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Thread: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

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    United States Avalon Member Tam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I actually have this problem. It's a flaw I'm working on, so you will hear input on this one from a guilty party. Maybe it will help give more insight.
    I have the nasty habit of interrupting people fairly frequently, always at the end of their sentences. I don't mean to do it most of the time, and it certainly doesn't come from disinterest/a feeling that what I have to say is more important, though it's often understandably interpreted as such.

    For me, I noticed it stems from a sort of impatience, because people often give loads of details before getting to the point. As such, I find myself trying to speed it up a bit, which is, to say the least, not the nicest thing to do. The great irony here is that, if you look at my post history, you'll find that I tend to be quite wordy and ramble a lot. Talk about hypocrisy.

    I could go into detail as to why there's a dichotomy between my speech and written communication, but I would digress. I have a point, ultimately, I'm building up to here

    I have suspected that maybe this impatience has something to do with my age, which I will explain.

    I was born in 1996, which means I came of age in the era of the internet, smartphones, and being constantly connected. While my family made a point never to allow cable television in the house, we were given free reign online.

    The mainstream internet and social media, of which, when you're my age, you're positively steeped in, is broken up (deliberately) into bite-sized pieces. You can't even read a news article anymore without 3 ad breaks throughout the text (I use an ad blocker on my PC, but am frequently browsing on my phone, so no blocker there). A video longer than 15 minutes is considered tedious. I won't even get into how Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and Snapchat are all pretty much drip-feeds.

    When you're brought up in this flash world, where your brain is never given time to actually think and just...be, you become very impatient. I have noticed it's a trademark of my generation; all instant gratification. I myself am no exception. This is doubly true for Americans. The culture here is very superficial, shallow and materialistic. My theory is we have the rabid consumerism that had infected America to blame for that.

    There's a reason why ADD/ADHD is so common now. While it is undoubtedly severely overdiagnosed (a whole other can of worms, that), it nevertheless seems to be exceedingly common, even if you reduce the rates by 70% to account for the...margin of error.
    We've all been trained to think in 3-minute, 180-character intervals. This is totally unnatural.

    I can't speak for everyone, and this is just my observational theory, but I figured I'd chime in with my 2 cents. I make a point to avoid almost all social media. You won't find me on Instagram, Snapchat, or Twitter. I have a FB I log onto maybe three or four times a year to keep in contact with a handful of people. Without meaning to sound pompous, being deliberately severed from SM at my age is a rarity indeed.

    So I can only imagine how much worse the impatience must be among my own people, as it were
    I'm not sure what the median age on Avalon is, but I'd reckon not many members here would write full posts like this one on their smartphones, as I am right now. Not that I blame you. My thumbs are starting to cramp up.

    Let me know if I'm flattering myself here, but I like to think I can occasionally offer first-hand insight into the millennials. I get why we're such a mystery to you older folks; we're the first generation to live in this crazy new Age, so we're bound to seem almost alien. We're a whole new beast, after all, and only beginning to understand the implications and long-term impact of the Information Age.
    Last edited by Tam; 11th March 2018 at 20:02. Reason: Fixed a typo

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    Avalon Member meeradas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    Don't forget to breathe. And feel. Slows things down.
    The mental is not the place to dwell all the time.

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    Avalon Member dynamo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    Thank you for the fantastic insights!
    Maybe I am getting a little "long in the tooth" so perhaps I should be the one adjusting to this new paradigm.
    As I said, I've only noticed this recently so perhaps I was the one not listening too well in the past?
    Whatever the case may be, I will not get offended when getting cut-off mid-sentence any more...I hope LOL!

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    United States Avalon Member Valerie Villars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I went to Galatoires to eat with my cousin Jude. Jude was in the Air Force, very intellectual and a beautiful man. Very thoughtful. I can be impetuous, curious, bubbling. We were having a conversation, or so I thought, when Jude said "Shut up Valerie." No judgement on his part.

    I shut up and listened.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    good observation by Indigris on her generation. It's not easy to be in the midst of something and step back for a moment with some self-evaluation and objectivity.
    I would also venture about todays's young that many are raised by people who are paid to look after them, i.e. daycare centers. besides our young being ON 24/7 to the instant wireless world many are raised very different than 2 generations ago. no matter how good the daycare center, take away their salaries and the 'caring' goes away. just another layer of the onion

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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I have come to realize that: if they don't ask they don't hear : so if you start the conversation, you're just exercising your jaw , and that isn't always bad. The key which takes work, is to create a situation or conversation that makes them ask.

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    Avalon Member meeradas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    The 'conversations' i had to 'endure' this past week were... basically contradictions only;
    no real commnunication taking place, just opinions slammed into the other (of course, started before the other was finished with their statement).

    The miracle happened today - when all gunpowder was exhausted (i.e. folks were done with their own talk, at last),
    there was a small "clearing", a precious moment of non-verbal equilibrium, and out of this instant,
    we had a great, totally different day with virtually no talk, out in nature. Heartopening.

    Importance of audible statements faded; the little conversation that took place was, mostly, without words.

    Nice.

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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    Quote Posted by dynamo (here)
    Thank you for the fantastic insights!
    Maybe I am getting a little "long in the tooth" so perhaps I should be the one adjusting to this new paradigm.
    As I said, I've only noticed this recently so perhaps I was the one not listening too well in the past?
    Whatever the case may be, I will not get offended when getting cut-off mid-sentence any more...I hope LOL!
    dynamo, even if it's a "new paradigm," it doesn't mean it's a good paradigm. As I get older I do notice that I can anticipate a lot of what people are moving towards saying. Some of that is that most people are predictable and say the same things you've heard many times before.

    A lot of this phenomenon is what Indigris brilliantly offered above -- the wretched way we've become distraction-addicted by the technology. I feel bad for her generation, unless their parents tutor them on the "old ways," they won't know anything different. Walk on any city street, look in any cafe or restaurant window -- they're all staring into the little screens. I mean, continually, compulsively. This addiction will have to be addressed sooner or later.

    People like to be listened to. Especially your closest ones. And listening is about far more than just words. There's silence, pauses, meanings in gestures and expressions, rhythms of speech. Listening is an art, it's a cultivation. It's an awareness. And giving others that space to be listened to is a great gift.
    Last edited by Caliban; 11th March 2018 at 18:04.

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    Finland Avalon Member Wind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    What do many parents to do their toddlers these days? Give them electronical devices to play with. Who needs babysitters when you can do that? It's has it's up and downsides. You may see increase in intelligence and technical proficiency, but also see a decrease in the quality of human interactions & decrease in empathy and in concentration. In fact I think we already are witnessing it.

    Silence is golden too. Why speak if you have nothing meaningful to say?

    Sometimes the most meaningful way of communication is completely nonverbal. For example, when you look another human being in their eyes and see the beauty which lies there. What could possibly be more profound than that?
    Last edited by Wind; 11th March 2018 at 20:23.
    "When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there." ~ George Harrison

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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I talk to listen, to hear, to absorb the humanity, the adventure, the difficulties they've gone thru and to understand, to bridge the spaces we have between us. From all I have experienced, many are not good or even adequate at communicating their humanity to each other and the deep, a-d-d.-isorder, intentionally programmed, pseudo-social media is a major part of it all. Lost in these decades is the power brought in by souls meant to contribute, not to the technocracy but to the evolving growth and cleansing of this human space. You don't have to stand out or belong to a system of communication that is so superficial anyway, but you should be heard.

    I am told so many interesting things by people. The truths in their stories, the details, the humor, the suffering that comes from almost everyone I listen to. Sometimes it is just the listening that marks a viable purpose in my day. I highly value those times when I've heard a lot.

    I hear confirmation of many things I have experienced, theories others have put out that are verified by those stories I hear and the truth in the gestures, the intensities or the resolve to endure the injustices they have passed thru. Listening to my own life is rarely of any interest to me, even as the confirmation of living a certain way, some purposeful living, helps even as stark as it has seemed to others to be...to me it is the same way I have always been. What is interesting is how others have dealt with their adversities. I cannot describe how powerful and how deep these things go into my being when I hear them, recognizing the power in being there to really listen and my confirmation of that intensity in my ability to recall those experiences with others.

    It is of note that I know I haven't asked enough questions or judged how closed off some people are earlier in meeting. That and growing up in an extremely large family where it is common to finish each other's sentences and just get on without it being a problem for anyone. Knowing that and thinking that way it is good before starting any interaction, as it is based on a non-verbal truth.

    If I were to have spent my life listening to the human response to a greeting, a Hello, a How are you today?, a Hi....I would place it highly in any healing I would have shared.

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    Avalon Member Flash's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    well, the most drastic way to learn how to listen has been for me

    test through fire: to raise a daughter with severe partial aphasia (dysphasia), it would take her one full hour to be able to make up a more or less complete sentence. I had to wait and listen, not to discourage her, it was tougher on her than on me

    but, I absolutely wanted her to speak, at any price - for the sake of being able to speak and this is while waiting for hours that I learned she was bullied, who did it, or that she could not go to her dad because it made her extremely sad hearing him constantly talking against her mother or that she loved singning and would speak better through music and songs.

    I learned extreme patience and good listening skills, as well as concurrent observation of non verbal skills

    ------------

    Another extremely good way to learn how to listen has been training adult groups for 18 years, 12 to 16 at a time, 7 hours a day, changing working environment and workers trade almost every second day. Teaching is the art of listening much before being the art of speaking.

    ------------

    I do think that the attention span of people has diminished quite drastically in the last 10 years and therefore the ability to listen

    --------------

    I speak and listen to French (mothertongue), English and now recuperated my Spanish skills, although listening abilities rest on basic skills in all language, the tones, speed, song of the language and grammatical structure changes for each and new abilities have to be developed consequently (same with non verbal language, many cues change)
    Last edited by Flash; 11th March 2018 at 20:21.
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    Administrator Mark (Star Mariner)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    ("How am I? Whew! Well, my girlfriend of 3 years just ran off with my close friend, I just lost my last dollar playing poker, my dog died a couple days ago, my Mom has cancer....")
    So true mate, Whenever I ask someone, "so, how are you?" I am very often quietly thinking to myself, respond in one or two words only please, then stop talking. Imagine how rude it would be if I'd said that out loud! I don't mean to be - I do want to know how they are, but sometimes people are very eager to talk about absolutely everything that's happening in their personal universe at that moment.
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
    ~ Jimi Hendrix

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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I think it was the philosopher Epictetus who said, and I paraphrase but it's pretty close, that: We have one mouth and two ears so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

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    Ecuador Honored, Retired Member. Warren passed on 2 July, 2020.
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    I assume that you are not including those people that never stop talking so that you cannot respond without interrupting.

    Actually, I have that problem of interrupting people whenever I perceive what they are saying. I will look at the concept that letting them verbally complete their thoughts is good therapy for them and for me.

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    UK Avalon Member Mike Gorman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    An excellent observation dynamo, when people talk out there in suburbia, in waiting rooms, in super markets, in their lounge rooms they are so very often simply running the daily tapes, the communication loops which serve us and protect us from needing to think too closely.
    Additionally, even in situations where more extended conversation takes place, at parties, at cocktail hour, at events and official functions, people seem to have their own agenda, they keep others at bay and simply wish to promote their own view points, impose their opinions.
    Quite right! All of our society, all of our civilization is about communication. We are the communication beings, this is what identifies human beings, we talk!
    People form their own ideas, they develop a conclusive picture of who they are dealing with-and they respond to your narratives according to this template!
    We are afraid of 'here and now' communication, we are confronted by actually listening because we like to think we have it all pegged (like 'Frasier') and worked out!
    It is a strange game.
    When someone does manage to break through the hypnotic trance of daily communication rituals, we think they are 'strange'-our pattern recognition is broken!

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    Australia Avalon Member Alpha141's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations with people..do they really listen to what is being discussed?

    Hi all,

    What you may actually find...You may be in authentic truth. Expressing yourself based upon living a life based upon authenticity. Thus expressing a powerful frequency. And, feel you have some information that is beneficial for them to integrate. I am sure many of you do actually 'tune' into them emphatically, most likely on an even greater intuitive level innately. What might be very powerful for you to observe. Is that while they seem to express some level of interest in what you say. It isn't actually what you are saying that they are interested. It is your energy field. And, that gives them a boost in their life they would otherwise not have access to. So, you would need to really learn to splice this subtly up and test it out. But it is probably one of many indicators that when combined offers that you have energy healing potentials. So, while your intent is offering some information. The purpose of the interaction is more likely for some purpose like this. Not having the awareness results in these things shared. You might be resolving what the interaction true purpose was about.

    This took me many years of being a passenger to many things you have all shared here and many of my own. Just 'knowing' in the interactions what is right for a person. They be super amped up about it but then when you follow up. Absolutely no effort. Then there is also 'trigger' words and combinations. Just total egoic consciousness shut down because it challenges their reality so much the blocking you defuses it.

    Here is some context and a suggestion. Step back a bit and really see their state they go in. Might be an Alpha / Theta / Meditative deeper than normal thing. I just suggest this. Because if you are one of the few in the human community into things like this. They, some part of you is in alignment with Earth....and aiding her whether you know it or not. So, what she does is allocate gifts / talents to those who prove themselves by actions. living a life based on truth, authenticity, seeking the best for humanity and her etc. Exhibit that.

    Might be a bit from left field. The guy i operate with (Andrew Bartzis) says humanity is going to need a billion healers for what is to unfold. You guys are all the regional anchors for it scattered all over the globe. There are so many dormant out there with no context that they are....I feel it is important to aid identifying traits. Accept it could be your possibility. That accepting of possibility and not closing off by default (thus mirror interaction)...then may be the key to unlocking those you interact with to have an outcome sought.

    Cheers
    "Fraud and Falsehood Dread Investigation. Truth Invites It' - Thomas Cooper -
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