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Old 11-18-2009, 01:24 AM   #1
THE eXchanger
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Default YUP...we need to laugh !!!

Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl** job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said 'No'
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!
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Old 11-18-2009, 03:19 AM   #2
Ross H
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

thats some funny "foot n the mouth"

Thanks eXchanger, a good laugh

peace always
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Old 11-18-2009, 03:43 AM   #3
TruthWillSetUFree
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!



Very funny! Thanks for the laughs
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:26 PM   #4
greybeard
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

In my teens.
A friend of mine was showing of a very expensive watch he had. Without thinking (or did I at some leve) I said "Thats funny its got the same time on it as mine". Mine was very inexpensive.
He had the grace to laugh as did all our friends, so no harm done.
Chris
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:30 PM   #5
iainl140285
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by greybeard View Post
In my teens.
A friend of mine was showing of a very expensive watch he had. Without thinking (or did I at some leve) I said "Thats funny its got the same time on it as mine". Mine was very inexpensive.
He had the grace to laugh as did all our friends, so no harm done.
Chris
How very true!
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:50 PM   #6
mudra
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

I am still thinking before speaking

Love Always
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:19 PM   #7
greybeard
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

and then there is thoughtless awareness.

Seen as I am in a fun mood.

My Mum used to say.

"Chris, your so sharp one of these days you will cut yourself"

I though long and hard about what she said and taking on board her good advice.


I grew a beard as soon as possible to lessen the chance of cutting myself.

Smiling broadly.

With love Chris
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Old 11-18-2009, 04:30 PM   #8
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

Lost Puppy:

I know most of you are dog lovers and will help.

Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone. She called out to him and he never responded. She then noticed the back door was open.

She has beenputting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

(see picture here)

http://www.projectavalon.net/forum/p...pictureid=7940
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Old 11-18-2009, 04:58 PM   #9
greybeard
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eXchanger View Post
Lost Puppy:

I know most of you are dog lovers and will help.

Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone. She called out to him and he never responded. She then noticed the back door was open.

She has beenputting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

(see picture here)



http://www.projectavalon.net/forum/p...pictureid=7940
Hi Susan

Having see the picture and in the context of this thread.
I have heard of putting your foot in it but obviously your neighbour has made a "Big half assed mistake!!!"
The puupy is not lost but smothered in love big time.
Another bum joke --- I hear you cringing.

Regards Chris
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:43 PM   #10
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

yes, laughing is so important !!!
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Old 11-25-2009, 03:35 AM   #11
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: YUP...we need to laugh !!!

Canada eh?!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead ofthe approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.

Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.

The Official l am Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
· Californians shiver uncontrollably.
· Canadians plant gardens.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
· Italian Cars won't start
· Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
· American water freezes
· Canadian water gets thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
· Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
· Ethyl alcohol freezes.
· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
· Hell freezes over.
· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
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