No worries. I'm glad that was understandable. Probably because your question was coming from the right place.
I added a couple of things apparently while you were already reading it, but I don't think they would make a difference.
I can promise you that if you sit with that for a while, that things will change for you. Remember that you can't change other people, so you're always only working with yourself. That actually
makes it so much easier. And strangely people around you begin to change.
Good luck and best wishes.