PDA

View Full Version : A little humor please



Matt P
8th June 2014, 20:30
I submit a thread category should be called "humor." As much you-know-what that we have to step in and sift through, as far as truth research in this modern age, I think it's important to remind myself to laugh hard and frequently. I'm not one of those good joke tellers and I don't remember them well at all. I used to when I was younger I think. I wish I could post a good joke about aliens are alternative energy but this is all I got for now. It gave my wife and I a great laugh. Maybe it will for you too. If you got any goods ones, please share....I'm in the mood for laughter tonight.

Matt


Why Women Make Better Assassins

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.....kill her!!!" The man said “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife”. The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife." The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to kill him with the chair”

Cidersomerset
8th June 2014, 20:55
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to kill him with the chair”

http://izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-for-the-female-of-the-species-is-more-deadly-than-the-male-rudyard-kipling-103030.jpg

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/262/2/b/black_widow_demote_wallpaper_by_sailmaster_seion-d5f8v6n.jpg


QYatyBtYwC4

Dorjezigzag
8th June 2014, 22:53
It's true, special forces training says to shoot the women first when dealing with terrorists, as they are so much more ruthless.

Anyway now I'm going to bring the humour a little more base, check out the further ones

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-05/enhanced/webdr08/15/17/enhanced-buzz-24362-1400188678-10.jpg

This is not what you think it is!

check out some more?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/unfortunate-pictures

Matt P
9th June 2014, 00:59
Well, Dorjezigzag, that just went to a whole new level but thanks! :-) Definitely a hearty laugh!

skyflower
9th June 2014, 01:23
Got this from veterans today. Had a good laugh.


http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/How_to_tell_if_your_dog_is_involvecd_in_a_Sex_Scandal.jpg

skyflower
9th June 2014, 01:28
Putincize, Putincize !! Anyone else find this hilarious?



Fcb4rLzXFl0

Milneman
9th June 2014, 02:22
How many drag queens does it take to change a light bulb?

4.

1 to change the bulb, 3 to shout "BITCH! GET OUT OF MY LIGHT!"

angelfire
9th June 2014, 08:57
This must really have hurt but I find it (and their reactions) sooo funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBXKoZQwvDE

etheric underground
9th June 2014, 11:00
Did you hear about the mexican train killer??
He had LOCO MOTIVES......

PMS should be classified as OVARY- ACTING

A midget psychic who kills you is a SHORT MEDIUM AT LARGE.

Did you hear about the Leper who had to go back in the shower??
He forgot his head and shoulders....

Cardillac
9th June 2014, 13:51
here's the flip-side to women's humor:

a man learned of the death of a distant co-worker's 2nd wife and the caller, just being polite, offered his deepest condolences to the widower;

CALLER: my deepest condolences to you; but wasn't this your second wife?

WIDOWER: yes

CALLER: but how did your first wife die?

WIDOWER: she sadly died of mushroom poisoning

CALLER: ooh, how awful!- so how did your second wife die?

WIDOWER: she died of a fractured scull

CALLER: how horrible!- so how did THAT happen!?

scroll down






WIDOWER: she didn't want to eat any mushrooms

Milneman
11th June 2014, 17:51
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Hrmph....taste funny.

Sidney
11th June 2014, 17:56
Did you hear about the reptilian that couldn't complete his hybridation program?

It was ....... a reptile disfunction.
:cantina:

Joanne Shepard
11th June 2014, 18:38
Did you hear about the reptilian that couldn't complete his hybridation program?

It was ....... a reptile disfunction.
:cantina:

Sidney,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Big smile here, Now that was funny, I Love it :)

Joanne Shepard
11th June 2014, 18:41
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Hrmph....taste funny.


I hope I can remember this one :)

Joanne Shepard
11th June 2014, 18:45
here's the flip-side to women's humor:

a man learned of the death of a distant co-worker's 2nd wife and the caller, just being polite, offered his deepest condolences to the widower;

CALLER: my deepest condolences to you; but wasn't this your second wife?

WIDOWER: yes

CALLER: but how did your first wife die?

WIDOWER: she sadly died of mushroom poisoning

CALLER: ooh, how awful!- so how did your second wife die?

WIDOWER: she died of a fractured scull

CALLER: how horrible!- so how did THAT happen!?

scroll down






WIDOWER: she didn't want to eat any mushrooms


Laughed out loud, :) Thank you

Milneman
11th June 2014, 19:59
A duck walks into a drug store and says: "Gimme some chap stick and put it on my bill."

badum-dum

Same duck walks into a drug store and says, "Gimme a box of condoms."

Clerk asks: "Do you want me to put them on your bill too?"

Duck says: "What the hell kind of sick freak do you think I am???"