Richard Dolan (yes, Richard Dolan) talks about women, sex, and his fear of failure

[Dennis Leahy]

Posted by Daozen (here)
I never saw it as an 'attack' Dennis, it's just you guys come off a little high handed. Phrases like "impeccability of character" are a little overblowm, from where I sit. Those questions are simple enough, and they provide some background context. If you don't want to answer them, its your call, like I said in the post. If you've never cheated on anyone, good on you, that's awesome, but you're in a minority.
...

Ha! Integrity within a relationship isn't "high-handed", it is par for the course among those in committed relationships. Statistics showing a high percentage of cheating tells me that a low percentage of these "relationships" are actually committed relationships. Those who have never had a committed relationship are the least likely to know what it takes to establish and maintain a committed relationship, and lacking in relationship experience to be able to compare the morals of dating with the morals of a committed relationship.

Posted by Daozen (here)
"... Those questions are simple enough, .... If you don't want to answer them, its your call, ..."

Really? So, this sentence ("since my first awkward teenage romance 50 years ago, I have never cheated or ever even wanted to") didn't answer your questions?

1) Have you ever cheated on someone? No
2) When was the last time you cheated on someone? Never
3) Have you cheated on anyone in the last two years? No

Is that better?

Your issue is whether you piss off the girl(s) you are having sex with by honestly telling them about the other girl(s) you are also having sex with, right? That has nothing whatsoever to do with a committed relationship. From what you're saying, you are not looking for and don't want a committed relationship. So, why compare yourself with (and judge your morals against) those in committed relationships?

[AutumnW]

No two 'unions' are entirely alike. And age plays a huge role. Men are in their sexual prime at the same time women are losing interest. And this is an established fact.

What ends up happening in many many many marriages is the woman STILL wants exclusivity even though she doesn't want to have sex, link ever. These women neuter their partners in increments, stripping them of their masculinity and vitality, in this way. And they don't care because they're not missing anything. Men put up with this out of a sense of duty, fear, etc...

In this case being exclusive within monogamy is a constraint, a trap and resentment builds. Men feel controlled and women get backlash from that.


As people age and if this is an issue, they MUST talk about it very ojectively and develop work a rounds.

[Daozen]

[QUOTE=Dennis Leahy;1206423]

Posted by Daozen (here)

Posted by Daozen (here)
"... Those questions are simple enough, .... If you don't want to answer them, its your call, ..."

Really? So, this sentence ("since my first awkward teenage romance 50 years ago, I have never cheated or ever even wanted to") didn't answer your questions?

1) Have you ever cheated on someone? No
2) When was the last time you cheated on someone? Never
3) Have you cheated on anyone in the last two years? No

Is that better?

Your issue is whether you piss off the girl(s) you are having sex with by honestly telling them about the other girl(s) you are also having sex with, right? That has nothing whatsoever to do with a committed relationship. From what you're saying, you are not looking for and don't want a committed relationship. So, why compare yourself with (and judge your morals against) those in committed relationships?

Dennis,

My first reply to you was an acknowledgement that yes, you answered my questions in your first response to me.

Cordially,

Daozen

*

AutumnW, forgive me, what age do you consider a man's prime?

[KiwiElf]

People who cheat on their partners often cheat elsewhere, too... just an observation...

[AutumnW]

Daozen,

It depends on what kind of prime we are talking here. Men, generally speaking, are sexual beings long past the reproductive age of women. Again, and this is a general statement, women retain sensuality and often become more sensual with age and strangely, more 'romantic.'

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Posted by KiwiElf (here)
People who cheat on their partners often cheat elsewhere, too... just an observation...

I have 'cheated' out of sheer sadness and desperation in the distant past. But I consider myself as honest or more than most.

[Daozen]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
Daozen,

It depends on what kind of prime we are talking here. Men, generally speaking, are sexual beings long past the reproductive age of women. Again, and this is a general statement, women retain sensuality and often become more sensual with age and strangely, more 'romantic.'

I have noticed that there are several primes in the life of a human. I thought age 25 was a peak but in retrospect I was just a pogo-sticking child. And yes, it is important to understand sensuality as you get older. Testosterone gives way to Oxytocin.

[RunningDeer]

Posted by Daozen (here)
you guys come off a little high handed. Phrases like "impeccability of character" are a little overblowm, from where I sit.

Impeccability is my playground …

Disclaimer: There’s lots of trial and error with this impeccability thang. AND I’m a work in progress.

.............................

[DNA]

Posted by Daozen (here)
How can you cheat if you have never commited? There's a koan for you. I don't lie to my partners. Most people do.

Commitment isn't a word, it's an unspoken energetic promise. It is a building of energetic cords that cause the energy in each sphere of being to be shared with one another. Sex opens one up for this and bonds can be made regardless of the words coming out of one's mouth.
Check out this clip from the Movie "Vanilla Sky". Especially at the 1:36 mark. The whole clip is short and should be watched but it's the 1:36 mark that hit me like a sledge hammer to the stomach when I watched this movie for the first time.
I agree very much with what Cameron Diaz is sayinig here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xohWvO9i4c

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=7xohWvO9i4c

If this is not possible for you it may be that you are simply a person who does not form bonds deeply. There is no shame in this.

Posted by Daozen (here)
1) Have you ever cheated on someone?

I cheated on a girlfriend I loved very much when I was 26.

Posted by Daozen (here)
2) When was the last time you cheated on someone?

Almost 20 years ago.

Posted by Daozen (here)
3) Have you cheated on anyone in the last two years?

No

Posted by Daozen (here)
I shall take your responses as the whole unvarnished truth, before Avalon, God and the Universe.

If you guys are so stick in the mud judgemental that you cannot listen to the other side, it is yourselves that will lose out in the long run. If I meet a Marine or a soldier at a party, I sit and listen to their stories... I don't lecture them about the evils of war. If I am to stand trial, than so must ye all.

Dude I don't think anyone is attacking you.
People are sharing their truth, which is not in agreement with your truth.
No big deal.

Posted by Daozen (here)
Yeah, I know...
Until we get answers to those fair questions, we are writing in an informational vacuum. A silence will speak volumes, so will an evasive wall of type.
In the end, only God will judge me. Or maybe I will judge myself. Perhaps I will judge God. I have a lot to say to that pr**k when I get to heaven.

Okay, I've answered your questions.
They were not that big a deal.

I've got one for you.
Have you ever been with someone in a relationship where they fell in love and were jealous regardless of the intellectual jargon shared in the beginning?

Regardless of the words spoken, our bodies can make promises that are in their own language. It is my opinion that you can intellectualize the situation and feel enlightened in doing so, but these matters of the heart have differing vehicles for thought and do not always respect the intended restraints laid upon them by your brain.

[Daozen]

Thanks for your answers DNA. If you're a true monogamist, that's a good thing. Sure, I know the brain and the heart are different beasts. I do not think anyone was attacking me, perhaps I over-reacted, but I think labelling a whole group of people as sociopaths is a broad sweeping statement, which amounts to not much more than high-brow name calling. However, this is not a point I wish to belabour.

A quick answer: I view an open relationship as a way of not imprisoning someone. If someone comes a long that is more suited for Her than me, I should let her go. That, in my view, is true love, and as far removed from negativity as one can get.

Be well all, and enjoy your journeys.

[DNA]

Posted by Daozen (here)
Thanks for your answers DNA. If you're a true monogamist, that's a good thing.

My wife is my best friend, and she was my best friend long before she became my wife.
Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship.
Freindship, companionship, validation and accepting one another regardless.
Validation is something I don't often hear but it is something tremendously important.
Someone who actually cares about what has gone on in your day.
Someone who actually wants to hear what happened at work.
Someone who lets you repeat a twenty year old story they have heard fifty times or more.

I think you are making too much of the sex thing.
You act kind of magnanimous about stating that you would encourage your partner to sleep with someone they are attracted to so they can have the perfect mate, but that is such a small part of the relationship.
Sex is overly emphasized in our culture on almost every level.

Posted by Daozen (here)
A quick answer: I view an open relationship as a way of not imprisoning someone.

I don't know many women who need to sleep with a new person every month.
This is not what most women want or need. This is a false stereo type being perpetuated by Hollywood and the like in my opinion.

Is this your one size fits all way of handling questions in an intimate relationship?
Has no one told you they would wish to be with just you and only you?
If they have do you always reply with the open relationship answer?
If so I would think it is not someone else you are concerned with being imprisoned, but yourself you are concerned with being imprisoned.
I'm not buying the open relationship thing as some kind of philanthropic noble endeavor on your part.
You are doing this because this is what you want.


Also,,,,
You still didn't answer my question.

[Flash]

Isn’t the belief into being inprisoned by another human who has some hearth a belief into victimhood? Those are just perceptions that plays right into the powe struggles we inflict on each other. This is not the truth, at lest in my iews.

I Never felt ghat when someone lets me go telling me he/she respect my wishes, that it was out of love, except from some parents to their child. I mostly felt it was to protect themselves first and foremost from situations or from emotions or evolution they had a difficult time to handle for whatever reason. Lets be real.

Posted by Daozen (here)
Thanks for your answers DNA. If you're a true monogamist, that's a good thing. Sure, I know the brain and the heart are different beasts. I do not think anyone was attacking me, perhaps I over-reacted, but I think labelling a whole group of people as sociopaths is a broad sweeping statement, which amounts to not much more than high-brow name calling. However, this is not a point I wish to belabour.

A quick answer: I view an open relationship as a way of not imprisoning someone. If someone comes a long that is more suited for Her than me, I should let her go. That, in my view, is true love, and as far removed from negativity as one can get.

Be well all, and enjoy your journeys.