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Old 03-07-2010, 09:11 PM   #1
MargueriteBee
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Default Service To Others

Just how far do we go in service to others. Maybe I''m in victim mode here but I am feeling used. Where and what is the line from service to others and being used? I would really appreciate your thoughts as I am new to spiritual stuff.

Edit: I could be any situation, not just my personal one.
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Old 03-07-2010, 09:18 PM   #2
gita
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Default Re: Service To Others

There does seem to be a fine line between being helpful and being used as a doormat. My rule of thumb these days is to only help people that ask for it and to make it as ‘quick’ as possible in a way that empowers the other person so that they do not become dependent upon any continuous help. I find the best way to ‘help’ people is to be an example in the kind of person you are. Hope this helps.
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Old 03-07-2010, 09:23 PM   #3
dddanieljjjamesss
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Default Re: Service To Others

If you feel used, that may be a good indicator - the line being crossed - that your service to others has become a crutch for them. Just beware that it isn't your Ego expectations of how you think people should respond to your kindness.
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Old 03-07-2010, 09:23 PM   #4
xbusymom
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Default Re: Service To Others

it is easy to get in that predicament when you have a generous heart... I am in the same kind of thing (or was- well, I still am there but moving out of victim mode quickly)...

here's what I did to re-start setting boundaries for myself, and it made a huge difference in how I felt about not being used and abused by others I tried to help...

Resolutions for Fair-Trade Assistance:
1. promote self-sufficiency for all
2. by giving fair-trade assistance
a. give them an opportunity to help me out with something I need done - in exchange for something they need done
b. ( if they choose not to participate in the fair exchange – then I am not obligated to do their task )

hope this helps...
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Old 03-07-2010, 09:59 PM   #5
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes I am not sure if I am being realistic in my situation. My situation feels like being married. I don't get credit for what I do, yet I am expected to put out regardless. Also some jealously is involved. Since I am retired I don't have to work so my time is worthless kind of attitude. I will pick my time and place if I decide to leave. I may not though because I know what's coming and they are sleeping.

Edit: Maybe this is a part of my life plan but my ego/persona is fighting it.
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Old 03-07-2010, 11:04 PM   #6
futureyes
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Default Re: Service To Others

hello margueritebee ...

i love your avatar btw ...

service to others ... where is that fine line of our assistance being taken for granted ...

if we are feeling we are being used ... then we are ...
only we can feel what we do ... others cannot tell us it is not so ...

ego then steps in and tries to make logic of it ... and sometimes it is so ... sometimes we really are not being realistic ... for example if we are in denial or in fear ... usually facilitated by old patterns clouding what really is ...

but for myself ... over a period of a lifetime of experiencing same ... i have come to know ... only the heart speaks truth ... after we have stepped out of the box ... and have become the observer ... and have located what actually is ... and if our heart still feels the denseness of this unbalance ... and especially if it is continuous ... then it is time to consciously take measures in the moment ... to give of our heart ... but to also come to recognize ... there are others who will take from us ... our energy ... over and above what we initially desired to give from our hearts ...

and for myself ... this has been a constant learning ... years and years worth ... finally realizing my own contribution in these situations ... does not only deplete me of my energy ... but my consistant assistance to an endless taker ... is not doing them a world of good either ... allowing my own self to become unbalanced ... weary and depleted always ... also does not facilitate the other to become sovereign in their own right ... they have learned very little re self sufficiency and such ...

thereby ... changes have to be made ...

some very good posts here suggesting how to do this ... about allowing others to empower their own selves which at the same time empowers us ...

service to others is wonderful ... but the balance must also be found in service to self ...
if we find ourselves continuously giving of our energy ... and it becomes such that we come to feel used ... and at times abused by the scenario ...
then we have lost the balance of service to self as well ...

i now recognize ... service to others also includes the self ... it is about balance ...
when the scales get tipped ... the heart feels this ... then it is once again time to step outside the box ... become the observer ... locate where the balance lacks ...
and then change it ...
and if a specific scenario has carried on for some time ... the change we make to benefit all ... will sometimes feel of pain in itself ...
but if we recognize realistically what is ... then we will also recognize this to be temporary ... and only good can follow beyond ...

i'm not quite there yet with this learning ... but every moment ... every experience ... i come closer to keeping the energy ... balanced ...

does the heart feel free ...
if not ... why not ...





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Old 03-07-2010, 11:20 PM   #7
Steven
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Default Re: Service To Others

Quote:
Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
Just how far do we go in service to others. Maybe I''m in victim mode here but I am feeling used. Where and what is the line from service to others and being used? I would really appreciate your thoughts as I am new to spiritual stuff.

Edit: I could be any situation, not just my personal one.
Hello MargueriteBee . You can go as far as you want, as long as you are free and doing it with no other intend (conscious or not) than to share a bit of yourself. Service to others seen under the perspective of a parent with his/her children becomes clear. If you have children, you want your children to be cooperative together with respect and balance. Meaning it's based on a relationship where freewill and freedom is present.

If you are in service to others and it's authentical, coming from the heart, without any expectation, you are blessing yourself. It also means that you don't buy a "stairway to heaven" in being in service to others. You already have the stairway... Be yourself, if one day, you feel like not wanting to share, IT'S PERFECT!!!

Service to self, service to others, don't matters if the action doesn't come from the heart based on freewill. Never forget, BALANCE IN ALL THINGS!

Namaste, Steven
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Old 03-07-2010, 11:38 PM   #8
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Default Re: Service To Others

Quote:
Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes I am not sure if I am being realistic in my situation. My situation feels like being married. I don't get credit for what I do, yet I am expected to put out regardless. Also some jealously is involved. Since I am retired I don't have to work so my time is worthless kind of attitude. I will pick my time and place if I decide to leave. I may not though because I know what's coming and they are sleeping.

Edit: Maybe this is a part of my life plan but my ego/persona is fighting it.
Sounds to me like a kind of co-dependant relationship - and reading between the lines, this one sounds like it has run its course !!

More power to you!

AJ..
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:05 AM   #9
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by Anchor View Post
Sounds to me like a kind of co-dependant relationship - and reading between the lines, this one sounds like it has run its course !!

More power to you!

AJ..

Yes, it has run it's course. All I need is someone to take my place so I can be free.

Yes, my responsibility is believing what I was told before I moved in. Now, the question is what will I put up with. I feel like I came here to do a job by golly and I'm gonna do it.

Also, I must be very careful what I manifest in my life and carefully think thru any details, because then I have to live with it.

The good part is right now the calfs are playing and running in the pasture. The chickens are sweet and give me fresh eggs, I love all the animals, so how can I leave them?

I think it is time for me to take the reigns again and do some magic and make it better.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:13 AM   #10
futureyes
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
Yes, it has run it's course. All I need is someone to take my place so I can be free.

Yes, my responsibility is believing what I was told before I moved in. Now, the question is what will I put up with. I feel like I came here to do a job by golly and I'm gonna do it.

Also, I must be very careful what I manifest in my life and carefully think thru any details, because then I have to live with it.

The good part is right now the calfs are playing and running in the pasture. The chickens are sweet and give me fresh eggs, I love all the animals, so how can I leave them?

I think it is time for me to take the reigns again and do some magic and make it better.
you CAN do it ...




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Old 03-08-2010, 12:21 AM   #11
Anchor
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Default Re: Service To Others

Service to self and Service to others are two sides of the same coin. As a fragment of all, service to self resolves itself as service to others, and service to others resolves itself to service to self.

However, you engage in this life for a reason, and under freewill you make choices. Those choices may be made in LOVE but not WISDOM.

I find that after a hard battle, Wisdom has to trump Love. One must be wise in knowing when and what to love. See ?

Many a co-dependant relationship was founded on love - and love motivates the service. However, was it wise in when judeged by the what is for the highest and best good of all?

Everything has a reason. Lessons are learned and we move on.

AJ..
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Old 03-08-2010, 03:01 AM   #12
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by Anchor View Post
Service to self and Service to others are two sides of the same coin. As a fragment of all, service to self resolves itself as service to others, and service to others resolves itself to service to self.

However, you engage in this life for a reason, and under freewill you make choices. Those choices may be made in LOVE but not WISDOM.

I find that after a hard battle, Wisdom has to trump Love. One must be wise in knowing when and what to love. See ?

Many a co-dependant relationship was founded on love - and love motivates the service. However, was it wise in when judeged by the what is for the highest and best good of all?

Everything has a reason. Lessons are learned and we move on.

AJ..

Excellent Anchor! As I was out mowing the lawn I was thinking is there a lesson here, if I leave will I miss it. It's like being a quitter and my gut won't take that. And I realized I have already taken the steps by standing up for myself and keeping my wallet closed.

Also, could we have made this agreement before landing in this life to have this situation just to learn from it?
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Old 03-08-2010, 04:03 AM   #13
Myra
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Default Re: Service To Others

Hi Marguerite,

I've heard of this "service to others/service to self" thing for awhile although I'm not sure of the real source of where it came from. Does anyone know of the source for sure or is this just word of mouth, really?

Bottom line is, many people who have given freely to others (service to others) have been taken advantage of and used by some people even to the point of PTSD and/or trauma in some cases (people that are victimized by others)

How in the world can a person like this be of "service to others" when they have been bled dry and have nothing more to give?

In that case those people need to draw back and nurture and take care of themselves first. Just like that old saying....how can your help others when you can't even take your self? In this case the insistence of "service to others" goes too far.

Bottom line is don't feel obligated and do what you feel is best for you.

I hope this helps and I hope I'm making sense
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Old 03-08-2010, 04:29 AM   #14
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by Myra View Post
How in the world can a person like this be of "service to others"
when they have been bled dry and have nothing more to give?

In that case those people need to draw back and nurture and take care of themselves first. Just like that old saying....
how can your help others when you can't even take your self?

In this case the insistence of "service to others" goes too far.

Bottom line is don't feel obligated and do what you feel is best for you.

I hope this helps and I hope I'm making sense
This is very good advise

there are times, when you have to look at where the 'bar' is set

if you have set it too low, for another
and, too high, for yourself

things are NOT in a state of equalibrum/nor, are they in balance/or check

time perhaps, to review, the current state of affairs, with the other

and, rise the bar
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Old 03-08-2010, 04:33 AM   #15
Anchor
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Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
Also, could we have made this agreement before landing in this life to have this situation just to learn from it?
Certainly, it could be that way - but knowing that doesnt change anything does it

AJ..
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Old 03-08-2010, 05:21 AM   #16
TRANCOSO
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Hi Marguerite,

I've heard of this "service to others/service to self" thing for awhile although I'm not sure of the real source of where it came from. Does anyone know of the source for sure or is this just word of mouth, really?
On 26-02-2010 I started the thread 'Service 2 Self = Service 2 Others'.

http://projectavalon.net/forum/showthread.php?t=20435

Duhhuhhh!!!!
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Old 03-08-2010, 06:39 AM   #17
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

Thanks everyone! I certainly have to give this a lot of thought and take my time. I need to work on getting things balanced so there can be peace here. I will check out that thread.

When we get our own lives balanced and peaceful will that change the world?
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Old 03-08-2010, 06:40 AM   #18
Céline
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
Thanks everyone! I certainly have to give this a lot of thought and take my time. I need to work on getting things balanced so there can be peace here. I will check out that thread.

When we get our own lives balanced and peaceful will that change the world?
it will change your world
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:36 AM   #19
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Quote:
Service 2 Others = Service 2 Self

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Last edited by TRANCOSO; 03-08-2010 at 07:39 AM.
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:54 AM   #20
Anchor
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by MargueriteBee View Post
When we get our own lives balanced and peaceful will that change the world?
Yes - it is a step, and even if that step belongs to a millipede, it is still progress.

AJ..

Last edited by Anchor; 03-08-2010 at 09:37 AM.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:32 AM   #21
Frank Samuel
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Talking Re: Service To Others

The service to self ant others is complementary,two sides of the same coin.
1- set a personal goal for yourself, what do you want to accomplished in your life? Clarity of what you want to accomplished in your life will move these creative forces in the direction of your creative dreams.
2- How do you want to serve others? Charity, love. a hug, giving money, helping the homeless, helping family members. This one must be balance because you have to be careful not to harm yourself in the process, giving in my view is an infinite act so don't rush it, little at a time. In reality the benefit goes to the helper and not the helped, because people always need help in one form or another, if your heart does it without expecting anything in return the rush of energy satisfaction far outweighs your charitable act.
The first thing to remember is first take care of yourself then from this foundation you can begin to help others. Otherwise you will get hurt and burn instead of satisfy. However know that whatever you give of yourself with a selfless heart returns back to you 3x fold. This I know from experience. This is why I also say that it is the two sides of the same coin, it is complimentary when you create a balance between the two.

Blessings to you and yours
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Old 03-08-2010, 11:09 AM   #22
hippihillbobbi
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Default Re: Service To Others

Great Thread, ya'll! sounds like grown-up's talking reasonably (YAY ..... no defensiveness or hostility!!!)

BTW ..... as far as the concept of Service to Others/Service to Self ..... there's lots of information on that in the Ra material, right? Ra is one of my very favorite "sources."

hippihillbobbi
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:16 PM   #23
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Default Re: Service To Others

Hi MargueirteBee...

The 'now' is also an important consideration. A lot of our misery comes from thinking about the past, or projecting forward into the future.

Ask yourself about whatever you are doing, how do you feel now, this second? If you're feeding chickens.. enjoy the act of feeding chickens, try not to colour it with the thought.. 'I'm feeding chickens for so and so.. and they don't appreciate my help, they take me for granted.. I'm always feeding ruddy chickens, me. Just who do they think they are? Bet the chickens don't care either.... if you see what I mean

There is only ever THIS SECOND. So how are we going to use it, and where are our thoughts during that second?

Alternatively, the respone to:

'Can you help me out?'

'Yes, certainly sir, which way did you come in?'

may help...

Best wishes,

K
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Old 03-09-2010, 03:59 AM   #24
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

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Originally Posted by Kulapops View Post
Hi MargueirteBee...

The 'now' is also an important consideration. A lot of our misery comes from thinking about the past, or projecting forward into the future.

Ask yourself about whatever you are doing, how do you feel now, this second? If you're feeding chickens.. enjoy the act of feeding chickens, try not to colour it with the thought.. 'I'm feeding chickens for so and so.. and they don't appreciate my help, they take me for granted.. I'm always feeding ruddy chickens, me. Just who do they think they are? Bet the chickens don't care either.... if you see what I mean

There is only ever THIS SECOND. So how are we going to use it, and where are our thoughts during that second?

Alternatively, the respone to:

'Can you help me out?'

'Yes, certainly sir, which way did you come in?'

may help...

Best wishes,

K

Yes, this are the questions I went thru when I decided I will be happy no matter what, and I do enjoy feeding the chickens, they love it too!
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:02 AM   #25
MargueriteBee
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Default Re: Service To Others

I have to put things into perspective. I went from living in a second story apartment where if the light bulb burned out all I had to do is call and they would come and change it, to running a cattle ranch and having to do everything myself while learning how. Whew!
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