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Thread: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

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    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Foxie Loxie (here)
    Which "dog" inside you do you want to "feed"?!
    Which Wolf Wins?




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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Yes, it has made me uncomfortable.

    I took your advise, I unblocked you.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    Yes, it has made me uncomfortable.

    I took your advise, I unblocked you.


    OMG, this post has made the whole thread worth it!

    Ernie, I appreciate your honesty. My ego never once allowed me to think that any of those people that might be blocked was me! Oh the irony.

    This is a small breakthrough. I've made you a little uncomfortable, and you've humbled me a little. I like it. See now we're sticking our feet just slightly more out into the chaos. It's a worthwhile risk. We're all a bit too orderly in the name of "keeping the peace", or protecting sensitivities or playing it a bit too safe.

    There's always the risk that if we're a bit too honest with each other, things will get worse. That is a very real possibility. But if we don't display honesty now, all those things we are subtly lying about will inevitably destroy us later. So let's give it a shot. Like your sig says "why not?"

    Now, just like there are "white lies", there are also "black truths". A black truth is just as bad as a white lie. What is a black truth? It's an honest statement about someone that is indeed true, but more an ego boost to the accuser than a genuine attempt to help. This is the ego centered "tell it like it is guy" we've all run up against in our lives. This is a suboptimal way of operating, and not at all what I'm suggesting.

    So, this honesty I speak of is layered - it's just not as simple as going around and calling people (or ourselves) out on sh!t. It requires thoughtfulness and subtlety in many instances. Where there's room to be gentle, we should always exploit it. Humor is a wonderful tool too, demonstrated perfectly by Ernie here.

    There's an art to all this. We all have a *personal responsibility* to be artists. Really!
    Last edited by Mike; 5th May 2018 at 01:55.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Too safe, too sensitive....too nice? My preference is walk the path of integrity. Live and continue to grow in the highest standards of propriety. No trespassing on others nor violate minds or personal space. Same in return.

    Yep, I hear you. And thanks for the thoughtful post

    I would most associate integrity with honesty. Like I was saying above, I don't think people that are excessively nice are capable of honesty. They tend to keep things on a safe, non-threatening level. Anything that threatens that, like honesty, is sort of taboo.

    People that are too nice are generally too sensitive. And being so fragile, they cannot and will not hear or say anything that will upset that fragile equilibrium.

    And finally, as a result of all this, they play it too safe.

    So, with honesty out the door - honesty with themselves and others - integrity sort of gets thrown out the window in favor of a burnt out, safe, tranquil stagnation.

    By the way, I'm not suggesting everyone look around for people to tag and label with these things. I'm encouraging everyone to look in the mirror at themselves - especially me!

    This is important: I'm writing these posts to me, mainly, as a reminder (God i hope this doesn't come off as pontificating!) If we don't articulate our ideas, we're essentially formless. I do this best by writing about them. So every time i post on this stuff, i add a new structure to organize my thoughts and feelings, and it gets more cohesive. But I can't stress this enough - this is basically an open letter to myself. I'm telling myself, by creating structure through language, how I want to improve me.

    So like Paula said so eloquently, there's no trespassing intended, nor intrusions into others' space suggested. Above all else I'm stressing personal responsibility first. Improving the world starts with the individual, imo
    Last edited by Mike; 5th May 2018 at 01:51.

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    I observed in my mother this ability to flip a switch and turn off normal etiquette. She could be scathing when she wanted to be, brutally honest - from her point of view, and not too rational either. I learned to override my sensibilities and do like she does, flip the switch - sometimes it gets stuck...

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    It is NICE, and maybe kinda saintly, to kick the crap out of a jerk, a meme, a political agenda that has worked too hard not to be rewarded with reciprocity. Just as well, it's not nice or kind for me to clean up the shyte that comes out...or the blood left behind.

    I am a grey wolf in the brotherhood of wolves, having a tea...meditating...
    While a step and a half into another world, in a diner just across the road...
    I see jesus, mohammed and buddha arguing about who's gonna pay the bill...
    Ya'll know what I'd say to them about their sensitivities and the entrails of the inhumanities still alive, bearing their names....

    Recently I've been listening to the stories of those oppressed in the field of work that's employed me in the last few years, a natural role for me it seems, in the manner suited to my nature of honesty, coinciding with my name. However, I have realized how ill-equipted I am for the task at hand of listening, compiling the facts, suggesting solutions and mediating a justice as it should be done.

    I am surely qualified to evaluate abuses and in the process of listening, absorbing the essence of the emotional, physical, social an economic damages done to the victims. I am even balanced in my dispensation of equitable justice....all necessary for both the abused and the abuser to move ahead in their lives. However, I don't abuse people, no matter who they are, so I do not have the perspective of being in the energetic that created the problems. All that abusers see in me is someone who they dare not F##k with. They know that the reward is embarrassment or injury, things never the impetus to abuse others.

    After this process started I insisted that we call part of the process reconciliation. Because of this insistence I was pleased to hear the unsolicited and honest admonitions of those who had abused their fellow workers. In listening I realized that this position was not my place, but the earned and correct place of those who knew well the processes that the abuser creates. Sure, most of those abusers can trace their abuse to a history of being abused, in both familial and workplace experiences, but their spoken histories of being confronted and then confronting themselves seemed to be healing for both parties. Even after volunteering, like a few others have, I see this is not my world.

    I now daily work to separate myself from the process in an industry, primarily in this state, that has blacklisted me and others for having a strong moral history, and one that offers me no guarantee for income in the future. (Silly me thinking, even for a fleeting moment, that because of the outing of abusive men, and a few abusive women, I would be offered some work for having put my livelihood at great risk, now proven to have been affected by blacklisting, for refusing to allow abuse in our workplaces.) Moving on.

    A voice of clarity, neither nice nor safe, reminds me....

    House the deaf near the noise of airports, if you care. They won't complain.

    Clothe the blind in the best colors that funk has found, discarded by those with their puffed up sense of fashion. They will offer no objection to the gifts of quality and the feel of luxury.

    Assign the tasks of listening to all of the chalk board narratives of moral criminals to the criminals themselves....for they have earned the pain that these righteous revelations inflict.

    With the council of the best of friends I too listen.....
    And I'm still taking the brakes off of my bike in order to create the challenge that my soul requires....but not in the company of others.
    Last edited by Hym; 8th May 2018 at 17:55.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    you're a poet, Hym. excellent post

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    Yes, it has made me uncomfortable.

    I took your advise, I unblocked you.
    Ernie, thanks for the reminder. While I was at it, I unblocked you.






    Last edited by RunningDeer; 5th May 2018 at 10:05.

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Too safe, too sensitive....too nice.

    Excessive niceness is just as toxic and unproductive as it's opposite... and just as harmful. The result may not be as immediate, but it will arrive nonetheless.

    Excessive niceness suggests agreeableness. Someone who is excessively nice is likely afraid of conflict or controversy of any sort, and will avoid it like the plague - even if it's something they know will multiply several fold and return later to bite them if they don't deal with it now. Being too nice is being too weak.

    People that are too nice will not be honest with you - they fear the consequences. And you can't be honest with them either, if you're interested in remaining friends. They will shy away from anything that makes them uncomfortable.

    The most profound growth usually happens in moments of discomfort. If you are surrounded by people who are afraid of discomfort, you will never grow.

    Deep down, we all know this. When we don't want to be challenged, we choose weak company. We do this mostly subconsciously. But it's ultimately unproductive and mind-numbingly boring. Consider the myth of the woman who says she "just wants to meet a nice guy." Well that bullsh!t, of course. She may want to meet a "nice guy" after a tough break up for a shoulder to cry on, but the second a more interesting, confident man arrives (the "bad boy") she'll drop the "nice" guy in an instant.

    This isn't as superficial as it seems. It just seems that way because of the language we choose to use. If we replace "nice" with "weak", and replace "bad boy" with "strong" it all makes sense. For all his faults, the so called "bad boy" is much more honest and open about them then the comparatively disingenuous "nice guy". He actually has more character than the "nice guy", and is therefore more attractive.

    Too nice, too safe, too sensitive...
    Peterson says in the interview posted earlier in this thread, "In order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive." How true. If we never risk being offensive, we will never be able to productively think!...

    ..Therefore, excessive niceness is ultimately tyrannical.

    Take Avalon, for example - I'll take an aggressively trollish, boorish type over an excessively nice member any day. Both are ultimately corrupting influences, but the troll will give you more honesty.

    Some of my old friends met me and my girlfriend in St Augustine this week. It had been a while since we'd all been in one place together. We picked up right where we left off, busting each others balls mercilessly. Nothing is sacred in this group of guys - divorces, deaths, suicide attempts...you name it. It's a ruthless group, and if you can't keep up, you'll get eviscerated pretty quick...

    ...and I got eviscerated. I couldn't keep up. And I have to tell you, it was a horrible feeling. I'd lost something, clearly. Some time ago - on the advice of an ex - i decided to be nicer, more kind...not so caustic etc. And I worked on it daily. It worked a little too well. I got too nice, too sensitive, too safe... As I said earlier in the thread, your weaknesses will come find you, no matter how hard you try to hide from them; well they found me this week. Pretty quickly I realized that I hadn't gotten nice, I'd gotten weak, I'd gotten slow... (in my defense, i found my legs a couple days in and held my own pretty well)

    This isn't a suggestion to be unkind or discourteous. We should always be striving to be good to each other...but not if it's disingenuous or at the expense of our character or our ability to think and share honestly
    I think, Mike, a clear distinction should be made between kindness and niceness. Women LOVE kind men, at least I do, but abhor "nice" men because it feels slimy, like a manipulation.

    One thing a lot of 'bad boys' have in common is they often have fantastic senses of humour. Women like that. They aren't boring!

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)

    Women LOVE kind men, at least I do, but abhor "nice" men because it feels slimy, like a manipulation.

    One thing a lot of 'bad boys' have in common is they often have fantastic senses of humour. Women like that. They aren't boring!
    Isn't that perception, kind Vs nice, an individual one?

    Though I do understand your point I find this to be yet another example of the limitations of language.

    I remember a time when a lot of women would respond with a smile to something so crude, (by todays standards), as a wolf-whistle, or the 'toot' of a horn from a passing driver.

    The guys were saying 'You look great!'. The girls were saying 'Thank you!'.

    It brought a smile to both faces. The male was saying 'you look fine', the female response of a smile said 'thank you' and that produced a grin in the male too.

    --

    Why did women start wearing make-up? Why does everything have to get so goddamn complicated. Girls like guys, guys like girls. End of story.

    Not trying to pull your post apart AutumnW, I really do understand what you are saying, but, 100 years ago, wasn't the slimy guy still there, just picking up the young and niave? Nothing has really changed except the agenda of what we are supposed to find acceptable or not acceptable.

    PS: What does the 'W' stand for in 'AutumnW'?

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Good point Autumn! A distinction definitely needs to be made.

    Would you please do it? Haha! I'm struggling with that one a little.

    Well I think niceness is often insecurity masquerading as niceness. That might be a good place to start.

    To be clear, I much prefer kindness. And genuinely nice people! But people that do have your best interests at heart will not let kindness get in the way of blasting you with a blunt truth you may need to hear, right?

    So in this sense, kindness (or what we think of as kindness) can be a detriment to growth.

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Niceness is often a form of obsequiousness, agreeableness, that isn't sincere. The intent is to curry favor, to have people like you.

    A kind person operates from a premise of strength and forbearance because they like and care about others. That is their primary consideration -- not motivated primarily by a desire to have people like them.

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Ewan (here)
    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)

    Women LOVE kind men, at least I do, but abhor "nice" men because it feels slimy, like a manipulation.

    One thing a lot of 'bad boys' have in common is they often have fantastic senses of humour. Women like that. They aren't boring!
    Isn't that perception, kind Vs nice, an individual one?

    Though I do understand your point I find this to be yet another example of the limitations of language.

    I remember a time when a lot of women would respond with a smile to something so crude, (by todays standards), as a wolf-whistle, or the 'toot' of a horn from a passing driver.

    The guys were saying 'You look great!'. The girls were saying 'Thank you!'.

    It brought a smile to both faces. The male was saying 'you look fine', the female response of a smile said 'thank you' and that produced a grin in the male too.

    --

    Why did women start wearing make-up? Why does everything have to get so goddamn complicated. Girls like guys, guys like girls. End of story.

    Not trying to pull your post apart AutumnW, I really do understand what you are saying, but, 100 years ago, wasn't the slimy guy still there, just picking up the young and niave? Nothing has really changed except the agenda of what we are supposed to find acceptable or not acceptable.

    PS: What does the 'W' stand for in 'AutumnW'?
    You know, it all depends on who is whistling. What some men don't realize is women, particularly attractive women, sometimes feel overwhelmed and intimidated by attention from strangers. When I was young I was sexually attacked by a stranger, while hitchhiking. So somebody driving by and wolf whistling would have scared me.

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    Australia Avalon Member Innocent Warrior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Life is not safe. You will not get out of it alive.
    Well that certainly puts things into perspective.

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    If you do not train yourself to temper your sensitivity and fears and need for excessive safety, the world will do it for you eventually...only 100x harsher
    Iím facing a fear by writing the following because i dread sympathy and shame, but this bit of knowledge is too much of a gem not to share.

    When I was a child i was determined to minimise the impact of the frequent beatings I got from one of my parents. From that determination arose the idea to prepare for the beatings by inducing the state of being beaten myself.

    i would imagine being beaten. Iíd also take myself to the state of fear, like not knowing how far it would escalate, the desperation of trying to stay conscious when I could see stars and my legs were buckling. Iíd work myself up in this way and then face the beating, fully present. This is the opposite to going to a safe place in your mind and it works.

    The effect was that the beatings no longer hurt at all and I was able to recover to my full resting state in a matter of seconds after the beating. By inducing the state myself I was in control of the effects.

    The only time it hurt after that was when the incidents were worse than I anticipated and I hadnít sufficiently matched the state. This is why the world teaching you is much worse, itís unexpected and youíre not sufficiently conditioned or prepared.

    I was very young, if a little girl can do that, anyone can.

    The key to being fearless is to become the ringmaster of your emotions.
    Last edited by Innocent Warrior; 13th May 2018 at 08:47. Reason: added text
    Never give up on your silly, silly dreams.

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    Canada Avalon Member DeDukshyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Rachel (here)
    Quote Life is not safe. You will not get out of it alive.
    Well that certainly puts things into perspective.

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    If you do not train yourself to temper your sensitivity and fears and need for excessive safety, the world will do it for you eventually...only 100x harsher
    Iím facing a fear by writing the following because i dread sympathy and shame, but this bit of knowledge is too much of a gem not to share.

    When I was a child i was determined to minimise the impact of the frequent beatings I got from one of my parents. From that determination arose the idea to prepare for the beatings by inducing the state of being beaten myself.

    i would imagine being beaten. Iíd also take myself to the state of fear, like not knowing how far it would escalate, the desperation of trying to stay conscious when I could see stars and my legs were buckling. Iíd work myself up in this way and then face the beating, fully present. This is the opposite to going to a safe place in your mind and it works.

    The effect was that the beatings no longer hurt at all and I was able to recover to my full resting state in a matter of seconds after the beating. By inducing the state myself I was in control of the effects.

    The only time it hurt after that was when the incidents were worse than I anticipated and I hadnít sufficiently matched the state. This is why the world teaching you is much worse, itís unexpected and youíre not sufficiently conditioned or prepared.

    I was very young, if a little girl can do that, anyone can.

    The key to being fearless is to become the ringmaster of your emotions.
    Interesting you discovered that as a child ... I took a course once - The Landmark Forum, and they actually taught pretty much this exact technique for dealing with anything that causes you pain - physical or otherwise. You were to spend at least five minutes enveloping yourself completely in the thing causing you pain, feel it 10x more than it would normally hurt and just go through that - focus on it with all your inner imagination and feeling it through your body - five full minutes. It actually does work - even for relieving physical pain like a headache.

    And yes I agree that this puts you back over top of your emotions and other feelings rather then being a victim to them.
    Last edited by DeDukshyn; 13th May 2018 at 16:28.
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Mike, I have been following this thread because I liked the intent, the thoughtfulness, the honesty and the discussion. It's a really good thread.

    I identify a lot with what Rachel said. I used to get beat too. I remember one time this guy complimented me and I guess I downplayed it a bit because I always saw my faults and not my good qualities. So he asked me "Did you get beat as a child?"

    He looked kind of stunned when I said "Yes". But, It taught me a lot. To be fair, the beatings stopped after the parent acknowledged his behavior through counseling and changed it. Back then, being beaten with a belt was kind of normal.

    A really nice thread. Thanks.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by Valerie Villars (here)
    Mike, I have been following this thread because I liked the intent, the thoughtfulness, the honesty and the discussion. It's a really good thread.

    I identify a lot with what Rachel said. I used to get beat too. I remember one time this guy complimented me and I guess I downplayed it a bit because I always saw my faults and not my good qualities. So he asked me "Did you get beat as a child?"

    He looked kind of stunned when I said "Yes". But, It taught me a lot. To be fair, the beatings stopped after the parent acknowledged his behavior through counseling and changed it. Back then, being beaten with a belt was kind of normal.

    A really nice thread. Thanks.


    Hey Val, I'm glad you're enjoying the thread

    I have what will seem like a pretty weird question, and I hope Rach you will answer this too. The question is this: if you could go back in time and erase those terrible experiences, would you?

    I was speaking to a paraplegic today, who told me if God approached him today and offered to undo all the damage and restore his ability to walk, he'd politely decline. It was hard for me to believe, but the man seemed sincere. He explained that the injury to his neck and the resulting disability taught him a lesson he could have never possibly learned in any other way, which was basically to seize the day and live every moment to the fullest.

    It's easy for that type of stuff to sound trite, but when it's coming from the mouth of a paraplegic it really hits home. Since his car accident at 17 and resulting injury, this guy has sky dived 18 times, swam with sharks on multiple occasions, written a book, been a passenger in a russian mig that did all sorts of acrobatic stuff, given motivational speeches to large numbers of people, met various luminaries from the world of politics and sport, and on and on it goes...(his name is John Kirchner. he has a book available on amazon called "roll with me". talked with him for over an hour today. fascinating man.)

    ...anyway, he kept insisting that he was thrilled with the way his life had gone, and wouldn't change a thing..

    wow!

    Surely he wouldn't have volunteered to be a paraplegic at 17, but what at first seemed like a tragic event has given him all these wonderful opportunities.

    And life does this - it forces difficult or even tragic events onto us, and in a way forces us to sink or swim. Rach that technique you used as a little girl sound borderline shamanic. As horrifying as your experiences were back then, it may just have been the only way you could have learned to do such an amazing thing. And the ramifications of that, the path it sent you on and so forth...I wonder if there was any other way for that to occur without those horrible beatings?

    Tragic events like these create enormous amounts of energy and potential nothing else can, it seems. In this way it can represent an opportunity. What will we do this newly created energy? Let it traumitize us? Render us antisocial and nihilistic? Or will we use it as rocket fuel towards transformative change? We can either use these events as an excuse to remain the same, or we can use the resulting energy created to propel ourselves forward

    I maintain that we actually have a personal responsibility to do the latter. It takes vigilant diligence, but it's the only sane response to the unbelievable burden of being. This is the art of living, in my view.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Cont...

    As bad as life can be sometimes, I believe it is a privilege to be here. And as such, we have to - in a way - justify our existence. If we don't at least try to do what we came here to do, we're dishonoring ourselves and everyone around us; we're disrespecting life itself. And life has a way of responding to that in an undesirable way. You can't just loaf around here and disrespect this opportunity, because then you're just another body taking a dump that winds up in a river every day. You're essentially useless.

    When things get bad, people have a tendency to say "well, f#ck it. I give up. Can't get any worse than this..."

    it can always get worse

    And if you get nihilistic, and give up on life and yourself, it will. And then these same people who threw up their arms and sorta quit, will start saying things like "the universe is out to get me", "my luck is horrible" etc...

    When in reality what really happened was that they forfeited their personal responsibility to improve. Life then becomes disordered, chaos ensues, and things begin spiralling out of control.

    People who enjoy drama enjoy it because they exploit it as an excuse to avoid personal responsibility. Things then get inevitably worse, which serves as proof to these types that the universe is indeed against them, and justifies their excuse to quit in the first place. As things get worse and worse, their nihilism grows, and instead of motivating them to get out of the situation, it becomes more of an excuse to stay in it.

    These are the most sensitive types of people. Why? Because they don't want to hear anything about reality. It might force them to act, or feel some sense of personal responsibility or even shame, and they've become too comfortable in their denials. They've played it too safe for too long They are firecely determined to stay in this bubble...but ultimately the world will come along and burst it. And not having prepared themselves in any way, they will suffer mightily.

    ...and this suffering will either continue to enforce a sense of victimhood, or inspire one to take personal responsibility for ones life and break the vicious cycle.
    Last edited by Mike; 13th May 2018 at 23:44.

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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    Quote Posted by DeDukshyn (here)
    Interesting you discovered that as a child ... I took a course once - The Landmark Forum, and they actually taught pretty much this exact technique for dealing with anything that causes you pain - physical or otherwise. You were to spend at least five minutes enveloping yourself completely in the thing causing you pain, feel it 10x more than it would normally hurt and just go through that - focus on it with all your inner imagination and feeling it through your body - five full minutes. It actually does work - even for relieving physical pain like a headache.

    And yes I agree that this puts you back over top of your emotions and other feelings rather then being a victim to them.
    Awesome, I was concerned readers would find it difficult to believe itís possible, thank you.

    After a while I didnít need to do that anymore and Iíd just go into that mode automatically. I donít know how long that took, not long though.

    The effect is much like morphine, if I focussed on it I could still feel the pain but it didnít hurt or bother me at all. One day when I was much older, about 15, he beat me in my bedroom. A family friend who I really liked was visiting at the time and was in the lounge room, so I went to the lounge room immediately after I recovered.

    As I entered the lounge room everyoneís face became horrified as they stared at me, I was bleeding but had no idea. It wasnít until I looked for what they were staring at that I felt any pain at all.

    The following all happened in a second or so. I had grabbed my face at some point, I looked at my hand, saw that it was covered in blood, then I looked down and saw the blood on my shirt and then traced the droplets leading to my bedroom and thought WTF is that, and only then did I begin to feel the burning sensation of the pain on my face. I actually needed visual clues to figure out what was going on, so I can confirm it is absolutely effective for physical pain.

    I didn't learn this from the circumstances being discussed here (it was an accident) but I should add that there is a limit to this method. Some things are just too excruciating to be able to stay present. At a point you are forced to go somewhere else, there's nothing you can do about that and you wouldn't want to, it's a good thing. I don't know if you can still feel the pain or not in that place but you at least can't remember it.

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    I have what will seem like a pretty weird question, and I hope Rach you will answer this too. The question is this: if you could go back in time and erase those terrible experiences, would you?
    If youíd asked me that question five years or so ago I probably would have told you I wish I was never born. The human spirit is brilliantly resilient, however, evidently, the human mind and body has its limits, thereís only so much it can take. Thatís OK because after enough experience you learn when it needs to rest and heal but sometimes that can take a lot of time, especially if youíve had a very difficult experience. It gets exhausted and if you donít allow it time to heal it will break down. I was my own teacher so I learned the hard way. I foolishly came to believe I was invincible and life taught me otherwise.

    Now I see my life as two distinctly separate chapters and I see the first chapter as preparation. I had to let everything in my life go, people, dreams, beliefs, everything, and then I started from scratch and my life is about completely different things now. That takes time too, itís very challenging but my life is what I make of it now, so my answer to your question now is a definite no, I wouldnít erase a moment.

    For the longest time I just wanted to go home, until I learned that being at home is a state of being. Now I figure that if I can be at home here I can be at home anywhere. The opportunity here for growth is stupendous. I think what is common with very sensitive people is that we feel we donít belong here because we donít fit in, weíre not of this world but have to live in it. But itís a mistake to equate that to not belonging here, we all belong here just as much as anyone else, we just have to walk our own paths to see it. Thatís a necessity or weíre experientially just doing time until we pass.

    Quote Rach that technique you used as a little girl sound borderline shamanic. As horrifying as your experiences were back then, it may just have been the only way you could have learned to do such an amazing thing. And the ramifications of that, the path it sent you on and so forth...I wonder if there was any other way for that to occur without those horrible beatings?
    Very true.

    I never thought about any of it at the time, I didnít think it was anything significant to think about. I was just being me, got the idea, didnít even think about whether it would work or not, and just did it. When it worked I was amazed but mostly was just happy that it did, it made my life a lot easier.

    I did always know that I was aware of things that the people around me werenít aware of though. I experienced far more fantastic things than what is being discussed here, but it wasnít until I was an adult that I reflected on it and gave it much thought. Now nothing holds my attention and captures my heart more than the mechanics of life, that is my passion.

    You may not like this next bit, Mike, but I have to say it because I sense it so strongly. I am a very sensitive person and as much as Iíd like to at times Iíd never try to temper my sensitivity and I donít think anyone should. Itís a strength, all the way, it just seems like itís not because itís very challenging.

    Rather than tempering it, see it as a strength (difficult because things hurt so much more) and dig deeper with it, like I did with physical pain, trust that your will or right attitude will give rise to ideas, strategies etc. and that your sensitivity will see you through. Iím quite certain that idea was an inspiration received from my greater Self. I also suspect the effect was so powerful because I was sensitive enough to feel it strongly enough in my body when I took myself there. I owe a lot to my sensitivity, I could go on for pages.

    It is very important to respect the boundaries set by physical limitations (not forgetting the capacity for rejuvenation). Your advice is excellent, given the right person at the right time. At the wrong time it could bury them deeper or just make them angry. You could be looking at the most miserable, apparently weak looking person in front of you, not realising you stand before one of the most powerful and resilient people youíve ever met, who really needs a big long rest right now, years if necessary. A very sensitive person whoís gone through an unbelievably difficult experience, you just never know, life can be very complex, as you know.
    Last edited by Innocent Warrior; 14th May 2018 at 05:41. Reason: added text
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    Default Re: Too Sensitive, Too Safe

    According to the Michael Teachings (http://www.michaelteachings.com/soul_age_index.html ) which I have always found to be a great descriptive tool (though words always fail at some point and we must never take them too literally, especially when it comes to subject matter that is so cosmic in scope) ...there are souls at all different stages of advancement on our world, from infant on up to old.
    ( Also some soulless beings, apparently, and non-human souls, but that's another discussion.)
    Every level will develop different strengths and weaknesses, and every step along the way is useful in our full development as human beings.
    Sometimes we choose to experience a weakness so as to be better able to understand and help a similar weakness in others.
    Courage and sensitivity are two great strengths to have.
    They may not necessarily be developed concurrently, but having them both indicates a healthy balance of human traits.
    Sensitivity is as much a strength as courage is.
    Too much sensitivity unbalanced by courage can lead to cowardice, too much courage unbalanced by sensitivity can lead to recklessness or even cruelty.
    The more we progress, the less judgmental we will be of where others are on their journey, though that doesn't mean we won't have personal likes and dislikes, value certain traits over others.
    It's all very much an individual matter.
    Grandmotherly compassion is not the same thing as tough love, but both have their place.
    A child may not be ready for tough love, but a grandmother's gentle, sweet touch can be just the thing at the right moment.
    Other times, we may need a bracing jolt of tough love.
    Gurdjieff spoke of students needing shocks at times to help wake them up, though e he said that eventually we need to learn how to provide our own shocks rather than depending on Life or a teacher to provide them.
    Don Juan Matus was often seeking situations that would scare Castenada and force him to see things differently.
    At other times, both teachers would provide soothing and reassurance.
    I think that is what all good teachers do, and really, they are only imitating Life, which provides us with experiences of all kinds.
    Good teachers just help to accelerate Life's process.
    There's an interesting discussion on an old thread here on a similar vein: http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...r-s-Compassion
    Quote Posted by Rachel (here)

    Your advice is excellent, given the right person at the right time. At the wrong time it could bury them deeper or just make them angry. You could be looking at the most miserable, apparently weak looking person in front of you, not realising you stand before one of the most powerful and resilient people youíve ever met, who really needs a big long rest right now, years if necessary. A very sensitive person whoís gone through an unbelievably difficult experience, you just never know, life can be very complex, as you know.
    Very true! :
    Last edited by onawah; 14th May 2018 at 06:13.
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