How does one avoid chaos in their life? What works for you?

[Denise/Dizi]

With all of the recent chaos playing out both on Avalon, and in the community at large, I have been pondering my own feelings. And watching others both act, and react.. And I really have been putting a lot of thought into why all of this is happening..And how I can avoid all of that, without leaving.. I am not asking what you do to calm your inner self, but more how you handle situations here. And what you do to curb chaos in your own life.


I am not asking if people leave sites, or avoid others, but more how they handle situations to avoid the chaos from even starting.. I suppose leaving is one way, if you feel you will never get resolution or piece of mind that you can live with.. But I am just curious how those who tend to be more "solid" in their actions and reactions maintain that composure?

Would anyone like to share the benefit of their wisdom?

[Baby Steps]

The reality itself is chaotic, embrace it too tightly and it swallows you up.

Deny it and live in delusion.

Dis-engage from it and live in peace, in a self created island of tranquility, but what if engaging in it is what we are here to do.

What if changing it requires engagement.

People come and go from the room, but the chat continues, people keep coming in to engage. Spirit demands progress and upliftment, but that imperative expresses itself in infinite ways, including conflict, isolation, denial, self sacrifice.

Do not judge the process, trust the process

[Belle]

I've learned that the only person I can change is myself...the only person I can control is myself.

To me, it's a matter of allowing people to be who they are, to speak their truth openly and freely without fear of repercussions. Whether I agree or not doesn't matter. If I want to express myself freely, I need to allow others to do the same, imo.

I am responsible for my reaction to a post. If I feel triggered, I try to find out what it is within me that responds the way it does. No posting until I figure it out and can make sense of it. The answers are always inside, and not without.

It begins and ends with me. I choose to take personal responsibility for my words and actions.

[Jayke]

The Tao (or ‘the way’) in daoism is short for ‘the way of the heart’ tradition—choosing to maintain ones centre regardless of what perturbations are occurring externally.

Chaos is calmest within the eye of the storm!

There’s an idea in Buddhism that suffering multiplied by equanimity equals spiritual purification. The idea then is to ride out the chaos waves in a state of equanimity (i.e. equal naming) where you don’t grasp onto good judgements or recoil from negative judgements. You just experience all the ups and downs of life without forming labels and judgements around them. You keep your Zen and role with the punches in a state of Samatha. Samatha is a state of serene mindfulness with focused engagement, a state that leads to spontaneous flashes of Prajna (life changing wisdom aka gnosis).

This sentiment is echoed in the Nag Hammadi scriptures, where they tell us “Sophia”, the goddess of wisdom, “was called ‘silence’, for reflecting without a word, she perfected her greatness”.

To avoid chaos is to run away from our greatest opportunities for wisdom!

[RunningDeer]

Earlier today, I shared how it’s time to change up my strategy to move beyond all that’s happening within and around.

A lot of what I’m/we’re picking up are energies coming in from the cosmos. Between the summer solstice, solar eclipse in early July and soon to follow - the full moon and if you want to go way out on the twig of speculation then toss in the start of a new galactic year.

(Twig of speculation? Still processing pythoniccow’s departure. And others.)

I consciously draw in the cosmic energies and experiment with the processes of assimilation and integration. Creative imagination is a helpful tool along with inner: know, see, hear, sense, feel, smell.

I’m repairing the rhythm I had before the forum brouhaha. Also, I continue to break free of whatever I’ve accumulated from persons, places and events. Whenever an emotion or thought comes up that keeps me anchored in low frequency, I:

1. notice
2. don’t label *
3. ward-off

I catch the chatter before it morphs. It automatically dissipates. Sometimes all that’s needed is a quick directive like “stop”.

* Don’t label means it ends right where it began. No mind chatter. No fuel for ego to pull one back on the hamster wheel.

♡

[Strat]

Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
With all of the recent chaos playing out both on Avalon, and in the community at large, I have been pondering my own feelings. And watching others both act, and react.. And I really have been putting a lot of thought into why all of this is happening..And how I can avoid all of that, without leaving.. I am not asking what you do to calm your inner self, but more how you handle situations here. And what you do to curb chaos in your own life.


I am not asking if people leave sites, or avoid others, but more how they handle situations to avoid the chaos from even starting.. I suppose leaving is one way, if you feel you will never get resolution or piece of mind that you can live with.. But I am just curious how those who tend to be more "solid" in their actions and reactions maintain that composure?

Would anyone like to share the benefit of their wisdom?

I think avoiding chaos is like avoiding stress, it's gonna find you one way or another. Kinda like moving from one town to another to start fresh, the only problem is you take you with you.

Not to sound elementary but there are some things you can do to avoid it all, just keep a track of the times where you find yourself in a chaotic moment, remember it, find the consistency, then avoid. Kinda like the whole "I don't discuss religion/politics(/diet)" kinda thing. There are concepts of where you should be in life (on a level of maturity, whether you can handle something or not) and then there's the reality. It's important to stay in touch with reality or it will continually slap you in the face till you fall in sync with it. Don't tell yourself you can handle something when in the back of your mind you know you can't. That's a road to disaster.

You will find folks on the forum you just can't talk to and they bring the drama. Don't speak with them. If you deal with ****ty people in life you will have a ****ty smell on your hands and it will stick with you till you really can wash yourself clean. This is another topic though..

Maintaning composure is a skill to be developed, some are naturally better than others and folks learn how to do this at different rates (like all things in life). It's something that you need to work at if you can't do it. Learn where you're at and be honest with yourself. Try different strategies and find what works.

[Denise/Dizi]

Thank You everyone for your honest and well thought out replies. I do appreciate the time you spent to write these things.. And I am reading them all... And I do hope that more users post to this thread... It is wonderful to see, that after all of the things happening in the past few days here, as well as the general chaos in the community overall in the past year, that so many people are offering up helpful suggestions that work for them. It warms my heart.

And Runningdeer, I was very sad that everyone that left,.. there was many that I didn't get a chance to get to know, and that saddens me.. I will be left to only see what they left behind and what I did remember from their posts, to get a sense as to who they truly were..

[Cara]

Two anecdotes that might be helpful.

~~~

Some years ago, I knew someone - Robert - who was trying to recruit me to the project he was part of. He was one of those people who is so driven with passion and concern that they seem to have visible charisma. He was also helpful, kind, took the time to listen with his whole self and never gave glib, easy answers. I didn’t join his project as it required choosing a kind of monastic life.

One evening we were standing in the front entrance of a building, winter in Johannesburg (which drops below zero overnight believe it or not). There was an icy wind blowing, so cold it seemed to originate from the South Pole!

And there was Robert, standing about in a short sleeved cotton shirt. I was bundled up in jacket and scarf and was hopping from foot to foot to keep warm.

I asked him how he managed to do it... it seemed superhuman to me. He said “I let it pass through me.”

I don’t really understand exactly what he meant or how he achieved this state but, deep inside me, I somehow know it to be true.

Ever since, when I have been affected by heat, cold, wind, and (more subtle) energetic/emotional currents in “the ether”...., I have tried to let them “pass through me.” I tend to forget to do this but, when I have practice, it becomes almost possible.

Perhaps chaos can also be something that “passes through”?

~~~

Four or five years ago I attended an intense residential course where group dynamics were explored and practiced. It was a real “learn by doing and being” process where the attendees together became a single group and then explored the myriad of dynamics that arise. Various activities were included, all of which in some way heightened emotional response and engagement. Needless to say, many people were triggered and overwhelmed - by design. Much of the course was about how to be present with this.

One of the facilitators / leaders - Karen - was able to continue to lead a discussion and guide the group even through her own strong emotional response, including floods of tears.

I asked her about how she did it. She said “emotions are like my own personal weather, I allow them to be, and they pass through me.”

Since then, I have tried to allow my emotions to happen, like the weather, and simply be present without trying to stop them or turn them off. Sometimes I manage, sometimes not. I have yet to be able to do this easily in public. It requires one to be very vulnerable and I am not there yet.

Maybe it’s not the chaos that is at issue but the emotional response that chaos signifies and engenders..... Perhaps this too can be like weather that “passes through”?

~~~

[Patient]

You can not avoid the chaos as it will come to you, but rather the question that is stronger is "How do you handle it when it is there. How do you navigate through it, and is there any benefit if one chooses to ignore it and turn/walk away?"

Obviously, written form vs live in person are very different. The written form allows a person more time to makes adjustments. When it is a live event there is usually less time to react.

1) Q- How to handle it when it is there?
Answer - well first, I try to see it for what it is. See it in it's entire form, all the way to the edges if possible.

2) Q- How do you navigate through it?
Answer - This depends upon whether or not you want to cause an impact or just find a way through. Pick your points to make your say and move forward.

3) Q - Is there any benefit if you turn a walk away?
Answer - The benefit is that you avoid being confronted and or pulled into a battle. If you see value in getting involved, then you are likely not going to walk away. Turning away from the chaos allows you to avoid it, but if it gains strength, then it might get in your path again and it might not be as easy to avoid next time. Also, avoiding it does not allow you the chance to change things within the chaos for the better. (Unless it loses strength by not having people participate.)

But walking away can also make you feel stronger than you felt before being faced with the choice in the first place. Often you are better for recognizing the chaos and not getting involved.

Each way provides some experience for the next time. And next time, you should be better prepared.

[Gemma13]

Posted by janus (here)
I've learned that the only person I can change is myself...the only person I can control is myself.

To me, it's a matter of allowing people to be who they are, to speak their truth openly and freely without fear of repercussions. Whether I agree or not doesn't matter. If I want to express myself freely, I need to allow others to do the same, imo.

I am responsible for my reaction to a post. If I feel triggered, I try to find out what it is within me that responds the way it does. No posting until I figure it out and can make sense of it. The answers are always inside, and not without.

It begins and ends with me. I choose to take personal responsibility for my words and actions.

Ditto to this great post.

It has taken years to get there though. And I will add that when I, or someone else, recognizes that I haven’t adhered to this wisdom, I will re-evaluate then attempt to correct and balance.

[ramus]

Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
With all of the recent chaos playing out both on Avalon, and in the community at large, I have been pondering my own feelings. And watching others both act, and react.. And I really have been putting a lot of thought into why all of this is happening..And how I can avoid all of that, without leaving.. I am not asking what you do to calm your inner self, but more how you handle situations here. And what you do to curb chaos in your own life.


I am not asking if people leave sites, or avoid others, but more how they handle situations to avoid the chaos from even starting.. I suppose leaving is one way, if you feel you will never get resolution or piece of mind that you can live with.. But I am just curious how those who tend to be more "solid" in their actions and reactions maintain that composure?

Would anyone like to share the benefit of their wisdom?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF my memory serves me well the Sermon on the Mount, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

The Mosaic law contains a parallel commandment: “Whatever is hurtful to you, do not do to any other person.”

What I'v seen is "Do unto others before they do it to you."

There is a theory in psychology "that those who have been bullied become bullies " The post traumatic stress syndrome takes them there.

My thought on this is what ever you hate you become. The emotion is adhesive ,.... you think your pushing it away, but you're really

drawing it to you, what ever it is.

Lesson: don't hate. ... another is when you REACT you are being controlled .

[thepainterdoug]

Thanks for your post Denise/ I guess I don't have much to add. Let go of control, engage in the day to day world thats in front of you, rather than in concept. keep creative, and talk the the higher power you feel in yourself, not the one in concept your told to believe in

this being said, i often go against everything i just said ! lol its a process not a definitive end.

[Rosemarie]

Love this. Be the person who breaks the cycle.

[ulli]

[graciousb]

That's such a good question Denise. I don't understand what happened here on the forum of late being relatively new, but being aware of the illusory nature of most of what we call life, chaos/conflicts often feel to me like ghosts fighting ghosts. I believe at a deep level of existence everything is actually fine and the rest is our greater selve's idea of a *perverse good time. And as an amateur genealogist/historian, and aware of all those who passed before us, whatever became of all the drama they wrestled with in their lifetimes? Some of their fears and deprivation probably echoes in our primitive reactions and DNA, but otherwise the details are lost.