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Thread: Anger

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    Scotland Avalon Member greybeard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger

    Quote Posted by Inanna (here)
    You have my permission...

    Thank you all very much for your kind replies, whisdom and good advice.
    I don't have the time right now to read it all through, but I surely will in the next couple of days :-)
    It is done my friend --not by me personally but requested for you to Holy Spirit.

    With love
    Chris
    A charity to help African Children become self sufficient. :attention:

    http://www.learningtoolsforselfdevelopment.co.uk/

    Be kind to all life, including your own, no matter what!!

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  3. Link to Post #62
    Belgium Avalon Member Inanna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger

    Hi everyone,

    You probably ask yourself: Why is she responding to a topic that was started and ended more than 6 years ago?
    Let me tell you. In 2011 I decided to take a step back from this community, because of various reasons.

    One of those reasons was the fact that my "voice worker" (at the time) committed suicide. I had a really hard time with that, especially because she was also a passionate Buddhist nun. It al came very sudden.
    Because of that I needed some time to reflect. I tried to find a new "voice worker", but I was unable to. I didn't find the right person.
    2011 was also the year I did not only discover I had reflux, but also I started suffering from anxiety and chronic hyperventilation. That summer I was put in the hospital after an acute hyperventilation attack. I was scared to death. After that my anxiety increased even more.

    Just before I registered to this forum, my grandfather had died. And in May that same year, my other grandfather died, with whom I had a very close relationship. I was heartbroken. It surely shook our family up, because now some family secrets came to the surface. And that wasn't pleasant. Because for the first time in my life, I learned that my family was far from perfect. Mistakes were made that had a very big impact on all generations that came after, including my own view on myself and the world around me.

    In 2012 that resulted into a full-blown burn-out. I had to take leave from work for several months. Now I also got a sleeping disorder and my GP got me on sleep medication. Which was at the time necessary, I believe, but it took me several years to quite using those damn pills.

    At the end of 2012, I really experienced a difficult time because nothing happened on 21-12, LOL ! I somewhat wished the world would take a serious turn for the better, but no... things just went on like usual. What a disappointment it was!

    In 2013 I was really in a bad place, struggling to have a somewhat functioning live. I think I had some kind of depression, because I could not understand what was happening to me. I was in a very fragile state. I felt like I was in a never-ending rollercoaster ride (and I hate roller-coasters), swinging from one emotion to the next. It was exhausting. And I lashed out to anyone who came near me. My relationship with my parents became very bad, for I held them accountable for my suffering. I did not know what to do and I felt very, very lonely.

    In 2014 my anxiety spiked and became so awful that I could not be present on my brother's wedding day. That was the moment I touched rock bottom. I decided, with a little help from my ever-supporting husband and friends, to seek help. From that moment on, everything changed.

    But at that time I could not be a part of a community like this. I could not cope with all the 'bad news', false flags, fake news, or whatever I encountered concerning the world we're living in. I just could not. I had to take some serious distance from everything, also because it distracted me in a way that wasn't healthy anymore. I was losing perspective on reality. I had to cut every cord and go within. I needed that focus so badly.

    Thanks to a wonderful psychologist (thanks for that! Really!) I made a rather quick recovery over the next 10 months. I haven't looked back ever since.
    I forgot about this forum. And I haven't followed any whistleblower since 2013.

    In 2015 I finally felt like 'me' again. But a 'better' me. Like a new version. I felt reborn.
    I invested all my time and energy in myself, my husband and my close friends and family. But still I felt something was missing. And although my anxiety levels dropped drastically, I still had some work to do. I still had that 'knot' in my stomach and like a 'blockage' in my throat. Singing was still quite uncomfortable. And I felt tired a lot of the time, not knowing why.

    And than something happened. The refugee crisis hit Europe really bad. It was all over the news. Hundreds of people were drowning in the Mediterannean Sea and others got stuck in a refugee camp. My husband and I felt immediately that we wanted to do something. We could not just watch the news and do nothing.

    A few weeks later we arrived in Calais Jungle, an illegal refugee camp in Northern France, only one hour drive from our home. I was speechless. Reality hit me hard in the face.
    And that's when I truly woke up. I felt like all those years before were just a dream, where I was mostly self-centered and acting like I was a victim in life. It took me a few stories to listen to and some welcoming handshakes from people I never met before, who went through the most horrible things you could imagine and were still able to produce a sincere smile. I was just flabbergasted.

    From that moment on I started to take responsibility. For my own life. For my decisions. For my thoughts and beliefs.
    I became a regular and independent volunteer in several camps in Northern France and I also became active in Belgian refugee shelters. I worked my butt off (pardon, my French) and it paid off. I learned that by giving unconditionally, my whole life changed for the better. And I could really have a positive impact on my surroundings.

    For years I lived a life feeling too much or too little. But after I became a volunteer, for the first time I could feel human. Like: with all the good and the bad stuff happening, with everything I feel, all the pain that I was running for for years (maybe since birth, who knows). This was the best therapy I could give myself. And the biggest gift anyone could give me.

    I learned what it means to be present with one another. And I also learned that in our modern and Western society few people can. It made me feel sad and I cried many tears. And I'm happy that I felt sadness and that I was able to cry because of that, because it made me feel like I was truly alive, experiencing this magical existence, it's a miracle actually. I felt so grateful for every experience. And people noticed that I changed and transformed in a totally different person.

    Now, we are 2017. 6 Years after I started this topic. And today, because of some coincidences (!?!) I ended up back on this forum. Thank you, Schumann Resonance spikes (which is total bullocks, lol) and that one friend who challenged me to do some research to prove that Schumann Resonance did NOT change over the past few days, haha.

    Also, related to this very topic, I have to be honest: I'm still angry. But I have learned why. It's not that I'm angry because of everything bad that is happening in this world. I mostly feel sad about that. And I feel for people who enable these bad things. I understand that everyone is on an unique path, and that everyone learns and grows in an unique way. Which does not mean that people can just do bad stuff without having to pay for it, but I can understand why people do it. And I feel compassion. Although I will always fight for justice, or let me rephrase that: I will always try to meet people beyond the struggle and battle of life. Because there, we're all the same. There, everything is connected. There, we can truly meet each other and truly connect with one another.

    Refugees taught me that. Because we do not understand each other's language. We don't have the same culture. And sometimes even our values are different. But beyond that, we CAN meet, we CAN truly connect. And I witnessed it happening again and again. Over and over. That, for me, is LIFE. That is the society worth fighting for: to have as many people on that 'level' as possible. For me that is true awakening. And Rumi also said it: "Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there." I can see that now. And I'm the first person to throw in the towel and stop fighting. I'm the one who's willing to be the 'bigger man' (lol), because I know what good it will bring, not only to me, but to everyone around me (even though some people will keep on resisting).

    Okay, I know this is a very long post and I'm sorry for that. But I feel that this is important to me and I really want to share my story. So, bear with me a little longer ;-)

    I'm still angry. Because since I was a little child, I learned that being angry was not appropriate behavior. So, what I did was suppressing my anger to the point I did not feel it anymore. Therefor there was no need to express it. But that became a very destructive pattern in my life. And whether I liked it or not, anger sought its way through in other manners. Like giving me the d*mn reflux. And then the hyperventilation. And anxiety. A burn-out. Depression.

    My body was trying to tell me: let go!
    Because keeping it inside took about all of my energy. And so only little things happening could raise my anxiety levels through the roof. Because my body was exhausted all the time. I was killing myself. Slowly. Until I decided to change (rock bottom, remember?).

    But it took me almost 3 years to acknowledge this. A few months ago I decided to go to an equicoach. And I learned horses never lie. And those horses mirrored interesting things about me, that I wasn't aware of. And because these times, I'm always eager to learn how to become a better person, I was open to their message. I learned all this about my anger and my coach helped me to start the release process (which isn't easy, because even if I want to, I cannot express anger. Total blockage on that one :/ ).

    Today I've been able to channel some of my old anger. And I feel the difference. I feel lighter. I behave in a more authentic way (which seriously improved my relationships). And I have a lot more energy. I don't feel exhausted all the time. And when I do, I know I'm holding something back. So that's my cue to research what is happening within. And it always gives me the answers I need, although sometimes I need to have patience ;-)

    One thing is sure: all emotions are worth holding. Just for that little while, as long as it takes before they're gone. They need to be acknowledged, because they simply are present. You cannot undo what is already there. You cannot pretend it's not happening. And if you judge, you are responsible for the suffering that comes with it. So, the easiest way is just to feel what's there, express what needs to be expressed, and then things will change, without having to do anything in particular. I've learned all this. And my body and soul is grateful for me learning this. And putting it into daily practice :-)

    So today, I stand here before you, 6 years older and wiser. And I'm very happy to again have found this community. And to be able to tell you my story once again. And it really felt good to read this topic, because I can see, that although I didn't know back then what I know now, I still feel like I'm a person I can be proud of. I feel happy about the fact that I had the nerve to start this topic, to be able to finish it years after. And I hope, with my story, someone will get the answers he/she was looking for, or find some comfort, because, and I really think it is important to say this: we are really destined for greatness. And that power is within you. Even at your worst moments, your own core being never left you. It's all there, you just have to open your eyes and see what's right in front of you.

    And yes, I feel good these days. I enjoy my life. And even with all the bad things happening, I know I can contribute in a way, to help making this world better. Even if it's not in this life, I feel that I'm part of something greater than myself and working with these 'powers' will pay off for future generations. And yes, I feel sad a lot of the times, and I feel angry. And that's okay. Because that's part of being human. And not being able to express your sadness or anger, or even feel it, it what's 'dehumanizing' us. And that is something we have to stop from happening on a global scale. That's the mission I'm wanting to work for.

    So, this all said (and a big thank you for everyone who got through this looooong post): I'm curious about your replies. And I'm also wondering who is still alive here, because I can imagine some members who participated in this topic are maybe not active anymore. So, drop me a message because I surely want to read from you. Thanks :-)

    Love,
    Inanna

    P.S. The 'knot' in my stomach is gone, as is the 'blockage' in my throat. And yes, I do sing again. And I love it. It feels good.
    Last edited by Inanna; 12th May 2017 at 15:33.

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    Default Re: Anger

    I'm truly sorry to hear of your suffering, Inanna. Like so many people I've met over the years, you appear unable to link anger to experience. Although you may disagree with me, I have to say that the greatest likelihood is that you do have something to be angry about, maybe in your early years, but have perhaps blocked it out because its too painful for full awareness. I believe it likely that the "sorrow, pain, the grief of the world" is not, as you now think, the suffering of others, it is your own very real experience of your own suffering which you are or have been unable to directly acknowledge. I recommend that instead of talking about this on the web to strangers, you consult a professional psychologist or counsellor.

  6. Link to Post #64
    Belgium Avalon Member Inanna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger

    @ J K Rainbow, I don't know where I went wrong explaining myself, but how you have read my story is not what I intended to write. On the contrary, I'm sharing with you a story of empowerment, compassion and strength, not about feeling sorry for myself and projecting my own personal pain on the world around me. If you have read it this way, maybe you should explore what this is telling you, because I cannot relate. But I don't know you, so I won't make any assumptions. Thank you for sharing your concerns though.
    "Breathe. Love. Fess up when you f*ck up. Breathe more deeply. Love more fully. That's it." ~ Jeff Foster

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  8. Link to Post #65
    United States On Sabbatical
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    Default Re: Anger

    Quote Posted by Inanna (here)
    @ J K Rainbow, I don't know where I went wrong explaining myself, but how you have read my story is not what I intended to write. On the contrary, I'm sharing with you a story of empowerment, compassion and strength, not about feeling sorry for myself and projecting my own personal pain on the world around me. If you have read it this way, maybe you should explore what this is telling you, because I cannot relate. But I don't know you, so I won't make any assumptions. Thank you for sharing your concerns though.
    You did fine explaining it. It is a beautiful transformation experience -- and thanks for sharing it.

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  10. Link to Post #66
    Avalon Member Joey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anger

    Thank you for sharing Inanna, I hear you!

    Greetings from Holland.
    Last edited by Joey; 17th May 2017 at 11:01.

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