How to Solve a Grudge - Does it Work? You Decide.

[Carpathian]

Hey all,

I just read about this on Reddit (a news aggregation site if you aren't familiar with it). I know I have read many articles on here about trying to "purge" or "cleanse" yourself of past hatreds, grudges, hurts, etc. and how it is essential to process all of this hurt before you can move forward in your spiritual journey (whatever that personally means to each of you) :) I have not tried this as I have just read about it, but I thought I would post it just in case it might help someone. It doesn't sound like it could hurt (although I certainly don't want to sound like a doctor - I'm not, so please take the advice of this article accordingly). I'm tempted to try it because, boy do I have many people in my life that I need to work on to forgive (for my own sake, not necessarily for their's).

I don't get many chances to post stuff here, but I like to try if/when I can. Please note that I am not the original poster, I just copied the article so I don't have any additional information about the technique or its effectiveness. Hope it helps, though!

Thanks!

This is based on what is called cognitive reappraisal.

Science bases what I'm about to describe on three things: one, our brain has a tendency to make sure visualization is prioritized above and overrides our reason, and second, a brain is almost completely incapable of separating vivid fantasy from reality. Third, writing something down has a more lasting neutralizing effect on your emotions than just thinking it.

That kept in mind, let's move on.

You say you hold grudges, right? Well, the following technique has been observed to relieve year-long held grudges more effectively than years of therapy.

That's right, I'm offering you an easier, quicker, more believable and more effective treatment than any of what is stated in the above post. Read right on to find out what it is.

Follow these quick and easy steps to get your very own peace of mind:

1. Think of a person that has wronged you.
2. Write them a letter, preferably handwritten, in which you detail exactly what you wish you could say to them and sign it, leaving absolutely nothing filtered or censored. Remember, this is your fantasy.
3. Write back a letter to yourself, in their name, in which they tell you precisely what you want to hear. Be it an apology, an explanation, appreciation -- everything you feel you'd need in reality to stop feeling resentment towards them. After you've finished this letter, sign it as well, again in their name.
4. Read back this second letter every night before you go to bed over the course of a week. By the end of the week, you'll notice that, even upon meeting them in person, your level of resentment is reduced to next to nothing. You will be able to treat them as if they've righted their wrong, because even though perhaps you don't cognitively believe it, you do feel that emotional satisfaction and relief.

Now then, did you know that many placebos work even when the patient knows he's being deceived? This is one of those placebos. Hilariously, I can explain in full detail that you're tricking your mind, and it'll work all the better because of it.

Relevant studies I can share upon request. (Or, you could read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane.) And don't mind me using infomercial-type communication; I'm just having a jolly good time.

Here's the original post for reference: http://www.reddit.com/r/psychology/comments/16x17f/hi_rpsychology_im_looking_for_advice_or_a_good/c80925j

[Mulder]

This sounds like something Karl Jung made popular.

[mosquito]

Good one ! I've tried the writing down bit, with some success, but never the reply - I'll definitely give it a go. Thanks

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

thank you op

[Sidney]

I am going to try it, because this is THE ONE THING that has held me back in every aspect of my life. Thank you for posting this is sounds like it may work.

[Satkirn]

hahaha I find this very funny and interesting, Ill definitely give it a go except recently I cant really seem to hold a grudge long enough to actually try it out.
Im sure ill find something from my childhood that still bugs me even if only a little bit hahaha.

Please share your experiments on this if you guys try it out. :)

[Carmody]

The reality is that their wiring and design is similar to yours.

That if they decided to be as clear with themselves as you are trying to be with yourself...that the issue WOULD work out similar to this attempt.

That one is trying to get past the idealizations of the emotional self, the emotional self that creates the formation of the thoughts that become the resentment. And though we may think that our adult selves, as a form of consciousness is driving the thing, this is not true.

For it if was true, that our consciousness was driving, what if... we had an arm cut off with, oh... a red hot spoon. A very dull spoon. Thus..slow..very slow.

Over a period of three hours of slow grinding, we'd not show one ounce of pain, shock, or anything beyond curiosity as we looked on at this, at point blank range.

Note that the reality is quite the opposite.

The truth is that we'd squirm, fight, scream, wail, pass in and out of consciousness, rage, swear, our body would go wild..and the mind and everything that it purports to be --- would be forced into the window of going into that fully, be part of the ride and in control of nothing. Not even the formation or expression of thought. Nothing.

An ADULT avatar/being combination... is one who has come to terms with the understanding that this is not an adult state, this emotions driving consciousness thing..and slowly begins the task of ending that juvenile stage.

What we are, is 7 billion juveniles nodding at the reflection of one another and announcing ourselves as being in control and adult, when this is not true. Just like a bunch of 15 year olds declaring themselves in charge of life.

No difference.

[Carpathian]

The reality is that their wiring and design is similar to yours.

That if they decided to be as clear with themselves as you are trying to be with yourself...that the issue WOULD work out similar to this attempt.

That one is trying to get past the idealizations of the emotional self, the emotional self that creates the formation of the thoughts that become the resentment. And though we may think that our adult selves, as a form of consciousness is driving the thing, this is not true.

For it if was true, that our consciousness was driving, what if... we had an arm cut off with, oh... a red hot spoon. A very dull spoon. Thus..slow..very slow.

Over a period of three hours of slow grinding, we'd not show one ounce of pain, shock, or anything beyond curiosity as we looked on at this, at point blank range.

Note that the reality is quite the opposite.

The truth is that we'd squirm, fight, scream, wail, pass in and out of consciousness, rage, swear, our body would go wild..and the mind and everything that it purports to be --- would be forced into the window of going into that fully, be part of the ride and in control of nothing. Not even the formation or expression of thought. Nothing.

An ADULT avatar/being combination... is one who has come to terms with the understanding that this is not an adult state, this emotions driving consciousness thing..and slowly begins the task of ending that juvenile stage.

What we are, is 7 billion juveniles nodding at the reflection of one another and announcing ourselves as being in control and adult, when this is not true. Just like a bunch of 15 year olds declaring themselves in charge of life.

No difference.

First, I'd like to thank everyone for their replies! I hope it helps someone! I will try it soon - I was traveling all day today and just got home, so I'm exhausted. I'll try and work on this project this coming weekend and let you know the results!

Carmody,

Boy, talk about hitting the nail on the head! Ha! I laughed when I read your reply, only because that is EXACTLY how I feel most days - an emotional adolescent playing at being an adult. I have so many things I need to work on (left over from my upbringing) that most days I barely know which thread to pull - and I've been working on this stuff for years! :) Thank you SO much for commenting and bringing your insight here. It is very much appreciated.

Thanks again,

Carp

[Earth Angel]

just saw this and thought it was appropriate here....