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Inanna
27th April 2011, 12:58
Hi everyone,

Lately I'm struggling with something. I thought it was something new. But I discovered it was something old, lol.
I have reflux since two years. It influences my voice and throat in a negative way and that's really a problem for me, because I'm a professional vocal coach.

More than ten years ago, I struggeled with stomach aches and cramps. It became so severe that I once got to the ER. Afterwards I had a gastroscopy but they couldn't find anything unusual. Except for the fact that the opening of my gallbladder canal was a bit more widened than normal. The problem disappeared after a few weeks and I considered myself cured (without any treatment though).

Because of my recent reflux attacks (mostly during the night) I started some healing works called 'voice works'. It's a combination of making sounds, massage and body movement, lead by a professional voice worker. Works great on me but I discovered something:

I'm angry. I'm full of anger.
It seems like it activates my gallbladder in a strange way: bile/gall fluid flows back into my stomach causing reflux.
Whenever I feel the reflux coming, I feel angry, pissed, moody...

And it becomes worse by the day.

Today, I saw a documentary about Tsjernobyl and the influence on childbirth and the next generations of children in the area, even 20 tot 25 years after the incident. I was really in shock by seeing those little children with their tumors growing out of their bodies, all those deformed bodies, etc... and the fact that the Russian government is still lying about the high radiation, even more than 100 km away from the scene.
The fact that this is now happening with Japan (even they survived both Hiroshima and Nagasaki) and that the government seems not to be honest about the severe risks, really cuts my heart out.
And here in Belgium (we have to power plants) it makes me so angry that people just seem to shrug their shoulders when it's about closing or not closing our power plants.

I felt the same anger coming up and yes, of course, the reflux was back in an instant.

I tried to dig deeper into that feeling of being angry and pissed. And after a while I had a sort of insight, let's call it a 'vision'. I saw myself being born into this world: angry. I saw myself growing up into this world: angry.
The anger is always with me, but I have learned never to express it, because anger is 'bad', it's not 'wanted' into this world. I have to behave, I have to shut up and listen.

I'm reading the last book of David Icke now. And I feel even more angry. Lol.
He's getting to me. I happen to believe a lot of what he's saying. It's an eye-opener.

Okay, so far with being angry. And the reflux.
I feel it right now, writing this all.

Then I tried to discover why I'm angry. And it's so obvious: I'm angry because of how the world is managing. Not only today, but like for the last thousands of years.
I'm angry because everyone seems to be sleepwalking and I feel lonely because it's like I'm the only one awake.
I'm angry because I feel all the pain and the sadness this world is giving me, because I once believed man (= human race) is born to do much greater things than what we're doing right now. I'm angry because no-one seems to believe that anymore: everyone is so occupied with their own little lives that there is no 'great potential' left, no creativity, no real unconditional love, no empathy. And so on...

I admit I must be exaggerating a bit, but the anger I feel makes no mistakes: it is what it is.

I discovered that beneath this anger there is a lot of grief, disappointment and sadness. I feel like: this is it! I'm waking up and there's nothing I can do about it... and... IT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!

My grief is so big I could burst out of my body. It's like I'm a ticking time bomb. I can only hope I will not explode at the worst moment. But I feel like exploding any moment. The sadness is so big as the anger grows even bigger.

I have a vivid memory of being born with this sadness as if I already knew, even before I left the uterus, that there was something not quite right with the world and that I would get in the middle of it. And I did: they brainwashed me, indoctrinated me, told me lies, dictated how to live my life, and so on... and before I was in my twenties, I couldn't feel a thing anymore. I was just like anyone else: a blunted human being, a slave to society.

But there was something brewing inside of me: there was still a little flame that gave me the feeling that I was right, and 'they' were wrong. The only problem is: I couldn't quite reach it.
I always had the feeling that I had to fight the system (some call it 'Indigo children') and so I did. But because of that I tumbled from one conflict situation into another, until I had no energy left anymore to fight. And so 'they' won.

'They' won for several years but I felt like I was dying inside. I tried so hard to fit in with the world, to do what everyone expected me to do, but it was too hard. At one moment, a few years ago (after having a depression for several years) I felt I had just one choice left: live or die.

It didn't take me long before I could choose: I chose life, of course.
That was the beginning. First I had to go through a few trauma events from my past (I was raped at the age of 17 by my first boyfriend and me being born was an accident: my parents hadn't planned me... you can guess how I felt when I discovered this) and it resulted in chronicle hyperventilation.
I overcame the panic attacks and the hyperventilation through breathing excersises and mindfulness, and after that, the reflux started to come up.

Now with the voice works I discovered that I can feel again. I can allow my emotions to simply be. And yes, that reminds me of my great potential as a human being, because I believe that 'feeling' is very important to us. It connects us with everything and everyone on a more conscious level.
I was very afraid to feel ('they' have taught me to be afraid of my feelings and emotions) and so tried to not-feel for years. Everytime I seemed to 'feel' something it was a struggle to overcome it. The battle is very exhaustive, so I lost all my energy, time after time (I'm sure this is one of the causes of depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, fybromyalgia, ...).
Now that I'm able to feel again, I feel a lot more energized, balanced, etc...

But because of the fact that I'm feeling again I FEEL EVERYTHING!
I feel all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the grief of the whole world. And it breaks me to pieces. I don't know what to do with it.

I'm so angry because of it. I have felt that grief all my life but it seems like it's a never ending curse. Nobody seems to care because we're all struggling with this same grief, trying to burry it far beneath the surface, never to feel again. Some of us even do drugs to feel numb, because everything 's better than feeling this grief all the time.
I get that. I understand now why some people need to drug themselves. I can sympathize with their impulses. But I would never do that because I know it would make everything worse.

So here I am. I'm angry at the world. I'm angry because of what's happening in the world (of better: what's not happening but should be happening). Sometimes I wish that 'something' would happen, something so badly that everyone would just wake up and do something about it.
It's very frustrating to feel all this, knowing that there is no-one in my direct area to talk to about this. I'm a professional vocal coach, I can't just express this to anyone without being laughed at or losing clients, can I?

The reflux is just eating me from the inside out. I can't sing because my vocal cords are irritated all the time. And I still feel like I'm holding back, because this is all so confusing. What does this mean? I'm at a point in my life now that I want to see clear so that I can take the next step. But I don't know what the next step is.
So I wake up in the morning, all 'refluxed', lol, moody and angry. I try to do my work as good as I can, but I know I'm missing something. Sometimes I even get annoyed by my own clients, because of their ignorance... and I feel ashamed because I feel this, like I'm a better person (which I'm not).

How do you all cope? I would like to know...

dan i el
27th April 2011, 13:12
gOSH! um..I had a gastroscopy THIS MORNING because of chronic reflux over the last half year getting worse and worse. I REALLY can accord with much of what you say.. always felt out of the loop growing up,couldn't really put my finger on it. Anger, sadness, feeling alien,getting called "alien" and much else. Only in adult life have I been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome..it made a whole lot of sense. Thanks for your truly heartfelt post, I am sending you a friend request, I hope that is okay.

I tend to agree with M.Tsarion that anger can be constructive when channeled in an intelligent manner and it shouldn't be denied for it is a natural part of our make up. edit) especially so, when considering the incalculable corruption and malaise in this farm we are born into to weighs heavy on the soul. jmo

best wishes

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:15
Exactly my feeling, dan i el.
I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience a gastroscopy this morning. Mine was traumatic: they didn't even took the opportunity to fill me in about possible anesthesia, so I had to experience it 'the hard way'. It was just horrible :'(

ktlight
27th April 2011, 13:16
Thought and feeling are very closely aligned. Each leads to the other. Understanding this may allow you to examine which thought(s) raise the emotion anger in you. This could then allow you to push the thought(s) out of the mind - just command them to go and practice this. It gets easier.
You cannot accept responsibility for the pain and suffering in the world, even though the whole world is suffering, even though we are the world and the world is us. You also have to start within before it can become without, if you get me. Everything starts inside. Also, offer it up and trust the outcome of this.

I could go on and on, so I will stop here and hope this helps.

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:20
I can relate to your comment, ktlight. Thank you.
I feel like a child coming into this world, experiencing this world, and then concluding that I'm doing something wrong, because the world doesn't feel right.
They say that children always take the blame for anything that happens in their world (especially when it involves loved ones). I think I took the blame, indeed.

dan i el
27th April 2011, 13:25
Exactly my feeling, dan i el.
I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience a gastroscopy this morning. Mine was traumatic: they didn't even took the opportunity to fill me in about possible anesthesia, so I had to experience it 'the hard way'. It was just horrible :'(

Yes, it was rather grim but they did use a local anesthetic in the throat, at least..horrible that they didn't give you anything! it caused temporary Dysphagia but I am glad it's done at least. :)

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:28
I am sending you a friend request, I hope that is okay.

Gladly accepted :-)

ktlight
27th April 2011, 13:30
I can relate to your comment, ktlight. Thank you.
I feel like a child coming into this world, experiencing this world, and then concluding that I'm doing something wrong, because the world doesn't feel right.
They say that children always take the blame for anything that happens in their world (especially when it involves loved ones). I think I took the blame, indeed.

I am so glad you understand, Inanna. Whatever in you that is suggesting that you have done wrong, throw it out. If you feel that you have done wrong, forgive yourself. Then move on.

Blessings.

jeoseeker
27th April 2011, 13:32
Hi everyone,

Lately I'm struggling with something. I thought it was something new. But I discovered it was something old, lol.
I have reflux since two years. It influences my voice and throat in a negative way and that's really a problem for me, because I'm a professional vocal coach.

...
How do you all cope? I would like to know...

I used to suffer with reflux it even made me completly lose my voice at times so i know how rotten this feels to have, now i know it's hard but changing your diet for a few months will really help ,cut out all tomato based foods i found these to be the worst for me,definatly no processed foods ,no fried food no coffee and definatley no wines,eat green apples everyday also i find that green tea helps.Now how do i cope with the world thats a good question maybe we are not supposed to just cope, anger like any other emotion can be tamed ,i am not a religous person but i find that this quote helps alot "Be of the world not in it"

Corncrake
27th April 2011, 13:36
Inanna - thank you so much for sharing your story. Hope it helped a bit to just write it down! FWIW, one of my sisters has suffered from reflux all her life and she is a very gentle person. As far as I know there is no psychological damage there just a physical malformation - a kind of hernia - which causes her pain after certain foods and strange metallic breath!

I too get very frustrated with people's unwillingness to look at the alternative news and their sometimes blind faith - that all is as it should be - can be hard to deal with. The warmongering makes me really angry too. I find it is best to take it in easlly digestible chunks rather than inundating myself with it. Not much shocks me now but there are a few things in the mind control area I cannot bring myself to look into. Meditation helps and I have one good friend I can have a rant with now and again.

Take a look at the thread 'See no Evil, Say no Evil, Hear no Evil' - it may help!

mosquito
27th April 2011, 13:40
Inanna, wow ! This is a forum, so there's not a hhuge amount one can do to help but .....
First of all - don't judge yourself (I don't think you are) anger is NOT a "negative" emotion, only when we either can't or won't process it does it become destructive, so you need to let yourself be angry, it really is ok. I know, we in the West are brought up to supress it, so when it comes out it's very scary, I know from my own experience, so I empathise. Hopefully others may have effective techniques for getting to the roots of your anger, (sounds like injustice ???), but right now it's ok to let yourself be angry at all those things you mentioned, you DO have a right to feel angry, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise !!! My only advice would be to not feed it - i.e. don't switch on the news and avoid alcohol if you can. I really wish I could be more help, I know how it feels, so hang on inj there sister !!!
One thing to leave you with, there are various Chinese terms for anger, first of all - 生气 (Sheng Qi) Sheng means life, birth. Qi is vital energy, so in this sense it's a birthing energy - I love this idea, it turns anger from something destructive into something creative, see if you can work with that ! One of the single characters for anger is - 怒 (Nu) the elements of this character are a woman and right hand (which together mean a female servant) over the heart - so this symbolises the righteous rage a woman feels by being subjected to servitude - You may be able to identify with that.
Go for it, power and love to you, Philip

Anchor
27th April 2011, 13:41
Have you been to see a chiropractor? If not please consider it and getting your spine checked out by a good Chiro - they can work miracles.

On the anger - this is going to be a tough one to deal with - the energetics are fierce.

Anger is directed - consider at what and from where?

Forgiveness and healing are interlinked.

Are you angry at yourself - reflected in the world around you? My initial idea is that this is a possibility.

Do you meditate?

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:45
Inanna, wow ! This is a forum, so there's not a hhuge amount one can do to help but .....
First of all - don't judge yourself (I don't think you are) anger is NOT a "negative" emotion, only when we either can't or won't process it does it become destructive, so you need to let yourself be angry, it really is ok. I know, we in the West are brought up to supress it, so when it comes out it's very scary, I know from my own experience, so I empathise. Hopefully others may have effective techniques for getting to the roots of your anger, (sounds like injustice ???), but right now it's ok to let yourself be angry at all those things you mentioned, you DO have a right to feel angry, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise !!! My only advice would be to not feed it - i.e. don't switch on the news and avoid alcohol if you can. I really wish I could be more help, I know how it feels, so hang on inj there sister !!!
One thing to leave you with, there are various Chinese terms for anger, first of all - 生气 (Sheng Qi) Sheng means life, birth. Qi is vital energy, so in this sense it's a birthing energy - I love this idea, it turns anger from something destructive into something creative, see if you can work with that ! One of the single characters for anger is - 怒 (Nu) the elements of this character are a woman and right hand (which together mean a female servant) over the heart - so this symbolises the righteous rage a woman feels by being subjected to servitude - You may be able to identify with that.
Go for it, power and love to you, Philip

Thank you so much. I think I was waiting for something like this: just to get the admission to feel angry, to be angry... That is so great to hear. I'm taking your advice. Because I can feel it in every cell of my body: it has the right to exist. So I DO feel that I have to right to be angry. I just needed this little push from you ;-)
It's quite powerful indeed. It's energy. I don't know what's really underneath it or what I should do with it, but for this moment I'll just let it be, because 'it is' :-)

greybeard
27th April 2011, 13:49
The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle helped me greatly.

Anger comes from lack of acceptance of what is -- you only need to accept it is -- then you ar calm enough to do whatever you can.

This prayer may help.




God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference



Anger hurts the one who is experiencing it, there are no positive side affects, it creates toxins in the blood.
Its poisonous.
Regards Chris

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:49
Have you been to see a chiropractor? If not please consider it and getting your spine checked out by a good Chiro - they can work miracles.

On the anger - this is going to be a tough one to deal with - the energetics are fierce.

Anger is directed - consider at what and from where?

Forgiveness and healing are interlinked.

Are you angry at yourself - reflected in the world around you? My initial idea is that this is a possibility.

Do you meditate?

I could be angry with myself, indeed, I don't know. It's a possibility. The voice worker I'm working with did mention that I shouldn't look for it outside of me, but on the inside. I think that is good advice, because I can't change the world on my own... I can change myself and the way I'm dealing with the world, though ;-)

I don't meditate. I sing. I do voice works. And mindfulness.

Inanna
27th April 2011, 13:53
The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle helped me greatly.

Anger comes from lack of acceptance of what is -- you only need to accept it is -- then you ar calm enough to do whatever you can.

Tis prayer may help.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference

Anger hurts the one who is experiencing it, there are no positive side affects, it creates toxins in the blood.
Its poisonous.
Regards Chris

I'm not quite there yet, to accept it, but I surely understand your point of view. Acceptance is indeed my challenge.
I think the anger is just a non-acceptance or resistance towards the underlying grief. Accepting that I'm grieving would do the tric, I hope. But it takes time (in my experience) to get to that point that I can just allow it all to be. I'm getting there (first step was getting this all out in the open, so that I can't lie to myself anymore). Thank you.

Lord Sidious
27th April 2011, 13:55
Have you been to see a chiropractor? If not please consider it and getting your spine checked out by a good Chiro - they can work miracles.

On the anger - this is going to be a tough one to deal with - the energetics are fierce.

Anger is directed - consider at what and from where?

Forgiveness and healing are interlinked.

Are you angry at yourself - reflected in the world around you? My initial idea is that this is a possibility.

Do you meditate?

I could be angry with myself, indeed, I don't know. It's a possibility. The voice worker I'm working with did mention that I shouldn't look for it outside of me, but on the inside. I think that is good advice, because I can't change the world on my own... I can change myself and the way I'm dealing with the world, though ;-)

I don't meditate. I sing. I do voice works. And mindfulness.

Most people are these days and that is a huge reason they self sabotage.
Reflux is one symptom.
Trust me on this, I had it too.

Anchor
27th April 2011, 14:02
There is a big bridge between being dissatisfied with the things that happen around us, and the choices that people keep making to perpetuate these things... it can be maddening and prompt the anger rush - a wild torrent of destructive energy (which of course may well be what is behind the physical symptoms).

Your body is amazing. It has a whole armoury of ways of letting you know that something is up and needing attention. Now you are recognizing it and the root causes - you can start to fix it.

Chiropractor?

John..

9eagle9
27th April 2011, 14:59
Then I tried to discover why I'm angry. And it's so obvious: I'm angry because of how the world is managing. Not only today, but like for the last thousands of years.
I'm angry because everyone seems to be sleepwalking and I feel lonely because it's like I'm the only one awake.
I'm angry because I feel all the pain and the sadness this world is giving me, because I once believed man (= human race) is born to do much greater things than what we're doing right now.

IN all in integrity and to make sure you don't get stuck in your healing process I'm going to stick this out there. I normally don't do this in public but 'public' isn't a good enough reason not to anymore because so many people are experiencing this. You may be angery now but you could be intiating a real transformation by publicly stating your experience.

You are angry over these things out there in the world. I see that and validate it. It is a valid anger.

.....but its not THE SOURCE of your anger. And that is what needs to be addressed to abate this.

The anger that is causing your physical symptoms. I would have to say if you did not have these things that distress you out in the world to be angry about you'd no longer be with us. It does serve to a certain extent to blow off some external steam.

These are things you are angry about are because you can't address the source anger and grief. You can't. You tried to discover it but as we say 'We can't see our own ****' we can only feel it. And sometimes people can't feel it at all. It takes two people to excavate this crap out which is why I'm responding the way I am. One to facilitate the process in you. One who can see it and help you to draw it out.

There's a an original source anger there in you. You don't know what it is on a complete conscious level. But you're responding to it and so is your body. What you see out in the world that gives you grief and anger is a reflection of something that has been going on inside you for a long time, and its been invalidated and it hasn't been expressed. The symptoms you are expressing tell me everything. You have buried grief and anger. The reflux is just bodies way of attempting to purge it , like a toxin. Liver, gall bladder, BILE (expressive for anger) thats long term deep rooted anger and grief. The anger is formed by grief. You were denied something somewhere along the line and you're grieving over it way down there. That anger is inner child anger. Anger over what you are denied. What we are angry about is never about what is going on in the now, its a symptom of the past. We see patterns of our own experience everywhere and react to it.

everyone is so occupied with their own little lives that there is no 'great potential' left, no creativity, no real unconditional love, no empathy. And so on...


Lack or denial of any of these things in early life, at any time of our lif,e is what most people don't realize it is. It's neglect. Its a form of covert abuse.

Without getting too personal. At some point in your life, this life, (perhaps before too) you were denied these things. Someone was too preoccupied to validate your existence. The potential within you was denied invalidated, your creativity was denied, and you were not given empathy. And when you see it out there today that part of you responds to it. It may still be going on in side of you now. It would have to be if you are responding to the outside world with the physical symptoms you have described.

But it can be fixed.

I'd be getting too personal if I continued on. Feel free to PM me if you wish to explore this further.

huggles,

Chelley

cloud9
27th April 2011, 15:13
Hi Inana,
first, I just want to say that while you work with your anger, please consider some remedies for your problem. There are threads here in the forum about two very popular an efective remedies: apple cidar vinegar with moder and sodium bicarbonate or baking soda. I would say those are the cheapest and effective, drink the combination of the two in a glass of water, one by one with water or even combined with something else as a glass of water, 1 tablespoon of vinegar and 1 teaspoon of honey and or it several times a day or even dissolved in a bottle of water and drink it through the day.
There's a web site that I use a lot: earthclinic.com , in this site regular people give testimony about how they have used different remedies, how often, what amount, etc., and results. You'll be surprised how these two remedies help and cure many ailments. By the way, the vinegar has to be with mother, I use brand name Bragg.
I wish you the best.

ulli
27th April 2011, 15:20
Need to get out of your head for a few minutes each day.
Look at the color GREEN, as much as possible.

Take Nexium.
(Ok, ok, covering my head here)

receive LOVE and HEALING when it comes your way
Life is full of polarities, for every bad there is infinite good


sorry about the colour of my Avatar....it was meant for me who needs opposite energies to yours

The One
27th April 2011, 15:22
Remember my friend the next move is yours to take I don't get angry very often. I lose my temper rarely. And when I do, there's always a legitimate cause. Normally I have a great lightness of being. I take things in a very happy, amused way.i wont go on because you have already been given fantastic advice my friend.My thaughts are with you


You must be the change you wish to see in the world when you are through changing, you are through

Say goose fra ba three times goose fra ba, goose fra ba, goose fra ba, it might make you laugh and if it does always say it when you get angry.sometimes the silly things make the difference

xxxxxxxxx


goose fra ba goose fra ba goose fra ba

Astra
27th April 2011, 15:38
Lately I'm struggling with something. I thought it was something new. But I discovered it was something old, lol.
I have reflux since two years. It influences my voice and throat in a negative way and that's really a problem for me, because I'm a professional vocal coach.
............
Because of my recent reflux attacks (mostly during the night) I started some healing works called 'voice works'. It's a combination of making sounds, massage and body movement, lead by a professional voice worker. Works great on me but I discovered something:

I'm angry. I'm full of anger.
...

Dear Inanna, I have a question for you in regards to the “voice works” you mentioned in your post.

During intense voice – breathing- movement sessions/classes, many hidden and unresolved “internal agendas” (both emotional and physical ) could emerge. I am not sure what kind of exercises you have been doing with your instructor, but I assume there is a lot of breathing going on, accompanied with sound and movement.

Being a voice/movement instructor myself, I’ve seen people responding differently to the whole process. Emotional stuff often comes up, and sometimes it becomes hard to deal with it all. Before elaborating more on this subject, could you please let me know what kind of breathing work (if any) you have been doing so far with your instructor? I would be interested as to what set of exercises had triggered the emotion of anger?

:grouphug:


PS I have had a gastroscopy done in the past, but under anaesthesia. There was no pain involved, except a bit of discomfort in my throat after waking up. I am so sorry to hear yours was so uncomfortable, I really am.

Donna O
27th April 2011, 15:49
[B]
Without getting too personal. At some point in your life, this life, (perhaps before too) you were denied these things. Someone was too preoccupied to validate your existence. The potential within you was denied invalidated, your creativity was denied, and you were not given empathy. And when you see it out there today that part of you responds to it. It may still be going on in side of you now. It would have to be if you are responding to the outside world with the physical symptoms you have described.

But it can be fixed.

I'd be getting too personal if I continued on. Feel free to PM me if you wish to explore this further.

huggles,

Chelley

Excellent! I agree with this entirely. My anger became apparent during an emotional breakdown I had. I remember saying over and over how angry I was and where did all of this anger come from. This quote above is a good start in resolving it. I also agree with the strain of living in such an unjust and sometimes evil world can build up much anger.

Try Eckhart Tolle as Greybeard suggested, I highly recommend.

Take care

Inanna
27th April 2011, 15:56
Lately I'm struggling with something. I thought it was something new. But I discovered it was something old, lol.
I have reflux since two years. It influences my voice and throat in a negative way and that's really a problem for me, because I'm a professional vocal coach.
............
Because of my recent reflux attacks (mostly during the night) I started some healing works called 'voice works'. It's a combination of making sounds, massage and body movement, lead by a professional voice worker. Works great on me but I discovered something:

I'm angry. I'm full of anger.
...

Dear Inanna, I have a question for you in regards to the “voice works” you mentioned in your post.

During intense voice – breathing- movement sessions/classes, many hidden and unresolved “internal agendas” (both emotional and physical ) could emerge. I am not sure what kind of exercises you have been doing with your instructor, but I assume there is a lot of breathing going on, accompanied with sound and movement.

Being a voice/movement instructor myself, I’ve seen people responding differently to the whole process. Emotional stuff often comes up, and sometimes it becomes hard to deal with it all. Before elaborating more on this subject, could you please let me know what kind of breathing work (if any) you have been doing so far with your instructor? I would be interested as to what set of exercises had triggered the emotion of anger?

:grouphug:


PS I have had a gastroscopy done in the past, but under anaesthesia. There was no pain involved, except a bit of discomfort in my throat after waking up. I am so sorry to hear yours was so uncomfortable, I really am.

Hi Astra,

it's the Jean-René Toussaint kind of voice work I'm working with.

I don't know which particular exercise has triggered the anger emotion. Normally we do a series of exercises in a more intuitive kind of way: she (the voice worker) just works with what I'm giving her (we have a short conversation about my latest experiences and concerns before we start).

The last two sessions (I go once a month) we especially worked on the lower abdomen and pelvis area. The left side of my pelvis is really stiff, we noted, and there was a lot of tension in the stomach region.
We did several different exercises during the last two sessions (I can't remember them all):
- pounding one foot on the floor while saying/shouting 'ha' (simultaneously growing harder while shouting louder, and growing softer while saying the 'ha' softer) and we observed that my left leg had difficulties following my voice (it kept pounding hard even when my voice softened) while my right leg could easily follow my voice (and vice versa).
- she walked me around the room with my eyes closed and I had to follow her lead: very difficult because my left leg wanted to take over all the time, especially when the pace of changing direction and walking faster went on.
- massage at the front of my body and the back while making sound: the sound went very agressive in tone, and I felt pain in my throat. I went hoarse immediately. Few minutes later: my voice came back as if I haven't been hoarse at all.
At the end of the last session I felt relieved: the tension in my stomach area was gone and I felt like there was an enormous space in my abdomen. But after a few days, the tension came back, and now it's there all the time.

Grtz,
Inanna

greybeard
27th April 2011, 16:03
Anger has a certain vibration -- low
Many people having read The Power of Now reported their life had changed radically
The words in the book are carrier of a high energy.
If spirituality is not for you read the book anyway -- millions have.

Only the ego can feel fear hurt anger.
You can go into all kinds of reason for anger its a can of worms.

You are never angry for the reasons you think you are ---"Course in Miracles"
You will never change anything at the same level it was created -- its necessary to lift the "spirit"

Only love or fear Love lifts energy fear-- lowers it.
The ego loves fear..

Sorry to be very direct

Chris

ktlight
27th April 2011, 16:24
In Africa, it is said that anger is useless. Recently in the West, it has been said that anger has its place.

Anger, bottom line, has to do with the self - me, me, me - and it is a cause of disease. In fact, it is dis-ease. To get it right, please watch your feelings arising to anger and note the thoughts that are in your mind. Then kick the thoughts out of your mind. You can command them to go by saying, get thee behind me. It gets easier in time. You can say, not my will but thine, and trust the outcome. It doesn't have to be in a religious context. You can say this to your higher self, your god-self.

It would be really healthy for you to be able to catch the anger and recognise that it is anger before it gets into full throttle.

mondaze
27th April 2011, 17:12
i have a congenital disposition towards hiatus hernia, and have suffered from similar symptoms, i tend to ameliorate them by diet and not drinking too much... but stress and anger do tend to make it worse. i say accept your anger as a righteous virtue... even Jesus got pissed at the powers that be! you have a good heart Inanna, allow it to shine through and accept all your qualities.. love to you in your hour of need xx

Flash
27th April 2011, 17:37
First, welcome to the awareness club Inanna. Lots of people have anger/sadness in them but won't bring it up to their conciousness as you do.

Second, oh my God, don't I read some of my own in your text! I don't express repressed anger/sadness through acid reflux, but through weight put on.

Third, as greybeard says
The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle helped me greatly.

Anger comes from lack of acceptance of what is -- you only need to accept it is -- then you ar calm enough to do whatever you can.

This prayer may help.



I would add to it that it may come from a lack of forgiveness. Forgiveness to oneself first, for what we felt, for feeling inadequate for example, for being angry or sad. And to forgive, the only thing needed is recognition of the present state, and to forgive everthing going with it, starting by yourself. Example: "He is hurting me, I forgive myself for creating the situation and I forgive him". Quite liberating when we succeed in doing it.

Fourth, 9eagle9 may be right for the source of it
Lack or denial of any of these things in early life, at any time of our lif,e is what most people don't realize it is. It's neglect. Its a form of covert abuse.
but I discover with time that it was often not necessary to decipher every detail from the past, the present usually gives you everything you need to solve the situation(s). So start where you are at. imho

Fifth: I tought in the past that I could not express anger (and sadness beneath it), that I would brake in thousands parts if it were to come out. Guess what, it did at one point and I did not brake in thousands parts. It was necessary in fact. Therefore, you could go in nature, scream all you can so much that you bring back a voice extinction, kick hard on trees (they will be happy to help you and it does not harm them much), pitch yourself on the ground and do all the baby's fits you have never done (you know the little pest throwing herself on the floor screaming in a shopping center - this is somewhat necessary).
The only witness you bring with you, if desired, are an excellent friend or your dog. Have fun with it when the rage is finally out. What you will discover most probably beneath it is a deep well of sadness. Then forgive yourself for the anger you inflicted yourself and the sadness you never expressed. Greybeard is right, anger is low vibration from the ego, however you may learn from it, so thank your ego for its teaching, and forgive him for overdoing it sometimes.
Love to you

9eagle9
27th April 2011, 18:16
At the end of the last session I felt relieved: the tension in my stomach area was gone and I felt like there was an enormous space in my abdomen. But after a few days, the tension came back, and now it's there all the time.


The tension comes back because the core value or beleif which is actually vibration hasn't been abated. Its an actual belief (a thought) you will be chasing. Its the same way with Chakra work. There's tension, cording or blocking in the Chakra. When its cleared there's a temporary relief of tension but after a few days it comes back because the core vibrational issue hasn't been addressed. That's why people have problemic Chakras.

So the vibration of the toning in voice shakes up the energy a bit and allows one to blow off some steam. But because the core belief (thought) hasn't been addressed it returns after a bit of time. Like Chris said, everything comes back to a thought and the ego manages our thoughts, unconscious or conscious. So this is seldom a conscious thought. But one that is really subconscious. When you find it and they are easy to find with some probing you then get an epiphany, an OH MY GAWD! thought. And you will feel the snap and you will know the beleif and how it got there. And then its gone. We then start supporting its absence by changing our behaviors concerning it. Those become habits too. WE are not aware of these thoughts of the unconscious (we aren't conscious of them) or they have been there so long we are accustomed to them. The same way a person is conditioned to make their bed every morning and screw up their whole day by not doing so. Its just something you do or think and its been there so long you aren't even aware of it.

The core vibration is hugely powerful. IT BOOOMS where a conscious thought sorta thumps. If we have something on our core vibration a thought or belief that is what we are BOOMING out to the world. So this affects our manifestation ability as well. How we create circumstances. A negative core belief or value on the drum head of the vibrational core distorts its vibration and sends that ugly little message outwards where its picked up by others. That's why we draw in people who further exacerbate our issues. They identify with that vibe.

Same way as if you had a burr on your vocal cords. It would affect the way the vocal cords vibrate. Take the burr (the core belief) away and ...vocal cords go the way their supposed to.

An example of core belief I had was ....every time I had something, I felt driven to share it or give it away to someone even though it may put me in a place of lack. Always. Always coming up short on funds, clothing, ANYTHING. I had extreme emotional discomfort at having something that someone else didn't have access to. Information, money, material goods. Any sort of windfall had to be doled out to others. This is perceived as generous. I wasn't being generous, I often resented doing this but I couldn't cope with the guilt of NOT doing it. I was given everything away for all the wrong reasons. I consoled myself that I was being generous but are truly generous people that resentful of sharing?

This is pretty common with people who come from big families. You are told as a child "Share with your brother's and sisters". If you have something that they don't have it must be shared. Some of us probably remember that as a kid, having to dole out what was yours to other kids too because ....well that's just the way it was. I'd have to say its an incorrect way of teaching a child to share where all choices in the matter are taken away. My sister was so resentful of always having to split a soda with me she put dish soap in my portion of it...lol. That made ME distrustful of people wanting to share with Me so I'd never accept anything in return even as I was busy giving away the house out of guilt. A vicious circle. And this is all reaction, I didn't realize what I was doing on a conscious level.

This conditioning tells us that we aren't deserving to have on our own. That our self value is only found in making sacrifices. And it will stay with you your whole life putting you under obligation to people. Because if you don't you will self guilt trip to death so its easier to give away what you can ill afford to give away (creating more discomfort and resentment) than to live with that guilt that we don't even know where its coming from. Our parents or teachers conditioned our child minds that we are responsible for other's well being FIRST, and we always come second. So self value issues come into play there too. Everyone is more important than me. Their needs and wants are fulfilled first, mine second.

janus
27th April 2011, 18:21
Grief and anger are two sides of the same coin.

Without going into too much detail, I was in and out of hospitals for 12 out of my first 15 years of life...isolated most of the time and not allowed to express any emotion other than "happy, happy". This lead to the perception that emotions were bad and people wouldn't want anything to do with me if I didn't act happy all the time. I could tell what emotions I was feeling from my body...tightness in the throat meant I must be sad, for example. I was in my 30's the first time I cried actual tears.

I always believed that there was something wrong with me...that I didn't belong in this world. People were unnecessarily cruel and mean-spirited and I had no defenses against that kind of behavior. We were supposed to conform...but conform to what? Was I supposed to be cruel as well? I was never able to have a "thick skin" or let it all roll off...everything went straight to my heart.

Wounded and "bloodied" by the world I saw outside myself, I turned within. There had been a time I really thought that I must have a real monster inside me that I dare not let anyone see or they would really hate me. That "monster" turned out to be a gentle, vunerable soul that only sought peace. If I didn't fit in the world, then so be it. I would live my life my way without concern for what others may have thought or felt about it. I could validate myself, reassure myself, love myself, nurture myself...all those things I was denied as a child.

I haven't turned my back on the world. It's so easy to see the horrors, but now I can also see the good that is there also. I couldn't change the whole world, just myself and my little piece of it with loving family and friends.

That was my path. You must find your own path to the peace that lies within you. I am here if you would like support along your journey...pm anytime.

Namaste

bilko
27th April 2011, 18:24
Innana - i can empathize with what you are going through and perhaps off a little advice.

My first ever memory that i have carried through my life is a voice the voice said " time to grow up now ". This was when i was being pushed in a pram somewhere when i was very young.
I didn't want to grow up because i didn't want to experience the pain you speak of. I went to see a professional counselor/ psychic called Becky Walsh who worked at the college of psychic studies in london and had her own show on LBC radio here in England. I respect her and her abilities very much. She told me that i didn't want to come back here and that i was told to in a way and that it would be the last time. I was studying to be a spirit guide and in true fashion i was taking my own sweet time about it. So long in fact that they ( whoever they are ) said i had lost touch with what it was to be human and so had to come back.

I was born into a family where i was abused and neglected as a toddler and as a result i used to refuse to urinate in rage. What other protest can a toddler give apart from refusing to breathe but i think i was drowned once so i didn't do that. I had to endure though to look after my brother. At the age of 4 when my brother and me were placed in social services i was adamant that noone should come near my brother as i had to protect him.

All through my life the anger grew inside me trying to get out.I knew i was adopted but didn't know what happened so i didn't realise what the anger was. This resulted in several suicide attempts as a teen which my adopted parents didn't know about apart from the one that landed me in hospital at the age of 16 ( puberty ). I had an OBE and saw my teeth grit together as i was stomach pumped and i awoke sometime later with a priest beside me.

When i asked the nurse about the priest she said that whilst i was out i had exclaimed in a weird voice " we'll get him next time ".

The anger was suppressed so much so that i managed to get to 19-20 when i started getting outbreaks of cysts on my neck whilst i was in the army. I had them cut and drained so many times that my neck is now an embarrassment when i get my hair cut ( it has been likened to streaky bacon ).

It was after i went to see becky when i started getting problems with my throat. I was producing a lot of acid, so much that i felt i had an alien in my stomach trying to burst free. The doctor was useless, worse than useless and sent me off in tears after telling me there was nothing wrong with me. I latter managed to get a prescription for lansaprasol which is an acid blocker. I take one aday and they keep the acid down. My throat has become weird now in that my thyroid moves from side to side, it gets stuck and i have to click it back in place.

I only drink dandelion tea and take vit D3, normally about 12 pills a day at 250 iu's ( industrial units ) each. that helps me overcome the terrible depression. I could see it like a wave of black and purple and wait as it rode over me. Crying into your pillow every night with despair at nothing tangible is not fun so i became aquatinted with my guides. I don't know them but talk to them all the time and like a journal i use them to express myself and give thanks every night for the good in my life.

I was guided to a man called Dan Mcdonald on youtube known as Theliferegenerator ( on word ). Dan began his journey by committing bad acts ( he say what ) and for the last 20 years has been searching absolution i believe but more peace and so decided to help himself and other through raw food. I have seen all of his hundreds of videos and know more about it than i will ever need but in true fashion i find it hard to do something for myself. Dang, it was only a few years ago that i started opening letters as i was afraid of my post. Can you believe it?

Anyway, you need to change your diet and you water if you can. Yu need to do a liver flush as that is where anger is stored. Start by drinking celery juice as this neutralizes the acid. Apple cider vinegar ( braggs, with mother is good too ). Begin by watching Dan's videos and alkalize the cells, then i believe it will help. Ok, the download is going, i kindof get a download when i write but now i'm just waffling lol.

I can empathize with you and i wish you all the best.
Hope this helps
Ian

ulli
27th April 2011, 19:11
Great post there, Bilko. So much suffering in the world.

My husband is a very compassionate medical doctor and he has somehow learnt
to not get upset by the suffering he witnesses
and he just gets on with the job at hand.
When I started as an astrologer I was always in a state of shock
when I heard people's stories. Until then I had thought I was the only one with problems.

I feel for Innana's condition, as well as yours. But there are so many solutions out there,
and I have seen so many people improve once they come across what works for them.
They just have to give their subconscious mind permission to get better. As someone said here earlier, release the guilt.

I grew up in Europe and somehow the media there is always in one's face about turning the world's suffering around.
It's overwhelming. It has become a cultural trait I think.
What helped me with my repressed anger problem was bio-energetics.
I went to weekly classes given by a former surgeon who left medicine and became a shaman.

We were hitting mattresses with fists, and screaming FUERA!!!!
Which means OUT!!!
It helped.

Davidallany
27th April 2011, 19:33
UPg9DnMP2D4
Hello dear Inanna, have a cup of tea, relax, breath and know that you are loved. The body you inhibit is your magnificent creation. It responds to you. Express your love and gratitude to it and see how it responds back.

Anchor
27th April 2011, 22:35
I'd be interested on the stats for anti-acid sales, I bet they are going up in the world.

It is for sure that Innana is not alone!

Astra
27th April 2011, 23:08
Hi Astra,

it's the Jean-René Toussaint kind of voice work I'm working with.

I don't know which particular exercise has triggered the anger emotion. Normally we do a series of exercises in a more intuitive kind of way: she (the voice worker) just works with what I'm giving her (we have a short conversation about my latest experiences and concerns before we start).

The last two sessions (I go once a month) we especially worked on the lower abdomen and pelvis area.The left side of my pelvis is really stiff, we noted, and there was a lot of tension in the stomach region.
We did several different exercises during the last two sessions (I can't remember them all):
- pounding one foot on the floor while saying/shouting 'ha' (simultaneously growing harder while shouting louder, and growing softer while saying the 'ha' softer) and we observed that my left leg had difficulties following my voice (it kept pounding hard even when my voice softened) while my right leg could easily follow my voice (and vice versa).
- she walked me around the room with my eyes closed and I had to follow her lead: very difficult because my left leg wanted to take over all the time, especially when the pace of changing direction and walking faster went on.
- massage at the front of my body and the back while making sound: the sound went very agressive in tone, and I felt pain in my throat. I went hoarse immediately. Few minutes later: my voice came back as if I haven't been hoarse at all.
At the end of the last session I felt relieved: the tension in my stomach area was gone and I felt like there was an enormous space in my abdomen. But after a few days, the tension came back, and now it's there all the time.

Grtz,
Inanna

Hi Inanna,

"it's the Jean-René Toussaint kind of voice work I'm working with.

"Wow, this is most interesting! His theory and technique are inspired by Jery Grotowsky and Roy Hart, among others, and a big part of my training was based on their work.

In a way, all three support the idea of our body behaving like a storage, a hard drive were everything experienced basically stays “intact”, till we take care of it.

The body holds on to the emotions, memories, thoughts, losses ...It appears as if it is all written down, carved on a cellular level. The catch is the memory which is actually being frozen. This "state of motionlessness" stops much of our emotional issues from ever being dealt with. I could go on and on about this, as it is a very interesting field to explore ...

Now, speaking of breathing / movement / sound techniques ...

Through a set of exercises, this frozen body shell begins to thaw, melt and transform ... we begin breathing into our frozen emotions and old tensions that we hold within our bodies. It all starts to flow, initiating a process of re-training and freeing on all levels (this includes freeing not only our voice and body, but our emotions as well)

Breathing into the abdomen or other parts of our body can bring unsettling deep feelings up to the surface. These deep feelings may have been held within our body for years. The idea is to “dissipate” it all ...

If we observe a baby breathing, gesturing, expressing itself through crying/laughing, we notice a complete freedom in the whole process, devoid of judgment and guilt. Then, as the “growing pains” in 3D world begin to settle in , this baby starts learning what is “proper” what is “acceptable”, what is “logical” ... “intelligent”, or “out of order” ... And one day a new grown-up Being ends all tangled up in a web of different, conflicting sets of instructions as to “ how to become a “successful" , “respected” , “accepted” ... etc. “normal individual” . It is certain that we have all gone through this process, here on Earth. At one point, along the road of conforming and accepting the rules and values of the society, our breathing moves from its natural center further up, and becomes constrained and shallow.

One of the goals of the techniques similar to the “voice works” of Jean-René Toussaint is the re-gaining of the inherent skill, or even better – remembering a forgotten knowledge of natural breathing/voice/movement in space and time. We do not breathe freely and naturally like a “new born baby”, due to all kinds of restrictions and boundaries imposed on us by different parties (society/politic/family/religious dogmas/ etc, etc)....

Inanna, I think you have done yourself a big favor when it comes to participating in “voice work” classes based on the work of Jean-René Toussaint! It is most probable that the techniques applied in sessions changed your vibration. You have been doing a lot of abdominal/pelvic work, diaphragm exercises, sound/ breathing workout and "blind/ trust exercises" ... This all could have played a part in triggering different emotions, like the emotion of anger. Besides, working on pelvic/abdominal awareness brings about a subtle awakening of the root chakra ... and this opens up a whole different topic for discussion...

It’s important for us to learn to be fully present and open to whatever we experience within our body/mind/soul at any given moment.
You have been dealing with a process of finding a raw sound, often called “primitive voice". It is not "polished" by the established norms of the society, so it is honest in its essence and it is YOURS to embrace it, to love it and to nurture it.

Thak you for opening your heart ... your spirit is beautiful ... !

Astra :grouphug:

hexenomega
27th April 2011, 23:28
hi inana,
anger is a valid emotion just like any other, but your love of music is and will guide you, just as an island grows from a massive eruption, with infinte possibility, then you will find one door closed, maybe 3 open, but in this case your anger is positive, thus you find yourself here with wonderful people who want to help, the earth is a rocky road but your love for what you know to be right will carry you all the way through, and, just an idea from musician to musician, have you ever listened to birdsong?, yes of course everybody loves it, but if you try to play or replicate the scales and patterns it becomes impossible, so, all music has been done ,the rest is derivtive line becomes obselete when you listen to these frankly wierd scales and patterns produced by the humble bird that are absolutely valid in a musical sense yet completely unobtainable by human musicians, or maybe im what they call bird brained, i dont know, or care, but hang in there, all's that is good comes to those who wait

best regards
hex

DouglasDanger
28th April 2011, 00:27
We were hitting mattresses with fists, and screaming FUERA!!!!
Which means OUT!!!
It helped.

A punching bag also works, I believe anger cannot be released with purly diet and meditation alone, anger is energy just like love it needs physicall release (it feels better to you and to the person your giving your love to if you hug them when you say I love you or a pat on the back, gently caress thier face etc.. etc..) :grouphug:

My father is a demon, his actions and lies distorted my views of the world untill I was 16, this made me overly emotional and angry to to point of explosion.. I did a brief stint in jail from not having my anger issues under control and although I didn't kill the person, I left him with scarrs on his face for life. (afterwords I felt at peace, and realized I wasn't even angry at him, my anger had built up so much and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time said something which he also regreted and I snapped hard, I did appologise to him he accepted it and life went on. )

Now if I am starting to feel my anger build to that point, I time myself out and either break something ( chopping wood, house renovations, etc.), beat something ( punching bag), load into a violent Video game and get the frustration out ( i did the Video game thing this morning) or a simple scream at the top of your lungs also works ( when your voice can handle it). The feeling after is remarkable, way better feeling than meditating on it alone, just make sure you do meditate on it and realize what is causing the anger so the release isn't futile...:moil: :nhl_checking:

Everyones release is different, pick one where you feel at peace and ease after. All we can do is give you the ideas, you have to pick which may be the best for you. You may need to release several times before the peacefull feeling comes over you though, if it's been built up inside for decades...it won't be gone on the first attempt, so don't give up, release and release and release untill your mind is at ease..

Both my sisters learnt a martial art to release thier anger ( my older one had ulsers, now she doesn't), I'd also recomend this as an option, it's way more disciplined than my release methods :)

bearcow
28th April 2011, 01:18
The body holds on to the emotions, memories, thoughts, losses ...It appears as if it is all written down, carved on a cellular level. The catch is the memory which is actually being frozen. This "state of motionlessness" stops much of our emotional issues from ever being dealt with. I could go on and on about this, as it is a very interesting field to explore ...


once trauma is ingrained in the body mind complex via the ganglia/muscle structure, it must be dealt with on that level to fully release it. Intellectual rationalization generally will not unravel this. This is a important point.

dan i el
28th April 2011, 01:47
Water can exhibit anger as can air, fire and earth. It permeates all things as can tranquility. Many people here on this thread, but not all, seemingly are in fear of anger or are loathe to it. Although it is just my own opinion, i think that is a blockage.

One only needs to perceive the state of human affairs around us, surely? I don't mind feeling anger about that sometimes. I do not think it is a "low vibration". Anger has it's place; complete detachment in it's ultimate expression is often tantamount to the sociopathic view..ie. not caring at all.

What is called for imho is BALANCE. For example, have you ever met someone who is ecstatically happy and self contented all the time without pause? It is as an unhealthy state imo as someone who is wrapped up in constant anger.

Anger has it's place and to try and completely eradicate it as completely negative and unwholesome is a fool's errand and spiritual materialism.
It has it's place when balanced. JMO.

As someone succinctly pointed out- the allegory of Jesus in the temple. Where are we? In the temple of Mammon, I thought.

I recall that UG Krishnamurti was rather well known for his cantankerous attitude but nevertheless he was telling it like it is:
Y1_KKdWlL4g

Isthatso
28th April 2011, 02:08
Yes, I can relate on the anger issue and I've also noticed others around me are struggling too.

I've always tried to push anger down and not let it out on others, but lately it's coming up anyway. Quite a force to be reckoned with and I feel it so strongly. I haven't been able to push it down like I used to - it needs to be attended to.

I've been trying some technique's that I saw on Inelia's website:

http://ascension101.com/ascension-information/32-october-2010/102-anger-why-it-is-important-to-process-it.html

So far it's been amazing.

Warm wishes...

sandy
28th April 2011, 03:14
OMG

Dear Inanna,

My hats off to you and your wonderful creation!!!! Your honesty and open sharing of your heart and resulting situation has opened a channel of wonderful beings talking and sharing WITHone another versus, "at" one another.

I too understand your anger and relate to childhood abuse and for along time never let the world forget I was an angry person. In my younger, wilder years I let it rain whenever and wherever and as a woman this was quite unusual for society. My family nicknamed me "HardHeartedHanna" because I never cried or showed any softness. I won't go into my story other than to say by the age of 14 I was so shut down and enraged that I spewed it often until I sobered up at the age of 32.

I then became a Social Worker.........too funny!!!! Anyway among many other types of career training I became a Life Skills Coach and Coach Trainer in which group work and wonderful participants taught me insights into myself through the sharing of others. YOUR sharing has facilitated this once again............thank you dear heart!!

One thing I do know and that helps is that there is really only Love or Fear. I relish love and the feeling of which I'm grateful to have in my life and when or if I process this feeling i just become even more full of joy. When I'm angry and thoughts won't go away, when recognized and told to go away, I take it a little farther and asked my self "What I'm I afraid of?" I often find it boils down to rejection, abandonment, etc, (childhood) have a good cry or laugh, release and find I'm back to the NOW.

I want to also say thank you to everyone who has shared so far as your wisdom and experiences has enriched mine and thus enhanced my journey. :)

Unified Serenity
28th April 2011, 03:52
Hi Inana,

There is a lovely healing system called Ho'oponopono. It requires acceptance of our own responsibility to what is wrong. You can investigate this system, but it is powerful and it's very simple. It uses 4 phrases of

I Love you

I'm sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you


As your say these words and meditate upon what is troubling you, you take responsibility for it, you repent of it, and you release it. You can combine this with EFT tapping techniques to make it even stronger. You can do 4,7,8 breathing to reset your sympathetic / parasympathetic system. Just put your tongue being your upper teeth, deeply inhale through your nose to the count of 4, hold for the count of 7, and fully exhale through your mouth to the count of 8. You can do this 4 times or up to 8 times. It doesn't seem to do much after 8 times, but you will feel much more relaxed before doing it 4 times.

Just mediate upon whatever it is that is troubling you. Center yourself and raise your energy to a high level of pure love. And I say this to you Inana from my heart,

I love you and I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Thank you

Sierra
28th April 2011, 03:56
Dear Everyone,

I want to respond to every single post they are that good. I bow in gratitude to you all.

Inanna, I was nearly murdered by my father when I was 18 months old. Reichian therapy, which is a breathing therapy, unreeled the event in front of my eyes like a movie, complete with every sensation, every feeling, every thought. I will tell you this, before he came in the room to suffocate me, I was breathing through every pore of my skin. I was in a state of happiness and joy. I was not aware I was crying at all. Afterwards, my skin didn't breathe anymore, and I was consumed with grief, that I was not loved. I have severe asthma, and it wasn't till I started meditating that my breathing has smoothed out and actually deepened.

I could not get away from anger before Reichian therapy. Now I cannot get away from my grief. I cry every day.

I don't think anger is bad in itself, just that we are not allowed to feel and process it so it accumulates inside us. It is very often the first awareness we have that something needs our awareness. I also think because of the times we live in EVERYTHING is intensified.

For the first time since I switched to grief in my 30s, I am back in anger mode sometimes and I really dislike it. I recognize the old anger, the old way of being is coming up. I'd rather cry than rage any day. My sun sign is in Libra and Saturn is sitting on top of me. There are five planets in Aries lobbing their energies directly to Libra and I think this is what is causing ... a review? A review of what I have done with energy in my life? I don't know. The planets are Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Uranus.

I just started a book called Transcending the Level of Consciousness, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, MD. and I've read the first two chapters on Shame/Despair and Guilt/Vindictive Hate (the book starts at the lower levels lol). The chapter on guilt was eye opening and life changing for me. Anger is chapter seven and I haven't read it yet.

We're on the same road walking beside you Inanna.

Sierra squashing and hugging Inanna as hard as she can

Unified Serenity
28th April 2011, 04:11
Hey Sierra,

A set of books helped me let go of my anger and unforgiveness. It was the first of the series that led met to read the other two. "Many lives many masters" was the book. The saying, "Sh** happens" suits many of us, but we innately do not accept evil being done to us when we have done nothing apparent to deserve it. We naturally put up a block or wall. How many lives have we lived? How many evils have been done to us? How many walls have we put up? How many evil things have we done? That last question was what helped me the most. While I do not believe anyone deserves to be raped or beaten there does seem a cosmic lesson in the cards so to speak. Sometimes we in our stiff necked ways will never learn to love if we have never had to walk in the shoes of those whom we look down upon the most.

My only guess is I must have been a real prick in my past lives at various points because I have had to deal with lots of things in this life as you have as well. I have forgiven those who have harmed me in the past. Yes, the sting is still there from time to time, but I quickly release it with those 4 phrases. I am centered and I choose love. It is a choice, and I will never allow myself to knowingly be unloving. I'm not perfect and my goal is to walk daily in a conscious way towards others. I will get there one day and so will you. Hugs.

Here is an interesting interview from coast to coast with the author Brian Weiss

3A5EFFZ-W7s

NinJin
28th April 2011, 04:46
Inanna, I know exactly the anger of which you speak, I also have been dealing with it this whole life for as long as I can remember
It's a Rage, it's not "that upset me" or "that made me angry" it's all of a sudden, every cell in your body, stay away from me, I need to remove myself from everyone & everything right now, Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk pure Rage Anger - Right (see I know) & when it's on all you can only think: I'm so angry, why, what caused it, here it is again, it's so intense, why is it so much, I can't stop it, how can anyone besides the hulk even bare the intensity of it - over and over and over until sheer exhaustion takes over before you can finally relax & feel normal.

There were some older threads here on PA where it's been discussed a few times before & as you yourself have picked up on it's been said that ultra-sensitive people (like myself & you seem to be to) are serving as some sort of release channel or point for something bigger. The closest comparison is when you look at a plasma ball & how when you touch it all the energy channels right through you.
Lately that's how I've been dealing with it. I can't stop it, I can't control it because it's too powerful, I don't know when's the next time it will come over me but now I know how to recognize it & can react by thinking I'm a release point, a channeling rod, here it is & let it all go ahead & come through me like a lightning rod (what I was referring to in my Sanctuary thread about limitless energy). I now think it's good & I'm fulfilling my purpose for allowing it to discharge through me (like I'm helping everyone & everything get rid of their excess through me) & thinking of it in these terms has been helping me with it - perhaps you could try thinking about it like that as well & see if it helps. As my Shidoshi says when you're dealing with that much force don't try to stop it just redirect it.

Tony
28th April 2011, 12:15
Hello Innan,
Try it from this point of view.
Anger shows much intelligence, in fact it's base is wisdom. Mirror-like wisdom. Your consciousness just looks out....it sees a wonky picture on the wall. It just reflects what it sees.
It's only in the next moment, that a judgement appears in the mind, to like or dislike. Originally something was just seen, and quite precisely! We only react because we want perfection, which cannot happen in the physical. The perfection is in the seeing! To find out that you have been a very wise person all your life, should be quite a relief!!!!!

ulli
28th April 2011, 12:58
I just had this insight, Inanna:

A lot of professionals experience medical conditions which are, in ny view, related to their work in some way.

So I was thinking hard about you being a voice coach, and what that might entail, in terms of stressing your spirit.

Human vocal cords have all sorts of range of expressing the spirit within,
from angry shouting and yelling, to screaming in pain, to whispering,
to normal speaking, to reciting poetry, to praying, and finally to singing.

And even in singing there is a whole spectrum of expression, with the expression of sublime chant at the top of the list.
Spending hours and hours every day in refining this type of expression in yourself and others must have a subconscious reaction, as if an inner part wants to be allowed to run wild and just vent it's pressure.

We all have this ambitious striving towards some kind of perfection,
and to achieve wholeness and balance we need to find the opposite of that ambition...that inner slave that wants to be running free.
Once we find that personality and allow it to have it' say (or rather it's SCREAM) we might find that middle road to wholeness and healing...

just thinking....

greybeard
28th April 2011, 13:13
Quote
"I just started a book called Transcending the Level of Consciousness, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, MD. and I've read the first two chapters on Shame/Despair and Guilt/Vindictive Hate (the book starts at the lower levels lol). The chapter on guilt .

(the book starts at the lower levels lol). The chapter on guilt was eye opening and life changing for me. Anger is chapter seven and I haven't read it yet.

We're on the same road walking beside you Inanna.

Sierra squashing and hugging Inanna as hard as she can"
End quote


I can recommend

"Power vs Force" by the same author Dr David Hawkins

Link to his publishers web site--- should you visit -- I suggest read the bit about the author

http://www.veritaspub.com/


If you are interested in spirituality and use torrent

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4775021/Dr._David_R._Hawkins_-_The_Discovery

Regards

Chris

Jendayi
28th April 2011, 13:37
to suffer is to hold on...
to undergo is to release...
*******************
remove "suffering" from your vocabulary... replace it with "processing"... this alone will lighten your predicament...
at least it did for me...

it's all "maya" in the end...

greybeard
28th April 2011, 13:48
to suffer is to hold on...
to undergo is to release...
*******************
remove "suffering" from your vocabulary... replace it with "processing"... this alone will lighten your predicament...
at least it did for me...

yes its all down to the use of words.

As a retired Hypnotherapist I can say learned the positive use of language in the training and practice of it.

Eg Watch you dont fall of the wall.
the mind processes subconsciously in pictures it cant picture not doing


Best to paint a positive picture

You have great balance you are walking along that wall in complete safety.

I will no longer be angry could be changed to

"I am calm and relaxed in every situation."


It should always me present tense "I am"

Afirmations such as these are very helpful.

Regards Chris

luciole
28th April 2011, 13:59
I feel for Innana's condition, as well as yours. But there are so many solutions out there,
and I have seen so many people improve once they come across what works for them.
They just have to give their subconscious mind permission to get better. As someone said here earlier, release the guilt.

I grew up in Europe and somehow the media there is always in one's face about turning the world's suffering around.
It's overwhelming. It has become a cultural trait I think.
What helped me with my repressed anger problem was bio-energetics.
I went to weekly classes given by a former surgeon who left medicine and became a shaman.

We were hitting mattresses with fists, and screaming FUERA!!!!
Which means OUT!!!
It helped.

Yes beating the hell out of a mattress sounds good to me!
I agree, Ulli, there are a lot of ways to come to terms with our anger.

Innana, you took the most important step. You became aware.
You cast the light on something that's creating a problem deep inside you! That's GREAT!

I tend to think that we try to suppress anger, when sometimes it just feels so good to say "I'm not taking this s.... anymore!" It's like we are so politicaly correct with emotions.

It would do me some good to be angry sometimes, because, I don't feel that I am aloud too, so it kind of all stays bottled in,
and that's not good for me, I have alot of stomach acidity! lol
So I have to end up taking a class so that someone can teach me to yell: FUERA!!!!!

Innana, I know you can do it!

:hug:

Jendayi
28th April 2011, 14:26
i'ts ok to be angry...

dib2-HBsF08

luciole
28th April 2011, 15:50
i'ts ok to be angry...

dib2-HBsF08

Thank you Jendayi, it gives me goose bumps!

I AM AS MAD AS HELL AND I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!

Tony
28th April 2011, 17:22
D ear Inana,
I'm not sure if this might help.

Consider that anger is the sign of intelligence, even wisdom. Your pure consciousness looks out, sees a wonky picture on the wall...this could be a wonky person! That first instant is just seeing, pure perception. Mirror-like wisdom. The next moment judgement pops its head up, and decides it either likes or dislike what is seen. Why? Because that like or dislike is the ego, the pure perception has just been hijacked. Ego is that collection of acquired concepts in the mind, wanting a perfect world...this is not possible! So ego keeps you (pure perception) going round in circles....forever!

You can now break out of this vicious cycle....and feel relief that you have spent your life being very intelligent!!!

The perfection is that pure perception, that is you!

all the best
pie'n'eal

Sierra
28th April 2011, 17:51
<snip>
How many evil things have we done? That last question was what helped me the most.
<snip>


"I have met the enemy and we is us." Pogo :wave:




I will get there one day and so will you. Hugs.


Yes, we will, I have absolute confidence in this. Hugs back atcha Sweetie :hug:

Sierra

Davidallany
28th April 2011, 18:46
yes its all down to the use of words.

As a retired Hypnotherapist I can say learned the positive use of language in the training and practice of it.

Eg Watch you dont fall of the wall.
the mind processes subconsciously in pictures it cant picture not doing


Best to paint a positive picture

You have great balance you are walking along that wall in complete safety.

I will no longer be angry could be changed to

"I am calm and relaxed in every situation."


It should always me present tense "I am"

Afirmations such as these are very helpful.

Regards Chris
Perfect Chris. My experience resonates with what you say. Thank you.

Lord Sidious
28th April 2011, 18:50
How about all the energy sensitive people send their loving/healing energy to Inanna, like you did for me?
Please?

greybeard
28th April 2011, 18:54
How about all the energy sensitive people send their loving/healing energy to Inanna, like you did for me?
Please?

Good idea if she gives permission im sure those able will.

Chris

¤=[Post Update]=¤



yes its all down to the use of words.

As a retired Hypnotherapist I can say learned the positive use of language in the training and practice of it.

Eg Watch you dont fall of the wall.
the mind processes subconsciously in pictures it cant picture not doing


Best to paint a positive picture

You have great balance you are walking along that wall in complete safety.

I will no longer be angry could be changed to

"I am calm and relaxed in every situation."


It should always me present tense "I am"

Afirmations such as these are very helpful.

Regards Chris
Perfect Chris. My experience resonates with what you say. Thank you.

Love your Avatar
Babaji the "Deathless saint"

Namaste

Inanna
28th April 2011, 19:24
You have my permission...

Thank you all very much for your kind replies, whisdom and good advice.
I don't have the time right now to read it all through, but I surely will in the next couple of days :-)

greybeard
28th April 2011, 19:41
You have my permission...

Thank you all very much for your kind replies, whisdom and good advice.
I don't have the time right now to read it all through, but I surely will in the next couple of days :-)

It is done my friend --not by me personally but requested for you to Holy Spirit.

With love
Chris

Inanna
11th May 2017, 16:55
Hi everyone,

You probably ask yourself: Why is she responding to a topic that was started and ended more than 6 years ago?
Let me tell you. In 2011 I decided to take a step back from this community, because of various reasons.

One of those reasons was the fact that my "voice worker" (at the time) committed suicide. I had a really hard time with that, especially because she was also a passionate Buddhist nun. It al came very sudden.
Because of that I needed some time to reflect. I tried to find a new "voice worker", but I was unable to. I didn't find the right person.
2011 was also the year I did not only discover I had reflux, but also I started suffering from anxiety and chronic hyperventilation. That summer I was put in the hospital after an acute hyperventilation attack. I was scared to death. After that my anxiety increased even more.

Just before I registered to this forum, my grandfather had died. And in May that same year, my other grandfather died, with whom I had a very close relationship. I was heartbroken. It surely shook our family up, because now some family secrets came to the surface. And that wasn't pleasant. Because for the first time in my life, I learned that my family was far from perfect. Mistakes were made that had a very big impact on all generations that came after, including my own view on myself and the world around me.

In 2012 that resulted into a full-blown burn-out. I had to take leave from work for several months. Now I also got a sleeping disorder and my GP got me on sleep medication. Which was at the time necessary, I believe, but it took me several years to quite using those damn pills.

At the end of 2012, I really experienced a difficult time because nothing happened on 21-12, LOL ! I somewhat wished the world would take a serious turn for the better, but no... things just went on like usual. What a disappointment it was!

In 2013 I was really in a bad place, struggling to have a somewhat functioning live. I think I had some kind of depression, because I could not understand what was happening to me. I was in a very fragile state. I felt like I was in a never-ending rollercoaster ride (and I hate roller-coasters), swinging from one emotion to the next. It was exhausting. And I lashed out to anyone who came near me. My relationship with my parents became very bad, for I held them accountable for my suffering. I did not know what to do and I felt very, very lonely.

In 2014 my anxiety spiked and became so awful that I could not be present on my brother's wedding day. That was the moment I touched rock bottom. I decided, with a little help from my ever-supporting husband and friends, to seek help. From that moment on, everything changed.

But at that time I could not be a part of a community like this. I could not cope with all the 'bad news', false flags, fake news, or whatever I encountered concerning the world we're living in. I just could not. I had to take some serious distance from everything, also because it distracted me in a way that wasn't healthy anymore. I was losing perspective on reality. I had to cut every cord and go within. I needed that focus so badly.

Thanks to a wonderful psychologist (thanks for that! Really!) I made a rather quick recovery over the next 10 months. I haven't looked back ever since.
I forgot about this forum. And I haven't followed any whistleblower since 2013.

In 2015 I finally felt like 'me' again. But a 'better' me. Like a new version. I felt reborn.
I invested all my time and energy in myself, my husband and my close friends and family. But still I felt something was missing. And although my anxiety levels dropped drastically, I still had some work to do. I still had that 'knot' in my stomach and like a 'blockage' in my throat. Singing was still quite uncomfortable. And I felt tired a lot of the time, not knowing why.

And than something happened. The refugee crisis hit Europe really bad. It was all over the news. Hundreds of people were drowning in the Mediterannean Sea and others got stuck in a refugee camp. My husband and I felt immediately that we wanted to do something. We could not just watch the news and do nothing.

A few weeks later we arrived in Calais Jungle, an illegal refugee camp in Northern France, only one hour drive from our home. I was speechless. Reality hit me hard in the face.
And that's when I truly woke up. I felt like all those years before were just a dream, where I was mostly self-centered and acting like I was a victim in life. It took me a few stories to listen to and some welcoming handshakes from people I never met before, who went through the most horrible things you could imagine and were still able to produce a sincere smile. I was just flabbergasted.

From that moment on I started to take responsibility. For my own life. For my decisions. For my thoughts and beliefs.
I became a regular and independent volunteer in several camps in Northern France and I also became active in Belgian refugee shelters. I worked my butt off (pardon, my French) and it paid off. I learned that by giving unconditionally, my whole life changed for the better. And I could really have a positive impact on my surroundings.

For years I lived a life feeling too much or too little. But after I became a volunteer, for the first time I could feel human. Like: with all the good and the bad stuff happening, with everything I feel, all the pain that I was running for for years (maybe since birth, who knows). This was the best therapy I could give myself. And the biggest gift anyone could give me.

I learned what it means to be present with one another. And I also learned that in our modern and Western society few people can. It made me feel sad and I cried many tears. And I'm happy that I felt sadness and that I was able to cry because of that, because it made me feel like I was truly alive, experiencing this magical existence, it's a miracle actually. I felt so grateful for every experience. And people noticed that I changed and transformed in a totally different person.

Now, we are 2017. 6 Years after I started this topic. And today, because of some coincidences (!?!) I ended up back on this forum. Thank you, Schumann Resonance spikes (which is total bullocks, lol) and that one friend who challenged me to do some research to prove that Schumann Resonance did NOT change over the past few days, haha.

Also, related to this very topic, I have to be honest: I'm still angry. But I have learned why. It's not that I'm angry because of everything bad that is happening in this world. I mostly feel sad about that. And I feel for people who enable these bad things. I understand that everyone is on an unique path, and that everyone learns and grows in an unique way. Which does not mean that people can just do bad stuff without having to pay for it, but I can understand why people do it. And I feel compassion. Although I will always fight for justice, or let me rephrase that: I will always try to meet people beyond the struggle and battle of life. Because there, we're all the same. There, everything is connected. There, we can truly meet each other and truly connect with one another.

Refugees taught me that. Because we do not understand each other's language. We don't have the same culture. And sometimes even our values are different. But beyond that, we CAN meet, we CAN truly connect. And I witnessed it happening again and again. Over and over. That, for me, is LIFE. That is the society worth fighting for: to have as many people on that 'level' as possible. For me that is true awakening. And Rumi also said it: "Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there." I can see that now. And I'm the first person to throw in the towel and stop fighting. I'm the one who's willing to be the 'bigger man' (lol), because I know what good it will bring, not only to me, but to everyone around me (even though some people will keep on resisting).

Okay, I know this is a very long post and I'm sorry for that. But I feel that this is important to me and I really want to share my story. So, bear with me a little longer ;-)

I'm still angry. Because since I was a little child, I learned that being angry was not appropriate behavior. So, what I did was suppressing my anger to the point I did not feel it anymore. Therefor there was no need to express it. But that became a very destructive pattern in my life. And whether I liked it or not, anger sought its way through in other manners. Like giving me the d*mn reflux. And then the hyperventilation. And anxiety. A burn-out. Depression.

My body was trying to tell me: let go!
Because keeping it inside took about all of my energy. And so only little things happening could raise my anxiety levels through the roof. Because my body was exhausted all the time. I was killing myself. Slowly. Until I decided to change (rock bottom, remember?).

But it took me almost 3 years to acknowledge this. A few months ago I decided to go to an equicoach. And I learned horses never lie. And those horses mirrored interesting things about me, that I wasn't aware of. And because these times, I'm always eager to learn how to become a better person, I was open to their message. I learned all this about my anger and my coach helped me to start the release process (which isn't easy, because even if I want to, I cannot express anger. Total blockage on that one :/ ).

Today I've been able to channel some of my old anger. And I feel the difference. I feel lighter. I behave in a more authentic way (which seriously improved my relationships). And I have a lot more energy. I don't feel exhausted all the time. And when I do, I know I'm holding something back. So that's my cue to research what is happening within. And it always gives me the answers I need, although sometimes I need to have patience ;-)

One thing is sure: all emotions are worth holding. Just for that little while, as long as it takes before they're gone. They need to be acknowledged, because they simply are present. You cannot undo what is already there. You cannot pretend it's not happening. And if you judge, you are responsible for the suffering that comes with it. So, the easiest way is just to feel what's there, express what needs to be expressed, and then things will change, without having to do anything in particular. I've learned all this. And my body and soul is grateful for me learning this. And putting it into daily practice :-)

So today, I stand here before you, 6 years older and wiser. And I'm very happy to again have found this community. And to be able to tell you my story once again. And it really felt good to read this topic, because I can see, that although I didn't know back then what I know now, I still feel like I'm a person I can be proud of. I feel happy about the fact that I had the nerve to start this topic, to be able to finish it years after. And I hope, with my story, someone will get the answers he/she was looking for, or find some comfort, because, and I really think it is important to say this: we are really destined for greatness. And that power is within you. Even at your worst moments, your own core being never left you. It's all there, you just have to open your eyes and see what's right in front of you.

And yes, I feel good these days. I enjoy my life. And even with all the bad things happening, I know I can contribute in a way, to help making this world better. Even if it's not in this life, I feel that I'm part of something greater than myself and working with these 'powers' will pay off for future generations. And yes, I feel sad a lot of the times, and I feel angry. And that's okay. Because that's part of being human. And not being able to express your sadness or anger, or even feel it, it what's 'dehumanizing' us. And that is something we have to stop from happening on a global scale. That's the mission I'm wanting to work for.

So, this all said (and a big thank you for everyone who got through this looooong post): I'm curious about your replies. And I'm also wondering who is still alive here, because I can imagine some members who participated in this topic are maybe not active anymore. So, drop me a message because I surely want to read from you. Thanks :-)

Love,
Inanna

P.S. The 'knot' in my stomach is gone, as is the 'blockage' in my throat. And yes, I do sing again. And I love it. It feels good.

J K Rainbow
16th May 2017, 14:59
I'm truly sorry to hear of your suffering, Inanna. Like so many people I've met over the years, you appear unable to link anger to experience. Although you may disagree with me, I have to say that the greatest likelihood is that you do have something to be angry about, maybe in your early years, but have perhaps blocked it out because its too painful for full awareness. I believe it likely that the "sorrow, pain, the grief of the world" is not, as you now think, the suffering of others, it is your own very real experience of your own suffering which you are or have been unable to directly acknowledge. I recommend that instead of talking about this on the web to strangers, you consult a professional psychologist or counsellor.

Inanna
16th May 2017, 15:13
@ J K Rainbow, I don't know where I went wrong explaining myself, but how you have read my story is not what I intended to write. On the contrary, I'm sharing with you a story of empowerment, compassion and strength, not about feeling sorry for myself and projecting my own personal pain on the world around me. If you have read it this way, maybe you should explore what this is telling you, because I cannot relate. But I don't know you, so I won't make any assumptions. Thank you for sharing your concerns though.

Noelle
16th May 2017, 17:40
@ J K Rainbow, I don't know where I went wrong explaining myself, but how you have read my story is not what I intended to write. On the contrary, I'm sharing with you a story of empowerment, compassion and strength, not about feeling sorry for myself and projecting my own personal pain on the world around me. If you have read it this way, maybe you should explore what this is telling you, because I cannot relate. But I don't know you, so I won't make any assumptions. Thank you for sharing your concerns though.

You did fine explaining it. It is a beautiful transformation experience -- and thanks for sharing it.

Joey
17th May 2017, 10:51
Thank you for sharing Inanna, I hear you!

Greetings from Holland.