed as a regular Joe or were you employed using the law of a 'special needs person'? I'm not sure how it is in the States, but in the UK and here in Brazil companies are obliged to hire a number of special needs people.

If this is your case, what do your co-workers think about it? Do they think you are being unfairly protected by the law?
They don't do that around here. As far as I know, I was hired for my abilities and experience.

It can be difficult to find a job but there's no such quota system in place that I know of.

In fact, despite the ADA, there are still workplaces that will not hire deaf people for fear of expenses required for interpreters and other adjustments. It is why I am doing custodial work. I have not been able to find anything better than this just YET.

Quote:
If this is the case what do they think about your second job being a DJ?

If this is not the case, are you a well known DJ? Do they resent a certain celebrity staus that you might have?
I have not mentioned it because the boss seems to take issue with my deafness and his reaction to my ability to speak and listen to music was not a good reaction. I don't want to mention it.

I'm not even a regular DJ yet. That takes hard work and I have been busting my **** off to get a regular spot to a point where I am not going to let anything get in the way of it, not even a holiday and certainly not overtime.

I used to be a very money-centric person. I worked TOO hard and it nearly destroyed me. At my old job, I worked 40 hours of overtime in one week. It was insane and I do not wish to go back to that.

I do not have a NEED for the money now like I did before. I am actually quite comfortable with my finances.

Quote:
You say that your friends are preocupied in their own lives. This shows a sign of the times and it's just as important that you become an 'ear' for them as much as it does for them to become an ear for you.

It could be good to ask them questions about their lives and allow them to let off steam too. That sometimes gives them the energy to allow you to let off steam also.
Yeah I kind of need to improve at that. I didn't know what to say when a friend lost her job, though our friendship has been at odds for other reasons. Otherwise, I try to be an ear for others.

I try to just back off and show some respect for their busy lives. They have given a lot to me and I don't have a problem. I just can't talk about certain things.

Quote:
Don't forget, you yourself have changed in your life, putting in extra hours at college which will change your priorities to some degree. Also as you move from group to group (co-workers, friends, college etc.) you will be taking a little of the stress / sadness / happiness / humour with you from the last one.
Yeah, I have friends that have trouble letting go of the way they know me because I no longer have time to have a few pints with them due to everything that I'm trying to do. You lose one aspect and gain another and that's one aspect that I never asked to let go of. I certainly hope there is forgiveness and not resentment from friends.

Quote:
One of the best books I have ever read was written in 1929 by a chap called Napolean Hill. The book is called 'Think and Grow Rich'. This book is the daddy of all self help / awareness / how to be succesful books and is free on the internet as an e-book, just google 'think and grow rich free'.

Once you have read that book your life will take on another meaning. Beleive me. You will read it and before the last page, the penny will drop and you will scream "Eureka!".

Best regards,

Steve
I am already the richest man I know. I seemingly have the ability to make things happen that I could not do before. Whatever it is that I have gained, I cannot afford to lose it. It has taken years to get to this point.
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:21 PM   #8
Humble Janitor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iainl140285 View Post
Hi HJ,

I'd like to try help if I can.
First off, keep your eyes on the prize. The fact that you have taken on so much with a new job, college, your DJ'ing, furthering your self in other ways, is a LOT! Balancing all that is a very difficult task but just remember why you are doing it. To better yourself.

The problem people will have with you deep down is that they want a piece of that drive. I'll bet most of them are trapped in what they do and so strive to make you feel the same way.

The attacks you receive in your work place sound like a form of bullying. If you do not stay after hours, no matter what THEY say to, saying your not part of the team, ignore it. Its bull. The fact is YOU have a life outside your work place and they do not. It happens everywhere my freind and I know a list of such people.

So, this is the reason for the way they act towards you the way they do, in my opinion, and now a soloution ....

Do your job to the best of your ability.
Do your college work to the best of your ability.
Do your DJ'ing to the best of your ability.

Take pride in EVERYTHING you do because YOU have done it for YOURSELF. Not to fit in, not to please others. For you. If you go about this and remain humble in doing so the tide will turn.

Peace
Iain
Great words. Thanks.

The DJ thing is part of my shift in service to others. It's not like serving soup to the homeless or anything like that but it is providing something to the community ( a chance to enjoy obscure music) and it costs me nothing to do and costs them nothing to listen.

It may lead to more opportunities for me to help others. I view it as a "trial run" and to test my willingness to volunteer for ANYTHING.
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Old 04-03-2009, 01:38 PM   #9
AussieG
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

I to was caught up in the fabric of life and all its intricacies. it took a long time to stop the resentments, fears and negativity.
In my case I was given a gift, simply wish the other person
"All the happiness I desired for my self"
I repeated this when ever I thought of them even though it was through gritted teeth at first. when it gained meaning, I was free.

Today I accept that everyone has the right to be who they want to be and deserve the space to do so, and so do I. Provided I do not infringe upon the rights, life, liberty or property of another living sole.

The answers always lie within, we are the only ones we can change.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:14 PM   #10
Dantheman62
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

My advice is to keep the job, they're hard to come by these days!, trust me I know.
Just smile at them knowing that you are there for you!, not them,and if they want a few hours overtime, so what, you're already there anyway and again look at it as if it's for you not them.
As for school, don't worry to much about it because they can't fire you at school like they can at work,and I'm sure you'll do just fine. Most employers want a degree not grades.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:12 PM   #11
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HJ, first, bless you.... You remind me so much of ME years ago. I think you may find an answer or two in your original post.

My working career was mostly 1.5 year long jobs, until I moved into an ashram for 7 years, and even there I shifted "jobs" within the ashram staff on a fairly regular basis. That said, I learned a lot in the ashram about acceptance. My last job was at a college where I worked for 10 years in basically the same position. And I remember early on, my boss saying to me, "I wish you could learn to accept things as they are." That was a real wakeup to me, because I thought I had cleared that problem, but if I really examined my life and my work, I saw where on a deeper level I hadn't.

I resolved to do what I was asked to do unless it was really impossible (and then we'd discuss it - things like the software wouldn't support that, or if I do x, it will cause y to happen over here) - or illegal (and fortunately I was never asked to do anything illegal). I tried to stop having judgments about everything I was asked to do. I sense you judging things, like the standards you are asked to clean to. My biggest problem was judging things. When I finally was able to stop judging things, or to at least quiet it down a bit <G>, my life got soooooo much easier. When I stopped thinking things "should" be a certain way and started noticing the way they were, without attachment, as much as possible, then I was able to negotiate the curves without excess emotionality.

I also stopped trying to be "friends" with the people I worked with. In the long run, this worked to my advantage. I was genial, I was cheerful and helpful, shared a little, but not everything - certainly not things that might make me look better than they, and expected nothing in return, and I ended up getting a lot back that was positive. Didn't go out to dinner with them, or movies, or spend time outside of work, but I had excellent working relationships in the work environment.

Actually, I stopped assuming my friends would fulfill any part of my needs. Sounds awful, but you know, you're the only person who can make you happy. And you don't need "friends" to do it. I try to be there for my friends and enjoy the time I spend with them, but if I call someone to do something and they can't, I don't take it personally. I guess that's a major part of it. I stopped taking things so personally. I started looking at people's reactions as a comment on them, not as a comment on me. I found things I enjoyed doing on my own.

In the long run, it's probably cheaper for your boss to have you work overtime than to hire on another person - and that's why you're getting pressured. And he could care less about what you have going on outside the job, the job is all that is important for him. Those inspections are his lifeblood. Is it sensible? Maybe not (judgment again) - but it is what it is... and his job depends on it. Does that make him bad? No, but it is going to make him less understanding of your need to cover these other areas of your life. And he may ultimately say that he needs someone who will be available to work overtime, etc. That's just something you may need to factor in as a possible outcome. Again, it's a comment on him (and the times), not a comment on you.

College - unless you're not doing your work (and you haven't said that you're skirting assignments), there's no reason for them to reject you (I know colleges intimately LOL) Attend classes, do you work, don't fight the instructor, no matter how much of an idiot you think he is (there's that judgment thing again) (and I'm not saying you're doing that), and again, don't look to the school relationships to provide you with emotional gratification. That's got to come from within yourself. When you can love yourself, then you can love others. When you're filled to the brim, you have something to give to others. Few of us are filled to the brim! Although I see more on Avalon than I see on other places.

Hugz - I know, a difficult time. It may just be hormonal, or a major shift in how you're processing reality. And THAT's a big deal.

Alys

Last edited by alyscat; 04-03-2009 at 05:16 PM.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:56 PM   #12
Antaletriangle
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

There's not much for me to add big fella everything that these caring folk above have said is priceless-if you need to speak anytime HJ just send me a message. Feel the force.When you are down just think about the people on here for one who have given you good counsel.Chin up big guy!!
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:34 PM   #13
vagabunda
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Gosh, what lovely responses by all of you...HJ, I hope that they are helping...
here's a spot to down load "think and grow rich" for free...thanks to you, Steve_A...I'll read it, too.

http://www.selfstartersweeklytips.com/tagr.htm

Lots of love to you!
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Old 04-03-2009, 07:43 PM   #14
mpea
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Humble J,

There's not much I can add to what's already been said. The love and respect that's yours on this forum is plain to see. What a wonderful thing that must be for you; you are truly blessed to be among such wonderful souls.
Sending you love and light to gladden your heart further.

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Old 04-03-2009, 07:44 PM   #15
oldpaganfreak
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

good thoughts in this post. hang in there hj.
don't let the bastards grind you down!
it's a tough time in the world. there may be a certain jealousy of your worldview, which is obviously wider than that of those around you.
be proud that you have a grasp on reality.
listen to your innerself to chose how to accept the advice given here.
you'll be fine, man.
peace, patrick
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Old 04-03-2009, 08:27 PM   #16
Czymra
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Well, again there is rather little to add. Even though Coelho's work seems compromised, he did wonders with the Warrior of Light and it always offers a view on things that changes my point of view. So here goes:

The warrior of light does not always have faith.
There are moments when he believes in absolutely nothing. And he asks his
heart: 'Is all this effort really worth it?'
But his heart remains silent. And the warrior has to decide for himself.
Then he looks for an example. And he remembers that Jesus went through
something similar in order fully to inhabit the human condition.
'Remove this cup from me,' said Jesus. He too lost heart and courage, but he
did not stop.
The warrior of light continues despite his lack of faith. He goes forward and,
in the end, faith returns.

Hang in there.
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Old 04-03-2009, 10:00 PM   #17
rhythm
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Give your self over to love

and let it show you the way

be still and know

the mind is not your ruler

be present in the stillness

as it unfolds around you .

magical ...
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Old 04-03-2009, 10:02 PM   #18
777 The Great Work
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

Congradulations HJ,you are evolving. Rejoice in your suffering, for it is only temporary.
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Old 04-04-2009, 01:47 AM   #19
Humble Janitor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 777 The Great Work View Post
Congradulations HJ,you are evolving. Rejoice in your suffering, for it is only temporary.
Will do.

Awesome advice here.
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Old 04-04-2009, 05:57 AM   #20
Dantheman62
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Default Re: Can anyone lend an ear?

I'll lend you this guy, but only for a short time because I need him back....




Unless you need some muscle......




Or if you want an ear with money.....



Just let me know!, LOL
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Old 04-04-2009, 07:06 AM   #21
Humble Janitor
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Dan, knock it off.

You're making me laugh so hard, I can feel my lungs nearly ready to come out.

Ha ha.
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Old 04-04-2009, 07:16 AM   #22
Dantheman62
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HaHa Thanks man, I was hoping that would put a smile on your face, I posted a serious post above and now it's time for a not so serious! CoooooL

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