Times of panic and big anxiety - feeling of being off the path

[Newlyn]

Hi Avalon.

I am happy typing my first words on this beautiful forum for long time. I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doupt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been travelling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experiennce a situation, in the end a relationship situation, I have etremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listensing.

I have felt extremely lost. I had to face my strongest fears. I have felt completely isolated from family, friends, and any connection or other perspective. Its been a time of feeling conditioned into being or doing things that dont feel right, being confused in what is my will, and what is just false beliefe systems. Its been a time of questioning my own motives and my love, and my truth.

I am blaming myself so much for so many things, so I feel hopeless, off my path, abandoned and like someone who "failed". I am fighting with my deep anxiety allmost every day. One part of me wnt to run away, but I am afraid of by doin so will cause more harm. Another want to stay, but then I am afraid of losing myself.

I just really need to connect again. With who I am. Whith others. I am feeling very lonely. At the same time the 2012 times are coming, and I feel a bit dropped in the big waters. Like if I don't have the right energies now to "make it", or something.

I am sorry if it sunds confused, but right now I have to admit, that is me, and I am not strong right now. Any prayer or support or advice would be apreciated, and what I feel i need is to see and feel that there are other humans around me, out there. And that we can connect in what it means to be alive on this hurted planet.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.

Anyone else gone through similar things the last times, and why? I have lately conected with many who had a very hard summer/ fall, and it seems like maybe it is time to face our worst personal nightmares.

I just don't feel "dressed up" to meet the new times. I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.


Thank you.

[Dorjezigzag]

Just remember its always darkest before the dawn


WbN0nX61rIs

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off

And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but its left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

[ulli]

Hi Avalon.

I am happy typing my first words on this beautiful forum for long time. I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doupt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been travelling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experiennce a situation, in the end a relationship situation, I have etremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listensing.

I have felt extremely lost. I had to face my strongest fears. I have felt completely isolated from family, friends, and any connection or other perspective. Its been a time of feeling conditioned into being or doing things that dont feel right, being confused in what is my will, and what is just false beliefe systems. Its been a time of questioning my own motives and my love, and my truth.

It's been in connection with a woman, that I love and admire dearly, but who I been projecting and reflecting fears and madness with now for to lon, and I am blaming myself so much for so many things, so I feel hopeless, off my path, abandoned and like someone who "failed". I am fighting with my deep anxiety allmost every day. One part of me wnt to run away, but I am afraid of by doin so will cause more harm. Another want to stay, but then I am afraid of losing myself.

I just really need to connect again. With who I am. Whith others. I am feeling very lonely. At the same time the 2012 times are coming, and I feel a bit dropped in the big waters. Like if I don't have the right energies now to "make it", or something.

I am sorry if it sunds confused, but right now I have to admit, that is me, and I am not strong right now. Any prayer or support or advice would be apreciated, and what I feel i need is to see and feel that there are other humans around me, out there. And that we can connect in what it means to be alive on this hurted planet.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.

Anyone else gone through similar things the last times, and why? I have lately conected with many who had a very hard summer/ fall, and it seems like maybe it is time to face our worst personal nightmares.

I just don't feel "dressed up" to meet the new times. I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.


Thank you.

Hi Newlyn and welcome back to Avalon.
This forum has changed a lot since you were here last, and in my opinion for the better.
So you have come to the right place.
I feel so sorry that you are having a hard time. You are not the only one, that's for sure. But getting connected again will help you, and sharing your story with others who can send you their good wishes will quickly lift you out of your confusion.
Maybe to return home to your parents can also be of help at this time. Connect with your roots. Once you do that new clarity about what you want to do with your life will come, and you can attract the right partner, one with whom you can have a healthy relationship. Create a life together, with both of you sharing equally and creating a future together.
Anyhow, these are difficult times but they will bring us all to a better world, once the cleansing is over.

[Deega]

Thanks Newlyn, in sharing your strong and difficult story, you are partway getting rid of this fear!

You are love, don’t ever forget that, you are a divine soul, nobody can change that. Reach love!

You’ve said that you’ve been through the toughest half year, then, you’re getting on a renew path, it’s not always easy but strive!, you will get what you need.

My wishes for you is to find love, the spark of life.

All the best to you.

[indigopete]

Hi Newlyn

You don't sound too 'lost' to me. Many people would spend a lifetime evolving their consciousness to arrive at such a well articulated account of their condition.

Put it this way - if you can admit you're lost, then you're not lost.

Just by making that post you've probably dug yourself halfway out of a hole already.

I know it sounds a bit square, but it might be a useful exercise to just sit down for a while and write 2 lists - one of practical issues that you need to solve and the other of emotional challenges that you have (i.e. deciding how you feel about people, places, the future, the past).

That will help you break down your intellectual load which will in turn give you some emotional relief and a bit of energy to start approaching things constructively. Remember, take small steps at a time if you're feeling overloaded. Make a decision about a small practical problem, for example, and tick it off your list.

Emotionally, you may be desperate to confront everything at once, but don't think thoughts that make you feel overwhelmed. Rather, think thoughts that you personally can cope with and act upon. These will lead to solving the bigger problems over time.

Hope that helps - I'm sure you'll get lots of useful advice and support from others.

Pete

[Lifebringer]

Remember it always gets worse, before it gets better, and don't dwell on the timing of the "end of zodiac chart time/galactic alignment. Whoever is meant to survive, will, just do the best you can to prepare if you are one of the remnant who does, and realize, it's always been in the creator's hands, and there are times when whole tribes of civilization has been transported until the calamities are over. Also remember the Creator's promise to Noah and the other Heavenly Hosts, that he will NOT bring about the destruction of all of mankind/humans again. In Revelations it specifically says that he will remove all the bad guys, I have NO doubt on that, but find myself sometimes astrodaydream traveling as I seek answers to last minute questions. Remember it's 11 minutes after 11pm until 11 before 12 of the 22nd and then the golden age comes in. If we are correct in our asumption and readings of ancient text, be prepared to do all you can to meditate, and lighten your heart. This is your soul's time, and you must work on clearing the false and bringing in the truth so that the visions for the future of the rest of the world, can be utilized materialisticly. I understand this is the time to ask and be still and paitent for the answer.

[Sidney]

Hi Newlyn, I was just telling someone today that many many people are having chaos in their lives, and its not just us (my family). there is something to the cliche' "Misery loves company". Not that with wish bad times on someone else but that I don't feel so alone in knowing this. Supposedly part of the galactic alignment is, entering out of the chaos and into calmer waters so to speak. I hope that is correct because I too need a break from the never ending chaos, because for me, too, its been a hellofa year..
Know you are not alone, we are all family here at avalon.
And know that there is calm after the storm.

[Marianne]

Newlyn, it's a good thing that you've connected again to Avalon.

You are not alone in feeling lost and tossed about. But take heart, there is much love for you, just be open to it.

My grown son has recently gone through a rough patch and is doing much better. I agree with Ulli, it'd be a good time to reconnect with your family.

One thing to remember is to not be afraid to feel emotions. The only way through them is to feel them, welcome them and process them, then release them.

Flower essences can help greatly in helping you process emotional pain and angst. Let me know if you want more info on them.

I'm also sending you healing energy. Please let me know how you are doing, and if you want to continue to receive the energy.

Much love to you,
Marianne

[pilotsimone]

Hello Newlyn,

In my opinion, you are far more ready to 'meet the new times' than you believe. :hug:


You know that feeling when you have just gone through a breakup, or lost your job, and everything is terrible and terrifying and you don’t know what to do, and you find yourself crying in a pile on your bedroom floor, barely able to remember how to use the phone, desperately looking for some sign of God...finding nothing there to comfort you?

The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions (like a breakup) is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.

And of course, this is terrifying.

But look, now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out? Source (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/)


Your vulnerability is inspiring, Newlyn.

Being vulnerable leads to tremendous growth, in my experience.

Sending much love to you, sweet friend. You are not alone.

[OOO]

Never forget that this too shall pass. Only the strong and brave dive deep to experience such torment and pain.
Its just a lesson that is helping you expand your soul by filling it with understanding. What you are experiencing is a BLESSING.

I share my love.
Ps. These are a few tricks that always work for me. Kind of like 'fake it until you make it'...
-sit in front of mirror and smile
-repeat a mantra 'i am a loving, peaceful and joyous being'
-jump up and down or do something really childish
-breathe....

You are never alone,
Lots of love
OOO

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

"the path goes ever on and on down from the door where it began" ~the hobbit (i think)

"seeing is believing" ~thomas (just kidding)

Erasmus: with learning comes suffering

"our righteousness is as filthy rags" ~St Paul

[Anchor]

Newlyn,

I read your post and then awaited any words to come.

They did not.

Then I read your post again and saw this in your signature and saw the words:

"Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending"

They trump any I could write.

Furthermore, they suggest to me you do actually "know". You know that you are sufficiently empowered to prevail against all challenges - but also another part of you carries doubts and fears.

This is a trial. A test of faith. As has been said above - it is your dark night of the soul. The long night, that precedes a glorious new day. It is a test of the faith in yourself, faith that all is well, faith that all will be well, and more importantly faith in your intuition and your inner guiding light, such that you can take the next steps and then shine that light about you for others.

It is ok to ask for help when you need it.

It is not unusual to experience doubts, fears and other such challenges.

You are NOT alone.

[Lost Soul]

Please look in the mirror. You will see the best friend you will ever have and who will never leave you. You are not alone.

Once you're feeling better, remember to receive love, you must give love.

[Anchor]

I just posted a new thread relating to some channeled information on the subject of the 2012 winter solstice and what that represents. Even if you don't read it all, here are some words that you may find of value:

That thread is here:
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?53303-LLResearch-Q-uo-on-the-Mayan-calendar

Here is a little extract:


In the face of fear, remember love.

In the face of anger, remember compassion.

In the face of disunity, remember union, for are you not part of everyone and everything that you meet?

In the face of seeming dearth, lack and limitation of resources, we ask you to dwell in thanksgiving and joy upon the unlimited possibilities that dwell within your imagination.

We say to you this: for every problem that faces you this day, there is a solution.

We have no way of knowing what you face and what you shall face, but we do know that your peoples have been given not only great challenges but also great gifts and unlimited resources.

The challenge that lies before you is not to husband dwindling resources but to begin to see the resources that are available to you that are not now properly valued and to realize that the greatest resource of all is the compassion that lies within your heart.

It is hard sometimes to see how in times of distress the answers lie within you rather than outside of you, for all of the distress seems to be coming from outside of you. However, we say to you at this time that in our opinion that which shall heal you and your planet and bring you through the end of time to greet the dawning of a new day is that which lies within you waiting to be acknowledged.

[CdnSirian]

You made a wise choice posting here.

Power to you, Peace be with you, you are not alone.

[sandy]

Hi Newlyn,

Experienced where you are at a few times for sure in my life. Looking back they were times when decisions needed to be made as they were driving me crazy, because of not deciding. I was afraid to make a choice and trust what my gut/intuition was telling me to do.

The fear of not knowing the results of listening to my inner voice and staying with what I knew kept me inundated with never ending prattle in my mind. Much of the never ending mind chatter was supposition, fear laden and guilt ridden over the negative pictures of the possible down side to my decisions.

However when it was make a choice or go insane I always followed my intuition as that what was talking the loudest all along and wouldn't be quiet, even over my fear and ego needs. These leaps of faith in myself were very scary and the last one I took I was 60years old, all by myself, not working and physically sick as well as grieving the loss of my Mother and other family members. I left all I knew and was comfortable with and although times have been harrowing and deeply sad it was the best move I could have made.

I found my self worth and learned to value, trust and love me. Now it is the relationship that I cherish the most and I seldom fight with my intuition anymore even if it means my decisions are not blessed by others around me.

Take care of you and all else will fall into place :)

[norman]

Yes Newlyn, I had a hell of a time during the spring and early summer.

[Teti75]

Hi Newlyn.
I know that is healthy is to reconnect with our roots, even when is painful, honor and thank our parents and ancestors no matter what has been our experience.
Thanks to them we come to this strange and fun life, even when sometimes it does not seem to. This exercise has been very useful in hard times for me, it really put things together. As easy to write a letter, and you don't have to send it if you don't want to.
This too will pass

[markpierre]

It sounds to me like you've found the winning formula. You must have meant it when you said yes. What now? Don't adjust. Let the old you fall entirely and finally apart.

I know that just leaves you hanging like a dolphin caught between leaps, and yes, that's exactly what it feels like.

[Rocky_Shorz]

Newlyn,

you knew coming back to Avalon right now would erase the loneliness, because here we are all family...

you thought about it for a while, but now seemed like you couldn't wait a moment longer...

have you been having dreams?

I feel your connection to Avalon now, welcome back...

we're going through intense energy, some of us are feeling like we drank a 5th of dimension...

ending relationships are always tough, and future uncertain...

are you staying for you, or her?

[Gekko]

Newlyn, you are describing my year. From feeling lost and lonely to important relationships ending (or at least going on vacation), to disillusionment in false belief systems, wanting to connect again, and facing personal darkness. Even that very distinct dread of failure, of being that one pariah, of 'missing the boat' so to speak in terms of personal growth and fulfillment. I had a remarkable, breathtaking spurt in hope and growth in 2009 and 2010 but the past two years have really tested my mettle. Although, now that I have let go of a strictly 'love-and-light' perspective, I am feeling freer and less concerned about meeting a deadline for 'enlightenment'. There are so many other canvases to paint, ones with much more depth and color. Don't let anyone appropriate you for their own spiritual agenda. Let us write our own stories.

[Carolin]

Hi Newlyn,

I believe that life is about overcoming our worst fears and subsequently growing. So let me be the first to congratulate you on your upcoming growth spurt!

I too have been feeling "off" lately. My emotions are all over the map. I cry at least once a day which leaves me feeling beat up. Many people I know are feeling this way. Some understand that it's an energetic thing but some just feel they aren't coping with life well.

You can't fail, you can't get it wrong, all is as it should be. Hang on and enjoy the ride!!

Much love
C

[johnf]

Welcome back Newlyn,
I can relate to the feelings you are going through.
It sounds like you have done some disconnecting, often this is prompted by the better, deeper part of ourselves, and we are leaving behind things that are not good for us and others.
Sometimes we leave an old room and step into the hallway, maybe have step back and forth, but one day the door to the old room is no longer there.
It usually feels like hell in the hallway, but it is never forever. Lately I have gone back and forth between anxiety and peace more rapidly than I have in the past, and find it important to realisticly look at whether when i feel better, I am better off than the last time I came up for air. If I am low is it a smidge higher than the last low? If you are looking for your real self in earnest, and not some false carrot leading you along , you will be gradually climbing out of the "transition" zone.
People everywhere are having a tendency to be feeling things deeper and stronger than before these days .
You used the word reconnect, and you might be looking for something you don't really want to connect to, that is why it seems impossible.
The riddle hear is how do we stop looking for something that we only think will make us happy, but so many things never have, and let seeking fall away.
The joy I feel when i get something I have been wanting has never been from the thing, it has allways been from the seeking falling away. That is something my usual mind doesn't know how to do.
I know that periods of light and easier times are ahead for those who are willing to give up false ideas.
On this forum I find it helpful to stay away from the rougher threads ,when I am having a rough time ,or not feeling myself.
Please use this forum to help youself find your land legs on the new land that is forming in front of you as you step on the water!

[Rocky_Shorz]

I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doubt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been traveling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experience a situation, in the end a relationship situation (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/customprofilepics/profilepic4235_4.gif), I have extremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.


I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.


now for those who understand our communication system is through our heart, not our mind, will take one look and understand the pain is blocking your center...

the one in your pic?

you two looked happy...


Don't forget, wherever you are right now, you were meant to be...


where the footsteps lead, you will know when it's time...

[johnf]

Thank you everyone who posted here there is a lot of you saying it was tough for you in the last few months. It really helps to hear that feedback from others even if you know already that you aren't the only one going through it. There is more than one person receiving help from this thread.

[RunningDeer]

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Photoshop/Newlyn2.JPG
Love,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer :wave:

[Newlyn]

Thank you ALL, dear family. This helps a lot. We are truly one, and we can see ourselves in the eyes of others.

As Sandy wrote, it is about decisions, and the more I push it up the more damage it makes. It locked me up in the dusty room of my closed mind and mede unable to truly see life and relax, and let the right way appear to me.

Yesterday in the evening I felt a huge relief flowing in, a real relaxation in myself. And I felt old enough to see that I have been trying to be "old and responsable" without truly being responsable in the true meaning of the word, and I felt young again like I am.... and still older because of it.. if you understand at all haha!

I feel that this what happened have made me more sincere since I last were here, and a bit more grounded... since I've truly been hit to the earth.

One thing that my post here made me aware of is about what I give out about the situation. Do I want to scream out, this is a catastrofe, unsolvable situation, going down spiral... so on, in order to get some energy as a victim and have a reason to just run away? No. Something really came to me. I want to share about how I feel and how I felt, but I don't want anyone to direct their energies to me and my place here in a way that feeds the so called "problem". I have decided to be fully in it and grow from it. So called problems has made me blind for all existance, from my own truth, and made me feed just that what I want to get out of.

It also made me block my heart. With blocked heart, how could I do any decisions?

Now I am working on to let go of how I "think" all this must end, freeing my future, forgiving the past, overcalling any projections of myself and others and trust that the angels will guide me to do the best decisions. But most of all maybe I have to forgive myself.

Thank you all. I will not give up. I have faced my biggest issues here, and I will come through it with my head up. This situation is healing to the best for all.

[Newlyn]

I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doubt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been traveling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experience a situation, in the end a relationship situation (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/customprofilepics/profilepic4235_4.gif), I have extremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.


I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.


now for those who understand our communication system is through our heart, not our mind, will take one look and understand the pain is blocking your center...

the one in your pic?

you two looked happy...


Don't forget, wherever you are right now, you were meant to be...


where the footsteps lead, you will know when it's time...


There is a pain yes. Big. I don't really know how to open up to it. I belive it is about what I have done when I became afraid and blocked myself from love, and now I am afraid of opening up to it again and experience the same hell. I am afraid of what will happen and what it will mean if I open again. I feel pain about the pain my blocking caused others, specally my friend. I am afraid my simple being here is doing harm. I am afraid of not being true to myself in order to "solve the situation", and I have been afraid of what will happen if I don't.


One posetive big change that happened last time is that we started to open up and speak about it with eachother. Bigger respect for eachothers needs.

But i feel I have been so confused the last time so I lost treack of what my own needs truly are. Communication is for sure one of them.

Thank you Rocky!

[Rocky_Shorz]

hearts of soul mates have been drawn together...

your anxiety and pain is from trying to end a connection to a forever love...

if your heart says we're staying, you really don't have a choice, but her heart will follow yours when it is time for your adventure to continue, doing it together is much more fun...

nothing wrong with Love my friend, she is healing your shattered heart, let her... ;)

[Newlyn]

I have to ask you Rocky, cause your words has been lingering in my head, where do they come from? Is it your guess or feeling, or .. ?