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Thread: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    I started this thread (and copied Star Mariner's great reply from this other thread) after musing on the complex domino-chain of decisions that led me down a particular life path of fairly turbulent, major change.

    I can offer more about all this later, but I thought it'd be an opportunity to invite anyone reading this to share their own such domino-chains.

    Imaginary example! You had a fight with your boss, so you quit your job, then started anther one, then met a wonderful new partner, then you bought a house together, so then your partner had to get a new job too, but then they were relocated to a different city, but then you decided NOT to go with them.... etc etc etc etc.

    And the biggest question.... was this all to the good, or the bad?
    Last edited by Bill Ryan; 20th September 2020 at 15:03.

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    Avalon Member Star Mariner's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    But then, we're definitely into timeline discussions. If I'd not done that, and soon after lost everything I had, would I have become involved with Camelot, and then Avalon, and then be here now?
    You nailed it at the end, it was exactly what I was thinking - had you not left Scotland you most likely would not have ended up where you did with Project Camelot, and no Camelot = no Avalon. Everything that happened, happened for a reason, a hidden (at the time), higher reason, which led to where you are now, in not only bringing us all together in this fabulous community, but landing up in Ecuador - a pretty good spot from all I gather!

    Who knows, in another timeline or another dimension it did all fall differently, where you're still in Scotland, not in Ecuador, and as a result there is no Avalon. Personally I'm glad I'm in this version of time, not that one.
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
    ~ Jimi Hendrix

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    United States Avalon Member Savannah's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    I have gone through those thought loops before myself. Sometimes it took many years before I could see that the new path was actually vital to who I am now. The previous path had good, fulfilling aspects to it and thus losing it brought regret. However the gains of the new path were invaluable, even if the new path had sorrow and tribulation associated with it. That is what creates confusion because conflict and pain is not necessarily bad and can create growth, but that bad experience makes you see the choice as wrong. It often said that life is about free will to make decisions, how we respond and handle the consequences is what we learn from.

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?



    Not long ago, I was walkin' down the street
    When a woman in a car knocked me off my feet
    (Oh, that's bad)
    No, that's good!

    My insurance paid me a lot of dough
    More money than I'd seen in a year's payroll
    (Oh, that's good)
    No, that's bad!

    On doctor bills is where my money went
    And all I had left was a very bad limp
    (Oh, that's bad)
    No, that's good!

    'Cause the way I walked, it got me a role
    As the Marshall's partner on a TV show
    Pretty young actresses started hanging 'round
    And every night we'd do the town
    (Oh, that's good)
    No, that's bad!

    I ended up back in a hospital bed
    'Cause my horse fell on my bad leg
    (Oh, that's bad)
    No, that's good!

    'Cause just when I was feeling my worst
    I fell in love with a beautiful nurse
    (Oh, that's good)
    No, that's bad!

    'Cause I found out she was the doctor's wife
    Now I'll be in a wheelchair the rest of my life
    'Cause no matter how I pleaded and begged
    He operated on my good leg
    (Oh, that's bad)
    No, that's awful!


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    Avalon Member Satori's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    So I sued the doctor for all he’s worth
    But my lawyer and costs took all but a third
    Now I’m right back where I began
    Scratching my head trying to understand
    (Oh, that’s good.)
    No, that’s life.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
    Last edited by Satori; 20th September 2020 at 18:43.

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    Canada Avalon Member DeDukshyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    I've come to the point (been there for a while actually) where I never look back and never think of the "what ifs?"

    I have had too many good things come into my life as a direct result of what I thought were "bad things" that preceded them.

    The main thing is to learn to not see the bad / negative things as "bad / negative"; (or "good / positive" things) they are just "things". Don't let your attention be tuned into focusing on your judgement of these things to the point where you miss the plethora of opportunities that almost always open up, but are very often missed.

    Alan watts has some good lectures on decision making:



    Last edited by DeDukshyn; 20th September 2020 at 16:55.
    When you are one step ahead of the crowd, you are a genius.
    Two steps ahead, and you are deemed a crackpot.

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    True Duk, very true.

    Until you reach your sixties, and most of life is behind you. Then you start thinking about what could have been and what happened. My first thought about Bill was...welcome to the club.

    The way I deal with it is to realize that I would not be me without everything that has happened had happened exactly as it did. Otherwise there would be a different person looking back over a different life with different priorities and experiences...but it would not be me.
    Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. Bruce Lee

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    In my life, Bill, I can narrow what happened down to a one hour session in September 2003. Had I not gone to that Advanced Kundalini Class, a one on one with the master, I would have been a completely different person with a completely different life.

    Or I could go back to 1998, my birthday, when the ex gave me my first esoteric booklet, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, by Deepak Chopra.

    Another would be when again the ex gave me a book on I Ching and a bundle of sticks. I threw them one time and got, mountain on mountain, with the suggestion to try Hatha Yoga. Then you can circle around to above...

    So when it comes right back down to it...the moment I met my future wife my fate was sealed! Since I was 19, then, my fate was set in stone. Then you can circle back to the top...

    And that takes me back to the political climate that made my dad's company move its headquarters to Montreal and then back to Toronto five years later. That put a curve ball in my life - twice. Both times was required for me to end up where I am today.

    And that takes me back to my home town, and the experiences without which I would not have received the moral training I needed, or the practical training (since I swear I have never been here before).

    And that brings me back to Montreal as the three month old baby of new immigrant parents and my experiences in my first four years that were pivotal, and not all good...

    And that leads back to Hungary, and the invasion of the communists, and my parents quick marriage and then escape to The Netherlands, where I was born.

    Those are the main moments of my life, each were crucial in shaping me to become the man I am today. I believe there are other versions of me that are living out alternate lives down the roads not taken, by this me. Sometimes we compare notes. I think I might have been the first, and took most of the unpleasant forks in the road.

    And so it is. I cannot be who I am without having been who I was. I do not resent this, I honor it.

    And I do not pretend to understand it either. No point.

    That is not my function.
    Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. Bruce Lee

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    Avalon Member ClearWater's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    It's hindsight that's made me hesitant to ever call a decision bad or good. Whether we analyze them or not, I think each of us could easily trace our current situation back to a series of decisions, sometimes going back decades. This could mean a series of decisions that seemed good at the time, but results in a situation that we're unsatisfied with. And of course the opposite scenario is just as likely - a series of seemingly bad decisions leading to a seemingly good outcome. It's quite interesting.

    Briefly, a couple that stick out to me:
    In my early teens, I was interested in getting better at sports. I was at the library and a bit bored, decided to look in the sports section. I came across a book on the mental side of sports. I read multiple books in this vein. Eager for more, I started checking references and suggested readings, which led me to self-hypnosis. That eventually led me to meditation and the Spirituality/Religion sections, which is where I came across a both called "Autobiography of a Yogi". I subsequently read nearly every book in that section of the library.

    Another would be the decision to leave college after 3 years (which was very clearly a major one at the time, in contrast to the example above). I had no idea what I was going to do at that point, but just knew that college was not where I was supposed to be. I ended up moving back in with my parents, where I had an awakening of sorts which left me in a state of bliss for several months. Shortly after this I was looking for a job. I got 2 offers in short order and took the one with the lower starting pay because it just felt right. At this job I met several people which I don't think I ever could've met elsewhere. One was a temp worker who had been born and raised in Acapulco Mexico. When our eyes met, an explosion happened in my heart. Time stood still. I felt my voice speaking words, but had no idea what was being said. I confirmed later that the experience was mutual, though she couldn't really put it in to words.
    I later met my current partner at this same job. She was married at the time, but would go through a divorce, and we started dating about a year after the divorce. It's now 8 years down the line, and we have a baby on the way, due on November 2nd.

    There are so many decisions within these 2 examples that could easily be cited as noteworthy, and innumerable other decisions that have led to various other results in my life. It's almost mind-boggling to think about.
    "Be a Light to Yourself" ~ J. Krishnamurti

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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    This is a fascinating topic on how negative life experiences resulting from one's life decisions can be turned around. I once left a job I hated to join a company specialising in medical informatics. On starting with my new employer, I found myself getting stuck into doing work I found really gratifying.

    Wishing to please my new employer, I went on to pick a difficult software task that was to be used to assist medical terminologists to divide the text contained in doctors notes into "noun-adjective pairs", which could then be used to improve accuracy by using a confidence scorer based on the Jaccard Index, to measure the similarity and diversity of medical texts.

    I spent the weekend figuring out various things to do with the manipulation of text, breaking the thing down into smaller tasks that I could more easily handle, before getting the code reviewed, tested and finally checked in to the repository. Even 10+ years on I still feel a sense of real satisfaction about that task I managed to accomplish.

    Unfortunately, from that moment on one or two things became unpleasantly apparent. The interesting and relevant work suddenly dried up, and was given to a clinical coder with little experience of software development, who inevitably struggled and unable to finish without a lot of hand-holding, errors and inefficiency. Not only that I found myself on the receiving end of general rudeness, non-communication and un-cooperativeness from my immediate superior, a former family doctor. It was like a door being slammed in my face. I can only guess I was on the receiving end of someone's envy and spite, not unknown alas! even in skilled professions.

    At the end of the my probation it was decided that I was "not quite what we are looking for" (but was given nothing more specific than that, when asked) and subsequently let go.

    This caused considerable problems on re-entering the job market, many employers simply surmising that I must have been an unemployable bugger to have been got rid of in such a short period. One interviewer in particular took sadistic pleasure in repeatedly asking me why I left that job, so I got up, called him an idiot and left. It was a real low-point and was starting to really regret the original decision I had made.

    But the silver lining was this: a few months later I landed a lucrative contracting role, one which went on to be extended four times (so they did like me!), and one which paid over three times as much as the salary I was previously receiving, and one which I managed to land on the basis of a single telephone interview. Not to mention getting the opportunity to learn a load of new skills.

    I guess some of the lessons I learned were these: never give up when life throws you its inevitable disappointments and never develop a 'victim' mentality. There is always a way.
    Last edited by happyuk; 20th September 2020 at 20:51.

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    Ireland Avalon Member pueblo's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    I'm not sure the following line of reasoning can even be considered 'reasoning' but here it is...

    You are here now, as the person you are (partly) because of decisions you made (or didn't make) as you travelled along your path.

    If you had made different decisions to the ones you actually did make then you would not be here now as the person you are, therefore the only way you could have got here and become the person you are today was by taking the choices you took, it was unavoidable.

    It is only through the skewed lens of retrospection that we look back and think if I had chosen 'B' instead of 'A' then I would be somewhere/someone different. You had no choice but to choose to be who you are and where you are now.

    Typing this now it sounds something akin to 'determinism/fatalism' but that is not what I am expounding, nor am I arguing against the existence of free-will, but I am struggling to see how it differs and I have long wrestled with how to put this line of reasoning into a cohesive and cogent argument!

    Aristotle (De Interpretatione) probably comes as close as possible to what I am trying to get at when he said "…If it was always true to say that it was or would be, it could not not be, or not be going to be. But if something cannot not happen, it is impossible for it not to happen; and what cannot not happen necessarily happens. Everything, then, that will be will be necessarily.”

    Anyway, I have succeeded in confusing myself (again!) so apologies if none of that makes any sense!

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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    Always ego I think in summary.

    If only I had noticed that from about 30 years ago.

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    Romania Avalon Member Anka's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    Some of a kind of domino-life
    (they seem to be failures, but I call them lessons)

    I could have been a good gymnast, but my parents didn't let me train anymore.
    I took professional social dance classes, but my legs on high heels, while I was still growing, started to hurt.
    I wanted to enroll in art high school, but I had to travel by bus too many kilometers every day, so I gave up, more at the request of my parents.

    I joined the most famous handball team but I really liked running at speed and I had to take computer science high school courses.
    After high school, I wanted to enroll in the University of Arts and being everywhere a lot of corruption, even if I got the highest grade in art history, I had to pay, then long ago, a sum as a bribe to enter (I did not have a such amount of money) so they did not want to enroll me (even if the education then was free and I had taken the maximum passing grade)

    So, I enrolled at the University of Hydrotechnical Construction, something totally new to me, but I had to work at night on an electronic production line, and all day, be fit for classes, which was fun to a point. .

    I met my current husband at the last university, and because we were both coming from former relationships that were at least unsuccessful, we both decided not to get married, maybe not at all.

    After a few years, he asked me (I said no), then I asked him (and he said no ), everything was fun in the most libertine responsible way, because we had been living together for 9 years .
    At one point, we wanted to buy a house together, but for that "we had to be married", so in 3 days, without anyone knowing, we did it, and immediately after that, the bank changed all the conditions in our file in such a way that we had to give up buying a house. And so we have remained "married" to this day.
    In the meantime, the professions started to flow "without number" I did countless courses and preparations, I had so many different positions that today, if I were at a job interview, I would win the interview with one smile and of course my experience.

    We both had our own companies, but the Romanian market is so unstable that from an insurance company today, you can become a donut distributor or a candle manufacturer tomorrow. It's total madness, apart from the protected investor class, "Yadda-yadda."
    We both had jobs in multinational companies, but we moved to the country and became farmers.
    I worked as a caregiver for people with disabilities, but I became a cook without wanting to.
    I wanted to buy a motorcycle to join performance clubs, but I had an accident and I became a writer, almost overnight.

    Now I don't know what profession I have, because I didn't follow the jobs related to the preparations, and I think about the fact that an acquaintance told me that my job now, at my age, is actually to be just "a good friend" for anyone. "My goal" is that I no longer have a target, at the moment all the pieces are "down" being at the end of a medical recovery.
    But I still have a sense of "adventure" even in a "world of difficult times" and I want a whole new profession, just to experience the "game".
    I think I never made bad decisions, although there were sometimes almost inappropriate circumstances for some decisions, to which I adapted.
    Every human is a question asked to the Spirit of the Universe,again and again,because every human is an endless row of humans and in all humans together dwelling the Great Human Spirit.

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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    As I see it there is only one way a poor decision can be made and that is by not being true to ourselves.

    If we play it safe and are inclined to choose the sensible option over living our truth then we are likely going to live a more stable and peaceful life, however, that is likely to cause us to arrive at the place where we ask ourselves is this it, is this all there is to life? We may feel a sense of accomplishment but fulfilment will evade us.

    Whatever the case, better to grow from poor choices than to live with regrets.
    Last edited by chocolate milk; 22nd September 2020 at 04:17.

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the real root of that bad decision you made?

    Quote Posted by Anka (here)
    Some of a kind of domino-life
    (they seem to be failures, but I call them lessons)

    I could have been a good gymnast, but my parents didn't let me train anymore.
    I took professional social dance classes, but my legs on high heels, while I was still growing, started to hurt.
    I wanted to enroll in art high school, but I had to travel by bus too many kilometers every day, so I gave up, more at the request of my parents.

    I joined the most famous handball team but I really liked running at speed and I had to take computer science high school courses.
    After high school, I wanted to enroll in the University of Arts and being everywhere a lot of corruption, even if I got the highest grade in art history, I had to pay, then long ago, a sum as a bribe to enter (I did not have a such amount of money) so they did not want to enroll me (even if the education then was free and I had taken the maximum passing grade)

    So, I enrolled at the University of Hydrotechnical Construction, something totally new to me, but I had to work at night on an electronic production line, and all day, be fit for classes, which was fun to a point. .

    I met my current husband at the last university, and because we were both coming from former relationships that were at least unsuccessful, we both decided not to get married, maybe not at all.

    After a few years, he asked me (I said no), then I asked him (and he said no ), everything was fun in the most libertine responsible way, because we had been living together for 9 years .
    At one point, we wanted to buy a house together, but for that "we had to be married", so in 3 days, without anyone knowing, we did it, and immediately after that, the bank changed all the conditions in our file in such a way that we had to give up buying a house. And so we have remained "married" to this day.
    In the meantime, the professions started to flow "without number" I did countless courses and preparations, I had so many different positions that today, if I were at a job interview, I would win the interview with one smile and of course my experience.

    We both had our own companies, but the Romanian market is so unstable that from an insurance company today, you can become a donut distributor or a candle manufacturer tomorrow. It's total madness, apart from the protected investor class, "Yadda-yadda."
    We both had jobs in multinational companies, but we moved to the country and became farmers.
    I worked as a caregiver for people with disabilities, but I became a cook without wanting to.
    I wanted to buy a motorcycle to join performance clubs, but I had an accident and I became a writer, almost overnight.

    Now I don't know what profession I have, because I didn't follow the jobs related to the preparations, and I think about the fact that an acquaintance told me that my job now, at my age, is actually to be just "a good friend" for anyone. "My goal" is that I no longer have a target, at the moment all the pieces are "down" being at the end of a medical recovery.
    But I still have a sense of "adventure" even in a "world of difficult times" and I want a whole new profession, just to experience the "game".
    I think I never made bad decisions, although there were sometimes almost inappropriate circumstances for some decisions, to which I adapted.
    Thank you so much! That was a truly wonderful post.


  30. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Bill Ryan For This Post:

    Anka (22nd September 2020), Frank V (22nd September 2020), Gwin Ru (22nd September 2020), Harmony (22nd September 2020), Victoria (23rd September 2020), Wind (23rd September 2020), Yoda (22nd September 2020), Zirconian (22nd September 2020)

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