How do we feel good enough?

[Natalia]

I'm not an expert on this, up and down with it...and I feel that this is an important question for many people...

Has anyone here really transformed not feeling good enough to feeling good enough at least most of the time?

Why do we sometimes focus too much on that thing in those who don't see us or treat us as good enough, when it causes us pain? I can only see one "good" reason, and that is to help us grow/heal something more...it can be a catalyst...but apart from that, it can be unhealthy and not needed...need to rise above it...

What if we are good enough to a partner or potential partner, but we don't feel like we are?

What if we are good enough for a job, but we don't feel like we are?

What if we are good enough to make music, but don't think that we are?

Etc, etc, etc, this thing can really get in the way...and I don't just want to talk and listen about it, I want to do something practical about it...

(btw, I can accept that I am not good enough in some ways or to some people...but it does not mean that I have to focus on it too much)...

[araucaria]

Hi Amethyst. 'Good enough' is a static notion, it is a grade on a scale. How about trying a more dynamic notion. I make music, not very well, but with practice I am getting better, or with age I am getting worse, it doesn't matter. Static points like 'good enough' become meaningless - to the stage when 'good enough' for others might actually not be good enough for oneself.

So the practical thing you can do is just do it. Practice in private until someone overhears you and once someone starts listening you find yourself modestly performing in public. 'Good enough' doesn't come into it.

[christian]

That's interesting, I never really have it like this in my mind, "Am I good enough for this or that?"

I do assess whether or not I think I'm capable of something, like performing a certain movement. If I think I might just be, I'll give it a go, the result may be whatever, all is fine with me. I just do it, learn from it, move on. I like to try myself in a variety of situations. :)

This all reminds me a lot of Byron Katie's work and the stories we choose to believe or not... :)

[giovonni]

hmm ...

we are all capable of being good ... if we get enough love.

[Natalia]

For me, it is a deep belief..."not good enough", "not worthy", "I don't deserve this"...rather than a conscious thought...however, at times I do think something along those lines, like "my voice is ok...it can be quite nice at it's best"...but the feeling is "not good enough"...I should just start it...even if I don't feel really confident about it...I've got a lot of creativity inside, and potential, and I am not putting (most of) it into good use...depression also gets in the way sometimes and I don't feel motivated...but I just know that I need to make a shift...

[Sidney]

For me, it is a deep belief..."not good enough", "not worthy", "I don't deserve this"...rather than a conscious thought...however, at times I do think something along those lines, like "my voice is ok...it can be quite nice at it's best"...but the feeling is "not good enough"...I should just start it...even if I don't feel really confident about it...I've got a lot of creativity inside, and potential, and I am not putting (most of) it into good use...depression also gets in the way sometimes and I don't feel motivated...but I just know that I need to make a shift...

A counselor once tought me to wear a rubberband around my wrist. Every time a negative self thought entered my mind, snap it. It tricks the brain into changing the subject. When u snap it, have a positive affermation ready to tell yourself such as, i am worthy. I am awesome etc. Eventually, the mind will no longer talk down to yourself, if that makes ang sense. These negative self talks stem from childhood, and it is a normal human response to keep the negative self image especially if you do internalize things, but you CAN change the course with some patience and a little training. The book "feeling good" by David D. Burns is wonderful self help for these issues.

[Natalia]

For me, it is a deep belief..."not good enough", "not worthy", "I don't deserve this"...rather than a conscious thought...however, at times I do think something along those lines, like "my voice is ok...it can be quite nice at it's best"...but the feeling is "not good enough"...I should just start it...even if I don't feel really confident about it...I've got a lot of creativity inside, and potential, and I am not putting (most of) it into good use...depression also gets in the way sometimes and I don't feel motivated...but I just know that I need to make a shift...

A counselor once tought me to wear a rubberband around my wrist. Every time a negative self thought entered my mind, snap it. It tricks the brain into changing the subject. When u snap it, have a positive affermation ready to tell yourself such as, i am worthy. I am awesome etc. Eventually, the mind will no longer talk down to yourself, if that makes ang sense. These negative self talks stem from childhood, and it is a normal human response to keep the negative self image especially if you do internalize things, but you CAN change the course with some patience and a little training. The book "feeling good" by David D. Burns is wonderful self help for these issues.

Thanks Sidney, I will try that and buy the book (got to put some effort in and try something different, I did try affirmations but not like every time or not constantly...)...

[Sidney]

For me, it is a deep belief..."not good enough", "not worthy", "I don't deserve this"...rather than a conscious thought...however, at times I do think something along those lines, like "my voice is ok...it can be quite nice at it's best"...but the feeling is "not good enough"...I should just start it...even if I don't feel really confident about it...I've got a lot of creativity inside, and potential, and I am not putting (most of) it into good use...depression also gets in the way sometimes and I don't feel motivated...but I just know that I need to make a shift...

A counselor once tought me to wear a rubberband around my wrist. Every time a negative self thought entered my mind, snap it. It tricks the brain into changing the subject. When u snap it, have a positive affermation ready to tell yourself such as, i am worthy. I am awesome etc. Eventually, the mind will no longer talk down to yourself, if that makes ang sense. These negative self talks stem from childhood, and it is a normal human response to keep the negative self image especially if you do internalize things, but you CAN change the course with some patience and a little training. The book "feeling good" by David D. Burns is wonderful self help for these issues.

Thanks Sidney, I will try that and buy the book (got to put some effort in and try something different, I did try affirmations but not like every time or not constantly...)...

The rubberband thing really does work. But you do have to be willing to snap it hard enough to hurt a little. Lol not the most pleasant thing in the world. But after a couple days i actually started to see humor in it each time, and after about a week i could see the change in my habitual self doubt become neutral then more positive, and finally the "i can" mentality started to form.

Ps. You really ARE Awesome!😄

[shadowstalker]

the only time i ever feel not good enough is when i hit my depression spells, then all hell breaks loose till it breaks loose. then I sing and dance and be damned the rest and there thinking. lol

[Heartsong]

Sounds like you grew up hearing a lot of criticism, criticism of yourself and of others and the world in general.

Ask yourself "good enough for what?". Good enough for a Nobel Prize? Good enough to keep me happy? Good enough to .....?

Use and establish your own standards, not those that you think others have.

[shadowstalker]

My standards are established, but it is also chemical (bad thyroid) And when i did finally become established folks really hated it, they couldn't totally control me. And i have left them to the wayside.

[johnf]

Sometimes it is amazing how prevalent this idea of not good enough, not enough, inadequate, etc, can be.
It is more than just and idea of course, and in order to masquerade as the truth it has to hide from us.
The simple answer is to fully feel the emotions connected to the words, and to see the words as just words so the distraction of the label falls away.
Somewhere in there are we are feeling on a deep level we are not good enough.
The task is to fully feel that we are not good enough, and keep asking is this true.
The simple fact is we are awareness, and we have never really been other than that,
and awareness ,consciousness has always been enough, that is the resting point from which
all observations, and feelings arise, no matter what is happening.
At some point we can fully expose the feelings of not good enough, and just plain feel not good enough.
And of course rest in awareness as we do.
At that point the terrible feelings tend to relax and turn into energy in the body, which we don't need to
do anything with.
Personally I am still working on this, but I keep feeling what comes up, revisit the truth that I am enough, have always been enough, and complete as many good acts as I can each day.

John

[Rich]

Amethyst I assume that ''not good enough'' as in not worthy?

Enjoyed contemplating those questions.



How do we feel good enough?
By being what we are...
The other day in meditation I noticed what I always wanted and what I was always looking for was to be what I am.
To quote Bashar: ''To know yourself as fully as you can is to recognize you already contain everything your mind wants...''



Has anyone here really transformed not feeling good enough to feeling good enough at least most of the time?
Probably, because there is only here and now and that is beyond the concept of time.
It takes a thought to 'take you out' of Now. (Not saying that thoughts are unnecessary thou).



Why do we sometimes focus too much on that thing in those who don't see us or treat us as good enough, when it causes us pain? I can only see one "good" reason, and that is to help us grow/heal something more...it can be a catalyst...

The world is a reflection of your mind, when you change the believes of yourself that reflection also changes.



What if we are good enough to a partner or potential partner, but we don't feel like we are?
Reminds me of myself, lol.
Then we can ask ourselves: ''what exactly do I believe is not good enough about me?'' Point your finger on it can you find it?



What if we are good enough for a job, but we don't feel like we are?
Then we have to live with that believe until we change it.



What if we are good enough to make music, but don't think that we are?
Then we can still make music.



Etc, etc, etc, this thing can really get in the way...and I don't just want to talk and listen about it, I want to do something practical about it...
Practical thing; meditation/contemplation.




(btw, I can accept that I am not good enough in some ways or to some people...but it does not mean that I have to focus on it too much)...
You can accept that you are not good enough? How is that possible, would accepting that you are not good enough automatically make you good enough?!

The other day in meditation I saw that if I was not fully loved exactly as I am, I could not exist, I could not be the person that I am, because what we REALLY are does not support anything that it does not Love, it is all made of Love, in Love.

You are loved exactly as you are, it cannot be any other way.

[Frank V]

I'm not an expert on this, up and down with it...and I feel that this is an important question for many people...

Has anyone here really transformed not feeling good enough to feeling good enough at least most of the time?

If you are specifically enquiring about "feeling good enough in relation to someone else's demands", then my answer would be "Yes, I have overcome that, for most part."

I too have been put down and told that I wasn't good enough - I wasn't just told, I was actually literally indoctrinated with the idea that I was just about the worst thing that ever existed, and in my innocence, I actually started believing that - but I broke free from that when I gradually started discovering my own talents on the one hand, and seeing through the lies and manipulation by those others who were putting me down on the other hand.

I still do have to prove myself to some people on a virtually daily basis, but at least I now know that the way they see me or the way they're trying to depict me (in the eyes of others) is not the truth, and that they are simply lying to themselves at best, or trying to lie to the people who know me in order to damage my reputation at worst.

I would also like to add that all of us who came to this planet in order to help humanity rise above the problems which it has created for itself, have powerful enemies. They've known who we are since the day we were born, and they know why we're here.

As such, not only do they manipulate our lives - these are powerful beings we're talking about here - but they also manipulate our thoughts and our self-esteem. The more we suffer, the greater their feast on our pain - they are what I personally call "cosmic vampires" - and in addition to that, the more we suffer, the less positive energy we will be able to put out into the world, touching others and uplifting the consciousness of humanity.

I myself have come at a point now - actually, that was a few years ago already - where I am often, after the initial shock, able to discern the "synthetic thoughts/feelings" (to use the verbiage of another poster in another thread). Those thoughts and feelings are energetic implants, designed to draw your attention onto something which is a lie. Sometimes, their individual signatures are so clearly outlined that it's hard to miss them, but just as often it is hard to distinguish them from your own feelings and thoughts. But that is how they operate. And I can tell you that if you're afflicted with OCD ("obsessive-compulsive disorder") as I am, then it's not exactly a fun ride.



Why do we sometimes focus too much on that thing in those who don't see us or treat us as good enough, when it causes us pain?

Exactly because of the fact that it causes us pain. Pain draws your attention - it's a simple psychological reaction. And when it has your attention, it'll start creeping into your every thought, growing and spreading, like a cancer. It'll drag you down if you don't stand up to it and face it for what it is. The self-depreciating thoughts will creep into various other feelings, even into your memories, and in the end, you're surrounded by it all of the time, regardless of where you are, what you experience and what you feel or think. You hear a song and "bang", it's there. You watch a movie and "bang", it's there. You go to sleep, and "bang", it's in your dreams.

Trust me... I know.



I can only see one "good" reason, and that is to help us grow/heal something more...it can be a catalyst...but apart from that, it can be unhealthy and not needed...need to rise above it...


Exactly.



What if we are good enough to a partner or potential partner, but we don't feel like we are?

What if we are good enough for a job, but we don't feel like we are?

What if we are good enough to make music, but don't think that we are?


Then you must ask yourself where that feeling/thought comes from. Analyze yourself. You will then more often than not find that the root lies within an ancient fear which you carry within you, and which was seeded in you by people who treated you badly in the past.

In addition to that, and as I wrote higher up, once you get proficient at psychological self-analysis, you will be able to identify the synthetic thoughts - the implants. You will be able to see how they fail to perfectly integrate with your other thought patterns, because they are not actually your thoughts or feelings. They are being pushed into your consciousness by the implants you carry with you in your energetic body. And they are there for one thing only, i.e. to make you feel bad about yourself and side-track you from your purpose as a Volunteer or Emissary.



Etc, etc, etc, this thing can really get in the way...and I don't just want to talk and listen about it, I want to do something practical about it...

(btw, I can accept that I am not good enough in some ways or to some people...but it does not mean that I have to focus on it too much)...

Learn to see the good in yourself. Learn to appreciate the beautiful being that you are. Learn to believe in yourself. I am not saying that it's going to be easy. It took me more than half of my life, and I'm still working on it.

But you must never give up, because the moment you do, they will have won.

[Orph]

You can't be not good enough. It's impossible. I'll state that again, ........... You can't be not good enough! ....

Not good enough for who or what? Things that are (in a manner of speaking), outside of yourself. But that isn't the true measure of "you". You are putting a value judgment on things. Very bad - bad - okay - better - best and so on. If you do that, then you will, at least some of the time, think of yourself as not good enough. But "LIFE" doesn't judge things as good, better, or best, so why should you? "LIFE" is experiencing everything, including you, as itself. Don't put judgements on anything, or anyone, especially yourself.

You are just as much a part of life as everyone and everything else. You are just as worthy as everyone and everything else. Everything is equally a part of what life is. No judgements. You are not meant to be someone else, so don't compare yourself to someone else. Quit thinking with the human mind that you have to measure up to some arbitrary set of standards. You don't. The only thing that matters is for you to find and hold onto that infinite "you" that resides somewhere deep inside. That is absolutely THE only thing that matters. Because once you can truly feel that immortal infinite "you", then you'll understand why judgements and comparisons don't exist.

Like I said, you cannot be not good enough!! :wave: