Unified Serenity
11th February 2011, 12:19
I will give you a short bit of information about me. I had a terrible accident back in 2000. I got into a car wreck and had a compound pylon (sp) fracture of my lower right leg about 2 inches above my ankle. There is a very funny story here about what I did in the hospital, but I won't go into that now. I was rushed into surgery, they put steel posts in my leg and externally fixated it. I was in the hospital a week, then went home and had another surgery when I got back to my town immediately as my doctor (one of the best ortho's in the country) redid the surgery so I would recover better and have up and down movement of my foot.
I was in a wheel chair for 4 months, had two more surgeries, and was on crutches for a year. I lost something precious to me in this. I lost my ability to run. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes and though I thought I had completely dealt with that loss, I obviously haven't. I was a top athlete and could have played at Wimbledon. I've always been into sports and extremely active. So, the doctor told me I now have the ankle of a 90 year old with bad arthritis. I lived with pain daily on an immense level. I still have days that I have to call my partner to meet me outside with crutches because I literally cannot walk inside when I drive home.
So, in 2010 I decided to stop fighting the pain. I loved my injury. I loved my weakness. I sent love to my leg, and to the event that caused it and what it has taught me. I know for those of you this is all elementary. Sometimes we get so caught up in our forest we don't back up and walk the talk. I know and have helped other people with physical injury. I taught meditation for years. But, this daily agony (and yes I do mean agony) had me closed.
I loved my pain. I loved my injury. I loved that which was hurting me, and do you know what? (I am crying as I write this) my leg quit hurting me one day later. (Takes a deep breath) Now, I am not pain free. I still have days at work where I surprise my co-workers who do not know of my problem and I use a cane because I am in too much pain. Each time I am in pain now, I stop and send love to my pain, injury, leg and STOP! I stop fighting. I AM. Then I am free.
ps. less anyone think I was at that moment a current top athlete, I was not. I meant in my past in high school and University. But, once an athlete always an athlete. ;)
I was in a wheel chair for 4 months, had two more surgeries, and was on crutches for a year. I lost something precious to me in this. I lost my ability to run. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes and though I thought I had completely dealt with that loss, I obviously haven't. I was a top athlete and could have played at Wimbledon. I've always been into sports and extremely active. So, the doctor told me I now have the ankle of a 90 year old with bad arthritis. I lived with pain daily on an immense level. I still have days that I have to call my partner to meet me outside with crutches because I literally cannot walk inside when I drive home.
So, in 2010 I decided to stop fighting the pain. I loved my injury. I loved my weakness. I sent love to my leg, and to the event that caused it and what it has taught me. I know for those of you this is all elementary. Sometimes we get so caught up in our forest we don't back up and walk the talk. I know and have helped other people with physical injury. I taught meditation for years. But, this daily agony (and yes I do mean agony) had me closed.
I loved my pain. I loved my injury. I loved that which was hurting me, and do you know what? (I am crying as I write this) my leg quit hurting me one day later. (Takes a deep breath) Now, I am not pain free. I still have days at work where I surprise my co-workers who do not know of my problem and I use a cane because I am in too much pain. Each time I am in pain now, I stop and send love to my pain, injury, leg and STOP! I stop fighting. I AM. Then I am free.
ps. less anyone think I was at that moment a current top athlete, I was not. I meant in my past in high school and University. But, once an athlete always an athlete. ;)