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Violet
24th July 2013, 21:46
Often times when I read about social problems in urban areas, I will find people talking about delinquent youth growing up with no father.

Whenever there is a situation where youth are causing uproar, you will find here and there a father to be missing.

Now, we would be doing the mothers little honour assuming they all did a bad job raising those kids...So then we are left to wonder: in a family, is the importance of a father figure really that great that it can make or break a kid?

And if so, what's a mother to do on her own, knowing she has no such powers?
And if so too, why does court nearly always appoint full custody to the mother when a couple gets divorced?

Kiforall
24th July 2013, 22:19
I remember reading a book by Steve Biddulph 'Raising Boys'

He emphasized how boys now-a-days lack male role models who can teach them how to behave correctly when the testosterone rushes in.

They need to learn by example how to control testosterone induced behaviour, how to be kind and compassionate men, without the need to use violence.

So many boys seek Father figures in the wrong sort of people (eg. gangs) they need someone to look up to and respect, not necessarily to discipline them. Someone who can teach a boy how to become a respectable man.


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Steve-Biddulphs-Raising-Boys-Well-Balanced/dp/0007153694

A word of mouth bestseller which has become one of the best loved and most successful books in the parenting field. Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys is to be re-released this month with some startling new research on what helps - and what harms - boys.

In this expanded and updated edition, Steve Biddulph shares and gives practical and honest advice to parents so they can recognise the different stages of boyhood and learn how to raise happy, confident and kind young men.

Boys need to be parented in a different way from girls with their own very special psychological and physical make-up. Home, society and education have failed boys badly – and these failures lead to unhappy men who cannot fully become happy, responsible, emotionally-confident adults.

While it is essential that boys spend more time learning about manhood from their fathers, Biddulph updates his classic to include helpful information for mothers and single mothers with baby boys.

This extended edition explores some important topics:
.
• How ADHD may be caused by stress in the first year of life.
• Whether boys should start school later than girls.
• Help for single mothers raising sons.
• How to choose a sport that does more good than harm.
• What we can do about boys and binge drinking.
• What science can tell us about teenage boys and driving – and how we can keep our sons safe.

Raising Boys offers parents real-life situations, thought-provoking insights, humour and help.

Violet
24th July 2013, 22:24
Thanks for the reference. I will put it on my reading list.

But this makes it look like raising boys is a much tougher job than raising girls...Is it?

Violet
24th July 2013, 22:28
I think I've found the answer :p

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Steve-Biddulphs-Raising-Girls-Biddulph/dp/0007455666/ref=reg_hu-rd_dp_img

PHARAOH
24th July 2013, 22:34
Violet, due to the scope and nature of this "EXTREMELY" important thread, I will keep my comments to myself.

You have opened a great thread that should have numerous comments and content, however in this newly created world, even in this forum, many answers will only cause divisiveness and anger. Even here, in a supposedly open and thoughtful forum, you will find either too liberal or too closed minded individuals whom will only seek to destroy any solutions to this seemly complex but simple question.

I applaud you, Violet. Thank you, from the top of my heart for I know where your heart is coming from. Much Love & Respect to you and all who participate in this thread.

Star Tsar
24th July 2013, 22:50
Well as a single father I can say for me its the importance of the family unit itself is at fault as you put it Violet there are absent/neglectful mothers too!
Not just us males
:)

SilentFeathers
24th July 2013, 22:53
This guy and the book listed is a real "eye opener"............


The divorce regime is the most totalitarian institution ever to arise in the United States, Britain, and the other English-speaking democracies. Its operatives in the family courts and the social service agencies recognize no private sphere of life. "The power of family court judges is almost unlimited," according to Judge Robert Page of the New Jersey family court. "Social workers are perceived to have nearly unlimited power," a San Diego Grand Jury concludes. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Total immunity [enjoyed by social workers] is absolute power."

The divorce regime is responsible for much more than "ugly divorces," "nasty custody battles," and other clichés. It is the most serious perpetrator of human and constitutional rights violations in the Western world today. Because it strikes the most basic institution of any civilization – the family – the divorce regime is a threat not only to social order but to civil freedom. It is also almost completely unopposed. No political party and no politicians question it. No journalists investigate it in any depth. A few attorneys have spoken out, but they are eventually suspended or disbarred. Some academics have written about it, but they soon stop. No human rights or civil liberties groups challenge it, and some positively support it. Very few "pro-family" lobbies question it. This is because the divorce regime operates through money, political power, and fear.

The divorce regime is much more serious than simply "unfairness" or "gender bias" against fathers in custody proceedings. It is the government’s machine for destroying the principal check on its power – the family – and criminalizing its main rival: fathers. The most basic human and constitutional rights are routinely violated in America’s family courts. The lives of children and parents are in serious danger once they are, as the phrase goes, taken into "custody." Systemic conflicts-of-interest among government and private officials charged with child custody, child support, child protection, and connected matters have created a witch hunt against plainly innocent citizens.

The terror of the divorce regime is not a future possibility; it is a present reality. The following methods are currently employed by family courts and other government agents. These practices are now widespread in America:

mass incarcerations without trial or charge
forced confessions
children forcibly separated from parents who are under no suspicion of legal wrongdoing and parents stripped of the care, custody, and companionship of their children without explanation
government agents entering the homes, demanding and examining private papers and personal effects, and seizing the property of citizens who are under no suspicion of legal wrongdoing
official court records, including hearing tapes and transcripts, doctored and falsified with the knowledge of court officials and evidence fabricated against the innocent
defendants denied the constitutional right to face their accusers
bureaucratic police authorized to issue subpoenas and arrest warrants against parents, with no hearing and contrary to due process of law
special courts created specifically to process parents for political offenses
forced labor facilities created specifically for parents
children instructed to hate their parents with the backing of government officials
children forced by government officials to act as informers against their parents
children abused and killed with the backing of government officials
knowingly false allegations, for which no evidence is presented, accepted as fact without proof, overturning the presumption of innocence, and not punished when demonstrated to be untrue
parents ordered by government officials to separate from their spouses, on pain of losing their children
parents forced to pay the private fees of court officials they have not hired and whose services they have not sought or used, on pain of incarceration
parents suspected of no legal wrongdoing punitively stripped of their property and income, sometimes at gunpoint, and reduced to penury
government officials using the mass media to vilify private American citizens, and political leaders using their offices as platforms to verbally attack private American citizens, who have no right of reply or opportunity to defend themselves
parents jailed without trial reportedly beaten, in at least one case fatally, and denied medical attention while in police custody.
I have made these charges in some of the most reputable publications in the English language. They have never been refuted. Yet neither have they been corrected or even addressed by public officials, the media, or academics.

This site will tell you the truth about the divorce regime. It contains virtually all my published works – some 100 articles, several studies, and a book – on the fatherhood crisis and the corruption of the divorce industry (except book reviews and radio commentaries). For better or worse, these are the most strongly worded writings to appear on this subject in mainstream publications.

I am heavily indebted for the many letters, stories, documents, clippings, studies, citations, books, e-mail communications, and telephone calls – collected and sent to me by hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. It is not possible to name all these people, and many prefer not to be named.

Stephen Baskerville
http://www.stephenbaskerville.net/default/
2012

Taken Into Custody:
The War Against Fathers,
Marriage, and the Family

http://www.stephenbaskerville.net/default/assets/Image/Taken_Into_Custody.jpg

Flash
24th July 2013, 22:55
I fully agree with you Star Tsar, however, in proportion, it is much more often the fathers who are absent. And even when showing up, it is their girlfriend who takes care of the kids. So, the kid not seeing its dad often wants to be with him while the dad does not and pass the buck to the girlfriend. The kid is not stupid, he knows very well how his father consider him.

Although there is good fathers, when they are mentally, emotionnally or physically absents, it is very damaging to their children.

Furthermore, I must add that absent fathers are very damaging to their little girls too, not only the boys. The little girls will always be searching for a surrogate dad, often in the wrong boys.

Guy Corneau, a French Canadian psychanalyst, has written an excellent book on the topic, Absent fathers, lots sons

http://www.amazon.ca/Absent-Fathers-Lost-Sons-Masculine/dp/0877736030

and later on another one for the daughters of absent fathers.

Highly recommended

Star Tsar
24th July 2013, 22:57
I can tell you it took SIX visits to court to gain a residence order!
:ohwell:

Flash
24th July 2013, 23:01
You know, the court may be to blame, but also the agreement between parents, where often the child is used as a tool to anger the other parent.

I do think that courts should give mandatory mediation sessions and communication training for parents who can't agree on the way they will share time with their kids.

Star Tsar
24th July 2013, 23:05
Here in the UK mediation services are offered to those whom are willing of course...

Flash
24th July 2013, 23:09
Here in the UK mediation services are offered to those whom are willing of course...

Here too in Canada, but it is not enough, learning how to communicate not to damage the kid is necessary too.

Star Tsar
24th July 2013, 23:15
Well that comes as standard in good parenting no?

seeker/reader
24th July 2013, 23:15
---------------

Flash
24th July 2013, 23:17
This guy and the book listed is a real "eye opener"............


The divorce regime is the most totalitarian institution ever to arise in the United States, Britain, and the other English-speaking democracies. Its operatives in the family courts and the social service agencies recognize no private sphere of life. "The power of family court judges is almost unlimited," according to Judge Robert Page of the New Jersey family court. "Social workers are perceived to have nearly unlimited power," a San Diego Grand Jury concludes. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Total immunity [enjoyed by social workers] is absolute power."

The divorce regime is responsible for much more than "ugly divorces," "nasty custody battles," and other clichés. It is the most serious perpetrator of human and constitutional rights violations in the Western world today. Because it strikes the most basic institution of any civilization – the family – the divorce regime is a threat not only to social order but to civil freedom. It is also almost completely unopposed. No political party and no politicians question it. No journalists investigate it in any depth. A few attorneys have spoken out, but they are eventually suspended or disbarred. Some academics have written about it, but they soon stop. No human rights or civil liberties groups challenge it, and some positively support it. Very few "pro-family" lobbies question it. This is because the divorce regime operates through money, political power, and fear.

The divorce regime is much more serious than simply "unfairness" or "gender bias" against fathers in custody proceedings. It is the government’s machine for destroying the principal check on its power – the family – and criminalizing its main rival: fathers. The most basic human and constitutional rights are routinely violated in America’s family courts. The lives of children and parents are in serious danger once they are, as the phrase goes, taken into "custody." Systemic conflicts-of-interest among government and private officials charged with child custody, child support, child protection, and connected matters have created a witch hunt against plainly innocent citizens.

The terror of the divorce regime is not a future possibility; it is a present reality. The following methods are currently employed by family courts and other government agents. These practices are now widespread in America:

mass incarcerations without trial or charge
forced confessions
children forcibly separated from parents who are under no suspicion of legal wrongdoing and parents stripped of the care, custody, and companionship of their children without explanation
government agents entering the homes, demanding and examining private papers and personal effects, and seizing the property of citizens who are under no suspicion of legal wrongdoing
official court records, including hearing tapes and transcripts, doctored and falsified with the knowledge of court officials and evidence fabricated against the innocent
defendants denied the constitutional right to face their accusers
bureaucratic police authorized to issue subpoenas and arrest warrants against parents, with no hearing and contrary to due process of law
special courts created specifically to process parents for political offenses
forced labor facilities created specifically for parents
children instructed to hate their parents with the backing of government officials
children forced by government officials to act as informers against their parents
children abused and killed with the backing of government officials
knowingly false allegations, for which no evidence is presented, accepted as fact without proof, overturning the presumption of innocence, and not punished when demonstrated to be untrue
parents ordered by government officials to separate from their spouses, on pain of losing their children
parents forced to pay the private fees of court officials they have not hired and whose services they have not sought or used, on pain of incarceration
parents suspected of no legal wrongdoing punitively stripped of their property and income, sometimes at gunpoint, and reduced to penury
government officials using the mass media to vilify private American citizens, and political leaders using their offices as platforms to verbally attack private American citizens, who have no right of reply or opportunity to defend themselves
parents jailed without trial reportedly beaten, in at least one case fatally, and denied medical attention while in police custody.
I have made these charges in some of the most reputable publications in the English language. They have never been refuted. Yet neither have they been corrected or even addressed by public officials, the media, or academics.

This site will tell you the truth about the divorce regime. It contains virtually all my published works – some 100 articles, several studies, and a book – on the fatherhood crisis and the corruption of the divorce industry (except book reviews and radio commentaries). For better or worse, these are the most strongly worded writings to appear on this subject in mainstream publications.

I am heavily indebted for the many letters, stories, documents, clippings, studies, citations, books, e-mail communications, and telephone calls – collected and sent to me by hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. It is not possible to name all these people, and many prefer not to be named.

Stephen Baskerville
http://www.stephenbaskerville.net/default/
2012

Taken Into Custody:
The War Against Fathers,
Marriage, and the Family

http://www.stephenbaskerville.net/default/assets/Image/Taken_Into_Custody.jpg

We had all that in Canada too and it has been made easier on the parents in the last decade. We now can divorce amiably (no lawyers, no fight, no nothing if both agree so reduce costs), we do have access to free conciliation, and what is given to the parents having the child most of the time is based on earning tables that cannot be fought.

In Quebec, the govenrment will take the decided upon money from the parents earning most and transfert it to the other parents. So parents do not fight anymore to get the monthly due allowance.

Despite all that, many many parents will still fight to the teeth in order to punish the other parent. When you are with a real bad partner you want to divorce from, the horror story you just described above starts, here too.

And despite all these social help for divorcing parents, fathers do abandon their kids in great numbers.

Of course, there is always the crazy mothers who want to keep the kid with them exclusively too that have to be fought, but there is also often very bad dads who should not get to raise children that mothers have to fight against.

DouglasDanger
24th July 2013, 23:19
I disagree..IMHO...

Boys do not need a father to show them how to become a good compasionate caring man, they need someone who is willing to show them how to become a good compasionate caring man, it can be a woman or another man. It does not have to be a father like male person in a position. Just someone to show the growing boy/male what is acceptable and what is not acceptable male behaviour in this society. I say this because Men who are in father postions create just as many monsters ( or attempt to) as this current media/society does to boys without fathers. It is our Patriarchal society who insists a man is needed to teach a boy how to become a man, this is another untrue part of our reality we have to deal with.

I wish I could have grown up without a father, I would have learned it is not okay to be a bigot, it is not okay to be a racist, it is not okay to be sexist, as I learned those things where okay and acceptable from my father. ( This is just a small bit of what my father tried to teach me was okay behaivour, The rest would surly convince everyone here that indeed my father was infected by a negative entity also known as demon)
The world does not need more fathers, it needs real men and women willing to teach boys how to behave like a real man and less fake father figures who insist that having a father makes you a good man..

spiritguide
24th July 2013, 23:20
Partners who have children need to express love, both equally for the formative child. When either partner's ego flares they show the child selfishness vs. selflessness. Children learn quickly either positive or negative behavior. IMHO

Peace!

Star Tsar
24th July 2013, 23:21
I have a copy of Raising Boys that I am finished with PM me if anyone would get use of it..

Flash
24th July 2013, 23:28
You know what would be nice in my opinion, It would be absolutely great if that thread was focusing on the need of the children only (well, my desire, up to the OP), instead of the fights between parents and the justice system since the latter has been the topic of many threads.

But how often do we describe or improve our awareness on the impact absent father, or absent mothers, have on the psyche and the behavior of their offspring? Almost never.

Yet, being aware of the impact, even at the levels of brain chemistry, neuronal pathways modifications and hormonal imbalances (physical levels) on one hand and psychological trauma on the other would be beneficial to all divorced parents and their children, I think.

giovonni
25th July 2013, 00:32
'The Importance of father's' ...

In countless studies this is what has been found ...

The Impact of Fathers on Psychological Well-Being and Social Behavior

"Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children also are less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood.13 Infants who receive high levels of affection from their fathers (e.g., babies whose fathers respond quickly to their cries and who play together) are more securely attached; that is, they can explore their environment comfortably when a parent is nearby and can readily accept comfort from their parent after a brief separation. A number of studies suggest they also are more sociable and popular with other children throughout early childhood.18

The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child's emotional and social development. Fathers spend a much higher percentage of their one-on-one interaction with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior. Rough-housing with dad, for example, can teach children how to deal with aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions.19 Generally speaking, fathers also tend to promote independence and an orientation to the outside world. Fathers often push achievement while mothers stress nurturing, both of which are important to healthy development. As a result, children who grow up with involved fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them and more likely to exhibit self-control and pro-social behavior.20

One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.21 This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.22 In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically, and to avoid drugs, violence, and delinquent behavior.23

In short, fathers have a powerful and positive impact upon the development and health of children. A caseworker who understands the important contributions fathers make to their children's development and how to effectively involve fathers in the case planning process will find additional and valuable allies in the mission to create a permanent and safe environment for children."

***

In stating all that ... Father's and their almost conspicuous absences from particularly lower income households isn't by accident...

Having spent many years at university and my entire professional years in the pursuit and care of others in the (glamorous) field of medical/social work... i can tell you that our current Western socio-economic and Family court system > is most blatantly geared (designed) to keep it that way ... in failing ...

But ... i am a true and firm believer in that 'the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother' ... this simple rule of love usually will allow for a family unit to endure (survive) almost anything.

Blessings Gio

Flash
25th July 2013, 00:50
Giovonni, your post is so good that if feels like everything has been said.

Thanks

Flash
25th July 2013, 00:53
Fathers have a huge impact on their daughters too. Bad fathers are devastating for their self esteem. Good fathers, on the contrary, are a real force into their lifes


In three areas—work, relationships with men, and mental health—the quality of the father-daughter relationship often has a greater impact than a mother-daughter relationship, says Linda Nielsen, Wake Forest University professor and author of “Between Fathers & Daughters: Enriching and Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship” (Cumberland House).

“Sadly, too many of us continue to downplay the importance of the father-daughter relationship in comparison to the mother-daughter relationship,” Nielsen said. “We still too often treat dads, especially divorced dads, like the mom’s ‘sidekick’ or her ‘apprentice’ in parenting. The research is so overwhelming and so consistent in regard to the lifelong impact that a dad has on his daughter, and also the tremendous impact that daughters have on their fathers.”

Nielsen has researched and written about the father-daughter relationship for more than 40 years. She offers practical advice for strengthening the father-daughter bond and explores the family dynamics that prevent fathers and daughters of all ages from having a more relaxed, more meaningful relationship. She looks at some of the barriers to good relationships including issues related to money and work, negative beliefs about fathers, communication, divorce and remarriage.

For more than two decades, she has taught “Fathers and Daughters” a course at Wake Forest devoted exclusively to father-daughter relationships. Her research
and advice have appeared in national news outlets such as NPR, Wall Street Journal, Christian Science Monitor, Seventeen, Woman’s Day and in a PBS documentary. Her work is also featured on many national organizations’ websites, including Stepfamily Association of America, National Center for Fathering, and the Center for Successful Fathering.
http://www.newswise.com/articles/for-father-s-day-the-positive-impact-dads-can-have-on-daughters

deridan
25th July 2013, 15:57
I've known all sorts of men. It could be painful going through any period without [f or m]. Know a wacky friend, who only has a father, sure did have a lot of gf s', would I have thought his filling some hole, ..but in astrological inclinations his a Cancer, and bound for such. Knew another guy who never had a father, and despite his pain, he showed me more about independence than any man, just frowned though at expressions of my own fealty. ..then there are men who hate their fathers... at the end of the day, does that suit them more for survival, the aim of fostering, bet you.
chief attachment phases are before 20's girls to fathers, sons to mothers, and there-after especially as it encapsulates cognition of the role, back to s f & m d

Flash
25th July 2013, 16:05
Deridan, please, I am French speaking, could you elaborate on acronyms, it makes me sick to search for them: ex: s f & m d, gf (this one I bet is girl friend), imagine how difficult it is for most people who's mother tongue is other than English, this is way difficult.

It is like French!:p (pun intended)

grannyfranny100
26th July 2013, 01:44
Recently I read that 47% of U.S. children are illegitimate. Society as socially engineered by Hollywood seems to accept the concept that a committed marriage isn't necessary for making babies.

The police stations are now the place were these selfish, childish adults do the Wednesday evening with dad exchanges so they won't violently act out in front of the children. So many of these children don't seem to be born out of love and the maturity to be parents.

Sadly what I see is well educated, effective adult couples are opting to remain childless and undereducated, low self esteem people pop off babies as a symbol that they are adults and eligible to collect government money per child. Very sad.

This isn't a dad versus mom thing. It is a culture of selfish, self indulgence and immediate gratification of both males and females. What a horrible frame of reference for these children.

shadowstalker
26th July 2013, 02:06
Has anyone considered the child's true wish in the matter?

Must we always assume that the child picked both to be the parents and not just the possible one?

How do we know that the child did not pick an opportune moment to be conceived at a certain time and place for future learning.
Does this always have to be with both parent? or perhaps the child picked one over the other to be it's learning experience for a certain time?

I will use my mother's word in this case.
"I feel that all you girls husbands where only doors for these beautiful children to walk through."
As she had seen all the daddy's walk away at the most needed times in there lives......
That's just one side of the coin of course, there is the other obviously.

Lets us also consider soul contracts that may have been made before conception.

ghostrider
26th July 2013, 04:15
A child will make friends with the wrong person clinging to fill an empty void , even if it harms them , they hold on just to feel normal like the other kids with two parents ...feeling inside , hey somebody loves me for me ... but thankfully moms do a pretty dam good job with what they have to work with ...the deck is stacked against them, but still they conquer and provide and love and work their butts off and get little respect for it ... thanks mom ...

Fred Steeves
26th July 2013, 11:06
Whenever there is a situation where youth are causing uproar, you will find here and there a father to be missing.


Very important thread Violet, thanks. The father's presence to me is almost secondary, as a vast majority are basically boys themselves in a man's body. What I think is really missing is the ancient custom of "Rite of Passage". I became a holy terror at about the age 15, with Dad (helplessly) right there doing the very best he could. Boys want nothing more in the world than to be a man, and as teenagers they ARE going to take that step and SHOW the world they are a "man".

Problem is, there's nothing to sink their teeth into in order to accomplish this transition, virtually no guidelines for being recognized as a man by one's peers what so ever. If the boy is left twisting in the wind, then he's just going to act whenever, and wherever he can. So what is there waiting for him with open arms? The usual sex, drugs and rock and roll thing. For instance: "I'm gonna be just like Slash from "Guns n Roses". (LOL)

Unless the father has broken the mold himself, all of this is going to happen regardless, and right under his nose. Even then he may not be successful, given the tremendous pull of societal influences.

The Truth Is In There
26th July 2013, 11:47
the father is the first alpha male in the child's life. the mother can't take that place. a natural development can't happen if the natural order is not in place. what we seen in many human families today would never be possible in nature, that's why so many children or people in general have unnatural behaviour. anti-authoritarian education is another reason why many of today's children are impossible.

grannyfranny100
26th July 2013, 12:44
Fred "Very important thread Violet, thanks. The father's presence to me is almost secondary, as a vast majority are basically boys themselves in a man's body. What I think is really missing is the ancient custom of "Rite of Passage"."

My feelings, too. So many Native American cultures have specific rituals including sending the boy off into the wilderness to discover his totem animal, survive on his own and then accepting him into the tribe's adult males. Sure beats the unruly behavior of teenage boys in our general culture as they struggle on their own to achieve manhood without the guidance of their equally little boy fathers. I suspect that some boys join the military to prove their manhood but wish there were alternatives to this.

What ideas do you have to fill this gap in our culture? You seem to be one of the rare males that have achieved manhood without a cultural ritual. How did you achieve this inner confidence of your own maleness? Do you have some ideas that might be a model for others to build upon?

william r sanford72
26th July 2013, 13:36
there has been no greater gift and honor.than for me to be a father..dad..daddy.to my son and daughters.they have taught me so much.and i learned that its more than just love when its being a father.much much more.shoot i am always afraid of screwing up..or them up..but as i wrote i wouldnt trade it for the world..or worlds.they are getting to watch me grow up as well and tolerate my mistakes with patient love in there eyes.

Fred Steeves
26th July 2013, 15:20
What ideas do you have to fill this gap in our culture? You seem to be one of the rare males that have achieved manhood without a cultural ritual. How did you achieve this inner confidence of your own maleness? Do you have some ideas that might be a model for others to build upon?

Thank you for the very nice compliment grannyfranny, but heck if I know. We've allowed ourselves to become so thoroughly detached from who and what we really are, it's like we need to get that one more figured out first. (I know I do) Perhaps at that point, with more and more people beginning to live as authentic humans once again, it will become something others take notice of, and decide they want to emulate this state of mind and being as well.

I reckon the rest would flow from there, and a new kind of culture and customs would naturally develop from scratch. Wouldn't that be breath taking to watch unfold?

Violet
21st June 2015, 19:03
Father's day.

:star:

And don't forget:

Be good fathers.

Be there, for starters,
and if you can't, give a sign of life, your children are waiting for it (yes).

Be nice to your wife.

Invest in your family. Do it (pro-)actively.

Just be a good memory (in progress).

And have looots of fun for the rest of this father's day.

RunningDeer
21st June 2015, 19:16
http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/fathers-day_zpsdbpmis7x.jpg

RunningDeer <3

Sstarss
21st June 2015, 19:49
there has been no greater gift and honor.than for me to be a father..dad..daddy.to my son and daughters.they have taught me so much.and i learned that its more than just love when its being a father.much much more.shoot i am always afraid of screwing up..or them up..but as i wrote i wouldnt trade it for the world..or worlds.they are getting to watch me grow up as well and tolerate my mistakes with patient love in there eyes.

Just lovely..... you and your children are blessed!
Happy, loving Fathers Day.
:heart:

Ted
22nd June 2015, 01:23
I'm blessed to be the father to 4 wonderful children. My youngest son took me out for a round of golf today and cooked a great dinner to boot! They all called to wish me a happy fathers day.
My kids have a great mom, which I give most of the credit to raising them. She was born to be a mom, and only had 4 as a result if difficult pregnancies.
Parenting has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I haven't been as good a father as I would have liked, but I hung in there and did my best. I didn't have a great role model as a father, but he did his best too. If it gets a little better each generation, it's heading in the right direction anyway.
My wife and I have been married for 34 years. It's not a match made in heaven, but we have persevered mainly for the kids sake. We have managed to patch up our differences, and I must say it was for the better. We've both grown a lot, but our children have been the real beneficiaries. All the boys have made it through college, and my daughter is well on her way.
I attribute this mostly to a stable and supportive family unit, where both parents were actively involved in each child's life. For example, my daughter thinks it's ridiculous how her girlfriends in college just have to have a boyfriend to feel complete. She received plenty of male attention from her father and three brothers growing up and doesn't feel the need to prove she can be loved by a man (and she is a very attractive young woman). My boys would never dream of hitting or abusing a woman because they were taught respect for women.
There are many examples I could site, but the bottom line is that a stable family, with both parents working together, is the ideal environment. My wife and I both came from "broken" homes, and were determined not to inflict that on our kids.
I'm not saying that single parents can't raise wonderful children, because they often do. It just works better when both parents are doing it together.
I hope I don't sound divisive here, because that is not my intent. I'm just speaking from my own experience.

Cheers,

Ted

Flash
22nd June 2015, 02:23
I do miss my dad, moreso in days like today.

Nothing can replace one's daddy.

Happy father's day to all the wonderful dads here on Avalon.