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Thread: Sexsomnia and you...

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    I get it. Not a nice topic to equate oneself with so let me expand on what happened to me.

    I find that bringing up trauma in public allows for quick healing.

    After being saved by the three angels, they took me home. They had a word with my father. He flat out refused to believe what they told him. Meanwhile, my mother was away I don't know where dealing with the loss of her second child - pregnancy terminated itself (twice in one year!).

    You see, my dad had to go to work. They knew nobody in Canada. They had zero backup...

    And so I had to go back to the people downstairs who took care of me while dad worked.

    And it is this man, the husband of my caretaker who was the pervert! He kept up his abuse for another few weeks until my mom finally recovered and came back to take care of me again.

    By then the damage had been done...I would never be the same again, disabused of my innocence.
    Forget about it

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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Thanks for sharing that really personal story Ernie. It has only now just occurred to me that my perspective must seem cold to people who have experienced sexual or physical abuse. I've experienced no such abuse...

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    What has made this topic so visceral for you concerns me. I hope all is well...
    All is well Ernie. I have a house guest currently and I imagine if I were to let this thing consume me, I'd be scared of him and end up kicking him out. Well that's not going to happen - he's my friend and I'm not abandoning him.

    Perverts + Sleepwalking is a big deal in my mind, because I have a brother who has had pedophile type of thoughts (he has not acted on them, and is getting professional help), and I've also been involved with a person who had been to jail, and experienced sleepwalking (and black-outs).

    Having witnessed how frightened both of them were about either of those things, that's probably what makes things feel so visceral.

    This background I have (conditioning?) makes me somehow able to empathize with criminals and perverts, and following that, the thought of having either of those things happen to me (thought-perversion or black-outs) is almost too frightening for me to bear.

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  5. Link to Post #23
    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    I guess it was visceral for me...funny how it's so easy to miss the obvious when it is directed at the self.

    I thought I had worked it through, and I mostly have, but the residuals of such abuse lingers forever.

    It has triggered a string of memories, of other abuse at later ages, one that targeted our whole family. Another, in a related tale with the family abuse is how our family went and saved three little girls from physical abuse, in a trailer far away (it took hours to drive there). We brought them home and cared for them for a month or so. I don't remember what happened to them. They were dirty and savage, with no language just grunts and made-up words like 'dundeeo' which meant give me water...

    It is a wonder how we grow up and cover over these events that had such an important part to play in our development. Or is it just me?
    Forget about it

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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    I guess it was visceral for me...funny how it's so easy to miss the obvious when it is directed at the self.
    This little statement evokes a visceral reaction for me - because in my mind, it's more weapon innuendo. I know that's not the intent (logically)

    It IS funny how easy ANYONE can miss the obvious, and that's part of why I'm not able to trust myself 100%.

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    It is a wonder how we grow up and cover over these events that had such an important part to play in our development. Or is it just me?
    I doubt it's just you, and I detect a hint of suspicion - but perhaps I'm imagining things.

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    For me, I now see, the theme of this life has always been surviving the institutionalized abuse of this society.

    The hundred little travesties that make living in this world just that much more painful and arduous.

    And it is in our unawareness, akin to sleep-walking, that we live our lives - mostly unaware of the herders that corral our potential and our response at every turn.

    Even under the influence of 'sexsomnia', there is a moment of lucid choice - it is not something an offender would ever admit and so there will not be any official statistic of its occurrence. But, if otherwise healthy, a normal person will decide whether to offend or not, even in their sleep.

    Remember, a person dreaming thinks they are awake and acts and thinks as if awake. Having sex is a choice, who to have it with is part of that physiological choice. Sleeping has nothing to do with it except as an excuse for unnatural behavior the perp knows is wrong.
    Forget about it

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Petra.

    No suspicion, no reading between the lines, no innuendo. No intent of any kind to imply anything at all in your regard. None at all!

    Only memories of trauma bubbling to the surface, that's it.
    Forget about it

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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Thanks for that Ernie - It kind of bothers me how sharing my thoughts can trigger people, but at the same time I think it is helping both of us - maybe other's reading will relate too.

    I don't know what it is like to feel compelled to have sex with children, but I DO know what it's like to feel compelled to do unusual things. The main thing I've noticed about being compelled to do unusual things is how I only notice the thing was unusual in hindsight! I can't help but wonder if that's the kind of thing that happens to perverts - and if one day they'll look back on themselves and realize how "stupid" they were.

    Compelling feeling is hard to describe. It's like you want to do the thing... but you don't fully understand your own reasoning. You don't have to know why in order to do it though, you're doing it because it feels like the right thing to do.

    I'm not trying to side with the perverts, I swear. I just fail to see how anyone could manage to sink that low. Maybe one day a reformed one will show up and explain it to us, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Ernie, thanks for sharing all that. that was really gutsy. respect.

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    United States Avalon Member Denise/Dizi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    I am a former sleepwalker.. I have actually gotten dressed, locked the door behind me and gone for walks, only waking up when sprinklers hit me, and then I would return home to find I was locked out, and my mother had to be awoken up with a knock on the door to let me back in, the horror on her face will stick in my mind forever..

    As a result of those experiences I have reached out to others that have woken up in unusual places after this phenomenon. I knew I was getting dressed, I knew I was locking the door behind myself.. And I knew where I was going. We had just moved and I wanted to go HOME.. Home being the apartment we had just left. (We moved to a larger on in the same complex).. The thing I lacked was the critical thinking skills, or reasoning abilities to tell myself, "You're in a new home".. In many ways sleepwalking is likened to lucid dreaming.. You go through the motions and ou know what you're doing during that time, but it seems like you are removed for your own environment somehow. At least that was the case for me. I didn't always remember things I did however. It was always different.

    I seemed to outgrow the phenomenon before I became a teenager..

    When talking to others, they had noted their own sleep/sex experiences. And since I am not revealing names, I think I can share their experiences with such things.. There was one woman who kept waking up in the act of having relations with her husband. She was fully aroused, and participating without having any knowledge of starting and of it, and she was getting very upset with her spouse for instigating such things.. But when she would say that, they would claim SHE instigated it!

    So where does that leave this woman? Is she half awake, and just going through the motions? If she woke her spouse, and they engaged, wouldn't they notice that she wasn't quite "There"? I asked such questions, and she said. The lights were always off. So how would he even know so long as she was going through the motions properly?

    So this is a very slippery slope. She felt that she was being taken advantage of while she slept, and while with her partner that she loved, she felt it a violation, but her body responses indicated that her body was fully engaged at a level that her mind was not.

    So I can't say. I have walked half a mile to my old house, aware after the fact that when I got dressed, upon reflection that I KNEW I was getting dressed and why I was doing it, but I wasn't aware enough to know that this was an absurd thing to do.. I was home already.. As for the wife, she and her husband resolved the matter by making a deal never to engage each other after they went to sleep for any reason.

    But can someone walk into someone else's room, and unknowingly commit such an act? While grotesgue and damaging, I would have to say it's possible.. That would go back to whether of not that part of their brain that regulates critical thinking skills is still asleep.

    What a sad story. If this person has a history of sleepwalking and unusual sleep behavior there should have been precautions in place in my opinion. Just sad all around..

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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    I am a former sleepwalker.. I have actually gotten dressed, locked the door behind me and gone for walks, only waking up when sprinklers hit me, and then I would return home to find I was locked out, and my mother had to be awoken up with a knock on the door to let me back in, the horror on her face will stick in my mind forever..
    That's the kind of reaction I'd expect from ANY sleepwalker, but for some strange unbeknownst reason, some people seem to think sleepwalking is something they need to 'learn to live with'. Glad you didn't fall into that trap. Sleepwalking is horrifying, and if anyone thinks it isn't - they're blind.

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    When talking to others, they had noted their own sleep/sex experiences. And since I am not revealing names, I think I can share their experiences with such things.. There was one woman who kept waking up in the act of having relations with her husband. She was fully aroused, and participating without having any knowledge of starting and of it, and she was getting very upset with her spouse for instigating such things.. But when she would say that, they would claim SHE instigated it!

    So where does that leave this woman? Is she half awake, and just going through the motions? If she woke her spouse, and they engaged, wouldn't they notice that she wasn't quite "There"? I asked such questions, and she said. The lights were always off. So how would he even know so long as she was going through the motions properly?

    So this is a very slippery slope. She felt that she was being taken advantage of while she slept, and while with her partner that she loved, she felt it a violation, but her body responses indicated that her body was fully engaged at a level that her mind was not.
    Well would you look at that... an otherwise happy couple start arguing because of sleepwalking! What a great example, because this is exactly the kind of worst-possible-situation I seem to be dancing around. What if one of them turns against the other one because of this, but deep down they really love each other?!? It's just ridiculous.

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    But can someone walk into someone else's room, and unknowingly commit such an act? While grotesgue and damaging, I would have to say it's possible.. That would go back to whether of not that part of their brain that regulates critical thinking skills is still asleep.

    What a sad story. If this person has a history of sleepwalking and unusual sleep behavior there should have been precautions in place in my opinion. Just sad all around..
    Just the idea of sleepwalking being possible (without the sex part) makes me nervous. I mean, I really don't see why it wouldn't be possible to commit a murder while sleepwalking (though I've never actually heard of this happening)

    The man DID have a history of sleepwalking, and precautions should have definitely been in place!

    I hate to say this, but I don't trust sleepwalkers (that's sad, I know). If lived with one, I think I'd want to move out .... :/

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  21. Link to Post #31
    United States Avalon Member Denise/Dizi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    Quote Posted by petra (here)
    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    I am a former sleepwalker.. I have actually gotten dressed, locked the door behind me and gone for walks, only waking up when sprinklers hit me, and then I would return home to find I was locked out, and my mother had to be awoken up with a knock on the door to let me back in, the horror on her face will stick in my mind forever..
    That's the kind of reaction I'd expect from ANY sleepwalker, but for some strange unbeknownst reason, some people seem to think sleepwalking is something they need to 'learn to live with'. Glad you didn't fall into that trap. Sleepwalking is horrifying, and if anyone thinks it isn't - they're blind.

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    When talking to others, they had noted their own sleep/sex experiences. And since I am not revealing names, I think I can share their experiences with such things.. There was one woman who kept waking up in the act of having relations with her husband. She was fully aroused, and participating without having any knowledge of starting and of it, and she was getting very upset with her spouse for instigating such things.. But when she would say that, they would claim SHE instigated it!

    So where does that leave this woman? Is she half awake, and just going through the motions? If she woke her spouse, and they engaged, wouldn't they notice that she wasn't quite "There"? I asked such questions, and she said. The lights were always off. So how would he even know so long as she was going through the motions properly?

    So this is a very slippery slope. She felt that she was being taken advantage of while she slept, and while with her partner that she loved, she felt it a violation, but her body responses indicated that her body was fully engaged at a level that her mind was not.
    Well would you look at that... an otherwise happy couple start arguing because of sleepwalking! What a great example, because this is exactly the kind of worst-possible-situation I seem to be dancing around. What if one of them turns against the other one because of this, but deep down they really love each other?!? It's just ridiculous.

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    But can someone walk into someone else's room, and unknowingly commit such an act? While grotesgue and damaging, I would have to say it's possible.. That would go back to whether of not that part of their brain that regulates critical thinking skills is still asleep.

    What a sad story. If this person has a history of sleepwalking and unusual sleep behavior there should have been precautions in place in my opinion. Just sad all around..
    Just the idea of sleepwalking being possible (without the sex part) makes me nervous. I mean, I really don't see why it wouldn't be possible to commit a murder while sleepwalking (though I've never actually heard of this happening)

    The man DID have a history of sleepwalking, and precautions should have definitely been in place!

    I hate to say this, but I don't trust sleepwalkers (that's sad, I know). If lived with one, I think I'd want to move out .... :/
    Sleepwalking IS horrifying.. While I never suffered any negative effects, I certainly found myself in situations that could have ended terribly for me.. I was only 7 years old when I found myself half a mile from my home...alone in the middle of the night. This is no joking matter.. My mother made sure that she put measures into place so I never wandered off again! There were locks on the door I couldn't reach after that. And she moved my bedroom so that she could see into my room every night. She made sure that I got more rest so that I was never overtired...

    As far as the couple. The whole situation was traumatic for both involved, and of course it would be.. Neither wanted to be in a situation where they were disrespecting the other... So they discussed it and found solutions that worked for them.. Fortunately the behavior was something for them that they willingly engaged in on a regular basis.. So it wasn't like she went outside with a bat and smashed all the windows in a new car or anything like that. But I could imagine that it would be terrifying to wake up in the middle of that kind of an act.

    Realizing that you can't go to stay at anyone else's house as this could be taken advantage of in the wrong circumstances. It did raise many alarms.

    I cannot imagine that living with a sleepwalker would be easy, but most times no one knows that they even ever get out of bed.. And they get up and wander to the kitchen or wherever it is that they're going, almost in a somber manner, quietly, unless they run into something lol. That may wake them up, or alert someone else that they're moving around..

    I bet you that more people sleepwalk to use the restroom than you would ever imagine.. Never fully waking up in the process... They either return and just go back to sleep, or they wake up where they are, wondering how they got there. Our brains sometimes go into "trance like" states when we're driving too. And people forget the last 10 miles of their travels.. It's a scary thing.

    I think that you need not lose trust over those that are afflicted with this neurological anomaly. Most have realized that they have this disorder at some point, and they will tell you what they do in their sleep.. Most sleepwalkers eat, or go about daily activities as if it is morning. they will start coffee, go looking for the morning paper.. Or wander around in a state of stupor lol. They engage in activities that they accustomed to doing, almost as if on "Autopilot"..

    While I do think that it is possible for a sleep walker to do such a thing? I think that they have to be a pretty messed up individual to begin with, to even do something like that on "Auto Pilot". As I always just did things that meant something to me. You can't live your life in constant fear of the unknown. Surround yourself with good people, and their actions will be good even if they sleepwalk. The BASIC person is still in their mind. Their daily mannerisms shine through. I never became another person when I was sleepwalking, At a soul level. I just didn't have those higher functioning reasoning skills. But I was somewhat aware.

    What I mean by that is, I was aware I was in my PJ'S and I needed actual clothing to go outside, I knew it was night and that I could get cold, so I put on my shoes and a large robe to keep myself warm.. I knew why I was leaving.. And I knew to lock the door as it was nighttime and we lock the door to keep strangers out..

    I was able to remember thinking about such things after I was fully awake... I knew my environment, my eyes were open the entire time. I just couldn't reach that place in my mind that told me, you don't live there anymore. I was thinking that I was returning home. I wasn't happy in my new home. I wanted to go to the old one, and I lived that out as I was sleepwalking.

    While I cannot speak for everyone who sleepwalks, I was right at the verge of being fully awake the entire time.. So as such, I did have some reasoning capacity, a lot of it actually.... Just not ALL of it. So I don't think that you truly need to fear sleepwalkers. Just avoid sleeping in their homes if the thought of that makes you uncomfortable hahaha. i used to visit with my birds, clean up messes, pick up my toys. In many ways I was a perfect little sleepwalker, until i started to leave the house!

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  23. Link to Post #32
    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexsomnia and you...

    My wife was a sleep walker. It is a freaky thing that you never fully get used to. The first time, just for a moment, I thought I had entered the Twilight Zone...

    She'd have conversations with me while asleep! Once she went for a walk and woke up miles from home - in a snow-storm with no coat and no boots and no money or phone - in the middle of the night! I had to call the police to go look for her...we worried she'd freeze to death, but the police found her huddled in a bank machine kiosk.

    I have personally always been of the opinion that sleep walkers are just not good at holding on to one reality and so create other realities in their sleep. This idea came from the fact that it seems that our realities for the greater part at least are selected by our psyches. And since dreams are so real, I've always thought life is foremost just a dream we dream ourselves in. In other words, we are very good at focusing our awareness down to one dream amongst a multitude of others and holding onto that dream for an entire lifetime.

    I do not take this life seriously at all. Nor do I believe any of my faults are intrinsic or necessary for growth. We dream a life until we die, then we dream up another entire new lifetime - over and over.

    Sleep walkers just like to have multiple experiences in one lifetime...and that is why I never dream. This dream of life is enough of a farce for me, I don't need other inconsequential experiences to add to the confusion.
    Forget about it

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