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Rambo45
12th August 2012, 00:08
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Thought this article was rather eye opening. I'm going to have to work on all 5 :( Why is it we tend to not live life with all these in mind until it's too late?

wynderer
12th August 2012, 02:02
a little bump for this -- Rambo45, i took the liberty of posting the whole article from the link -- not too long, & i thought it kind of tied in to Bill's thread about reconnecting w/family

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REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

CD7
12th August 2012, 13:51
Great thread!!

So true and challenging for many to accomplish! WHY? When a person lives by these top five goals they need to be strong in order to IGNORE the backlash tht comes from many people/culture keeping others from accomplishing these goals...unintentionally and im sure in some instances intentionally. This is apart of the "destructive" conditioning tht ENtrains people to think "badly" "crazy" of people who TRULY attempt to live through THEIR HEART. Ignoring the conditioning from day one takes alot of hoopsvahh!!

bogeyman
12th August 2012, 13:53
Number 1 isn't a problem, the rest well eeerrrr:eek:

Mike Gorman
12th August 2012, 14:20
This is just so poignant, it is astounding to realize that Money has no value after all-a coffin full of Notes is good to leave behind if you are able,
but it is always the quality of your experiences that matter, these are the very essence of ourselves-with who you live through experiences matters incredibly.
Got to love True feelings honestly expressed, pure Gold indeed.

peterpam
12th August 2012, 14:31
A year ago I decided to overcome my fear and make an attempt to live the life I had envisioned. My life had turned into a monotonous flow of going to work, sleeping, going to work again, worrying about work....I was fearful of leaving my job and not having enough money. Due to my workaholic ways there was enough money to live a frugal , comfortable lifestyle..but what if I wanted to buy gadgets that I don't need????My life was one fear after another...I made the leap and left the job....I was shell shocked...What the hell did I do??? My identity was totally tied up in my job and occupation. To make a long story short..I moved out to the country, grow my own vegetables, I paint pictures, I walk and I have a wonderful dog for a companion...In September I will volunteer at a animal shelter...I have reconnected with people that i was too 'busy' or too tired to deal with...I wake up every day with a lot of gratitude...thanks for the reminder...

Rambo45
13th August 2012, 15:13
A year ago I decided to overcome my fear and make an attempt to live the life I had envisioned. My life had turned into a monotonous flow of going to work, sleeping, going to work again, worrying about work....I was fearful of leaving my job and not having enough money. Due to my workaholic ways there was enough money to live a frugal , comfortable lifestyle..but what if I wanted to buy gadgets that I don't need????My life was one fear after another...I made the leap and left the job....I was shell shocked...What the hell did I do??? My identity was totally tied up in my job and occupation. To make a long story short..I moved out to the country, grow my own vegetables, I paint pictures, I walk and I have a wonderful dog for a companion...In September I will volunteer at a animal shelter...I have reconnected with people that i was too 'busy' or too tired to deal with...I wake up every day with a lot of gratitude...thanks for the reminder...
That's awesome! I SOOOO envy you. You're definitely living the life we all dream of. May I ask what country you moved to? If it's a low cost of living country, even better!