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kirolak
6th November 2016, 08:30
I may be wrong, but to me, all "honorific" titles with reference to oneself, do not belong in one's vocabulary. The only difference, perhaps, is in the use of Mrs vs Miss, IF one chooses to differentiate in that way.

For example, I would never refer to MYSELF as Ms (except on an old-style official form that requires one's title). I find it quite jarring when a man refers to himself as MR Jones on the phone; why not use one's first name & surname? I do that, & trust that the person on the other end can hear I am in a female body; if they need more information, they can ask me for it.

In particular, the word Guru should not be used in self-reference - if others see one as a way-shower/teacher, they will call one Guru! :bowing:

It seems very self-serving to set oneself up as a Guru; all the true Gurus I have met were humble people, who insisted that they were "nobody" & that their words should not be taken as the ultimate truth. :sun:

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 15:54
I may be wrong, but to me, all "honorific" titles with reference to oneself, do not belong in one's vocabulary. The only difference, perhaps, is in the use of Mrs vs Miss, IF one chooses to differentiate in that way.

For example, I would never refer to MYSELF as Ms (except on an old-style official form that requires one's title). I find it quite jarring when a man refers to himself as MR Jones on the phone; why not use one's first name & surname? I do that, & trust that the person on the other end can hear I am in a female body; if they need more information, they can ask me for it.

In particular, the word Guru should not be used in self-reference - if others see one as a way-shower/teacher, they will call one Guru! :bowing:

It seems very self-serving to set oneself up as a Guru; all the true Gurus I have met were humble people, who insisted that they were "nobody" & that their words should not be taken as the ultimate truth. :sun:

Yes I agree with you. All true spiritual teachers worth listening to never refer to themselves as masters or gurus. The ones that do are just very enlightened EGOs.

I would also add though that your name is also just a title from a certain point of few. It is not your true self. It is just what you are called in this lifetime. Your avatar so to speak. But ya, I never like being called Mr. or even worse referring to myself in the third person.

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 16:01
Although I am not a guru or master. People look at my selfy and assume I am a super duper ultra spiritual master. :bigsmile:

RunningDeer
6th November 2016, 16:31
Although I am not a guru or master. People look at my selfy and assume I am a super duper ultra spiritual master. :bigsmile:

Wow, neutronstar! How did you know that’s what I was thinking? OMG, you are a super duper ultra spiritual master.

...........................http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Recovered/hail_zps8hc7yvdi.GIF

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/General/neutronstar_zpseoomyek6.JPG

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 16:42
Although I am not a guru or master. People look at my selfy and assume I am a super duper ultra spiritual master. :bigsmile:

Wow, neutronstar! How did you know that’s what I was thinking? OMG, you are a super duper ultra spiritual master.



I would say thank you but sense I am more humble than the most humble person you could think of. I must disagree with you that I am a super duper ultra spiritual master. But I understand how you could make such a mistake.:happy dog:

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 17:03
:focus:

Being called Mr. Mrs. and such is really not much different than the titles in English Nobility such as Duke, lord and lady, Earl and all those stupid titles. Just something else you can attribute to the Ego.

Bill Ryan
6th November 2016, 17:08
:focus:

Being called Mr. Mrs. and such is really not much different than the titles in English Nobility such as Duke, lord and lady, Earl and all those stupid titles. Just something else you can attribute to the Ego.

I've always felt that if Mr Smith marries Miss Brown, and Miss Brown then becomes Mrs Smith, that's demeaning, insulting, and medieval. It's actually nothing more than labeling oneself as being owned by another person.

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 17:15
:focus:

Being called Mr. Mrs. and such is really not much different than the titles in English Nobility such as Duke, lord and lady, Earl and all those stupid titles. Just something else you can attribute to the Ego.

I've always felt that if Mr Smith marries Miss Brown, and Miss Brown then becomes Mrs Smith, that's demeaning, insulting, and medieval. It's actually nothing more than labeling oneself as being owned by another person.

Yes, probably a result of living in a patriarchal society.

It also gets into a whole other subject. Marriage use to be between a man and a woman, now it is between a man, woman, and state.

Orph
6th November 2016, 17:49
Marriage use to be between a man and a woman, now it is between a man, woman, and state.Marriage is between a rock and a hard place.
:ballchain: :bolt:

neutronstar
6th November 2016, 17:54
Marriage use to be between a man and a woman, now it is between a man, woman, and state.Marriage is between a rock and a hard place.
:ballchain: :bolt:

That's funny.

avid
6th November 2016, 18:40
After sacrificing my surname, the marriage broke up, but due to my child, I kept this 'kept' surname. However, my child relates more to my parents and grandparents than anyone, obsessively doing research, and has almost a'shrine' to my father, a pilot in WW2 so in our hearts we are still 'King', traceable locally for hundreds of years, and my 'forced-by-law' surname is irrelevant. At least we know who we are, and who we were. Recently found all inscriptions of all gravestones in local cemetaries since 1650's! Amazing, tragic, familiar. Jigsaw pieces so profound, so loving, such loss.

RunningDeer
6th November 2016, 19:33
After sacrificing my surname, the marriage broke up, but due to my child, I kept this 'kept' surname.
Me too. I took my husband’s name in the first marriage and left it the same in the second marriage for my son. I also didn’t wear a traditional wedding ring the second time around. About six years after my son passed, I legally changed my name back to the original one.

sheme
6th November 2016, 19:52
I like my marriage surname so I keep it . I have never been any ones property- I am all paid for by me.

Charles Harris
7th November 2016, 01:14
I got married a year ago, my wifes' third marriage so she has kept her maiden name this go around and hyphenated my name on to hers. Perfectly acceptable to me as she has become a part of my family in all ways. We just celebrated our anniversary tonight with my mother who graciously prepared us a dinner. At our ceremony it was worded between man woman and god, I get the state thing, she never did quite finish up all that paper work.:bigsmile:

Cara
8th November 2016, 05:54
I had a friend who said of women changing their names in marriage:

"Why would I change my name, I'm getting married, not adopted?"

Interestingly, Italian culture does not have the woman change her name. I am married to an Italian and was delighted that keeping my surname was a non issue in our pre-marriage discussion! His mother had her birth surname, his aunt had hers, etc. How wonderful not to be subsumed into my husband's identity by a surname. Maybe this is only true in Perugia where my husband's family is from but he has not said as much.

Re the idea of titles, I agree that they seem a strange cultural artifact. Maybe they are yet another way of putting people in boxes... "Here, you are a Miss, therefore we treat you like this. Well, you, you're a Prof., we give you this kind of treatment...."

I think job titles and professions perform a similar function. When meeting someone new, often the first question asked is "so what do you do?". It's almost as if we are programmed to want to label everyone in some way.

Maybe it reduces cognitive load because if I know you are an architect, for instance, then I can bring to the fore all my already existing ideas about architects and what they are interested in, etc. in order to interact with you. So I "preload" a set of already laid down knowledge and ways of thinking as soon as I have a label for you. It's a kind of cognitive short cut because then I don't really have to ask questions that are open and listen wholly to the answers. Of course this would prevent me from truly seeing you as you are.

Just some thoughts.

Flash
8th November 2016, 07:59
In Quebec it is the law, women cannot take their husband name, period. This has been since the last 20 some years. There had been many mistakes in hospital files with women's husband names changing, so that was it, instead of being sued (hospitals are government owned here), the government decided, with voters approval, that women kept their maiden name.

Which is good, since our diplomas are usually with our maiden names (and we do not need to prove we are the one who studied and got that diploma because of name change), our friends know us by our maiden name and can trace us back through time, etc.

I like it like this.

There is no honor in my book in taking the husband name. Apart from this, women have all ther married legal rights, as men do, no more no less.