feelings and emotions

[jupiter]

last Friday week I recieved a very distressing call fron a good friends wife ,saying that he had just passed away,during the conversation it became apparent that he had caused his own demise on purpose in a most grusome manner..
My friend had suffered mental illness for as long as I had known him,it was obvious that his personal deamons had just got the better of him.
After the the phone call I was extreemly upset but as time went by my feelings have progressed through the normal grieving to a point where I`m at now, which is one of,I wouldn`t say anger but being generaly pissed off ( excuse the French),how could he do this to his wife, they were on vacation touring around in a brand new caravan for Gods sake. Thankfully there are no kids involved.
He was an exceptional artist and I have a large painting at the foot of the stairs that I see every morning when I wake up,just to remind me . When I think about it ,it still brings tears to my eyes,but am I wrong or shelfish to feel the way I do ,its not the way I wish to remember him.:(
We had a lot of fun flying remote controlled gliders and petrol powered aircraft,but he started to be more and more withdrawn,his wife had him commited about 8 weeks ago ,he was put on a new medication regime and had a new shrink ,the day that he left he came around and told me he hadn`t felt this good for a long time and wanted to get back into flying when they got back after the holiday,now just over a week later his wife is devistated and so are his mates
Kindest regards James

[azure]

Hello James,

I must say first and foremost that I am sorry to hear about your friend and I can perhaps understand your feelings of anger about the situation. I know a person that has taken their own life a few years back. She was a dear friend and although she would never talk about the overwhelming hurt she was experiencing everyday, I felt it being around her. The only thing I could do was bring joy and laugh together in her company, as I do not try and force someone to talk to me about what is bothering them. Some several years later, she took her life.

Whilst I couldn't understand at the time why people make that choice, I had to realise that I will never know the true meanings behind that choice. The only I can do is try to understand their pain and that they wanted to end that pain. Surely people who think of taking their lives consider the devastation and pain that they will bring to loved ones by going through such an act. Also, we never know the true circumstances surrounding such scenarios, but that makes for another topic I suppose.

I think its perfectly normal to feel the way you do and I am sure many others can relate. I believe that we can unite with our loved ones when we cross over. Please do not be angry. Meditate on it a bit and come to an understanding with your friend. That is what I would do and offer my support to our mutual friends and his family.

[conk]

Do not allow your deceased friend's feelings and actions to dictate how you feel. You must not harbor any anger or other negative emotions as a result of his actions. They will not serve you well, it is certain. Forgive him and think of him fondly. The Universe is perfect in its unfolding, so in some sense your friend was destined to this end. May his next incarnation be more joyful and peaceful.

[Lord Sidious]

Sorry to hear that James.
It isn't always as clear cut as you may think.
Sometimes people just want the pain to end, even if that means that others will suffer from their actions.
And you must realise, the individual isn't thinking with a clear mind at that time.
So what they may truly think of someone and feel for them, may not be part of the equation, it is just about getting the pain to end.

[Tony]

We all have a never ending story. Yours touched me.

[loveandgratitude]

Dearest James,
My deepest sympathies for your loss. It takes time to go through the grieving process. There are many ways you can do this but only when you are ready. You can PM me and I can send you some exercises that will help you release your painful emotions.

I must say that as soon as you mentioned medications alarm bells went off. It is a fact that some anti-depressant medications can cause suicide. If you look at the side effects of most anti-depressant meds - suicide is one of them. Medications cause an imbalance in the chemicals of the brain.

For you the most important thing is to forgive and know your friend is in a loving place to help overcome his pain. We all have free will. Use your free will to release your pain and distress. Over time you will heal. Many blessing to you and to his wife.

[Sierra]

I'm so sorry James. This is a rough one.

From personal experience with this issue, I know it is going to take time to process.

Be gentle with yourself Sweetie. :sad:

[Davidallany]

I can feel your sadness and anger, mate. It's not easy to let go of friends and families. Let's wish him a loving parents and siblings in a peaceful environment on his next ride. My condolences to his wife and current family.

[dejavu]

Hi James I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel bad, anger is part of the grieving process and someone taking their own life can magnify that anger. I think Conk has given good advice...'forgive him and think of him fondly'. Loveandgratitude is right also in the medications alarm bells. It is so hard for those that are left when someone takes their own life and I do feel your pain. I haven't researched this and I'm not justifying your friend taking his own life, it's an old saying (only the good die young) and a personal belief which I hope may bring you some understanding if you agree with it. This is a cruel world and for some with good hearts and souls the pain of being here is just too much to bear. If this be the case you've been very privileged to have known him............much love dejavu

[sandy]

Dear James,

My heartfelt condolences to you and his family. Please know that you are being true to you and what you are feeling and with this, the process will carry through, just as you will. Denial stops movement, therefore you are doing what you need to by talking about what how you feel as scary and or tough that can be. Know you are at your wisest and strongest when you have the courage to be vulnerable while moving through the darkness. You light the way for many others>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.thank you!

[johnf]

My condolences James. the emotions we have are there for a reason, if you successfully work through the anger you will break through to acceptance.
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and feelings most of my life and I must say that there have been times when I just didn't think that anything would change,
either through a spontaneous spiritual experience where I felt what a person feels just after doing the deed. Only then does a person in this state believe that anything can change or that they are connected to others who might suffer from this selfish, insane act.
I have since read about the people who survived falls from the golden gate bridge and have changed their minds as soon as they let go.
So when I hear I hear of someone taking their life today I can be grateful that my insanity has been and can in the future be lifted.
Also there is some understanding of the blindness that leads to such an act, and therefore I can feel compassion.
My intention for you is to travel past the anger and get to where you can give the person a heartfelt thank you for sharing what they could with you when they were here.
Godspeed, and Good luck,

[kinerkid]

Hey James,

I've also had some friends commit suicide. It is horrible for those of us left pondering why. Here's a couple things I've learned along the way that you may or may not find useful.

1. Feel & let out each emotion as it comes. It's ok to feel pissed off. It's ok to cry until snot clogs every pore & you can hardly breathe. It's ok to shout "f*ck!!!!" to world. Just don't hold back. Allow & express those emotions & release them. It's best if you don't harbor them. For months after a particular friend committed suicide I couldn't sleep without the lights on. That's ok too. I also realized the departed had gone back to source and would get another chance to experience again & choose differently, but that doesn't negate your personal emotions at the moment. Let them out. Any response is acceptable. What isn't acceptable, imo, is pushing the emotions back & locking them up & judging them.

2. If you feel like you want to reach out to those you hold close & dear, definitely do so! Death - especially suicide for some reason - makes me re-evaluate my relationships & take stock. Your friends, family & loved ones are here, living & breathing, for a reason. And in this time, it's probably for you to experience that connectedness. Rejoice in that connection. Rejoice that you are here to experience that and it's ok if you feel mad your friend isn't here. Rejoice with your friends/loves who are here with you. IMO, you can harm yourself by holding this back & thinking its not ok to be happy when you experience those moments of joy. Joy is a gift. an emotional gift we get to have here in this experience so embrace it.

It's a convoluted state for quite some time. Be very forgiving of yourself especially and of others. My best thoughts and wishes are with you during this time.

[TimelessDimensions]

a dark night of the soul,

i went through it 3 times in 3-years.

Since then I've never been depressed :)

[heretogrow]

Dear James,
My heart goes out to you and I send you my condolences on the passing of your friend. It may bring you comfort to actually talk to your friend and pray to him to help you through this. A person who had lost a child gave me this advice when I lost my ex-husband. We had been divorced for years but remained best friends for our sons so it hit me very hard. From that day on I started a dialogue with him. I would go for walks or drives and just let it all out. During one dialogue, I heard him say that he needed me to reach a point where I was ok with what happened so he could be ok. I don't think just because people pass that we should stop sharing our lives with them. I really believe that when we honestly and openly express what we are going through with them, it helps them as much as it does us.

Good luck, my friend...and be gentle with both of you, if you can find it in your heart.
Much love and hope for peace and comfort,
Julia

[Lord Sidious]

Dear James,
My heart goes out to you and I send you my condolences on the passing of your friend. It may bring you comfort to actually talk to your friend and pray to him to help you through this. A person who had lost a child gave me this advice when I lost my ex-husband. We had been divorced for years but remained best friends for our sons so it hit me very hard. From that day on I started a dialogue with him. I would go for walks or drives and just let it all out. During one dialogue, I heard him say that he needed me to reach a point where I was ok with what happened so he could be ok. I don't think just because people pass that we should stop sharing our lives with them. I really believe that when we honestly and openly express what we are going through with them, it helps them as much as it does us.

Good luck, my friend...and be gentle with both of you, if you can find it in your heart.
Much love and hope for peace and comfort,
Julia

You know Julia, I think of it like this.
Someone that meant so much to us in life crosses to the other side.
Why would that change mean they aren't still part of our lives?
Because we can't see them?
Remember in Ireland that samhain is when the veil between this world and the spirit world is at it's thinnest and we can both communicate.