Thinking about Death - Friend, or Foe

[freezerburnt]

Grandpa Sinclair just died. Last one I had. It's up to me, or my uncle's son. I have my doubts about his functional genetic drive to carry on, so to speak. That leaves me in a horrible situation. I admit, I have a lot of growing up to do. I didn't figure carrying the torch would be a part of that. Not the point.

My granddad died, and it made me wonder. He didn't value this existence in a way anybody else in my family has. Stoic. Though, he was a real abusive guy. Psychologically. Emotionally.

The point is, he raised his kids according to a certain regime, a code. All his kids were strong, capable, critical people. But they all hated him.

What is the bigger crime? Raising assholes that come to your funeral, or raising Humans that know what they know, and grudgingly are thankful? Still not the point.

My Granddad's death made me wonder, how did he approach it?

It made me think about my own death, and how I want to approach it. And I've got it.

The same way I approached Kindergarten- forcefully curious, wholly unprepared

[chancy]

Hi there everyone:
After reading this about your granddads loss I am sorry for your loss! I have thought about this alot over the last decade(s). I think that your granddad did his job and prepared his kids for anything that would come their way to harm them, to love them and so forth.
His kids may have hated him for that BUT one day they will definitely thank him. I think he loved them more than your family and you know! I didn't know the man BUT I would sooner have my kids prepared for life than they liking me. I'm too old for the fairy tale approach. What I mean by that is what my brother and I were talking about last week.
Why do we teach our kids about Santa Claus or the tooth fairy? WE are lying to them and put them on the trail of lies that we are talking about on Project Avalon where it takes years if not our whole life time to figure out. Still some never figure it out!
Being a nice guy is important BUT being a true stand up guy is more important from the stand point of an older parent.
If I was 20 I would think completely different. For example when my 6 year old asks: "Dad is there a real Santa"? "Or is there a real tooth fairy" what do you say YES and know you are lying to the best part of you or say NO and be truthful? Especially when my 6 year old already doesn't believe in Santa and the tooth fairy because the older sibling already told him the truth. I think he's just checking to see if us as the parents are going to be honest with him!
My point is I admire a man that gets his kids ready for life! Too many parents don't.
I believe he loved his kids deeply and was one of those parents who wanted to be truthful to their kids whom they love more than they can express.
chancy
PS I believe Truth is Love and Love is Truth because it will set you FREE

[pyrangello]

Freezer, I had a stepdad once along the lines of just rotten to the core,strict beyond belief and very abusive mentally and physically. After he died I went to the funeral only out of respect for my mother. And that was the only reason. After the funeral my motherr and I had a discussion, she told me how good of a person he was, then I conveyed to her of my account for my 3 teenage years I had to deal with this axxhole. His style of raising a kid had nothing to do with acting like a parent and everything to do with evil. I told my mother of the hell on earth he put many people thru and if I had a shovel I would have dug the hole for him to be buried in because that's where he belonged. I guess there no margin of error in that comment is there and it's been 40 years since. So it's ok to have the perspective that you do.


As for how to approach the end of my life, we all carve out our own path ,best expression i ever read went like this, at the end of my road it's grand to know that I will be sliding sideways on my motorcycle sparking all the way and when I come to a final stop, getting up and just saying, man what a ride it's been.! Hope that helps .

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by freezerburnt (here)
Grandpa Sinclair just died. Last one I had. It's up to me, or my uncle's son. I have my doubts about his functional genetic drive to carry on, so to speak. That leaves me in a horrible situation. I admit, I have a lot of growing up to do. I didn't figure carrying the torch would be a part of that. Not the point.

My granddad died, and it made me wonder. He didn't value this existence in a way anybody else in my family has. Stoic. Though, he was a real abusive guy. Psychologically. Emotionally.

The point is, he raised his kids according to a certain regime, a code. All his kids were strong, capable, critical people. But they all hated him.

What is the bigger crime? Raising assholes that come to your funeral, or raising Humans that know what they know, and grudgingly are thankful? Still not the point.

My Granddad's death made me wonder, how did he approach it?

It made me think about my own death, and how I want to approach it. And I've got it.

The same way I approached Kindergarten- forcefully curious, wholly unprepared

Many thanks indeed.

Several points to offer about your Granddad:

• He 'approached it' because he was on a hamster-wheel cycle of abuse. He raised his family the way he was raised himself. That's all too common.
• Emotional and psychological abuse doesn't always turn out well. You broke the cycle... others may not.
• You can be a great, kind, loving parent and raise strong kinds without being abusive. I'm 100% rock solid certain of that.

[Michi]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Several points to offer about your Granddad:

• He 'approached it' because he was on a hamster-wheel cycle of abuse. He raised his family the way he was raised himself. That's all too common.
• Emotional and psychological abuse doesn't always turn out well. You broke the cycle... others may not.
• You can be a great, kind, loving parent and raise strong kinds without being abusive. I'm 100% rock solid certain of that.

That's exactly what I meant in my thread "Garbage-in-Garbage-out--when-applied-to-parenting".

For whatever luck or determination me too escaped this "hamster-wheel".
In this Avalon is providing valuable insights day to day!

[Elpis]

Freezerburnt – Thank you for this thought provoking post.

I’m sorry for the loss of your grandpa. I’m sorry too if there were gifts he had to give that you didn’t receive or have knowledge. But, I want to talk more about the title of your thread, “Thinking about Death - Friend, or Foe”.

I plan on being totally prepared as my father was, with acceptance, faith and without fear. My father was the kindest of souls. He suffered the last years of his life with cancer. Actually, he suffered more by the treatments. I knew from the looks he and I would exchange that he was fighting a losing battle. Still, spurred on by my mother, he did everything possible to stay here for her. In the end, he was ready and death was a friend to him. He passed so peacefully. I was blessed to have been with him when his time came.

My mother and I had an awful relationship. She and I didn’t see eye to eye on anything from the time I was a small child. I think she took all her frustrations for her life out on me, physically and verbally. She was just plain mean and not just to me. She was also racist. She died a terrible death in a nursing home, filled with fear and regret. I could tell she was terrified. I could see it in her eyes when the final, horrific moment came. I won’t go into the details but it was a sight I will never forget. I suppose there is a blessing in there also to have been there with her. It taught me how I did not want to die. So, in my mother’s case, I think death was a foe. I want to believe she has found peace and understanding.

Death ~ Friend or Foe? I believe it to be in how you live your life.
With Love

[Magnus]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Posted by freezerburnt (here)
Grandpa Sinclair just died. Last one I had. It's up to me, or my uncle's son. I have my doubts about his functional genetic drive to carry on, so to speak. That leaves me in a horrible situation. I admit, I have a lot of growing up to do. I didn't figure carrying the torch would be a part of that. Not the point.

My granddad died, and it made me wonder. He didn't value this existence in a way anybody else in my family has. Stoic. Though, he was a real abusive guy. Psychologically. Emotionally.

The point is, he raised his kids according to a certain regime, a code. All his kids were strong, capable, critical people. But they all hated him.

What is the bigger crime? Raising assholes that come to your funeral, or raising Humans that know what they know, and grudgingly are thankful? Still not the point.

My Granddad's death made me wonder, how did he approach it?

It made me think about my own death, and how I want to approach it. And I've got it.

The same way I approached Kindergarten- forcefully curious, wholly unprepared

Many thanks indeed.

Several points to offer about your Granddad:

• He 'approached it' because he was on a hamster-wheel cycle of abuse. He raised his family the way he was raised himself. That's all too common.
• Emotional and psychological abuse doesn't always turn out well. You broke the cycle... others may not.
• You can be a great, kind, loving parent and raise strong kinds without being abusive. I'm 100% rock solid certain of that.

"You broke the cycle" - Indeed, congrats

[NeedleThreader]

This reminds me of Eckhart Tolle's book: "A New Earth".

In it, he carefully dissects inherited traits from our parents which he refers to as 'pain bodies'.

He then helps you work through this like a mental surgeon.

I have provided a link of the synopsis of this idea from the 'skills for awakening' website.

http://skillsforawakening.com/teachings/the-pain-body/

Hope this helps but you have broken the chain for sure, don't look back.

[Valerie Villars]

Freezer, unbelievable timing on your post and it shows an incredible amount of wisdom.

I just found out my stepfather (who hasn't been my stepfather for many years; my Mom divorced him long ago) is dying. I felt nothing but compassion for him having to face death.

For you see, I have not ONE good memory of him. Not one. And that is indeed a sad thing to face about yourself when dying.

Me, I'm not perfect but I am kind and I am compassionate and that makes me ready for the next adventure when this incarnation ends.

Peace to you, little brother.

[freezerburnt]

Breaking the cycle is a funny way a looking at it. I was aware only of the fact I was very unprepared and broken, and that I absolutely abhorred that state of being, at about 17. My dad was no picnic, he wore his scars obviously and in the early years freely shared them with me in a very negative way. But he grew out of it quick. Unfortunately for him, I have a ridiculously good memory. These people behaved the way they did because they had kids as soon as they could, stupidly. That is the cycle. They didn't give themselves time to breath. Learn. Fail and win a little. Instead, they immediately dropped another quarter into the machine, robotically. Not me, baby. My kids are worth far more than the price of admission.

[freezerburnt]

For the sake of clearily and documentation, I gotta add this. My dad likes to drink, consequently, so do I, and I'm better at it. During the few times we've gotten together, one on one, building an old Pontiac or Suzuki Samurai, we drank a lot of beer. In his amazing shop he's built. He always hints at the fact he had me in order to give him purpose. But always deflects before pulling the trigger. I completely understand that plan, at least academically- if I thought I was lost early on, ge was literally out in the woods at night. He has made a pretty sweet little empire out of what he had to work with, materially. But, the old damage is long done, and I can't relate to him, intuitively. I'm not sure he gets this.

[Foxie Loxie]

Hello, freezerburnt! I've only been on this path for about 3 years; (Imagine that...at MY age!) but the most important things I have learned here on Avalon is, first of all, there IS no "death" & it was SO freeing to learn that we already ARE Eternal Beings! We existed before we entered these bodies & we will go on existing after we leave them!

I have had an exciting journey here on Avalon & I hope you will too! There is a wealth of information available here & those around you are eager to help out where possible!

[freezerburnt]

I exposed myself to a lot of paths, in my young adulthood, as they say. More than I realized. I totally severed my connections, and dived in. Who get's kicked out of a church for wanting to know more? Not me either, but a few wanted to. I got the whole eye full, and am now just beginning to find my place in it. An immortal soul sure relieves some of this mortal pressure one feels, being this dirty sinful creature trying to get it straight. Honestly, I don't feel dirty or sinful, knowing full well I've been both. I do this one thing though. I'm honest to a fault. Even when it's not in my favor. I respect that. It works for me. This may not apply, but it reminded me of a line from an old Michael Mann movie- I always tell the truth, even when I lie.

[Foxie Loxie]

Here's a cute saying I found somewhere here...."Cataract is the third leading cause of blindness. Religion & politics remain the the first two!!

I know whereof I speak as I spent my entire life within a religious box...it's good to hear you have been questioning things! We do need to question everything!!