Too Sensitive, Too Safe

[Mike]

I'll bet your sensitivity brought you to all this stuff we discuss here. That's good.

I think it was Bill who wrote here once that an overplayed strength becomes a weakness. That's not good

Sensitivity run amok is obnoxious. Sensitivity gone unchallenged for too long becomes your master. It makes you weak, vulnerable, stagnant...

It gives one a sense of lofty self righteousness, and an excuse to avoid what I call healthy tension.

Tension challenges you. Tension breeds creativity. It creates wonderful dance partners...and obliterates echo chambers. It's the necessary friction that creates diamonds. And we do everything we can to avoid it because we don't want our feelings hurt; we justify it with all sorts of excuses. We don't want our sense of safety corrupted. We're afraid. That attitude is killing you...

...And you have a responsibility as a human being on this planet to remedy it....a responsibility to yourself and everyone you share the planet with.

Most people associate tyranny with danger. But I assure you, you can be tyrannically safe too! You can be tyrannically sensitive!. The results are the same...they just arrive through a different method.

Life isn't safe. And any attempt to overly protect yourself from all that stuff that makes you uncomfortable will only draw it to your front door faster and with more force.

I have a few suggestions:

- Is there a poster here that makes you uncomfortable? Read their posts. Unblock them,

- Is there a movie that frightens you? Makes you uneasy? Watch it.

- That violent video on yahoo news, the one where the teenage kids jump and beat up the helpless girl...watch it.

...and so on.

This isn't about misguided masochism, it's about getting over your fears. It's about eradicating this disease of over-sensitivity, this disease of *safety* Life is not safe. You will not get out of it alive.

Some people call it integrating the shadow. To me it's a realization that we are all capable of all those things we are afraid of; it's about exposing yourself to this stuff in order to inoculate yourself against it.

I have a friend whose cousin brought him around when he was little and made him fight the neighborhood kids. And if he lost, or even worse, cried, he'd smack him around a little afterwards. He quickly got over the fear of fighting the neighborhood kids because he was much more afraid of facing his cousin afterwards if he lost! Today he is fearless. Utterly fearless. And it has served him well! He's 34 years old now, and he's told me many times that he's glad his cousin did what he did, and he wouldn't change a thing. I can't say I recommend his cousins' methods, but you can't argue with the result.

My favorite writer, Charles Bukowski, often called his sadistic, abusive father "a great literary teacher". He said his father "beat all the pretense out of him". It shaped his iconic style, because, as he said, it made him "say what he really means"

Another friend of mine is quite soft. He avoids certain movies, songs, tv shows, topics, you name it..like the plague. He frequently speaks of "bad energy". I understand avoiding things you don't like, but if they actually frighten you to the point of anxiety, you need to face them. This guy will get practically hysterical if he's forced into any situation that makes him mildly uncomfortable. He's spent his whole life strategically avoiding these things; He's been too sensitive, too safe...and now, having not allowed himself some exposure to these things to, in effect, inoculate himself, he has truly left himself vulnerable. He's trapped himself in an emotional and intellectual bubble...

...and I fear we do that here too. Not just on Avalon, but the so called alternative media as a whole.

If you do not train yourself to temper your sensitivity and fears and need for excessive safety, the world will do it for you eventually...only 100x harsher

Do not hide from your fears; seek them out. Accept that tension, and use it! If you use it right it will be your best friend.

Has this post made you uncomfortable? Good, I'm glad!

[Ewan]

edit:

I realise that's an unusually brief reply from me, so I added some text too.

edit2:

Ok, I'll add something more serious. I used to actively avoid confrontation, or more specifically, speaking out when something was wrong. Some switch was thrown inside me somewhere upon awakening, it was no conscious decision to be more outspoken. It just happened, surprisingly people stop and listen and on more than one occasion I have been later, privately, thanked for saying something.

I still have fears. I hate slugs, they really creep me out for some reason, but I force myself to pick them up by the fingers and collect them in a jar. When I have gathered all I can find from the garden I get into the car and drive a mile into the countryside and deposit them in some hedgerow, (secretly hoping they head out into the road rather than the open fields beyond ).

edit 3:

I guess the opposite is being totally insensitive.
Don't we all have a natural dislike for someone who speaks with zero awareness of what they say?

[Michelle Marie]

I've observed parents over-protecting children, and knew the kids would someday have to face the "real world" and would not be so protected. However, there is wisdom in discrimination as we each exercise our own free will choice.

It's natural to gravitate towards what resonates and go away from what doesn't or what feels harmful to your overall well-being.

Sometimes sensitivity is misunderstood, even by the sensitive person. We need an awareness--a translator-- to read the information in the energy. Feelings hold intelligent information. If they are not denied, but contemplated, wisdom and direct information that is applicable to discern best decisions arise.

At least, that's my perspective (and experience).

MM

[Mike]

Posted by Ewan (here)


edit:

I realise that's an unusually brief reply from me, so I added some text too.

edit2:

Ok, I'll add something more serious. I used to actively avoid confrontation, or more specifically, speaking out when something was wrong. Some switch was thrown inside me somewhere upon awakening, it was no conscious decision to be more outspoken. It just happened, surprisingly people stop and listen and on more than one occasion I have been later, privately, thanked for saying something.

I still have fears. I hate slugs, they really creep me out for some reason, but I force myself to pick them up by the fingers and collect them in a jar. When I have gathered all I can find from the garden I get into the car and drive a mile into the countryside and deposit them in some hedgerow, (secretly hoping they head out into the road rather than the open fields beyond ).

edit 3:

I guess the opposite is being totally insensitive.
Don't we all have a natural dislike for someone who speaks with zero awareness of what they say?

Thanks Ewan! ( And I hate slugs too)

Confrontation is never fun, but it can be rewarding...especially if it took courage to do the confronting. This leads to self respect. Self respect leads to respect of others. It leads to many things, growth being one. Growth isn't always fun or agreeable. It can be tense, uncomfortable. Which is why i always like to say, get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

But confrontation with the self is the most important of all, and often requires the most courage. If we cant confront ourselves, we can't confront others when it's required. That's where it starts, in my humble opinion

[Mike]

Posted by Michelle Marie (here)
I've observed parents over-protecting children, and knew the kids would someday have to face the "real world" and would not be so protected. However, there is wisdom in discrimination as we each exercise our own free will choice.

It's natural to gravitate towards what resonates and go away from what doesn't or what feels harmful to your overall well-being.

Sometimes sensitivity is misunderstood, even by the sensitive person. We need an awareness--a translator-- to read the information in the energy. Feelings hold intelligent information. If they are not denied, but contemplated, wisdom and direct information that is applicable to discern best decisions arise.

At least, that's my perspective (and experience).

MM

OMG, you've addressed something vital here Michelle...

I'm reading Jordan Peterson at the moment, and one of his "12 rules for life" is this: "do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them".

The reason being...if this behavior is left unchecked, nobody will like them once they're out in the "real world". If your parents don't even like you, what chance do you have? Therefore, do the hard and uncomfortable disciplining yourself to save your kid a lifetime of problems.

This is another example of choosing discomfort over safety. It's another example of choosing discipline over the risk of hurting feelings. It's ultimately better in every way. He is saying, have the courage to do the hard work and it will ultimately pay off.

Parents these days don't want to hurt their kid's feelings. They want to be "cool" parents. They want to be liked. It just may be the downfall of civilization as we know it...and I don't think I'm being dramatic.

[Elpis]

I’ve been called sensitive, passionate, empathetic, strong and fearless. I look at all these attributes as positive. When facing a difficult situation my strength is always at my core. I suppose that is why I come across as being fearless.

Sometimes I have to put fear on the back burner; waiting for some alone time where I can take my armor off and have a good cry. So yes, sometimes it does suck being sensitive.


With Love ~

[Michi]

Posted by Mike (here)
He quickly got over the fear of fighting the neighborhood kids because he was much more afraid of facing his cousin afterwards if he lost! Today he is fearless. Utterly fearless. And it has served him well! He's 34 years old now, and he's told me many times that he's glad his cousin did what he did, and he wouldn't change a thing. I can't say I recommend his cousins' methods, but you can't argue with the result.

I second that: He became afraid of ever again getting beaten by someone like his cousin or similar situations. This is called conditioning. (Like what Pavlov did.)

While your overall message to face your fears is certainly valid and vital, one should not make the mistake to enforce on others various "means" to face their fears by making them more afraid if they're not.

Also to deliberately watch horror movies or watch obnoxious content on youtube in my eyes conditions oneself to become more dull and indifferent about such matters.

A better approach to face ones fears would be to confront challenging, perceived or imagined dangers with help of coaches.

Certainly, live requires facing obstacles and not running from it.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-- H. Jackson Brown Jr. - Author

[RunningDeer]

Posted by Mike (here)
If we can’t confront ourselves, we can't confront others.

From one perspective:

I’m in the business of confronting myself. I'll catch a glimpse of something and another aspect reveals itself. Once the great, big goblin within gets pierced (again and again and again), it all looks a lot different out there. Out there becomes proportionately laughable.

When one does the work of confronting self, the need to confront others lessens.

Disclaimer:
............

♡

[Mike]

Posted by Elpis (here)
I’ve been called sensitive, passionate, empathetic, strong and fearless. I look at all these attributes as positive. When facing a difficult situation my strength is always at my core. I suppose that is why I come across as being fearless.

Sometimes I have to put fear on the back burner; waiting for some alone time where I can take my armor off and have a good cry. So yes, sometimes it does suck being sensitive.


With Love ~

I need to be alone to have a cry now n again too! Nothing wrong with that. That's wisdom. That's being honest with yourself. That's knowing you need that release to move forward and be productive. I applaud that.

If you were crying every day, I might suggest a "trip to the underworld" as Jordan Peterson would say, to honestly and straightforwardly deal with whatever was plaguing you.

This isn't about being macho. It's not about burying sensitivities....it's about confronting them courageously, being honest with oneself, and arriving at a sensible balance.

To not confront them would be to dishonor yourself, in my view..

Thanks for the post.

[DNA]

The Carlos Castaneda teachings helped me with this because he drove home the point of "indulging" in your behavior.
I realized that not wanting to go out and participate with my friends as a teenager was my "indulging" in my sensitivities.
I wanted nothing more than to hole up in my room, listen to Rush, read my books and smoke some pot.
I owe a lot to my teenage friends who got me into the real world. I got into confrontations including fist fights and I'm absolutely the better for it.
I think the initial message of the movie "fight club" plays a lot into what Mike is saying.
I see young men completely satisfied now with video games, online friendships and porn in place of real intimacy.
We have a whole generation of young men who never engage in the art of pursuing female companionship because of the confrontational nature of it.

[Daozen]

Lots of truth and value here. A counter-point: Sensitivity is a monetizable asset sometimes worth billions. Designers, painters, musciains, producers all have to be acutely sensitive to tone, colors, nuances of words, yadda yadda. Their path is to learn how to keep that sensitivity without being prissy or easily offended. It's difficult.

Something else I noticed: Denizens of the US and Austrailia, South Africa and NZ will often pride themselves on "blunt" "straight-talkers", who "tell it like it is" and "don't sugar coat the truth"... uhhuh... OK, I'll buy that for a dollar. When I deal with an Asian, the overwhelming majority of them will talk respectfully to others. With Strines and Septics, it's a mixed bag. About 20% have near zero social awareness. I've been picked up on my tone too, on and offline. But I never give it the "Im a striaght talker" routine. I go away, think about it and try and improve.

Now look at the stats:

1) Developed westerners often pride themselves on being blunt.
2) The western economy is tanking hard.
3) Suicide is the leading cause of death among Austrailian males.
4) Large amounts of westerners are unable to get through the day without taking anti-depressants.

Is there a link between 1,2,3 and 4? Is the price of being an edgy-bad-boy-straight-talker a trashed economy, high suicide rates and widepsread drug use? Westerners have been told they're the best people on Earth for 3 generations. That has got to go to people's head. Ask anyone who'd been in Asia if they liek they way they talk to others. Most people will say yes.

By all means, put the truth across, but always with an edge of respect for people's soul. I am still learning. People who can put the truth across while maintaining a human touch are comparatively rare. Their company is invigorating, not draining. Stanley Kubrick often dispensed brutal truths, but he did it with beautiful colors, sound, words and humor.

I agree that if you dont' learn a lesson yourself, life will give it to you harder.

Ultimately it comes down to free will and market forces. People will choose the lesson they want. It's a free-will plane-ette.

[DNA]

Posted by RunningDeer (here)

Posted by Mike (here)
If we can’t confront ourselves, we can't confront others.

From one perspective:

I’m in the business of confronting myself. I'll catch a glimpse of something and another aspect reveals itself. Once the great, big goblin within gets pierced (again and again and again), it all looks a lot different out there. Out there becomes proportionately laughable.

When one does the work of confronting self, the desire, the need to confront others lessens.

Disclaimer:
............

♡

Indeed! Such is why my signature at the bottom of my posting page says this.
"The conquering of self is truly greater than were one to conquer many worlds."
Edgar Cayce

I spent most of my life confronting a part of myself that could only be overcome with extreme attention and meditation.
This part of myself living in Jung's shadow that needed to be acknowledged and incorporated into my entire being. Eventually I learned that conquering this "aspect" of myself was far too time consuming, as such I've done better acknowledging these faults as ingrained character flaws that were better acknowledged than banished. These character flaws are a part of me and I'm better for knowing myself and being an honest flawed being rather than pretending to be a sage or guru not weighed down the same as everyone else. I'm a reincarnationalist who believes that all of the lessons will be learned "eventually".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tja6_h4lT6A

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=Tja6_h4lT6A

[Mike]

Posted by RunningDeer (here)

Posted by Mike (here)
If we can’t confront ourselves, we can't confront others.

From one perspective:

I’m in the business of confronting myself. I'll catch a glimpse of something and another aspect reveals itself. Once the great, big goblin within gets pierced (again and again and again), it all looks a lot different out there. Out there becomes proportionately laughable.

When one does the work of confronting self, the desire, the need to confront others lessens.

Disclaimer:
............

♡

Oh my, am I *ever* a work in progress! Lol

Well they say you teach what you need to learn most, right? I'm not trying to teach here really, just trying to sort out all my thoughts on this stuff by writing about it. My point: I need to hear this msg more than anyone!

Not confronting the self, not having the emotional courage to take that trip to the underworld, reverberates. Its a failure that manifests repeatedly throughout life. I speak from experience! And every failure begets more failures - it just gets harder and harder to make that trip as the emotional baggage piles up.

I was talking to a friend today who is navigating everything that goes along with being sexually molested as a kid. It's the same friend I mentioned above whose cousin made him do all the fighting (he did confess to some mixed feelings about that today). It's a very convoluted story and I won't get into the details....but his mother can't discuss any of it with him because she was molested as a child too, and hasn't confronted all the emotional baggage that accompanies that..and just lapses into hysteria whenever it comes up. This I would say is an example of not confronting yourself and your issues affecting you and the people you love in the long run - here we have a mother who cannot comfort her son because she has not done the inner work; and here we have a son looking for support from the mother to do the inner work but cannot get it.

So I think we have a responsibility as human beings, to ourselves and everyone around us, to have the courage to confront ourselves, to take emotional risks...and to not let our sensitivities dictate to us.

[Mike]

Marcus, dude I've thought of you a couple times as I was reading this book "12 rules for life" by Jordan Peterson. You especially would appreciate it. These aren't 12 trite, silly suggestions. It's quite involved - the guy is a scholar and the book is a little dense. But there are tons of parallels to the Castaneda stuff.

I was about halfway thru the book when I thought, holy sh!t this is an instruction guide on how to become what Castaneda called a "warrior". Only it's written about 100x better. I really hope you get a chance to read it.

And Paula I've thought of you too frequently while reading due to quite a few similarities to the Beall material

[Mike]

Hi Daozen,

Their path is to learn how to keep that sensitivity without being prissy or easily offended. It's difficult.

Indeed. This is what I'm getting at. It's that space that's struck when excessive sensitivity is tempered, and the "safety" switch is shut off, and the emotional world has been disciplined, or ordered. Too much order is tyrannical, too less is chaos. There is a balance there if one is willing to do the work.

I would say that those artists that have monetized their extreme sensitivities have done so thru their art. They've "done the work" thru writing, music, acting, painting...you name it. They've found their emotional courage through their creativity. Some people sit on couches and talk to therapists..other people get creative. There are all sorts of ways and therefore no excuses to not get started.

My original post wasn't an invitation to become a "tell it like it is" guy; that's an ego trap if there ever was one. My suggestion was total honesty with oneself - emotionally and intellectually...not disingenuous ego competition. If one could achieve such a state, or even if one is striving for it, I think it would be nothing but beneficial for their physical health...for some obvious reasons and others we don't quite understand.

[DNA]

Posted by Mike (here)
Marcus, dude I've thought of you a couple times as I was reading this book "12 rules for life" by Jordan Peterson. You especially would appreciate it. These aren't 12 trite, silly suggestions. It's quite involved - the guy is a scholar and the book is a little dense. But there are tons of parallels to the Castaneda stuff.

I was about halfway thru the book when I thought, holy sh!t this is an instruction guide on how to be what Castaneda called a "warrior". Only it's written about 100x better. I really hope you get a chance to read it.

And Paula I've thought of you too frequently while reading due to quite a few similarities to the Beall material

Thanks Mike, I appreciate the heads up I'll check out the "12 rules for life" by Jordan Peterson.
And if I find the guy has written this 100x better than Castaneda I will absolutely let you know.
I personally think the subjective part of this is when you read something and how the timing of the material has affected you.
At certain points of our development and at certain ages we are simply going to be "ready" for something, and the combination of timing and effect will determine how profound the information will be.
Having Castaneda as a fifteen year old martial artist who could do the splits "both" splits and was often tasked with sparring the rival schools best student put me in a particularly excellent position to have the "energy" required to truly get a boost from Castaneda.
Silencing the internal dialogue during elaborate stretching routines really allowed me to see the effects. Not having a car as a fifteen or sixteen year old meant I walked several miles everyday, and this also is an excellent time to practice silencing the internal dialogue.
Had Castaneda made it into my life as say a 30 year old, the books would probably have had not nearly the effect on my life. So timing with specific literature in your life makes a big deal in my opinion.

[RunningDeer]

"12 Rules for Life"

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back
2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
3. Make friends with people who want the best for you
4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
8. Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
10. Be precise in your speech
11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street

(Wiki)

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (31 minutes)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=eYKN3lUdC6I

♡

Posted by DNA (here)
Thanks Mike, I appreciate the heads up I'll check out the "12 rules for life" by Jordan Peterson.

Posted by Mike (here)
Marcus, dude I've thought of you a couple times as I was reading this book "12 rules for life" by Jordan Peterson. ... was about halfway thru the book when I thought, holy sh!t this is an instruction guide on how to be what Castaneda called a "warrior". Only it's written about 100x better. I really hope you get a chance to read it.

[Mike]

Had Castaneda made it into my life as say a 30 year old, the books would probably have had not nearly the effect on my life. So timing with specific literature in your life makes a big deal in my opinion.

Couldn't agree more Marcus. 12 Rules is sorta like Castaneda for 40 yr olds and up

¤=[Post Update]=¤

OMG, awesome...thank you Paula!

[Mike]

Those rules appear so simple, and they are...but this guy digs deep, using religious archetypes to illustrate everything he's saying. The chapters go on for ages...and you're glad when they do.

Marcus my favorite Castaneda book is 'Journey To Ixtlan", specifically the 5 or 6 uncharacteristically practical lessons taught in the beginning of the book. Peterson is like that...on steroids

[Elpis]

Posted by Mike (here)

Posted by Elpis (here)
I’ve been called sensitive, passionate, empathetic, strong and fearless. I look at all these attributes as positive. When facing a difficult situation my strength is always at my core. I suppose that is why I come across as being fearless.

Sometimes I have to put fear on the back burner; waiting for some alone time where I can take my armor off and have a good cry. So yes, sometimes it does suck being sensitive.


With Love ~

I need to be alone to have a cry now n again too! Nothing wrong with that. That's wisdom. That's being honest with yourself. That's knowing you need that release to move forward and be productive. I applaud that.

If you were crying every day, I might suggest a "trip to the underworld" as Jordan Peterson would say, to honestly and straightforwardly deal with whatever was plaguing you.

This isn't about being macho. It's not about burying sensitivities....it's about confronting them courageously, being honest with oneself, and arriving at a sensible balance.

To not confront them would be to dishonor yourself, in my view..

Thanks for the post.

Thank you for the comment Mike.

I had to laugh. No, I am not crying every day and don’t feel as if I need to take any “trips”. I’m on pretty solid ground here.

It’s true, it’s very important to recognize your sensitivities and to confront/embrace them. They are part of your total makeup. There is no denying them. There is no burying them. Burying them can lead you down a very dark path. It’s all in how you deal with them, on your own or with someone you trust. At some point they need to come to the surface and see the light of day. It’s not nearly as scary in the daylight!

With Love ~