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unicorny
28th March 2012, 14:54
I was wondering how fellow avalonians approach parenting. I have 2 young girls and I am struggling with what to protect them from and what to open their eyes to with regard to what is going on in the world. On the one hand I want them to be protected and innocent for as long as possible, on the other I want to help them be aware of the tricks and subterfuge that are present in the world we live in. They are only young still 4 and 6 will open conversation about topics as they get older be enough? am I right to protect them now? How do I help them keep their innate nature and minimise the bonds/layers of programming that they will receive
any thought would me most welcome

Earth Angel
28th March 2012, 15:06
I am reading the Anastasia books The Ringing Cedars........some amazing info in them about how to raise a child......not at all what we are used to hearing but makes a lot of sense....my kids are in their 20s now and I can tell you from my own experience now looking back I wish I had not expected them to do as I wished, and let them make more choices for themselves , as in let them decide more about what to eat, when to sleep even what to wear.....things I thought I knew better about and they should listen to me...who really cares if the outfit they picked looks silly, if theyre happy let them wear it......as an adult I choose not to watch the news and expose myself to their mind control version of whats going on so I wouldn't expose my children to it either especially at 4 and 6.....the key is to answer their questions as honestly as you can without overloading them, often they require less info than we think ....I believe they are here to teach us, not the other way around.....Abraham Hicks also has a lot of great advice on children.....the more we worry about them the less good we are doing them........they intuitively know whats going on and whats right and wrong....we need to treat them with more respect, accepting that they are not here to fulfill us but to have their own physical experience.

eaglespirit
28th March 2012, 15:33
Hi Unicorny...good wantings felt on raising Your Children.

They watch and listen to what You DO much more than we could imagine.
Our interactive actions and words with Others while They are in Our presence are paramount in guidance and teaching...
what is what as far as life in general goes becomes readily apparent by Our Example...if we simply show respect for all others and all life and have a natural clarity and carefullness as to the 'less than worthy' matters in front of us that matter...the Children will pick up on it amazingly.

You already know these things...just putting them out there : )

unicorny
28th March 2012, 15:34
Thanks earth angel I will look for those books and I definitely agree that choice and the freedom to make it is really important. d2 is way less inhibited than her big sister and I put this down to me being way more chilled and less controlling/neurotic plus the fact that she has always lived in a much more kid centric if she wants to wear swimming goggles, a dress and wellies to kindergarten then she is very welcome. I just want to find ways of ensuring that I dont stifle that in years to come.
I found as I'm sure some other mothers out there will have that as soon as I becam a parent the parent I became was ..... argghh! my mother. To be fair it was the only model of parenting I ever had and I reckon she did an OK job but then again there were draconian nonsensities like- clear your plate - even if your full or "why?" - "because I said so" that I have really had to battle against

Eram
28th March 2012, 15:35
One of the most difficult questions in life (for a parent that is :) ).

I've been reading the books of Anastasia as well and used it as a role model to raise my 2 kids (1,5 and 4 years old), but I have to say that I failed miserably. I have to accept that we don't live in the world Anastasia is painting yet and our kids will endure much programming of all sorts (mostly from the parents that raise them said to say).

The best thing I can come up with is to give as much love and trust to them as possible.
I try to see them as adult spirits in a new body with not so much tools as we do to interact with and understand the world as I am with them. Doing so enables me to give them respect and take them serious. Love is key I think.

Raising my kids is the most difficult project in my life really :)

I'd like to hear as much hints as possible too!

unicorny
28th March 2012, 15:38
Thanks eagle spirit I do see this in them every day -the good and the bad aspects of my way of being, although often it is easy to forget that it is down to me and either take credit for the positives or remedy the negative aspects of myself mirrored in them.

Eram
28th March 2012, 15:51
I just thought of a good one.
Since 6 months (give or take), I am taking care of myself (getting rid of destructive habits as drinking alcohol, eating unhealthy food) better and try to bring myself to a higher vibration. As a result the behaviour of my kids (especially the oldest one) has changed dramatically for the better.

So maybe the best way to enhance the raising of our kids is through better ourselves. As eaglespirit said:They watch and listen to what You DO much more than we could imagine. and also mimic it, just like monkeys :)

SEAM
28th March 2012, 16:43
Actions speak louder then words... Tell them by example. Imitation is hard-wired for the first 10 years.
Example: You can't give some guy the finger in the car, in front of them, then later tell them why they shouldn't display anger.

The down side is, it makes you think twice about every move you make... but the up-side is it makes you a better person.

Ba-ba-Ra
28th March 2012, 17:02
Actions speak louder then words... Tell them by example. Imitation is hard-wired for the first 10 years.
Example: You can't give some guy the finger in the car, in front of them, then later tell them why they shouldn't display anger.

The down side is, it makes you think twice about every move you make... but the up-side is it makes you a better person.

I agree! Great quote, can't remember who said it: To bring up a child the way they should go - travel that way yourself once in a while.

My personal experience in retrospect:

* Don't teach them what to think, teach them how to think

* Give them unconditional love. So often our children "feel" that we only love them if they meet our standards, i.e. get good grades, do well in sports, win whatever contest, dress a certain way, etc.

*Let them occasionally fall off the curb, then they'll have learned not to fall off the mountain

*Every parent wants their child to be happy. But it's not realistic to expect them to be happy ALL the time. They will go through ups and downs, it's part of the growing process. The earlier you learn detached love, the easy both yours and the child's life will be. I found in parenting the most important phrase that got me through many a situation was: This too shall pass.

unicorny
28th March 2012, 17:57
I totally agree with all this and I'm feeling quite good as do try to do/be all of this :)
It brought to mind how I deal with conflict and I always try and show empathy with the situation instead of a head on clash, much like in this video ...... although I dont have these yoda like skills :D
26pJkYhHGek

Eram
28th March 2012, 18:43
Woww unicorny..... absolutely amazing!

I've read about Aleister crowley who could do a trick like that. Walking behind a person who was unaware of him and then he made them fel on the ground. Must have been the same skill.

One more thing of parenting tools I'd like to recommend: Sometimes I loose my patience with especially my son. Then I shout at him and get angry. Afterwards I can see the whole story in a different frame of mind and then I make apologies to my son. I explain him what happened and why I was getting angry at him (mostly because I was tired and impatience with him) and also why I was mistaken in doing so.
Some people may fear that this would undermine their authority with the children, but my experience with it is very positive. My son learns that behind the illogical 'getting angry' is a reason which has to do with the shortcoming of the other person (me in this case). I think it also helps in avoiding alienation with the children.

unicorny
28th March 2012, 20:16
One more thing of parenting tools I'd like to recommend: Sometimes I loose my patience with especially my son. Then I shout at him and get angry. Afterwards I can see the whole story in a different frame of mind and then I make apologies to my son. I explain him what happened and why I was getting angry at him (mostly because I was tired and impatience with him) and also why I was mistaken in doing so.
Some people may fear that this would undermine their authority with the children, but my experience with it is very positive. My son learns that behind the illogical 'getting angry' is a reason which has to do with the shortcoming of the other person (me in this case). I think it also helps in avoiding alienation with the children.

I'm so glad you mentioned that Wakytweaky. I used to demand that I should be in the right even when I was angry and irrational (programmed from my childhood parenting experiences) but since adopting recognition and ownership of when I am wrong rather than being undermined I have found instead we find a mutual respect.

mosquito
29th March 2012, 02:04
I haven't (YET) had my own children, but I helped raise 2 stepdaughters, and recently I've been working with children non-stop. So my perspective may be a little different, but I hope it will also be of help to you.

First off - good for you Unicorny in being so concerned, and asking what others think !

When I first went to live with my ex. and her 2 girls, I was paranoid about making mistakes, getting it hopelessly wrong and causing irreperable emotional damage ! I soon realised that I was being far too hard on myself, and I think everyone who ever deals with children experiences this at some stage. Yes, they have a right to see you behave in a decent way, but they also have a right to see you being authentic. Getting justifiably angry doesn't hurt them one little bit, they need to know about the full range of human emotions and how to express themselves appropriately (God I hate that word, but can't think of a more suitable one). So be genuine, be real, don't mollycoddle them, children of that age will spot an abuser a mile off, allow them to interact with other people, to develop their own radar and learn to trust their own intuitiuon. Yes, they'll get their fingers (metaphorically) burned once in a while, but that's part of the process.

We were fortunate in that their mother and I had similar views, and their father was in agreement too, so there were never any mixed messages. They had plenty of freedom, within the boundaries already laid down when they were young, but we kept a sharp eye open in order to spot anything going wrong, which it never did. They have both grown up into strong, determined, well-rounded young women.

As a teacher of young children and teenagers (typing that has just made me realize what a lot I have on my plate !!!!) has certainly taught me a thing or two. Fortunately I'm in Asia, where the "don't talk to strangers" mentality would be, rightly, seen as a social aberration. Parents are always bringing their children up to me in the street so they can talk to me. What would British society be like if only we could return to that kind of openness ? Anyway, I digress. I've discovered that children are far more robust than adults give them credit for, they take most things in their stride, they don't need to be handled with kid gloves. If my students piss me off, then I make sure they damn well know it, which has been a huge lesson for me, as I've never been able to express anger correctly. Fortunatley, youngsters here respond to a bollocking, and whenever I've had to get tough, they've always been contrite and asked for forgiveness and to be given another chance, and obviously I respond in kind. As for the really young children (7 yo) I teach, I know that the majority of their "bad" behaviour is simply down to their innate energy, and the thing I lilke about China is that young children are ALLOWED to behave in that way !! There's no one telling them they are "inappropriate", or bad. ALL the primary school teachers I've ever worked with here have an understanding that young children will be naughty, and it's perfectly OK. So what do I do ? Obviously there are certain behaviours that can't be tollerated in a classroom environment, but there's a great deal that I have to allow to wash over me and not allow to annoy me.

I've written far more than I intended, sorry !

In short - be authentic, be you !! Allow your children to be themselves, allow them to make mistakes but make sure they know the boundaries you set them, which is the parents' responsibility. Don't lie to them, THEY WILL KNOW !!!!!! Allow them to defeat you once in a while, and above all, trust your intuition and be there for them when they f*ck up, which they surely will at some stage. And don't forget to be easy on yourself, you are doing the very best you can but sometimes you'll get get it wrong.

Children are our greatest teachers, our greatest treasure and our greatest blessing.

Love to you and yours, Philip

Ellisa
29th March 2012, 03:18
Some really good advice here to which I would add the following.

Let your children make choices. Sometimes they will make poor choices. Let them! We all learn through personal experiences and learning that there are consequences that come with our choices is very valuable. Obviously you do not allow them to make dangerous life-style choices when they are 4 and 6, but small things like choosing activities, or what to wear, is appropriate at this age. Then when the life-style choices show up later they will be used to making independent choices for themselves, and abiding by the consequences.

Discuss the various situations they encounter as they grow up. Involve them in important decisions, and allow them to contribute to the discussions.

Encourage them to want to be the best they can, but do not demand this of them. Allow them to fail sometimes without blaming them. Allow them to be disappointed, help them to try harder next time. Don't flatter and praise them no matter what happens, why would they ever try is that is what happens?

And don't try to make them eat everything on their plate! That's a battle you can't win, the power is all with the child!

And remember to tell them you love them Even when sometimes you do not like what they do.

kcbc2010
29th March 2012, 14:40
I find it interesting how many of us are raising 4 year olds - as I kept seeing that number pop up in the discussion. 8-)

My little one is very sensitive, so, I go out of my way not to watch the news or violent/horror movies around him. He's also very cautious of new people and situations, so part of my job has been to help him get out of his shell and accept that his life isn't always going to be routine and that things don't remain stagnant. So, I'm always reassuring him throughout the day that I love him and that it's okay to see the world differently, but we have to do the things we have to do and we also have to try new things.

Like yesterday, he broke a bowl and he wanted to help me clean up the mess. He really didn't understand why I didn't want him to help me pick up the glass shards. So, I explained that it was okay to be scared (by the loud noise) and that I knew that he didn't mean for the bowl to fall and that I didn't want him to get hurt and that I couldn't replace him if he got hurt - that he was what I cared about - not the bowl. I couldn't just go out and buy another him if he got hurt too badly. You could tell that he knew he did something wrong, so it wasn't like he really needed to be spanked or punished in someway. However, you also could tell that he was reassured about the situation after I talked to him about it. Sometimes, it's just torture trying to find the right way to convey an idea to the little ones because what we would understand as an adult isn't the same as the little ones understand. However, it is worth the effort.

Got a lot of good ideas from others that have commented.

unicorny
30th March 2012, 11:27
THanks everyone this has been really useful for me and I hope it will be a good resource for many other parents too. I managed to curb my irrational "put your shoes on" comand today we all have muddy feet and are much the better for it :)

Ilie Pandia
30th March 2012, 12:09
Hi,

I recommend you read one of the following books:

"Magical Child" or "Magical Child Magical Parent", both by Joseph Chilton Pearce

They address specifically your question :)

unicorny
30th March 2012, 19:08
Thanks Ilie, it's now on my shopping list :) He looks like he has written a whole series of interesting books

SEAM
31st March 2012, 14:00
Here is a story, I too would like feedback on... My Eleven Y/O daughter has a noticeable lisp. She gets a lot of teasing from her schoolmates. She has to read everything twice, and work twice as hard as her sister, because she is like me with ADD. (Edison Gene) Her sister, 8 Y/O is stunningly beautiful, and everything falls her way... she barely studies, and gets straight A's. (also like me, so I have history to back up my premise) 11 Y/O always struggles to find and maintain friends.. 8 Y/O has too many friends... everyone wants to be around her... I believe that my oldest daughter will thrive when she gets older, and my 8 Y/O will struggle... I am happy (much to my wife's chagrin) about my oldest girls conflicts, and saddened about my youngest getting everything with little effort. Anyone else have this dynamic in their brood? Time will tell.....

SEAM
31st March 2012, 14:13
My Dad, used to say to us, when we were little: "If it don't kill you, it won't hurt you", and I never really got it till I was an adult. I tell my girls the same thing....

Rantaak
1st April 2012, 01:24
One thing that I have observed is that the more you try and protect and shelter a child, the further they tend to go astray.

Awareness can overpower fear.

bodhii71
1st April 2012, 02:36
Let them be your teacher, they were introduced to you for a reason. How do you express divinity, infinite love, is it manifest with your interactions with him or her? At all times? It all begins in correct thought, correct speech. Selflessness.
To a conscious mind, a new born is when we begin to challenge the world in a different way.

Ilie Pandia
1st April 2012, 04:42
My Dad, used to say to us, when we were little: "If it don't kill you, it won't hurt you", and I never really got it till I was an adult. I tell my girls the same thing....

I believe there is a matter of degree involved here. Yes, "hard lessons" will make you grow, but constant conflict and hardship at home hinders the child's development. It does not make the child stronger (only tough looking and possibly violent).

I don't have any children but I am very interested in child education and the advice that made the most sense to me was the one given by Pearce in his books about the Magical Child. In a nut-shell the child develops stronger and more balanced in a loving, playful and safe environment at home. If the child knows s/he has "loving friends at home", that will give him enough strength to face the world outside with courage and confidence. And will also make the "popularity contests" in school irrelevant for him. However, being the a child's friends is no easy task either :), as you don't want to end up with a spoiled brat, that does not understand what "No" means.

jackovesk
1st April 2012, 08:11
http://rense.com/1.imagesH/tentacles_dees.jpg

Eram
1st April 2012, 08:37
My Dad, used to say to us, when we were little: "If it don't kill you, it won't hurt you", and I never really got it till I was an adult. I tell my girls the same thing....

I believe there is a matter of degree involved here. Yes, "hard lessons" will make you grow, but constant conflict and hardship at home hinders the child's development. It does not make the child stronger (only tough looking and possibly violent).

I don't have any children but I am very interested in child education and the advice that made the most sense to me was the one given by Pearce in his books about the Magical Child. In a nut-shell the child develops stronger and more balanced in a loving, playful and safe environment at home. If the child knows s/he has "loving friends at home", that will give him enough strength to face the world outside with courage and confidence. And will also make the "popularity contests" in school irrelevant for him. However, being the a child's friends is no easy task either :), as you don't want to end up with a spoiled brat, that does not understand what "No" means.

Sounds to me like a books worth reading.

Being a friend to your kid and in the same time avoid spoiling him/her can be a fine line yes, but my experience is that my kids will not base their friendship with me on whether I say NO a lot.
They say they do, but they don't.
If I refuse to give them candy the oldest will say I'll never be his friend again, but that's only manipulation tactics of course. If I stand my ground, he'll be friendly with me 30 second later ;)
I think kids will base their friendship with their parents on whether the parent stays in touch with their inner needs and emotions. Provides a safe environment to give air to it (their inner needs and emotions) and all of he above mentioned replies of course.