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Jeffrey
24th April 2013, 01:08
Alright. I've always thought that we are a team here. Yet, I haven't been acting like a team player lately. I apologize to all of you.

Especially to Paul, Dennis, and Witchy. The manner in which I conducted myself was inappropriate and I sincerely apologize. I've also made sweeping generalizations in a tantrum. That was unnecessary and rude.

I've been insulting to you, I just hope you didn't accept it. Whether you did or not, I'm in control of my actions. I decided to act the way I did, and it was wrong. I was wrong. I do not feel justified asking you to tolerate it as I adamantly stated that I was just going to ignore you. I don't want to be ignored; I lost my sense of empathy and respect. I am in no position to determine what should or shouldn't be tolerated. I conveniently overlooked my own imperfections while making declarations about you all. That is not a characteristic that I want, and I'm embarrassed to have acted that way.

I've always said that I can be a hypocrite, and I've said that I've known this because I can look in the mirror. I was deceiving myself and being arrogant. I think that mirror was an intellectual vanity mirror and now I feel quite retarded to be honest. I was being an expletive that I can't type here without a few asterisks. Anger is like an acid and I've mishandled it. I chose the easy path, and I regret it. If I've offended any of you, consider this post as my public apology.

I know there are some of you here that really don't care for what I post. I know I can be overly philosophical sometimes, but I really enjoy writing. I hope we can be friends, and I apologize to you too for being dramatic. Now, after all that, I'm creating a public post for an apology which is somewhat dramatic. I just want to lay it out here.

Some of my posts must seem like conceited droning, egotistical masturbation. Pardon the term, but that's what it is. Humility is something I've failed to recognize. It's a tough stone to swallow when you're inflamed with pride. I was wrong.

Also, I have friends here that are associated with me. They know me better than most. I apologize to you too for acting this way when it's publicly known that you are supportive of me (and I'm supportive of you too). I hope I didn't tarnish that.

I know we are all in this together. There is so much to learn about the universe, the world, and ourselves. There is also a lot to learn about each other. Now, you all have learned something about me. I can be very stubborn. I realize that I came off as a immodest jerk and that's because I was acting like one. You all deserve better, and I need to step it up. There are much better ways to have a discussion or a debate. I've demonstrated some poor qualities here. I'd love to blame this on a chemical imbalance, but I can't. I'm responsible for how I conduct myself.

It's easy for me to justify my actions, when in reality I'm only making excuses to avoid facing my own defects. I have been known to be stubborn, and I am here to learn. Those two things are like oil and water. I will work on this. I'm determined to overcome my shortcomings and correct my errors. There are many errors that need correcting. This is a personal issue; I apologize for the theatrics and reckless posts.

There are also many issues in the world that need attention. I want to be a part of a community that addresses these issues.

Avalon is a great platform to explore for this.

Once again: what I did, how I acted, what I said -- it was wrong. I was wrong. I apologize. Please, consider my apology.

Sincerely,

Vivek

Flash
24th April 2013, 01:13
You are writing more and more like Justoneman (chester) LOL

onawah
24th April 2013, 01:14
That's OK, Vivek.
This forum is a good place to do some growing, and you will find support here for that.
Sometimes it's the biggest mistakes we make that make the compost for the greatest growth.

RunningDeer
24th April 2013, 01:24
Hello Vivek,

So glad you’ve unpacked. If an apology is what you need to express, then I thank you for your insightful reflections, and the respect that you've shown to Us. I must have been in some other dimension. Cuz, that’s a lotta “hard on yourself talk” that I missed completely. Dude, your just cool to me.

Here, before it melts...

Love,
Paula xo


http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/vivek.jpg (http://s1262.photobucket.com/user/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/media/vivek.jpg.html)

bruno dante
24th April 2013, 01:26
Well...in the spirit of honesty: I can't stand you Vivek.

Kidding.

I've only been here a short time, but I generally find your contributions top notch, including this one.

Freed Fox
24th April 2013, 01:29
I thoroughly enjoy your posts Vivek, the vast majority of them anyway. It takes real strength to admit when we are wrong, and to look in that mirror (for reasons other than vanity). I am grateful that you've chosen this path and to stay with us here. You have a great deal to offer, share, and explore. Of that, I have no doubt.

Hip Hipnotist
24th April 2013, 01:39
Frankly, I enjoyed your 'dweebness'.

Helps me to realize I'm not the only one.

Hey, just kiddin!

about me -- not you. ;-)))

Paul
24th April 2013, 01:47
Alright.
Alright !!

I'm so glad you're back.

When you finish with Paula's ice cream, here's some more of my favorite flavor - chocolate cow power:

http://step.fairtrade.org.uk/images/sized/images/uploads/press/EU_Cow-Power_500mL_RGB_3D-574x300.GIF

Your research and analytical skills are exceedingly fine, and we are honored to have you here. Thanks!

gripreaper
24th April 2013, 01:59
Oh darn I thought the thread topic was epigenetics, which is the study of the development and maintenance of an organism orchestrated by a set of chemical reactions that switch parts of the genome off and on at strategic times and locations, and the study of these reactions and the factors that influence them.

So, I was looking forward to the socioeconomic, political and spiritual aspects which influence us both biologically and environmentally, juxtaposed through either consciousness directly, or the nationalistic and religious filters which we use, to apply different variables an anomalies to the study of events which are being introduced into the matrix of consciousness and their effects on our reactions and how we deal with them as human beings.

But, since I read the thread title wrong and it's apologetics, I guess I'll go find another thread. ;)

mosquito
24th April 2013, 02:01
I don't know what the hell you're on about, I suppose there has been YET MORE drama that I seem to have remained unaware of !

Like FreedFox said, it takes guts to stand up and say "I was wrong", (anyone noticed a politician doing that ?) so hats off to you Vivek, stay here and keep blessing us with your wonderfully erudite and insightful posts.

Carmody
24th April 2013, 02:11
Glad you are back..and check your astrology.

It's usually spot on in explaining these moments, which we all have.

Dennis Leahy
24th April 2013, 02:27
Thanks, Vivek. You're still wrong. hahahahhahahahaha (too soon?)

My emotions have been through a typhoon this past week. I suspect this is true for many of us, but especially the more heart-centered, compassionate people who have not mastered the art of finding and holding "center" when in the midst of a storm (which is me trying to describe me.)

Every* major event in at least the past 10 years has "alternative thinkers" disagreeing on what is real and what is not, what was deliberate and what happened organically or consequentially, who is at fault and whether it was the darkest-hearted, most nefarious agenda or incompetence and "depraved indifference" that caused or exacerbated the event.

*(even the hurricanes and tsunami have been debated as being deliberately caused by humans!)

For whatever part of throwing gasoline on an emotional fire that was my part in this, I do apologize. I do mean well, and I do care very deeply.

I will place you on ignore when you stop caring. :~)

Dennis

Gardener
24th April 2013, 02:39
Yup the full moon is at it again....................same here :(
Sincerely glad you didn't do a runner :) o and keep up with yer schoolin'

And..........there is so much sh*t happening all around, well sometimes its hard not to project our own sh*t.
I hear ya my friend.

Orph
24th April 2013, 03:53
Heck, we all bust-a-seam from time to time. We all need to be able to apologize, and be able to forgive as well. In the meantime, everybody learns a little something. I enjoy your posts and your enthusiasm for what you believe in. Keep it coming.

Ernie Nemeth
24th April 2013, 05:22
Vivek, you are quite a genuine individual. Sometimes, I must admit, I am jealous of your intellect and your ability to make friends here and have reacted to it in a lowly manner. I am sorry for that. I am working on my own inadequacies so how can I not forgive another doing the same.

This world makes us all crazy and conspires to set us against each other: the lies, the deceit, the withheld information, the atrocities commited in our names without our consent, and so much more we can hardly put a finger on, has not put out the flame of our passion for truth. I think I am not oversteping my bounds to state we can all agree with that.

It is why we are all here. It is important and necessary. It is sacred and valiant.

But often it is frustrating and lonely, taxing of spirit and mind.

Thanks for staying, we need you, I need you. We've lost too many fine minds already.

I've already said too much, gotta go clean the fish tank...

Respect

bruno dante
24th April 2013, 05:33
Vivek, you are quite a genuine individual. Sometimes, I must admit, I am jealous of your intellect and your ability to make friends here and have reacted to it in a lowly manner. I am sorry for that. I am working on my own inadequacies so how can I not forgive another doing the same.

This world makes us all crazy and conspires to set us against each other: the lies, the deceit, the withheld information, the atrocities commited in our names without our consent, and so much more we can hardly put a finger on, has not put out the flame of our passion for truth. I think I am not oversteping my bounds to state we can all agree with that.

It is why we are all here. It is important and necessary. It is sacred and valiant.

But often it is frustrating and lonely, taxing of spirit and mind.

Thanks for staying, we need you, I need you. We've lost too many fine minds already.

I've already said too much, gotta go clean the fish tank...

Respect

What a wonderfully honest post.

To openly express envy or jealousy of another takes alotta guts.

Respect to you, my friend...

ViralSpiral
24th April 2013, 06:11
6mlV40wnnrc

"We all have the gift of compassion, the gift of responsibility, equal responsibility. In order for this earth to survive, its got to be peace and harmony. That's the balance that we have to create" Chief Arvol Looking Horse



:)

Thanks for stepping back, and up!

Hermite
24th April 2013, 08:31
I like this thread. Thank you, Vivek. Lately I have been not feeling too good about things people here have been saying. It's been like something went missing. I do truly believe, though, that it just had to do with planetary alignments, and I am glad that is finally clearing up. I'm also glad we didn't lose anybody in the transition. We need each other, after all. For better or worse. :grouphug:

golden lady
24th April 2013, 10:26
I don't know what the hell you're on about, I suppose there has been YET MORE drama that I seem to have remained unaware of !

Like FreedFox said, it takes guts to stand up and say "I was wrong", (anyone noticed a politician doing that ?) so hats off to you Vivek, stay here and keep blessing us with your wonderfully erudite and insightful posts.

Vivek, I too must have missed something. But Well done you for confronting your 'demons '
I follow your posts and I read with interest what you have to add. For someone so young, I don't mean to be patronising here, you have a good head on your shoulders and your contribution is one I would greatly miss.
Any how, talking of heads, please reinstate your avatar pic, it brightens up my day!!

Fred Steeves
24th April 2013, 11:14
I've always said that I can be a hypocrite, and I've said that I've known this because I can look in the mirror. I was deceiving myself and being arrogant. I think that mirror was an intellectual vanity mirror and now I feel quite retarded to be honest. I was being an expletive that I can't type here without a few asterisks. Anger is like an acid and I've mishandled it. I chose the easy path, and I regret it. If I've offended any of you, consider this post as my public apology.


That old mirror is a son of a gun isn't it Vivek? But as painful as it is to look, it's also our greatest teacher. We've all been there, and it will continue as the mirror assists us in refining ourselves back closer to our true nature.

Public apologies take some serious cojones, and I highly respect that.

Cheers Brother! http://www.bigtenfever.com/forums/images/smilies/cheers.gif
Fred

Christine
24th April 2013, 12:13
Thank you for your courage Vivek, thank you. It all has been said above and you know how I feel about you! Love ON!

(Yes, please reinstate your picture, your smile brightened my day too.)

donk
24th April 2013, 13:14
Some of my posts must seem like conceited droning, egotistical masturbation. Pardon the term, but that's what it is. Humility is something I've failed to recognize. It's a tough stone to swallow when you're inflamed with pride. I was wrong.

A lot less than you probably think, and I'm fairly certain you got called out every time. You set the bar pretty high for yourself, don't beat yourself up too much about it.

You are totally appreciated and loved around here, and continue to impress...real glad you're sticking around.

crosby
24th April 2013, 14:08
all i can say is YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!!!! :cheer2: i am so glad that you are still here.
warmest regards, corson

CdnSirian
24th April 2013, 14:34
Glad you're staying - and enjoy the ice cream! Would love to see your pic back too.

Hervé
24th April 2013, 15:21
Good to see you are sticking around, pal!

... and glad that whatever part of YOU does the "thinking" (I am not convinced a brain -- whichever side -- is capable of such, cf. "brain dead" people coming back to life) crept back in to re-arrange the view of the sit.

So, next time you'll feel like the "handle" is ready to fly off... re-read this thread and take stocks!

Cheers!

jagman
24th April 2013, 15:33
Vivek, I always found your threads and posts to be quite advanced. Imo they were well thought out and researched and your presentation was excellent!
While reading some of your work I would sometimes think how in the hell someone so young could have such a vast knowledge of the world around them.

Selene
24th April 2013, 16:06
Vivek ~

I was always impressed by your fine mind and intellectual courage. But now I am truly blown away by your emotional maturity and sterling character. Well done, and welcome back indeed!

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/4093/doublehighfive.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/706/doublehighfive.jpg/)

Cheers,

Selene

Kristin
24th April 2013, 16:06
Peace Vivek. I love you as I wish to be loved... all imperfections included. You set a high standard for yourself, thank you for always reaching to grasp the next rung on the ladder. As you grow, we all grow with you through your example. Beautiful, perfect, love. It is a joy to have you with us.

From the Heart,
Kristin

RunningDeer
24th April 2013, 16:13
http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Photoshop/Paul_Ben_Jerry_zps1f203dfb.JPG
Paula :wave:ing to :cow:



Alright.
Here's some more of my favorite flavor - chocolate cow power

soleil
24th April 2013, 16:56
good to see you are back. im sure you didnt choose the name vivek for nothing. right?
ps. you cant call us teammates and then bounce bud. ;) just saying. we're ALL in this together.

TargeT
24th April 2013, 17:31
It's hard to keep track of the ebb and flow of "consciousness" we slip in and out of different states, society dictates (and encourages) that we are in the "alert problem solving" state of consciousness as much as possible, ignoring the many other states of consciousness that we can inhabit (and often do).

Reflection of oneself when actions occur in one state of consciousness, while out of that state can be a bit disturbing.

Things that were done at the time seemed appropriate, or perhaps just not "wrong" enough not to do, but when in a different frame of mind the actions are sometimes disappointing or bewildering, sometimes disturbing.

I'd say this is thoroughly human & something we should all accept in one another and be vigilant of in ourselves.


Viv, thanks for being human and humble enough to admit it (that part is hard sometimes for many) :D

Jeffrey
24th April 2013, 18:03
Thanks everybody. One of the major lessons I took away from this ...

Mirrors can serve two functions: self reflection, or vanity. The line between the two is difficult to distinguish. Especially if I allow the mirror to become fogged up in a smug cloud of self righteousness. Their mind is tricky, and the most easy person to fool is yourself because you're the one who has the power to allow it. I completely fell for it. In retrospect, things are becoming clearer now. I'm feeling much more relaxed, and still a little drained. It's all good though. Lesson learned! Time for me to get moving again. I'm going to concentrate on a project a had pushed aside a few weeks ago.

Thanks again y'all.

Vivek

EsmaEverheart
24th April 2013, 18:54
I am another one that had no idea that anything was going on. Vivek, I am so glad that you are staying with us. I very much like to read the things you post. I always know that your posts will have been well researched and logically thought out. It takes a big man to apologise when he thinks he has done something wrong. I greatly respect you for that even though I don't know what you were apologising for. Much love.

Esma

RUSirius
25th April 2013, 14:05
Hi Vivek, you're great brother, no worries, I would imagine you're intentions are always "good" even if you may be incorrect with certain ways of dealing with things, I personally dont think you are. We all most be tolerant of others "mistakes" if indeed they are mistakes. You're a cornerstone of Avalon.