WE FALL IN LOVE WITH BODIES, not people

[Ratszinger]

I grew up like everyone seeing the ads of the pretty young gals on the hoods of convertibles selling cars and they were thin, and the girls selling cigs they were thin. All of them were the model by which I lived by. The programming from those early life skinny girls led me to date girls just like that, tall, athletic, some curves but mostly tall and linear, Taylor Swift build girls. That is what my eyes grew up seeing and my brain thought I wanted. No offense to the girls reading that are skinny but I found out something dating them all my life and making love to many of them and then switching to a different body style more 'voluptuous' and larger later was this. I really don't like seeing ribs. I really don't like bony hips and bony elbows and shoulders! I found out dating April that you don't just see a woman with your eyes you have to see her with your hands too! The hands as it turns out are today on a different page with most men than they were with our fathers. For people my age I mean. My father grew up with the standard that my wife is the standard for beauty not some skinny girl. My wife is built more like Jane Mansfield or Rita Hayworth when heavier and you know what? The hands like it? I've discovered at least in myself that men were programmed to think skinny was the model ideal all men wanted when in fact the skinny models were chosen simply because it cost less to cloth them! The first bid was apparently too high to advertise so some smart sales guy said, "what if we use smaller models?" and so they ran the numbers. As it turns out it was significant and apparently the skinny gals worked for less money at first so they saved that way too.

Programming via ad on TV, magazine and movies taught us all to go for the trophy skinny gal! The hands say "BORING!" and that is what I learned. Now I can't imagine going back because my hands have now reset my eyes to the proper programming before it was corrupted by cheap clothing manufacturers. Just my take, again. Not saying you have to agree but it is my education in the matter.

[thepainterdoug]

East Sun change is what we are guaranteed. our shared change is aging. its the great equalizer. my son and I were discussing clint eastwood at 90. he's pretty old and age showing very deeply but still going strong.
I believe we need to age. If we stayed beautiful, wed stay superficial. so we are forced to learn and let go.

now think how handsome and strong clint eastwood once was, and how he looks now. then consider our average selves and say, holy crow, what will i look like at 90 !! lol

graybeard is looking pretty sharp he's my role model !

RoseMarie / I hear you and God bless!! a few insightful will rise above . I think I'm still to superficial!! lol

[Strat]

I want to disagree with you doug but I think you're right. I'm in the 'exception' category as well. I think the reason for this is I've basically got some mental scarring. I've had an abnormal life so I'm attracted to similar folks. Like you other (evidently) sexy bastards I relatively easily can get the hottest girl in the bar and I don't try. I honestly don't put in any work it just always happens that way. However there was a gal I was attracted to more than all the others and she was very much average. The thing was she had mental scarring as well, so when talking to her and looking her in the eyes, she'd ring a gong in my soul that no other gal ever did.

Personalities for sure have an effect on attraction, but again, I admit I may be the minority due to my weirdness. Not too long ago I was tabbing out at a local bar when a gorgeous gal walked in. I decided to stay to talk to her. She was easy to talk to and all was going well till she began talking about how she screwed a male friend of hers over. Basically gained his trust, he admitted humiliating stuff to her, then she sent all that to the guys mother on facebook. She laughed and thought it was funny. I tabbed out and left then and there. That's just a massive turn off. I know I'm in the minority here, my friends wouldn't care about that either, but I'm just throwing it out there that the bodies thing isn't 100% accurate.

I get that when I'm out I definitely hone in on the pretty gal, but if garbage comes out of her mouth then I'm out.

[thepainterdoug]

STRAT thanks for your comments . I didn't create this reality, its not mine, it just is, on a big picture reality. not on individual exceptions. If it wasn't true, the world would look very different . so were not talking personal exceptions, were talking broad brush. natural selection etc and it works on all sexes both ways. women have eyes too and have their physical attractions and beautiful women seem to find their way to strong handsome men, or financially sound men as beauties has it rewards .
and Im certainly not in the (can get the hottest girl in the bar) category . i simply no longer care.

[TomKat]

Posted by Deux Corbeaux (here)
Super models, for whom the body is a big part of their lives, will most likely fall for a handsome man. They want to be the best looking couple as well.

There is a group of women that fall for power. Same with money. Those men will pick the Beautiful.

But there is also a group of women who choose different, for another reason .............


An answer to the "Beautiful but Stupid" bias:

GO ON GIRLS, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-IaXVfPoTZ4

Now waiting for the song "God's gift to Men".

~

Hope I didn't offend too many of you. Although that would mean there are quite some handsome guys around here.

The supermodel might fall for a handsome guy, but only after she marries a rich one. I used to do art shows and saw a lot of couples. I decided to see what the common denominator was for beautiful women, what kind of men were they with? They were overwhelmingly with wealthy men.

[thepainterdoug]

TOMKAT Beauty is a commodity . It has great value. It says you arrived and are on top when you possess it, like a beautiful car. its also a trap and has a price as well.

[greybeard]

The reality is that sex sells.
There many adverts with that "come and get me look" either subtle or blatant--at the least its sensual--appealing to the senses.
We all sell our selves one way or another--its in the genes.
A survival skill.
And thats ok.
We may initially fall in love with the attractiveness but to form a long term relationship there has to be something much deeper going on.

Chris

[Ratszinger]

Beauty is fleeting! I've seen stunning women when out in town and later seen the same women and night and day. Somehow the second time they weren't quite as stunning. I note that a lot. Some days I feel I look better than others in the mirror also. I believe it's a tie in with the hair styles, clothing, you know? The masks we wear to make ourselves presentable for the public.
With young men in particular, my son for example, the hair is the big calling card, the attention getter. The women with stunning hair often fool men into thinking they are stunning beauties but the hair distracts and takes focus off the other areas. Again programming also. What is beautiful? To me it's probably not what someone else sees when I see someone I think is pretty and often I'll say I like this actress or that and my wife will be like making faces because to her that face isn't attractive at all. I do this trick often when I think I see a woman that is stunning and visually try to see just the face without the hair. More often than not you start to see the power of a good mane and how it turns men's heads. Some short hair cuts do this too of course but it seems to me that men instantly pick up a women with big hair. They have to look. They can't help it.

[Deux Corbeaux]

Posted by TomKat (here)

Posted by Deux Corbeaux (here)
Super models, for whom the body is a big part of their lives, will most likely fall for a handsome man. They want to be the best looking couple as well.

There is a group of women that fall for power. Same with money. Those men will pick the Beautiful.
.........

The supermodel might fall for a handsome guy, but only after she marries a rich one. I used to do art shows and saw a lot of couples. I decided to see what the common denominator was for beautiful women, what kind of men were they with? They were overwhelmingly with wealthy men.

Not so strange. They are supermodels, aren't they ?
Do you know what designer clothes-shoes -makeup cost? Not to mention a private trainer and plastic surgery. And that is only the beginning...

[thepainterdoug]

hey all great comments. graybeard, yes spot on.

The ability to see things as they actually are is what prompted my original post. We have a way of fooling ourselves into thinking its different, or we are different, when its all the same. I do give credit to awareness,insight, true honesty about things as they are, and everything in my opinion is a matter of degree.

Even the burn survivors I worked with on my project were spending hundreds of hours on surgeries to make themselves look better. Society will just not accept them, as I often think they are viewed as modern days lepers.

A study of sparrows was once done where they put little plastic rings on the birds legs. a black and white one on each side. As long as they matched, ie black top of white on both sides etc the birds did fine in relating and mating. But when they were switched, black over white and while over black on the other leg, the birds stayed clear of that one. Lack of symmetry may mean poor breeding and survival skills.

[petra]

Can blind people fall in love? Sure they can, and I doubt it has much to do with looks.

Can people fall in love with a cartoon? Yes, it's happening all over the place. Happened to me. Still don't care if he has a body or not EDIT: Ok fine, the cartoon is good looking

Personally, I think it's an idea which we fall in love with. Not the body, or the 'soul', but an idea - which comprises a bit of both, and maybe a bit more too.

[thepainterdoug]

Petra great points an quite an irony. Perhaps we see better without eyes. Ever see the movie Blindness?? or read the book by Jose Saramago? it explores this point exactly

but again, these are the exceptions from the broad brush.

our bodies are not who we are, but a really convincing illusion.

[TomKat]

Posted by Deux Corbeaux (here)

Posted by TomKat (here)

Posted by Deux Corbeaux (here)
Super models, for whom the body is a big part of their lives, will most likely fall for a handsome man. They want to be the best looking couple as well.

There is a group of women that fall for power. Same with money. Those men will pick the Beautiful.
.........

The supermodel might fall for a handsome guy, but only after she marries a rich one. I used to do art shows and saw a lot of couples. I decided to see what the common denominator was for beautiful women, what kind of men were they with? They were overwhelmingly with wealthy men.

Not so strange. They are supermodels, aren't they ?
Do you know what designer clothes-shoes -makeup cost? Not to mention a private trainer and plastic surgery. And that is only the beginning...

It's Jaggernomics: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime... :-)

[greybeard]

thepainterdoug
You sure start some interesting threads.
I await your next one.
Thanks Chris