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Thread: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    What the **** is wrong with you people? Why is no one thanking my posts? You should be paying me to do this.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Pleasure seeking is also the quickest way of conquering pleasure seeking. Denying one's vices, be they drink, drugs, sex, only shifts the mental obsession; all you've done now is become obsessed with not doing these things as opposed to being obsessed with doing them.
    If you don't address the underlying needs for craving these things in the first place, then sure, you will simply suppress them. But that's exactly what a hedonist would do, isn't it?: refuse to face the music directly, because it's uncomfortable, and hedonists are slaves to their animal natures, or perhaps think that humans are nothing more than animals to begin with.

    Quote Best to go sniff coke off stripper's tits for a year or 3, and get it out of your system, organically.
    That's one way to do it. And being the devil that you are, I'm sure it wouldn't bother you when the stripper grows old alone with her cats, or whatever old codger she can convince to keep her warm for a night, and becomes miserable and hates her life in her old age, wondering what she even lives for. I know it doesn't bother me, but neither do I get any enjoyment out of stripper tits. To me, the whole degenerate scene just seems sad and boring, like a Bukowski poem, apparently a hero of yours. I leave that to you guys to define your lives by.

    Quote At the very least you'll spare yourself the embarrassing announcement to family and friends that your 2 week conversion to buddhism was a failure. No one likes embarrassment and no one likes a failure.
    None of my buddies who used to like partying at strip clubs had much of a family to embarrass themselves with in the first place, but I'm sure the devil knows all about that too. I mean if someone's thing is snorting coke off of hooker tits, or living the general slob life of a Bukowski, I'm not exactly imagining a "Leave It to Beaver" family here.

    Quote What if this "organic" process ends the life of the experimenter? I get that annoying question all the time, and to that i say this: when viewed against eternity, it's not a tragedy.
    If someone has to convince themselves that their life isn't a tragedy, then I have a feeling it's not a life that they would have chosen, if they ever actually had the willpower to make their own choices, beyond their animal urges.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Ahhh Satan, an able wordsmith, hammering out superbly crafted prose in the foundries of HELL!

    Hmmm....questions. Boxers or briefs? Does the forked tail represent a problem getting dressed? And besides flames about three feet tall, what really burns your ass?

    Under normal circumstances I would not answer such ludicrous questions. But you've complimented my writing, and that goes a long way with me.

    Boxers or briefs? This all depends on the body I'm inhabiting at the time (On earth, I have a few bodies I use , 3 to be exact, Mike being one..and I regard them like a man might regard a car collection). Mike favors boxer/briefs. Benitho Massaro, on the other hand, prefers something akin to a thong...and spends inordinate amounts of time inspecting himself in it in front of a mirror. He smiles, pouts, and poses...but ultimately winds up face down in his bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes, in situations like these, another thong wearing man - tan, good looking, Caesar haircut - will arrive and feed him organic strawberries dipped in homemade whipped cream. I dunno, make of it what you will.

    Times up. If you want answers to the tail thing youll have to insert a few more quarters.
    Last edited by Mike; 25th December 2018 at 14:37.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)

    But you use words like geomatraic...I don't know what that means and that makes me feel insecure and slightly off-balance.

    Nice post, but don't sound so impressive next time. Leave that to me, okay?

    People are really stupid, this is true, but they're the only entertainment I've got. I'm stuck in this time-space, like a bug in ember....so like you i foster situations that create fear and anxiety...and that's my sustenance.

    Your various names sound like synthetic fabric? Why is that?[COLOR="red"]

    Sorry to math out a little bit on you. Geomatria is like a phone number without any phone, anyone's name can be converted to a number, and I just plug a thought into the result and it goes to the recipient. My name is only recorded as STRT and you have to fill in the blanks differently depending on whether you need a man or a woman. I was hoping to be associated with those splendid Phoenician purple textiles, and it must be somewhere in declaring the evils of "Reefer Madness" that the purveyors of synthetics have gotten me mixed up. It may be a modern version of trying to re-brand us like they did in the old days. No matter what they do, the synthetics can never truly replace the naturals. Escaping from a brass bottle is nowhere near as challenging as trying to oust one's limbs from a knot of someone else's panty hose. It's probably just a "sign of the times"...just because I may get my hands on a lot of modern clothing, it's just an attempt to remove it. I had nothing to do with it being there in the first place.

    The main use I have for petroleum is to strike a natural gas vent with lightning, to make an eternal flame. I'm sure there are copy cats and others who try to involve me with things I would never be interested in, like plastic. It's weird about how our names get dragged around by people who don't know us, while we know them, very well. I'm not really going to do anything to clear up the misunderstanding. There is too much bad music being played, and too many inflatable snowmen made out of those newer fabrics. I'll just take the hit and surround myself with countless indulgences in the ruins of Sodom. It will be an open-door, come-as-you-are party, but the "mixed cloth" I prefer blasphemers to arrive in, would be linen and flax. If you haven't been wearing only pure linen or anything else pure, welpers, there goes that soul, pitchforked into that great garbage incinerator called the earth's core.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    In my last life, I was cooking in front of an old cast iron stove. You know, the kind you have to keep a fire going. Well, being the manly-man that I was, ........... I farted. I don't need to tell you that everything went up in a huge ball of fire. Oh, I'm telling you, it was a sight to see. Yup. I died in a big flaming inferno.

    So naturally I thought to myself, "WOW. This ought to solidify my place in Hell for sure"! But nooooooooooooooo. Here I am again, back on planet Earth. So what-the-hell does it take for a person to get into Hell anyway?
    I am enlightened, ............ Oh wait. That's just the police shining their spotlights on me.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    Quote Posted by we-R-one (here)
    Don’t bring your stories to Avalon as you will be ripped six ways to Sunday.
    (A brief informational injection here. )

    Actually, that's hardly true. All members know that. It almost never happens.

    Do read this thread. It's jam-packed with extraordinary personal stories, shared very openly and in considerable detail, that there's zero reason to doubt. Do please take a look.
    Re Astar of David, he hasn't visited this thread — and is unlikely to. He very rarely visits any threads other than his own. (That may tell us something, of course.)

    Are you saying that because someone presents a story that we have reason to doubt, that makes it acceptable to make a satire and subsequently ridicule his thread? The title of this thread was clearly meant to match the other thread. If Mike wanted to make a humorous satire thread about satan he could have created a title that didn't immediately identify it as a response to the other thread. I think this is really in poor taste, and I feel for the person that made the other thread. Whether you believe him or not, I do believe he is sincerely believes what he is saying.
    Last edited by peterpam; 25th December 2018 at 18:01.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by peterpam (here)
    The title of this thread was clearly meant to match the other thread. If Mike wanted to make a humorous satire thread about satan he could have created a title that didn't immediately identify it as a response to the other thread.
    Yes... it was a satirical dig. Prompted by the other thread, of course. That's simply what gave him the idea... as I mentioned above, right out of George Carlin's book.

    But now, the thread has morphed (and evolved) into stand-up comedy, some of which is really very funny. And clearly appreciated by many members, who are happily joining in. No harm is intended to anyone: not one of the members posting here is like that.

    Mike purposefully put it in Known Hoaxes and Other Bad Information, but it could equally well have gone into The Lighter Side.

    I also mentioned above that Astar hasn't ever viewed this thread, and is extremely unlikely to. He almost never views any threads other than his own.

    He's really using the forum as a personal didactic blog. One suggestion we might make to him, if he persists, is to simply start his own blog or make videos on YouTube. Regardless of the veracity of his claims, it's the I-know-more-than-you-all-do stance (or belief!) that doesn't fit very well here. If anyone acts like that, regardless of what they're talking about, it's likely to end in tears.


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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Ahhhh ... Satan, how I've missed you. A mutual dark and fallen angel friend of ours whispered rumors of your sighting here in Avalon to me this morning, and I decided to have a look myself.

    You always did know how to make a woman smile. Keep up the good work, my friend.
    Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. ~ Mark Twain

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Merry Christmas Satan, I hope you are feeling mighty terrible today, since I know you enjoy that so much.

    The last time I saw you was at my fathers deathbed, well technically I didn't see you, but from the look
    on my fathers face, I know he did. You must be GodAwful Ugly. I hope you are keeping him happy there in Hell
    so he doesn't escape.

    Some of the other sociopaths in my family are getting on in years. I just want to make sure you have their
    number, address and current status. Don't bother contacting me as I am and have always been completely
    unavailable to you.

    Let me be clear, I am not making a deal with you. Just a suggestion.
    Sociopaths make delicious kindling.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by A Voice from the Mountains (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Pleasure seeking is also the quickest way of conquering pleasure seeking. Denying one's vices, be they drink, drugs, sex, only shifts the mental obsession; all you've done now is become obsessed with not doing these things as opposed to being obsessed with doing them.
    If you don't address the underlying needs for craving these things in the first place, then sure, you will simply suppress them. But that's exactly what a hedonist would do, isn't it?: refuse to face the music directly, because it's uncomfortable, and hedonists are slaves to their animal natures, or perhaps think that humans are nothing more than animals to begin with.

    Quote Best to go sniff coke off stripper's tits for a year or 3, and get it out of your system, organically.
    That's one way to do it. And being the devil that you are, I'm sure it wouldn't bother you when the stripper grows old alone with her cats, or whatever old codger she can convince to keep her warm for a night, and becomes miserable and hates her life in her old age, wondering what she even lives for. I know it doesn't bother me, but neither do I get any enjoyment out of stripper tits. To me, the whole degenerate scene just seems sad and boring, like a Bukowski poem, apparently a hero of yours. I leave that to you guys to define your lives by.

    Quote At the very least you'll spare yourself the embarrassing announcement to family and friends that your 2 week conversion to buddhism was a failure. No one likes embarrassment and no one likes a failure.
    None of my buddies who used to like partying at strip clubs had much of a family to embarrass themselves with in the first place, but I'm sure the devil knows all about that too. I mean if someone's thing is snorting coke off of hooker tits, or living the general slob life of a Bukowski, I'm not exactly imagining a "Leave It to Beaver" family here.

    Quote What if this "organic" process ends the life of the experimenter? I get that annoying question all the time, and to that i say this: when viewed against eternity, it's not a tragedy.
    If someone has to convince themselves that their life isn't a tragedy, then I have a feeling it's not a life that they would have chosen, if they ever actually had the willpower to make their own choices, beyond their animal urges.


    Yeah yeah, you've made your points well.

    But don't let Satan trick you into being thoughtful. Some of the things i write are true, some bullsh!t, some designed to get a specific reaction, some designed to get none. It's best to just ignore me.

    The degenerate scene *is* sad and boring. And anyone indulging it, worth a sh!t, will sort this out relatively quickly. But most have to experience it first before they renounce it. Renouncing blindly, without the experience, is nothing more than repression. It's mental and emotional constipation.

    Bukowksi himself couldn't have said it any better.

    As far as his being a hero...
    Most people are aware when they've surpassed their heroes, or when they first notice that the poet has no clothes. They tend to ignore it, because it's much easier to look up to someone and adopt their thinking than accept the fact that they are now alone on a mountaintop and fully responsible for their own. We love our artists partly because they do our thinking and feeling for us. Nice of them, in a way.

    A guy like Bukowski put generations of misfits on his back, and did all the heavy lifting for them. Sure, you grow out of him at some point, but you grow out of your parents as well...it doesn't make them any less necessary and important to your growth. We honor them in all sorts of ways for it....and Mike does this by using him as an avatar.

    P.S. I resent you for engendering this serious response. Way to ruin the mood. We'll be bumping into each other soon

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Ahhhh ... Satan, how I've missed you. A mutual dark and fallen angel friend of ours whispered rumors of your sighting here in Avalon to me this morning, and I decided to have a look myself.

    You always did know how to make a woman smile. Keep up the good work,

    Firstly, it is lovely to see you here. I knew something was up when all the vials of blood in my fridge began spitting and frothing. And then there were the 3rd eye visions of a world travelling, sequined top and bottom wearing belly dancer...and I only know one person who fits the profile. Have you arrived to help me do battle, fair maiden? Or are you merely teasing me with a token appearance? Either way, Satan is honored.

    I really only do things to make women smile. Even now, 15 billion years old and a fully grown demon, I live only to show off for female humans. I have not come a very long way.

    This fallen angel you speak of....does he favor black clothing and dull earth tones? Is he at least 15% gay? Bizarre obsession with Freddie Mercury and David Bowie? Aristocratic nose and a charming dignity? Very witty fellow, is he? Known to throw a tantrum from to time? Am I hot or cold?
    Last edited by Mike; 26th December 2018 at 00:16.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Imagination is key in this thread! Imagine you are sitting in the audience at a George Carlin, Russell Brand (his latest life performance video is good by the way), Carl Barron, or any other such notable comedian’s live performance and they invite you to a Q&A – then fire away!

    Oh, and thick skin and keen reflexes to dodge bullets are an essential.
    If you’re one of those people that doesn't like being singled out because you’re sitting too close to the stage – RUN!

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Orph (here)
    So what-the-hell does it take for a person to get into Hell anyway?
    Oooh Satan, that’s a goodie – should have you drooling awhile over all the instructions and examples you can seduce us with.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    What the **** is wrong with you people? Why is no one thanking my posts? You should be paying me to do this.
    No post thanks from me mate, so get over it!

    (But I am secretly relishing every word)

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    P.S. I resent you for engendering this serious response. Way to ruin the mood. We'll be bumping into each other soon
    Well, the poor Messiah was already catching some hell, and I know Satan can never get enough of it.

    I used to read Bukowski's poetry, or I would have never recognized his mug. It was one of those things where after I got enough of a taste of it, I got foundered on it, as we like to say out here in the sticks.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Quote Ahhhh ... Satan, how I've missed you. A mutual dark and fallen angel friend of ours whispered rumors of your sighting here in Avalon to me this morning, and I decided to have a look myself.

    You always did know how to make a woman smile. Keep up the good work,

    Firstly, it is lovely to see you here. I knew something was up when all the vials of blood in my fridge began spitting and frothing. And then there were the 3rd eye visions of a world travelling, sequined top and bottom wearing belly dancer...and I only know one person who fits the profile. Have you arrived to help me do battle, fair maiden? Or are you merely teasing me with a token appearance? Either way, Satan is honored.

    I really only do things to make women smile. Even now, 15 billion years old and a fully grown demon, I live only to show off for female humans. I have not come a very long way.

    This fallen angel you speak of....does he favor black clothing and dull earth tones? Is he at least 15% gay? Bizarre obsession with Freddie Mercury and David Bowie? Aristocratic nose and a charming dignity? Very witty fellow, is he? Known to throw a tantrum from to time? Am I hot or cold?
    You know me, I come and go as the North Wind blows. I will assist you in battle if it pleases me, but I also love a good tease, so time will tell.

    Oh Dark One, we both know that you are always HOT. But yes, that is the very same fallen angel that I speak of, except I believe the gay percentage it closer to 12.5%
    Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. ~ Mark Twain

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Stop it Mike, yer killin' me.

    Where does this all come from? Obvious, to me. Mike is now post 'Pluto square'* and seemingly ruminating on something that is fading.. but he can still feel and taste it.


    *Where firing on all cylinders at maximum breakdown rpm 24/7.... for a ~+1.5 year long time.... is the minimum sentence. You get good or you get broken. Either will do and sometimes you get both. Maximum phoenix burn down the house stuff. Next up: Uranus opposition. (everybody gets these things, these are outer planet alignments that take place in a given human lifetime)

    So, are you like the storm, or sumpthin?
    Last edited by Carmody; 26th December 2018 at 16:31.
    Interdimensional Civil Servant

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Ahhh Satan, an able wordsmith, hammering out superbly crafted prose in the foundries of HELL!

    Hmmm....questions. Boxers or briefs? Does the forked tail represent a problem getting dressed? And besides flames about three feet tall, what really burns your ass?
    Under normal circumstances I would not answer such ludicrous questions. But you've complimented my writing, and that goes a long way with me.

    Boxers or briefs? This all depends on the body I'm inhabiting at the time (On earth, I have a few bodies I use , 3 to be exact, Mike being one..and I regard them like a man might regard a car collection). Mike favors boxer/briefs. Benitho Massaro, on the other hand, prefers something akin to a thong...and spends inordinate amounts of time inspecting himself in it in front of a mirror. He smiles, pouts, and poses...but ultimately winds up face down in his bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes, in situations like these, another thong wearing man - tan, good looking, Caesar haircut - will arrive and feed him organic strawberries dipped in homemade whipped cream. I dunno, make of it what you will.

    Times up. If you want answers to the tail thing youll have to insert a few more quarters.
    Where should I insert those quarters? Pleeeeeze don't answer that one!

    I have another question. I have heard the expression, "sympathy for the devil," and wonder if you are down with that? Do you enjoy compassion for what may be perceived as your plight?
    Last edited by Bill Ryan; 26th December 2018 at 20:35. Reason: fixed quote formatting

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  34. Link to Post #79
    United States Moderator Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Slobbe (here)
    I'm able to relate to different perspectives on the approach to the root of this topic. I agree we should try not to hurt each other. I agree that having a sense of humor to relieve pressure can be a good thing. I agree that having freedom of speech is a foundation which we should all be able to rely on. Though where lies the boundary? Would we want to allow to have a boundary? I personally would say: yes. I think boundaries could be good. If one knows up front it might be hurtful to one or more persons, is it than a good thing to move forward nonetheless? If one wasn't analyzing the impact before posting, does it make it less impacting? If someone creates a thread that offends others, though might have personal challenges, what action is then desired?

    Personally I think the moderating team has a great responsibility in these matters and I've seen that at least one action has been taken and maybe more. I was pleased to see action was taken and am kind of surprised this thread is now life. Which makes me wonder whether or not this was discussed across the full width of the moderating team. And leaves imo the questions: what is the stance of the team regarding these situations and how would they like the community to handle such situations? Does the Avalon have guidelines on this?


    I'm going to go ahead and assume that your parents didn't select that name for you: Slobbe. Is it pronouned as it sounds? (Slob?). Why would you choose that when so many other horrible names are still available, like Slovenly Bum, or Putrid Sh!t Stain?

    Bill has articulated my feelings for me on these matters you bring up in his recent posts here, so I will only add one thing: yes, I was hoping David would arrive here and dialogue a little. But my intent was never to be cruel or mean to him...i only wanted to point out some glaring inconsistencies and expose what seems to be utter silliness to me.

    Here is a man who genuinely thinks he's Christ. Logic and reason could not unlock his sensible side, so I've attempted humor, or some version of it. I use it only as tool, my friend.

    Sometimes this approach will even fall short. Don't listen to anyone who tells you humor will solve all the world's problems. Not true. I possessed this little kid once, and convinced him that humor would solve all his problems, and watched in stitches as he told an hour's worth of knock knock jokes to a piece of dog sh!t his mother had ordered him to clean up the day before. The confused look on that kids face was just priceless.
    Last edited by Mike; 26th December 2018 at 20:46.

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  36. Link to Post #80
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions? (An Interview With Satan)

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    I'm going to go ahead and assume that your parents didn't select that name for you: Slobbe......
    Man was I glad I'd just missed having a mouthful of coffee when casually reaching that line......

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