Bullying, a social dis-ease

[modwiz]

I feel it is incumbent on those who are so empowered and have the physical/mental gifts to do something about bullying step in and interrupt the flow. Each bullying situation is unique and some are beyond our talents but too many of us stand sheepishly aside when, especially as a group, something could be done.
I've had my share of bullies but very few really had the gifts required.

I will not catalog my interventions because of the obvious self congratulation involved with that kind of endeavor. But I do have a short and interesting story that ended particularly well. It occurred about 30 years ago.

I was a messenger for a big magazine corporation. I was in our break room and noticed to men picking on another younger and smaller man. I commented that they seemed to be wanting to tumble with somebody and that since the young man seemed unwilling to do so that I was available for them to try and work out their aggressions on. The two aggressors looked at each other in astonishment and were absolutely dumbfounded.

You see, these three men involved in their dance were African-Americans. Here I was, a French-Celt, interceding on behalf of one of "them".
Not only did I stop the bullying I became fast friends with the other two and we formed a nucleus of good friends of all nationalities and kept the peace in this all male environment.

They were so moved by my standing up to them in defense of one who they figured would be outside my purview of concern that wanted to have a friend like me.

Life has lots of hidden gifts for us if we dare to truly engage it.

[Maria Stade]

Posted by modwiz (here)
I feel it is incumbent on those who are so empowered and have the physical/mental gifts to do something about bullying step in and interrupt the flow. Each bullying situation is unique and some are beyond our talents but too many of us stand sheepishly aside when, especially as a group, something could be done.
I've had my share of bullies but very few really had the gifts required.

I will not catalog my interventions because of the obvious self congratulation involved with that kind of endeavor. But I do have a short and interesting story that ended particularly well. It occurred about 30 years ago.

I was a messenger for a big magazine corporation. I was in our break room and noticed to men picking on another younger and smaller man. I commented that htey seemed to be wanting to tumble with somebody and that since the young man seemed unwilling to do so that I was available for them to try and work out their aggressions on. The two aggressors looked at each other in astonishment and were absolutely dumbfounded.

You see, these three men involved in their dance were African-Americans. Here I was, a French-Celt, interceding on behalf of one of "them".
Not only did I stop the bullying I became fast friends with the other two and we formed a nucleus of good friends of all nationalities and kept the peace in this all male environment.

They were so moved by my standing up to them in defense of one who they figured would be outside my purview of concern that wanted to have a friend like me.

Life has lots of hidden gifts for us if we dare to truly engage it.

I hear you !

Yes we should all aktiv go in and stop it together.

Be the change you wish to see by doing the right thing !

That is important in forums also we should, be the way !

Thank you !

Love

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by modwiz (here)
I feel it is incumbent on those who are so empowered and have the physical/mental gifts to do something about bullying step in and interrupt the flow. Each bullying situation is unique and some are beyond our talents but too many of us stand sheepishly aside when, especially as a group, something could be done.
I've had my share of bullies but very few really had the gifts required.

I will not catalog my interventions because of the obvious self congratulation involved with that kind of endeavor. But I do have a short and interesting story that ended particularly well. It occurred about 30 years ago.

I was a messenger for a big magazine corporation. I was in our break room and noticed to men picking on another younger and smaller man. I commented that htey seemed to be wanting to tumble with somebody and that since the young man seemed unwilling to do so that I was available for them to try and work out their aggressions on. The two aggressors looked at each other in astonishment and were absolutely dumbfounded.

You see, these three men involved in their dance were African-Americans. Here I was, a French-Celt, interceding on behalf of one of "them".
Not only did I stop the bullying I became fast friends with the other two and we formed a nucleus of good friends of all nationalities and kept the peace in this all male environment.

They were so moved by my standing up to them in defense of one who they figured would be outside my purview of concern that wanted to have a friend like me.

Life has lots of hidden gifts for us if we dare to truly engage it.

Thank you for sharing and choosing to make a positive difference in your world. As you learned, everybody wins.

[Gone002]

When I was in secondary school, a close friend was getting picked on and getting beaten up on a regular basis. I asked him why he never did anything and he had been bullied so much he had forgotten he had a choice. Needless to say I waited until the bullies were alone and I beat them down to size ,after that they never touched him again. to this day my friend still has no idea why the stopped. Yes a rash action but that’s all I could do, no one cared not even teachers or his parents.

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by celt (here)
When I was in secondary school, a close friend was getting picked on and getting beaten up on a regular basis. I asked him why he never did anything and he had been bullied so much he had forgotten he had a choice. Needless to say I waited until the bullies were alone and I beat them down to size ,after that they never touched him again. to this day my friend still has no idea why the stopped. Yes a rash action but that’s all I could do, no one cared not even teachers or his parents.

Thank you for having the courage and temerity to do the right thing when no one else would. You are a great friend.

[Gone002]

Posted by Charlie Pecos (here)

Posted by celt (here)
When I was in secondary school, a close friend was getting picked on and getting beaten up on a regular basis. I asked him why he never did anything and he had been bullied so much he had forgotten he had a choice. Needless to say I waited until the bullies were alone and I beat them down to size ,after that they never touched him again. to this day my friend still has no idea why the stopped. Yes a rash action but that’s all I could do, no one cared not even teachers or his parents.

Thank you for having the courage and temerity to do the right thing when no one else would. You are a great friend.

Your the one with courage and a huge rack of balls, for opening up so much. I hope you never give up, if only more people knew your story they might stop bullying if they new it had such an affect.

[firstlook]

I still think alot of society subscribes to the "survival" method. That a person has to learn to fend for themselves. While there is a basis in this, I also know that people use this as an excuse to not stand up for what they know is right. The best way for people who are feeling scared to find their inner strength is to see it in others.

This creates lasting confidence in society.

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by firstlook (here)
I still think alot of society subscribes to the "survival" method. That a person has to learn to fend for themselves. While there is a basis in this, I also know that people use this as an excuse to not stand up for what they know is right. The best way for people who are feeling scared to find their inner strength is to see it in others.

This creates lasting confidence in society.

Yeah, it's "called sink or swim, kid". Too much damage has been done with this faulty thinking. They used it on me, I was supposed to take charge of the situation and find my empowerment. Only problem is, I was too afraid and insecure to do so. Not anymore. I'm calling out the system, time to do some cleaning.

[Linden]

Thank you so much for this Thread, Charlie!! Bullying has become an overwhelming problem in our schools. I appreciate your bringing attention to this problem that should be kept in the forefront of school's agendas. I have found many more people these days tend to be overly aggressive with their selfish behavior, and their children adopt these patterns from their parents. Where I live, many people just live in their own little worlds, as if they have blinders on and don't even acknowledge the presence of other precious beings around them. I know everyone has their problems, and perhaps that is the reason for this behavior, but I feel that part of our mission and purpose in this world is to acknowledge and honor each other in our oneness of existence.

I myself am overly sensitive because of bullying at a very young age from peers and my mother. I just never seemed to *fit in* anywhere.

Unfortunately bullying doesn't stop in childhood. Only a few years ago, I was bullied out of a job I loved because the manager would not intervene and support me. I had many students in my class come to my defense, in writing, but the owner of the establishment needed the bullies more than me in the jobs they held. I was totally blown away that such behavior could be ignored by adults, but after all money is more important in businesses than human beings. This incident really did a number on me considering experiences from my past, and it has taken me several years to recover, and feel better. The damage never totally goes away though, and even though I may have improved from this incident, my overly sensitive nature has been reinforced.

I love the Avalon forum because I have found so many spiritually in touch people here.

In closing...let's be and teach honor and recognition for each other's spirits of which we all are one. Love and Peace and Namaste, Linda

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by celt (here)

Posted by Charlie Pecos (here)

Posted by celt (here)
When I was in secondary school, a close friend was getting picked on and getting beaten up on a regular basis. I asked him why he never did anything and he had been bullied so much he had forgotten he had a choice. Needless to say I waited until the bullies were alone and I beat them down to size ,after that they never touched him again. to this day my friend still has no idea why the stopped. Yes a rash action but that’s all I could do, no one cared not even teachers or his parents.

Thank you for having the courage and temerity to do the right thing when no one else would. You are a great friend.

Your the one with courage and a huge rack of balls, for opening up so much. I hope you never give up, if only more people knew your story they might stop bullying if they new it had such an affect.

I just do what comes naturally to me, that which "feels" right. I am currently writing a book about my journey, let us see where it goes.

Thank you for the positive feedback, it lets me know I am on the right track.

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by Linden (here)
Thank you so much for this Thread, Charlie!! Bullying has become an overwhelming problem in our schools. I appreciate your bringing attention to this problem that should be kept in the forefront of school's agendas. I have found many more people these days tend to be overly aggressive with their selfish behavior, and their children adopt these patterns from their parents. Where I live, many people just live in their own little worlds, as if they have blinders on and don't even acknowledge the presence of other precious beings around them. I know everyone has their problems, and perhaps that is the reason for this behavior, but I feel that part of our mission and purpose in this world is to acknowledge and honor each other in our oneness of existence.

I myself am overly sensitive because of bullying at a very young age from peers and my mother. I just never seemed to *fit in* anywhere.

Unfortunately bullying doesn't stop in childhood. Only a few years ago, I was bullied out of a job I loved because the manager would not intervene and support me. I had many students in my class come to my defense, in writing, but the owner of the establishment needed the bullies more than me in the jobs they held. I was totally blown away that such behavior could be ignored by adults, but after all money is more important in businesses than human beings. This incident really did a number on me considering experiences from my past, and it has taken me several years to recover, and feel better. The damage never totally goes away though, and even though I may have improved from this incident, my overly sensitive nature has been reinforced.

I love the Avalon forum because I have found so many spiritually in touch people here.

In closing...let's be and teach honor and recognition for each other's spirits of which we all are one. Love and Peace and Namaste, Linda

Hi Linda, thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through your experience. I can relate all too well to not fitting in. You are right that bullying does not stop when one graduates from school. The good news is that we have the power to change this. I wish you much love and happiness. It has been said that money is the root of all evil, and I whole heartedly agree.

The bullying, harrassment, and ridicule continue long into adulthood. Problem is, we allow it. Too many times have I allowed coworkers to treat me as less than equal, but in equal measure are the times I myself treated someone less than justly. I have recognized this, and now I choose to honor all who I have contact with by treating them as friends, even if I suspect they're not. I choose to be the change I want to see. I'm only getting started here.

In our society, we are taught and it is constantly reinforced that we are separate from others, that we are entitled to behave like overgrown brats. Listen kids, we all die. We all leave this place. We take NONE OF THE STUFF with us. The only thing we get to take home is our experience, good and bad. A few nights ago, I had a dream that I had died and left behind my wife and daughter. I was filled with enormous sorrow and regret for not accomplishing what I set out to do here. I was deeply saddened that I had let them down. I need to speak my piece, to let others know that what they say and do profoundly affects the people around them. I was taught by a very good man that those who are around you in your everyday life are your family. As you all are around me virtually, I consider you family.

[Linden]

I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through your experience. I can relate all too well to not fitting in.

Charlie, Thank you for your compassion! Your thread has been very healing for me...Love and Peace, Linda

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Oh, and let me know when your book comes out Charlie! I am very interested!!

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by Linden (here)
I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through your experience. I can relate all too well to not fitting in.

Charlie, Thank you for your compassion! Your thread has been very healing for me...Love and Peace, Linda

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Oh, and let me know when your book comes out Charlie! I am very interested!!

This thread is all about the healing and compasssion. We are here to celebrate our life and our journey.

It will be a while for the book yet as I am only on the first chapter, but I will let everyone know when I get to that point.
Writing here helps to build my confidence and get my thoughts down on paper as it were.

[Shezbeth]

Sorry, but I'm going to 'dim the lights' as it were.
Wow Charlie, you've said a mouthful and stirred up a bloody hornet's nest in me. Experiences, emotions, and disturbances I had left in the recesses. I identify completely with what you have said, and agree. It does happen, and the effects are life-changing. Time for some catharsis.

As a child I was naive, outspoken, and expressive. An extrovert to the extreme - I wanted to be everyone's friend, and I didn't mind or hesitate in telling them.

Now, I am a guarded, pessimistic, and withdrawn introvert who would doesn't speak until those around show a receptivity to what I have to say - else I won't bother.

What happened was about 9 years of bullying, ostracism, and victimization. I won't go into specifics but physical, mental, and emotional abuse were the norm. My teachers didn't care for me because I was smart enough that I could learn the material by reading the book and then catch (and point out) flaws in their reasoning/teaching.
The kids felt I was 'fair game' because I was 'the smart new kid' who's self-esteem wasn't based on any social grouping or parental economic standing in the community (moved to a tight-knit rural community at age 9). In short, I didn't much need the teachers to learn and they knew it, and I didn't need the other kids to feel good about myself and they knew it.

Kids would form little groups (groups of males and females) to follow me around and torment me about anything and everything that they could sink their teeth into. I could speculate at what their conscious/unconscious psychological and energetic motivations were but I prefer not to think about it much.

Suffice it to say, it worked. After years of abuse I became reserved, distrustful, and withdrawn. I remain so to this day.

What didn't help, and I add this as a corrolary to your appeal to parents, was mine. My parents were not available, open, or receptive to what was going on. It wasn't until 6 years in that anyone had the slightest inkling of what was really happening, and then was dismissed as "not getting along with kids at school" - this from both parents and teachers.
The moment a child's confidence with an adult, particularly their parents is disturbed, irreparable damage has been done.

Posted by Charlie Pecos (here)
I know EXACTLY how and why. When you have been bullied, picked on, put down, and made to feel like less of a person [...] I wanted to kill every single one of those bastards who had ever hurt me, who had hit me or uttered a thoughtless insult. [...] These kids were failed by the system, their teachers, and their parents.

Yeah. Yeah. I had a list. Not who would die, but who would survive. I think there were 15 or so out of 1000+.

But I also recognize that were it not for traumatic experiences as a child, I might not have the courage to challenge the 'official story', the MSM, the Government impositions, the corruption, etc.. I'll admit today, and this is as close to forgiveness as I can come at this time in my life, maybe it all wasn't such a bad thing.

I still want to throttle anyone who talks about "boys being boys" when addressing bullying,....

[Icecold]

Birds of a feather modwiz old chap.

More power to you my friend and brother.


Great stories Charlie and Shez. Thank you.

[Lord Sidious]

Pity some of you guys and girls didn't have a supply of sharpened carrots on ya.
That would have stopped em, believe you me.

[Charlie Pecos]

Posted by Shezbeth (here)
Sorry, but I'm going to 'dim the lights' as it were.
Wow Charlie, you've said a mouthful and stirred up a bloody hornet's nest in me. Experiences, emotions, and disturbances I had left in the recesses. I identify completely with what you have said, and agree. It does happen, and the effects are life-changing. Time for some catharsis.

As a child I was naive, outspoken, and expressive. An extrovert to the extreme - I wanted to be everyone's friend, and I didn't mind or hesitate in telling them.

Now, I am a guarded, pessimistic, and withdrawn introvert who would doesn't speak until those around show a receptivity to what I have to say - else I won't bother.

What happened was about 9 years of bullying, ostracism, and victimization. I won't go into specifics but physical, mental, and emotional abuse were the norm. My teachers didn't care for me because I was smart enough that I could learn the material by reading the book and then catch (and point out) flaws in their reasoning/teaching.
The kids felt I was 'fair game' because I was 'the smart new kid' who's self-esteem wasn't based on any social grouping or parental economic standing in the community (moved to a tight-knit rural community at age 9). In short, I didn't much need the teachers to learn and they knew it, and I didn't need the other kids to feel good about myself and they knew it.

Kids would form little groups (groups of males and females) to follow me around and torment me about anything and everything that they could sink their teeth into. I could speculate at what their conscious/unconscious psychological and energetic motivations were but I prefer not to think about it much.

Suffice it to say, it worked. After years of abuse I became reserved, distrustful, and withdrawn. I remain so to this day.

What didn't help, and I add this as a corrolary to your appeal to parents, was mine. My parents were not available, open, or receptive to what was going on. It wasn't until 6 years in that anyone had the slightest inkling of what was really happening, and then was dismissed as "not getting along with kids at school" - this from both parents and teachers.
The moment a child's confidence with an adult, particularly their parents is disturbed, irreparable damage has been done.

Posted by Charlie Pecos (here)
I know EXACTLY how and why. When you have been bullied, picked on, put down, and made to feel like less of a person [...] I wanted to kill every single one of those bastards who had ever hurt me, who had hit me or uttered a thoughtless insult. [...] These kids were failed by the system, their teachers, and their parents.

Yeah. Yeah. I had a list. Not who would die, but who would survive. I think there were 15 or so out of 1000+.

But I also recognize that were it not for traumatic experiences as a child, I might not have the courage to challenge the 'official story', the MSM, the Government impositions, the corruption, etc.. I'll admit today, and this is as close to forgiveness as I can come at this time in my life, maybe it all wasn't such a bad thing.

I still want to throttle anyone who talks about "boys being boys" when addressing bullying,....

Hi Shezbeth, thank you for sharing. Feels good, don't it? Getting it off your chest and out into the open.

If you feel so inclined, you are welcome to share more, if it helps.

Wishing you much love and healing energy.

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Posted by Lord Sidious (here)
Pity some of you guys and girls didn't have a supply of sharpened carrots on ya.
That would have stopped em, believe you me.

LOL I believe so!

[Shezbeth]

I appreciate the sentiment. Other details are aside, the point I focus on is that abuse/bulling DOES happen, often it is ALLOWED to happen (through negligence, apathy, or conscious knowledge of those in a responsible/authority position), and that the effects are VERY long-lasting. I'm 30 years old and I'm not done dealing with it completely.

[Icecold]

Posted by Shezbeth (here)
I appreciate the sentiment. Other details are aside, the point I focus on is that abuse/bulling DOES happen, often it is ALLOWED to happen (through negligence, apathy, or conscious knowledge of those in a responsible/authority position), and that the effects are VERY long-lasting. I'm 30 years old and I'm not done dealing with it completely.

My son inherited my abhorrence and reaction to bullying. I often told them stories of rescuing the weak from bullies. I gave all of my sons teaching in compassion and courage, to stand up for the weak and the meek.

During the Sydney Olympics, my eldest twin son was working as a bar tender at the Olympic venue. While travelling to the venue he was waiting on Tempe Station in Sydney with a large crowd of people. Two men decided for some reason to target some poor man and began to bash him quite mercilessly. No one moved to help the man, except my son.

He pulled the man out of it and confronted the bullies. They saw him as their next target. One of them took a swing at my son and my son broke his nose. He then dealt with the other. When he's finished, the entire platform of people were clapping him. He's a good boy.

WHAT IS NOT BULLYING - NOTE>>>

When talking about bullying, it is very important for parents (and teachers and kids) to understand what bullying is not. Many times, a single act or behavior is out of proportion, but it is not considered bullying.


Some people think that bullying is any aggressive behavior and although such behaviors are a source of concern and need attention, it is important to separate them from bullying.

Bullying is recurring and deliberate abuse of power.


It is not easy for kids to understand the difference between a deliberate act and an accidental one, but it surprises me that many grownups also talk about things people do to them as if they were done intentionally to hurt them. Such perception is very dangerous, because every minor act of conflict, done without any intention to harm, can escalate and become a big conflict.

Much like in any communication, whether it is verbal or not, there are two sides involved. Bullying is a form of communication and depends not only on the giver but also on the receiver. For an incident to be considered bullying, the aggressor must want to hurt someone and the victim must perceive the incident as a deliberate act of abuse.

It is very important for the victim to know what bullying is not to make sure that when things seem hurtful, they will not fall immediately into the category of bullying, because the way to overcome bullying is different from the way to overcome other hurtful acts.

Not bullying list

This incidents on this list are NOT considered bullying:

Not liking someone - It is very natural that people do not like everyone around them and, as unpleasant as it may be to know someone does not like you, verbal and non-verbal messages of "I don't like you" are not acts of bullying.

Being excluded - Again, it is very natural for people to gather around a group of friends and we cannot be friends with everyone, so it is acceptable that when kids have a party or play a game at the playground, they will include their friends and exclude others. It is very important to remind kids they do the same thing sometimes too and, although exclusion is unpleasant, it is not an act of bullying.

Accidentally bumping into someone - When people bump into others, the reaction depends mostly on the bumped person's mood. If they have had a bad day, they think it was an act of aggressive behavior, but if they are in the good mood, they smile back and attract an apology. This is also relevant for playing sport, like when kids throwing the ball at each other hit someone on the head. It is very important for teachers and parents to explain that some accidents happen without any bad intention and it is important not to create a big conflict, because it was NOT an act of bullying.

Making other kids play things a certain way - Again, this is very natural behavior. Wanting things to be done our way is normal and is not an act of bullying. To make sure kids do not fall into considering it as an aggressive or "bossy" behavior, we need to teach them assertiveness. If your kids come home and complain that Jane is very bossy and she always wants things to be done her way, you can show them that they want it too and that Jane is miserable, because she is not flexible enough and she will suffer in life for insisting that things be done her way. Again, although it is not fun or pleasant, this is NOT bullying.

A single act of telling a joke about someone - Making fun of other people is not fun for them, but the difference between having a sense of humor and making fun of someone is very fine. It is important to teach kids (and grownups) that things they say as jokes should also be amusing for the others. If not, they should stop. Unless it happens over and over again and done deliberately to hurt someone, telling jokes about people is NOT bullying.


Arguments - Arguments are just heated disagreements between two (or more) people (or groups). It is natural that people have different interests and disagree on many things. Think about it, most of us have disagreements with ourselves, so it is very understandable to have disagreements with others. The argument itself is NOT a form of bullying, although some people turn arguments into bullying, because they want to win the argument so much. They use every means to get what they want and find a weakness in the other person, abuse knowledge or trust they have gained and use it against the other person. It is very important to distinguish between natural disagreements and bullying during an argument.


Expression of unpleasant thoughts or feelings regarding others - Again, communication requires at least two players. Although it may be unpleasant to hear what someone thinks about you, it is NOT a form of bullying but a very natural thing. In every communication, there are disagreements and some form of judgment about each other's attitude and behavior. If someone says to you, "I think this was not a nice gesture" or "You insulted me when you said this", this is NOT bullying but an expression of thoughts and feelings.
Isolated acts of harassment, aggressive behavior, intimidation or meanness - The definition of bullying states that there is repetition in the behavior. Bullying is a conscious, repeated, hostile, aggressive behavior of an individual or a group abusing their position with the intention to harm others or gain real or perceived power. Therefore, anything that happens once is NOT an act of bullying. As a parent, it is important that you pay attention to what your kids are telling you and find out if things are happening more than once.

All the behaviors above are unpleasant and need to be addressed, but they are not to be treated as bullying. Many times, labeling a single act of aggression can turn it into bullying just by perceiving it that way.

[Dennis Jonathan]

Great thread James. I think this is an important subject.

Most bullies, never stop bullying. The adult version of bullying is typically less physical, but it is no less harmful.

It's really easy to fall into this trap. I had a sobering experience with this a few weeks ago.

I was away on a business trip on the second week of February. There were about 30 of us in a corporate training class. We knew each other from previous classes, but only groups of 5-7 were in those classes, so obviously there were immediate circles that formed.

In between my last training, and this one, I found this forum, and began the most recent level of my spiritual awakening. The experiences that followed were a humbling reminder of how far I have to go.

I am pretty easy to get along with. I like to crack jokes, I try not to talk to much, I've spent a lifetime perfecting the art of getting people to like me. That's not a positive trait, and why I developed this self defense mechanism is a story for another post.

So my group of 5 picked up right where we left off. We were sharing stories, reliving old ones, we had a really strong bond. What we didn't have, that other groups had, was a black sheep.

As the group of smaller groups started to intermingle. New friendships formed, circles intertwined, and a good time was had by most. What happened next was horrifying.

It is said, that in every chicken coop, a natural pecking order is established. Every chicken has the understood right to peck a set of chickens for any reason. Some chickens are un-peckable. The chicken on the top of the pyramid can peck everyone, and is immune to being pecked. Conversely, the chicken at the bottom of the chain, is pecked by everyone, and can never peck back.

There was one woman in our class, that was very outspoken. She asked a lot of questions, many of them were admittedly very obvious to most of the class, and she would ask the same question a variety of ways until the trainers just stopped responding.

The people from her class, immediately rolled their eyes every time she spoke up, and it soon became a class wide practice. Even the other trainers would make faces out of sight when she would raise her hand.

I fell into this too, because as I said, many of her questions were just silly.

During lunch, and at breaks, people would recount their stories, and imitations of her antics. The groups would have one sided debates about her, and it got more and more obnoxious. I am ashamed to say I partook in many of these conversations.

At times, people would have conversations about her, and make jokes, while she was at the same table.

She is a very attractive woman, and many assumptions about here were made.

After the third night, one of the women from my original class looked upset. I approached her during a break, and asked what was wrong. She started telling me about issues she was having back at the office, and then bursted into tears. She told me about how bad she felt for this woman being picked on. She told me that the woman confided in her the night before, heartbroken, about how awful she felt, and how alone she was. My friend told me that she had been in that situation before, and it horrified her to realize that she was on the other end of it now.

As she was talking, a lump formed in my throat. Every eye roll, and snide remark came to memory. Every comment I said, and did not interrupt echoed in my mind. Even a few times that I saw her sitting alone, looking longingly for someone to sit with her, came to mind. How had I let this happen? Especially now? How did I contribute to it?!???!?

I let her finish her thoughts, let her cry on my shoulder. Thanked her for her courage to say something. And determined to change my actions. We made a pact to befriend her, lift her up, come to her defense, and be her circle.

It was that easy. As soon as the rest of the chickens saw that some of us chose not to peck, they chose not to as well. As soon as 2 of us interceded for her, the focus of the mob shifted. It was as if by just standing near her, we made her less of a target.

This is not a self glorifying story. It is an embarrassing one, that I haven't even shared with my wife. I felt like a Christian, who helped nail Christ to the cross. I felt like a Judas unto myself. I felt...feel like I am a blink away from being the worst of us.

Sorry this was so long. I feel like it's important. Bullying is not just about kids. And bullies aren't only after lunch money.

Thanks for giving me the courage to share this James.

Love you man.