Cancer killing/Killing Cancer ~ My Heart Path

[Debra]

That’s a WIN Shadowself

So happy to hear this. I can feel your strength from here. You go girl. Really impressed. You breathe that sweet air xoxo

[Foxie Loxie]

Well...hallelujah!!!

So glad to hear your 5 star report....Many hugs & Much Love!!

[Hym]

Your sharing is indeed a blessing, Brook.

Such good news about your renewed deep breathing. I appreciate my breath often every day and the gifts I have in controlling breath itself.

This morning I awoke thinking about the many, endless troubles my wife had breathing, her having been a smoker and an asthmatic. The immediate synchronicity of reading your post and seeing your positive results reminds me of how much longer she lived with all we had to learn together, coping with it all. I'm sure, in whatever realm she is conscious in now she'd be lovingly critical that I'm not healing someone, somewhere and teaching others how to do the same. She'd also include talking and listening somewhere with a group, sharing, publishing some of my short stories and doing voice-overs/audio books....all things I don't think about until I'm reminded of her observations. This forum fulfills a bit of that promise, insights prompted by the sharings we value with each other.

Don't know if I'd be that good at massage if I hadn't spent so much time with her, of course ending up directly dealing with the deeper issues that keep us holding on to those things that constrict our thoughts, our freedoms, reflected in the depth of our breathing.

Even so, knowing how important each breath is, it is the tenacity and desire to experience the life that loving brings we will remember. When I look at those hard times we passed thru, much more than the energy of the breath itself, I felt that courage in her as life itself. I saw that tenacity in her when she would struggle with breathing, when an inhaler did almost nothing and the thickest needle between the ribs to remove fluid in the lungs became the last thing that saved her....then. This lack of breath was an experience and even a concept foreign to someone like me, but rewarding to finally see her gain control of, even when other habits were beyond her ability to control.

At the times when I was overworked and tired my hands didn't even have to touch her...and had to just come close enough to feel and supply the space for the healing intent that loving brings. Everyone has this ability. Everyone, without exception or handicap.

In the middle of a breath held in, we evaluate the things that we have and should let go of. It's automatic and in no need of overthinking. It is Uh paah nuh (Apana)..Elimination.

When all air is pushed out and that lack of air is held.... all of the healing we need automatically fills us up. Praanuh (Prana)....Energy.

And then there is the space in-between the simplicity of the opposites, of holding in and holding out, good and bad, yes and no, stay or go. This is the timeless time in the 9th Watch* when the unseen is seen and the unknown known. It happens with the intention that is not bound by judgement, especially of our own personal selves.

*There are 8, three hour watches in the day that make up the known 24 hour day of normal, restricted consciousness that most experience...but some of us have known another time without drugged inducements. Our proximity, our closeness, to endings sometimes prompts us to allow deeper insights. A healthy method to activate that awareness is to come close intentionally... ...... .........

[Foxie Loxie]

Thank you for sharing that, Hym! It really does help to hear what others have lived through.

[Michelle Marie]

Love good news!!!

Extra love to you, Shadowself!

Yay!
MM

[Shadowself]

Reporting again...

I had to go today to get my weekly blood work done and they were not going to give me my results of the MRI until next week....it was like pulling teeth to get them to tell me the results which made no sense after I actually did get the results today...

No tumors found in the brain MRI! Woo Hoo! What a relief!

My doctor sort of thought that to begin with but did the MRI just in case and to probably ease my mind.

I like it...today I'm still breathing well....no wheezing...and MRI was fine. I'm starting to feel seriously better.

Tonight my son and the family are coming over to take me out to dinner to celebrate. Can't wait to see my chiliman Finnegan!

I made a video of some of his mothers short phone vids she's been sharing with me...they are kind of blurry but thought I'd share anyhow....it's short.

Finnegans Shenanigans

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=q04dLtfk5SM

[Foxie Loxie]

Oh, how cute!! So good to hear your Good News!!

Wonderful you get to enjoy your Grandson!!

Much Love!

[RunningDeer]

♡

[Shadowself]

Good Morning,

Many hugs back Thank you!

I've had a really rough time this last round of chemo. Let me explain....I wrote this for my family members on facebook that have been after me to get out and visit as my son bought a new home and as yet I've not been able to get there.....This was on the 12th of Sept.

THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO BECOME PROACTIVE IN EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON WHEN YOU ARE IN TREATMENT FOR CANCER:

What a day and night I had! You know that thing I don't like and don't want to talk about regarding what people think chemo is the result of?

Well shortly after my last post I started getting really sick....and I indeed spent the whole evening into the morning hugging the damned toilet!

Now when I got this last round I knew something was different. It was much different. I also thought it was from the added premeds I was given. But still something was way off...because this was much different than the last one.

When they ordered my last round a different nurse was in the office when the order was put in along with the premeds based on my blood tests....I think she ordered me the full dose! She was not familiar with me or my charts...and from the first round they had cut my dose of chemo in half. I think she missed that on that chart and gave me the full dose. This is exactly what happened to me when I had the full dose!

So here I am pretty much over the worst of the stomach effects...but still got the chills and all the BS that I went through with the full dose.

This just goes to show you....these damned doctors offices are just too damned busy and make mistakes. That was a huge mistake!

My body is not that big to receive that full dose! That is also the kind of thing that can kill someone if I did not have a strong system to fight it and let me tell you I fought like hell last night! Not just getting sick to my stomach...but just keeping alert or going into shock.

There were some signs of going into shock which because I know the symptoms knew what to do for that because at my job I was part of an emergency response team that was trained to recognize when someone goes into shock. I had to keep myself covered in a warm blanket with my feet elevated until it all passed. Early signs of shock.

So apparently I'm going to have to watch in the future the dosage as well as the pre meds if I have to do this again before I get the Opdivo. That's the kind of thing that can actually kill you! That is no joke! They are just too busy at that office and that mistake was and is something there is no excuse for. In the next few days after I recover some I'm going to call the infusion center to get the exact dosage on my last two rounds to verify it then I'm heading into that office and they are going to have to answer for it!

So I've been somewhat out of it and until the last few days I'm starting to feel human again. I wrote this a few days later:

I'm holding food down now and the chills and clammy skin are gone. Still shaky and dizzy spells but not that bad. I'm also holding down my meds for the nausea which is really helping the most. So I think the worst is over now. That was horrible! I knew something was wrong....the last one was nothing like this. I'm certain they gave me the original dose that was too much for me. What really worried me was my heart racing...just what I need another heart attack eh? CRAP!

I went to the cardiologist yesterday and all is well with the EKG. Basically aside from the fact that I did have a heart attack and do have a bad case of cancer....I'm pretty strong otherwise I would probably not have survived that last round. That is the truth! That was really bad. I'm absolutely positive they overdosed me with the chemo meds as I was seriously in the early stages of shock. I probably should have gone to the ER but I didn't and all the same survived it which tells me I may very well be able to beat this if there is a cure out there to be had.

So basically what happened showed me I can beat this and I am strong enough to do just that!

Now I think I mentioned that my granddaughter is getting her PHD and works in the area of cancer research. I just found this article and am going to ask her if she knows a way I can get on some kind of list for this kind of treatment when and if it's available to apply to human subjects:

We’re now able to paste in a new T cell receptor, which is designed to recognize an antigen found on some cancer cells, giving us T cells that attack only the cells that carry that signal.


WHY DNA IS THE MOST EXCITING PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE TODAY

https://www.wired.com/story/wired25-...a-programming/

Today as the hurricane shuffle is now pretty much over in my area I'm finally going to see my son's new home. Also a new grandson is coming on the 28th so I have that to look forward to and pretty much a month that started out like crap is ending well.

In the smack middle of that last round (sept 8th) of chemo I turned 65 and at the beginning of this year (10 months after heart attacks and cancer diagnosis) I was not too sure I would actually make 65! Well I did and am looking forward to 66!

I also got invited to my last works 20th anniversary party which was pretty nice that they invited me to come and partake.....another thing to look forward to!

Cheers!

[Foxie Loxie]

Thanks for the update, Dear Lady!! Right on about being PROACTIVE where it concerns one's healthcare!!

Congrats on the 65th!! Let us know about the trip to Son's house!

Getting to enjoy one's grandchildren is really a big PLUS in life!!

Some people are on one's heart all the time....and YOU are one of those since you started this exhausting journey!!

[Debra]

Shadowself !!’ OMG your grandson is divine. He somehow reminds me of you. Creative, funny, resourceful, on the pulse and just a gorgeous energy. How proud you must be. Great to hear that you weathered that last dose and survived it! You are true grit. Love reading your updates. So inspiring!

Lots of love to you - from Debra the Zebra xoxo

[RunningDeer]

Enjoy all your upcoming get-togethers, Shadowself
and thanks for the update.

♡

[Stephanie]

Posted by RunningDeer (here)

Enjoy all your upcoming get-togethers, Shadowself
and thanks for the update.

♡

Happiest of happy birthdays dearest Shadowself!
Starlight blessings and loving joy for you and yours always.



May all be well

[Shadowself]

Yet another doctor's visit today....and

[Lettherebelight]

Very Happy for you, Shadowself!

[Shadowself]

I swear it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I got that news.

Shortly after I found out I promptly fell asleep and slept like I have not slept in almost a year!

I hope to never have to do chemo again! While I know it did some good for me...it also was slowly killing me. I don't know any other way to say it. It was zapping the life out of me. I'm so grateful it's over now. That has been one of the hardest things I've been through. I swear that to be true.

All the tears I've been holding in have suddenly come flooding out. Tears of relief now but internally they were built of out of sheer fear and dread each time I had to do it.

God am I grateful it's over now.

[Foxie Loxie]

YEEEEE-HAAAAA!!!

Much Love!!!

[Shadowself]

Well...to me...this is what it's all about! FAMILY!!!!

Meet Zayden born this morning at 9:38 AM C section. 5 LB 15 OZ. Tomorrow afternoon I will be going back to see Finnegan meet his new brother.

Zayden is totally his dad! Dark hair and he even has hair on his back...LOL Just like his dad! His little ears are so cute. They won't stay that way of course but both of them are squished the same way on both sides, and of course the hairy back will fall out and come back when he gets older. Has his dad's eyes which of course we have no idea yet what color they will be, but I'm betting brown like his dad. I'll take some pics of Finn and Baby Z tomorrow and share. I had a hard time letting him go when I had to leave. I'm nuts about these two boys!

[RunningDeer]

Welcome, Zayden!
Congratulations, Finnegan, you’re a big brother.
Congratulations to you All.

Priceless…

[Stephanie]

Happy Birth day lovely Zayden!
Congratulations and loving joy for the whole family.