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Sammy
8th February 2014, 23:38
Hi friends - My posting style is usually from direct experience. For the last several months Chester had (for the most part) transcended his ego.

The pink cloud ended last week.

When I would go to AA, they would tell me that alcohol (and drugs) was "cunning, baffling and powerful."

So is this monstrous "ego thingie."

I don't hold any hopes that I "get rid of it" anytime soon... as each time it seems I might have moved out of the reach of its nasty claws, I find myself ensnared once again and "I" end up being nothing but its dinner.

Kristin
8th February 2014, 23:41
Good luck with that Chester. Remember that it can leave as soon as it appears. You may be pleasantly surprised. We love you!

From the Heart,
Kristin

markpierre
9th February 2014, 00:06
Stop imagining 'the ego' is someone other than you. It's the ego that's doing that.
Love Chester's ego as much as God does for F-sake, and if it makes dumb judgements, over-ride them.
There's nothing 'out there' for the ego to do battle with, but that doesn't stop it trying.
Have a laugh. It's not that big a deal.

You can transcend the ego when you're dead. But if anything about you is unacceptable,
you're stuck not accepting it until it is.

Shezbeth
9th February 2014, 00:07
Welcome back Chester! I hope you've learned a thing or two about checks and balances, and working within a group from your sabbatical from the driver's seat?

I've been recapitulating Ender's Game for over a week now as an expression of and in response to synchronistic events, and in this case one of my absolute favorite ideas seems apt:

"There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you when he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you."

While I prefer the term opponent to enemy, the same reasoning applies; The ego is the ultimate opponent to the Self, and vice versa. However, just because they approach the game from opposite sides of the board, doesn't mean they aren't inherently the most intimate of friends.

Take care with your decisions or I imagine that your Self will put you back on time-out,.... ^_~

Orph
9th February 2014, 00:08
... as each time it seems I might have moved out of the reach of its nasty claws, I find myself ensnared once again and "I" end up being nothing but its dinner.Why do you think of it in negative terms? ..... "nasty claws", "ensnared", "nothing but it's dinner". ...... Naturally, I don't have your experiences, so it would be okay if you were to tell me that I don't have a clue, and that I don't know what I'm talking about. :wave: But I'm curious. There are other levels of 'you', that you are experiencing. If you love yourself completely, wouldn't that kind of negate the negativeness of the situation?

(It's okay. You can say I don't know what I'm talking about) :peace:

tim
9th February 2014, 00:52
Hi Chester,

Yes, after satori the mind/ego does reassert itself. Once that first taste of no mind has been directly experienced though, the tricks and traps and games in the mind’s repertoire become increasingly more transparent.

Until finally, the mind’s greatest projection, the unreal extant subjective observer, or ego, is realized to be nothing more than an illusion, a reflection without any real substance or separate existence...


THE NUN CHIYONO STUDIED FOR YEARS, BUT WAS UNABLE TO FIND ENLIGHTENMENT.

ONE NIGHT, SHE WAS CARRYING AN OLD PAIL FILLED WITH WATER. AS SHE WAS WALKING ALONG, SHE WAS WATCHING THE FULL MOON REFLECTED IN THE PAIL OF WATER.

SUDDENLY, THE BAMBOO STRIPS THAT HELD THE PAIL TOGETHER BROKE, AND THE PAIL FELL APART. THE WATER RUSHED OUT; THE MOON’S REFLECTION DISAPPEARED – AND CHIYONO BECAME ENLIGHTENED.

SHE SUBSEQUENTLY WROTE THIS VERSE:

THIS WAY AND THAT WAY I TRIED TO KEEP THE PAIL TOGETHER, HOPING THE WEAK BAMBOO WOULD NEVER BREAK.

SUDDENLY THE BOTTOM FELL OUT. NO MORE WATER; NO MORE MOON IN THE WATER – EMPTINESS IN MY HAND.


But once that first satori has been realized, your head is in the tiger’s mouth, as Ramana used to say. It is only a matter of time before the bamboo strips (thoughts) that held the pail (mind/ego) together fall apart and you arrive home (having never actually left, lol).


http://themotherdivine.com/05/your-head-in-tigers-mouth.shtml


Ramesh poses the question “A thought arises, a desire arises and it takes a split-second for the brain to react to it and for the mind-ego to take possession and say that this is ‘my’ thought, ‘my’ desire…Now, you tell me whether the desire is of the ego or the Consciousness?” Ramesh then proceeds to shake up yet another common notion about giving up desire, “The only way desire can be surrendered is if you accept that this is not ‘your’ desire.” Believing that ‘you’ are giving up ‘your’ desire will only feed the ego.

He offers a few pointers for surrender: “Being in the Present Moment is Acceptance, is Surrender, because being in the Present Moment, there is no ego, no thinking mind…The thinking mind, the ego hides the Present Moment…It is only the ego that is concerned with the future. God is not concerned with the future. God is the Present Moment.”

Namaste/With Love
tim

johnf
9th February 2014, 01:13
Chester,
Thanks for the share, it brings to mind Tom brown's stories about how to move silently in the forest.
Everything in the forest has a cycle of movement, the breeze moves the leaves, the creatures feel an urge to move at a certain time.
If you go into the forest , and stay still and listen for a while you will hear the combined noise rising and falling like a wave.
If you move when everything else moves, any disturbance you make gets swallowed up in the noises around you.
If you lapse into stillness with forest, you will blend in.
Any creatures such as deer etc, will only see you if you are moving.
He incorporates this into his nature trainings by having his students try to sneak up on a wild deer, and touch it.
If you can do that, you can move through the forest, and see more of what is there without you.
Perhaps there are some similarities with stalking the "self".

Godspeed on this leg of your journey!

JohnF

RunningDeer
9th February 2014, 01:41
So is this monstrous "ego thingie."

I don't hold any hopes that I "get rid of it" anytime soon... as each time it seems I might have moved out of the reach of its nasty claws, I find myself ensnared once again and "I" end up being nothing but its dinner.

Dear Chester,

“So this ego... Each time I move out of it’s reach, I remind myself that I’ve tweaked the menu. Then I go ahead and set a place for two.”

“Hey buddy, please pass the non-GMO sweet potatoes.”

With heart,
RunningDeer

P.S. I don’t mean to dimmish how you feel in the moment, but I’m recalling all the breakthroughs you’ve had. No doubt, they’ll continue.

GarethBKK
9th February 2014, 04:09
Go for a walk, Chester. Focus only on the feet moving through space and making contact with the ground. Shut all else out. Then, ask this: Am I carrying the body, or is the body carrying me? Which feels lighter? And, there you are. Stop. Do you need anything now?

Sammy
9th February 2014, 05:22
Will respond in the morning but had to thank folks for the responses.

Somehow I was led to this one...

3Ow9wsMb46s

"Often disaster means the (thought) forms dissolve."

chocolate
9th February 2014, 15:19
I was wondering few days back how is justoneman doing.

Embrace your strengths and your weaknesses. They are all you, they make you special.
Everyone says 'be strong'. I say 'be weak' for weakness is the other face of strength.

We all here wish you to feel the LOVE. :wave:

mVCKoAyqC1w
Nothing fails as success! ;)




Dear Chester,

“So this ego... Each time I move out of it’s reach, I remind myself that I’ve tweaked the menu. Then I go ahead and set a place for two.”

“Hey buddy, please pass the non-GMO sweet potatoes.”

With heart,
RunningDeer

P.S. I don’t mean to dimmish how you feel in the moment, but I’m recalling all the breakthroughs you’ve had. No doubt, they’ll continue.

RunningDeer, I just had to!

Sammy
9th February 2014, 17:48
Hi - OK, three things happened. Two were small things that came forth form my external world experience. The third was thing was the worst one and came solely from within.

The first thing was - I went to see a professional (a psychiatrist) that treated me over 30 years ago and that I had not seen since. Why I want was because I felt I had made some discoveries (breakthroughs) which I wanted to run by him. Surely another reason I went (one which I became aware of after the meeting) was to impress him as to the "new Chester" (can we say ego?).

He asked me about the last 30 years and as usual these days, I was honest. He then said that nothing had changed, that I still go up... up... up and then find a way to come crashing down. I said, wait a minute! I have two years sober, a great deal of stability, am handling all my responsibilities well, doing good things for all sorts of folks in my family and friendship sphere, giving to charities (not much but I don't have much) BUT! none of that is why I was here to present myself... I was here because I had come upon the Absolute! The Timeless, Formless, Eternal One Life we all are! And that I have rested in the (driver's?) seat of Who We Actually Are!

He was not impressed and thus not interested in hearing how I achieved this nor felt that anyone else in his profession would be although he did suggest (as dozens of people have over the last several months) that I write a book if I feel so compelled. hahaha

Wammo. So as I left his office, the impact of the experience descended upon me and the emotions of humiliation came rushing through.

"Seeeee? I never left... I just waited it out as I knew if I were patient, you would set yourself up just fine," said the ego in the back of my head.

At least I laughed as I am laughing now. This was last Tuesday

Now - the second blow to Chester came to lite the last few days but the seeds were planted way back in November of last year... just about the same time I had my supposed "breakthrough" regarding the "Archons/Angels" and then soon after experienced the satori which generated this lovely pink cloud and thus which lasted until just a few days ago.

I say "supposed" because though I see all form as illusory, when one plays in the realms of form, like I do, these types of conceptual structures may appear. They are "real" from the view within form - real to those who, at deeper levels (of which one may not be consciously aware) are open to and/or buy into the presented dynamic - we appear to create these playgrounds at the deepest level of our being. And I should add that the when one takes a view within form, they are shift point of view from the Big Self to their their role as an identity (identity can viewed from both the material level as well as the conceptual individual spirit being level).

So I use the word, "supposedly" because no matter what degree the theory may be true within form, the fact is that all form is simply illusion and this includes conceptual structures like this no matter what degree of experiential evidence or actual physical evidence I may have.

It seems we create the outer reality in conjunction with our attempts to interpret thoughts in relation to our egoic selves. A thought comes forth and then the ego tries to won it. The reality reflects that self deception back to us and continues to do so in bigger, louder ways until we "see the light" and change our mind. No wonder folks like Icke see the human condition as a repeating time loop as it appears this is where we are now - stuck. Suffering seems to be the solution to these types of blocks. How much do we all have to suffer?

Anyways - I digressed. Here's how I set myself up again. I assumed a new responsibility related to the generation of income. No big deal until I found myself obsessed by it. The obsession led to a serious overworked condition and when I tried to back it down... I couldn't. last week I "saw the light" and that is when I realized again how sneaky my lovely friend, my ego, can be.

So not only did I consciously decide (last Nov/Dec) not to go through the doorway to turiyatita when I sensed I was anchored in turiya (http://www.advaita.org.uk/discourses/teachers/turiya_peter.htm) - a decision I made because I was having too much fun! - I set myself up again and this all led to last week.

Now for the third thing. I knew I would have to post about it here. And this took me three or four days to get to the place where I had the guts to be honest here on Avalon with the folks who frankly have become most cherished friends all because of the intimacy many of us have shared on the forum, through PMs and mails, through some Skype conversations and even a few face to faces.

Essentially I was beating the drum of enlightenment and indeed I experienced additional enlightening. To be honest with my friends here was not easy...

I better push the Submit Reply button fast!

DeDukshyn
9th February 2014, 18:21
A metaphor comes to mind. At the subatomic levels of form, the building blocks of form are 100% irrelevant. The laws of physics change, there is no perceived gravity at that level, and no actual mass and nothing actually ever touches anything else, and only energy exists. Nothing from our world of form is relevant or recognizable at the subatomic level. Yet both realities existence is deeply intertwined.

Sammy
9th February 2014, 19:27
Interesting update - one thing I noticed over the last 4 or 5 weeks... when my work obsession was beginning to peak was that the percentage of psi experiences (especially synchronicities) had dropped to almost never happening. I was becoming sad about that and had suspected the reason was that I had once again plunged head first into a passion for what was nothing but a material pursuit which could also result in a buildup of "healthy self esteem." I did not like the tradeoff and fortunately the crash occured.

Since I wrote the above OP and now added the post above, suddenly synchronicities have returned as well as some good old fashioned mind reading.

Its almost as if there's a true either/or situation there (for me at least). How many times must this lesson be presented? Hummmm.

As an example, I just returned from a short trip in my car. At the end of that trip, I had reviewed this whole episode and had one good, final laugh. And at the very instant I essential said to myself, "this latest chapter is over," this song came on the radio.

The timing and the message was so perfect, I sat in the car until the song was over.

h2JWJYLNUq4



"Sweet Surrender"

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home

and sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

you take me in
no questions asked
you strip away the ugliness
that surrounds me
are you an angel
am I already that gone
I only hope
that I won't disappoint you
when I'm down here
on my knees

and sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

and I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall

I miss the little things
oh I miss everything

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I left behind me
is a cold room

jagman
9th February 2014, 19:37
Chester
If i'm getting this right? You went to see a psych to get validation of what you believed to be
a personal transformation of yourself and he dismissed it, Which caused you to relapse?

My honest opinion Chester is that this is not about the ego.This is about having an addictive
personality disorder. I imagine you have been addicted to something your whole life? Your
latest version of the addiction comes by the way of making money, thus overworking yourself.
Millions of people suffer from this disorder.

My advice to you would be to find something positive that you could focus your addictive
personality on. I could be way off base here chester but to me it's all about fighting the
good fight.

Sammy
9th February 2014, 21:23
Chester
If i'm getting this right? You went to see a psych to get validation of what you believed to be
a personal transformation of yourself and he dismissed it, Which caused you to relapse?

My honest opinion Chester is that this is not about the ego.This is about having an addictive
personality disorder. I imagine you have been addicted to something your whole life? Your
latest version of the addiction comes by the way of making money, thus overworking yourself.
Millions of people suffer from this disorder.

My advice to you would be to find something positive that you could focus your addictive
personality on. I could be way off base here chester but to me it's all about fighting the
good fight.

Hi Jag - I didn't relapse at all. All that happened was that I felt a bit humbled by his response. And I knew that the thing that felt humility was my ego. If I had transcended my ego to the degree I thought I had, his reaction would not have impacted me like it did. That's all I was saying.

The reason I felt it important to share about here is that I had recently been posing about the new view I thought I had adopted (permanently) after a pretty powerful, prolonged satori.

I made it a commitment to be always honest with folks here and so to share this was a personal requirement, but also was not easy as again that wonderful humility was experienced.

That can only be experienced by a still "alive, well and kicking" ego.

As to the addiction aspect, you nailed Chester - a habitual addictive personality. Strangely I was beginning to think that guy had been "transcended." That was a mistake.

Orph
10th February 2014, 00:48
I think I may understand a bit of what you're going through. I've had a few episodes of 'moving up the ladder', so to speak. (hard to convey this stuff with words). I would find myself at a different level of being. Things would be much more beautiful and serene at that level. And of course it's easy to believe that once we're "there", we won't go back to our 'original' self. But, we both know that although slipping back may not be inevitable, it does happen nonetheless. It's frustrating.

At times like that, in order to help alleviate my frustrations, I take a few moments and imagine myself as an 8 month old baby. I'm trying to stand up, and for very fleeting moments I may actually get up to an almost standing position. But, ....... I lose my balance and fall back down. At some level, there's a "me" that knows not to give up. As a baby, we still have smiles on our faces. What fun we have as babies trying to learn to stand. Up, down, up, down. Wheeeeeeeee. And so here we are. Toddlers trying to stand up. Trying to see what life looks like from "up there". Wheeeeeee. Take it as a good thing. :high5:

Shezbeth
10th February 2014, 01:50
IMO&E, trying to be rid of/suppress the Ego is comparable to a dog chasing it's own tail. Can the dog catch it? Sure! I've seen it happen tons of times! But, unless the dog wants to sit there holding it's tail for the rest of its life, it will eventually have to let go and let the tail do its thing.

However, the chase and potential catch can feel sure rewarding.

And as humans, one only needs one hand to hold the 'tail', so I suppose one doesn't have to stop everything,.... ^_^

markpierre
10th February 2014, 10:17
I hope now then that the ego has been bashed back into his humble introspect mode,
and not bother you so much. At least he's polite.
Enjoy the respite, and btw, the chicks love it.

Sammy
10th February 2014, 15:17
Metaphor -

Last week, I felt like a body that had been pumped full of bullets.

Then after I wrote the above OP, my friends here walked by, noticed my plight and then began to stomp on my near lifeless shell.

Today I awoke and guess what?

A brand new body!!!

Thanks Friends - this is what makes this forum the greatest project ever and I truly mean that and I am saying thanks - I moved well beyond kit gloves long ago and those who have gotten to know me along the way (fortunately) did not pull any punches

Now, I still see the mountain I was comfortably sitting atop. But I finally felt compelled (late last night) to seek out and watch the Simon Parkes interview. Incredible!

I am diving head first back into life and am starting where I left off wiser for my "near turiyatita" experience.

chocolate
10th February 2014, 15:37
Hi justoneman!
I was on my way out, but I had to stop here.
I have a new video for you to see ;) :
dbh5l0b2-0o

I realized in my personal life I fear things I don't understand, so I try to understand. I cannot live in fear.
That is why, although the video is long and probably a bit boring, may give you an idea why one struggles trying to see oneself in the approval of the outside world.

Here on the forum it is a bit of the same reality.
I don't quite fit in, but that is part of my story, and I am okay with it.
I have never been a follower. I always have a very safe place where none of the outside can bother me- I go inside.
There are so many answers there, that when you experience it once it says with you.

In my view you are one of the best and strongest examples of how a person can find his strength coming from the inside.

Can I use the cliche: 'Keep walking' :) ?
And just stop worrying about your ego? It has its purpose.