Is Monogamy Natural?

[Mostafa]

throughout history if tribes wanted to expand their comitatus so there would be stronger economy polygamy was practiced. marriage with one's daughter or sister was useless since it didn't help expanding the household's economy. then religions said it's a sin. I'm digressing.
I'd stay put with monogamy I don't have that much love for two at the same time

[red_rose]

oooh I like this thread!

Interesting.

Since I was a child I never thought that monogamy was natural. I have always been, so far. Boyfriends never liked it when I expressed my thoughts on monogamy, but the way I see it is, if I know it would deeply hurt or devastate a partner if I were to play out my beliefs, then I would remain monogamous.

I read/heard somewhere the notion that if we were to not be monogamous then society would be better. It would be better because everyone would look out for each other's children, because you wouldn't know if you were related. If a child was starving in the street for example, a male could possibly feel affected by this, more deeply, because at the end of the day that could be his child.

It sounds far fetched, but it kinda makes sense.

In summary I don't like the idea of being monogamous, but then the romantic side of me LOVES monogamy.

Who knows, maybe there is no right or wrong.

red_rose

[Mike Gorman]

The nature of the relationship determines the strength of loyalty you feel towards it, for many the sheer ego charge
of being attractive to another is irresistible-even if this means hurting other people, or an entire family-it is tempting to judge-but each relationship is unique.
For me it is easy to be monogamous because I am with a woman who was born a few hundred meters from my house in england-both of our families moved to Australia from the UK in the same month and year (sept 1970) and we grew up, seemingly just missing meeting over many years-only to find each other
in our middle years after we both had many other relationships-we find it very easy to offer each other complete loyalty-I feel extremely fortunate.

[butcherman]

no not me 3 X wifes and five kids monogamys ok for the weekend { think No 4 will work had 7 years court ship this time } should i pop the question ?

[Blacklight43]

It has worked for us...so far...51 years and counting!

[9eagle9]

Well god bless you all whether you have one or many regardless the number I have no idea how you do it. I find it amazing actually. I'm rather in awe.

I used to be the run of the mill monogamist.

Now I'm a total ultimate monogamist, there is me and me in this relationship. I'm nice to me, and polite and respectful to me. I'm honest with me, I pick up after me, I don't shout at myself, or sulk about work or the activities that compose my life. I don't scream at me for not making enough money. I don't scream at me to choose between my life and me. I'm not always wheedling me or intruding on me all hours of the day when I'm at work making demands that I am quite unable to fulfill. I don't accuse me of looking at the bag boy at the grocery store. I don't compare me to the girls on tv, neither do I threaten me that I will find another me if I don't get my way. I don't form strange sexual addictions with me. I don't cheat on me or criticize the way I dress. I don't raise my voice or hit me. I don't play mind games and manipulate me. I don't prod at me till the point of anger. I don't demand that I go out every night and engage in this frantic socialization. Me and me are completely compatible we like the same books, we both like to ride and fish, garden and woodcraft, music, taste in vehicles, a completely peaceful cohabitation.

My hats off to you all cause I don't know how you do it. You must be God.

Now. Is merging like having someone riding your ass all day or am I thinking of something different?

[NancyV]

Posted by butcherman (here)
no not me 3 X wifes and five kids monogamys ok for the weekend { think No 4 will work had 7 years court ship this time } should i pop the question ?

7 years!!???? Geeez, you ARE slow in making up your mind. LOL... Please pop the question! My present husband and I got married 3 weeks after meeting and it's the 4th (and last) marriage for both of us. 15 awesome years together so far.

Nancy

[Wings]

Monogamy is a choice .... just as marriage is a choice. I think George Clooney has worked this out .... monogamy is not for him.

[9eagle9]

Woman you have some nards.... I mean that respectfully and sincerely .

If i ever muster up my own nards to go on a date would you come and be my translator?

Posted by NancyV (here)

Posted by butcherman (here)
no not me 3 X wifes and five kids monogamys ok for the weekend { think No 4 will work had 7 years court ship this time } should i pop the question ?

7 years!!???? Geeez, you ARE slow in making up your mind. LOL... Please pop the question! My present husband and I got married 3 weeks after meeting and it's the 4th (and last) marriage for both of us. 15 awesome years together so far.

Nancy

[Loren]

Being honest with and knowing yourself is the first step, not that I have been that good at it in my youth but experience helps. So how many lives will it take ? Monogamy to me would be the most spiritual experience if you are ready for it, then I am sure it will find you.Magic, twin souls... Not your average every day merging if you know what I mean ! Two souls becoming one exploding into the cosmos.Not something the average person gets to experience or even understands. I,m sure if that relationship happens you would cherish it. L

[Seikou-Kishi]

Even if it's natural, it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. Even if it's unnatural, it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad.

[Lord Sidious]

Posted by Loren (here)
Being honest with and knowing yourself is the first step, not that I have been that good at it in my youth but experience helps. So how many lives will it take ? Monogamy to me would be the most spiritual experience if you are ready for it, then I am sure it will find you.Magic, twin souls... Not your average every day merging if you know what I mean ! Two souls becoming one exploding into the cosmos.Not something the average person gets to experience or even understands. I,m sure if that relationship happens you would cherish it. L

Sorry Loren, I couldn't find the LEGENDARY POST button, so thanks is all I can do.
These are the sorts of posts that tell me avalon and the avalonuggets are worth the effort.
This is exactly, down to the atom what I am on about when I speak of merging and why I only want one goddess in my heart.

[paul1972]

Posted by DeDukshyn (here)
Ok here's me: To me having one sexual partner is a tad absurd. It just doesn't seem natural. It's like someone made this rule "Since you are so emotionally weak, more than one sexual partner will destroy your life so dont do it" and everyone has the program downloaded, but at the same time I'm not that emotionally weak. At all. But the "rule" makes us all believe we are, and thus obey it. Having more than one relationship partner at time is a bit more odd, but I still see nothing wrong if all parties are fully conscious and aware (aka - no cultish brainwashing - thats just plain wrong) -- after all I'm not one with authority to judge anyone (but one girlfriend is usually quite enough thanks )


In a perfect world, strong negative feelings won't exist ... sure opens up possibilities for a richer interactive experience IMHO.

Edit: I think it may be important to note -- I have been extremely monogamous in my life ...

Thank you, DeDukshyn, I agree with what you're saying...

if we want people to have free will, Monogamy is still a strong issue to tackle...

[soulsinger]

I am married to my dear soulmate. We've been together since age 18... This year, we both turn 36, so we will have loved each other fully half of our lives...

We do cherish our soulmate relationship, but we are not monogamous. Having relationships beyond our marriage does not feel AT ALL as if we're taking each other for granted. We just need to be ourselves. Sometimes that has led us to cultivate connections to others... and sometimes we just stick with each other. The different seasons of life bring their possibilities.

[giovonni]

Posted by 9eagle9 (here)
Well god bless you all whether you have one or many regardless the number I have no idea how you do it. I find it amazing actually. I'm rather in awe.

I used to be the run of the mill monogamist.

Now I'm a total ultimate monogamist, there is me and me in this relationship. I'm nice to me, and polite and respectful to me. I'm honest with me, I pick up after me, I don't shout at myself, or sulk about work or the activities that compose my life. I don't scream at me for not making enough money. I don't scream at me to choose between my life and me. I'm not always wheedling me or intruding on me all hours of the day when I'm at work making demands that I am quite unable to fulfill. I don't accuse me of looking at the bag boy at the grocery store. I don't compare me to the girls on tv, neither do I threaten me that I will find another me if I don't get my way. I don't form strange sexual addictions with me. I don't cheat on me or criticize the way I dress. I don't raise my voice or hit me. I don't play mind games and manipulate me. I don't prod at me till the point of anger. I don't demand that I go out every night and engage in this frantic socialization. Me and me are completely compatible we like the same books, we both like to ride and fish, garden and woodcraft, music, taste in vehicles, a completely peaceful cohabitation.

My hats off to you all cause I don't know how you do it. You must be God.

Now. Is merging like having someone riding your ass all day or am I thinking of something different?

i enjoyed that rant young Lady

Perhaps it's kinda like...merging the you and me in all of us back to being one again ~ But always love thyself first

[Pagan]

In our society of today one can see, It's quite hard to keep it together, wich makes the children suffer, when parents getting divorced.

Nowadays there is just way to many fatherless(most cases) children. When we left the multi-generation-countryside-style of living, with all the relatives close by, family members got urban and spread around allover country, wich destroyed the fundament for the children to have other Idols than their parents... who divorced.

A man and a woman living in a house alone with their children just not seems to be a functional/safe set up. As a little relationship failure can affect the children in quite negative way. Wich would in an old-ways- village ofc be less negative.

Monogamous way is something late in human history, I think. As It is so hard to keep together and as "I love you forever" only happens for a very few. Feelings change and love comes and love goes.

I don't think we were monogamous from beginning. It's too utopic as a concept...

[sshenry]

Posted by Loren (here)
Being honest with and knowing yourself is the first step, not that I have been that good at it in my youth but experience helps. So how many lives will it take ? Monogamy to me would be the most spiritual experience if you are ready for it, then I am sure it will find you.Magic, twin souls... Not your average every day merging if you know what I mean ! Two souls becoming one exploding into the cosmos.Not something the average person gets to experience or even understands. I,m sure if that relationship happens you would cherish it. L

Thank you thank you THANK YOU!

I don't know how many times I've tried to explain this concept to peopole - thre is only one condition in which monogamy will 'take' and be totally natural, and that is when you have found the one person who's energy balances yours (not completes yours - you should already be complete in and of yourselves - but balances). Why, then, would you want anyone else? Why then would you NEED anyone else?

People can moan and groan about how monagamy isn't natural (I have a side story I'll tell one day, how, when I was little, I tried to explain to my mother about my grandfather's beautiful monagamy desk, but I'll save that for another time) and the truth is - as it is practiced (and used) today, it is NOT natural, because it is relying far too heavilyl on the 'morality' of the issue. True manogamy cannot be forced or coerced, because while the person may remain faithful in body, their mind will be rebelling, because at the core, whether you realize it or not, everyone is looking for that ultimate cosmic, twin soul merging.

Merging with someone who is completely and totally your equal and with whom, in joining, (body, mind and soul) you become something more than either of you were by yourselves... *no words*

[paul1972]

dear Avalonians,

After opening up this thread - let me share my 2 cents...

Since childhood I have always had bad vibes with...the concept of Marriage...
" Do you REALLY promise each other eternal love and faithfulness...?"
I guess for too many it's been an irrational act or they underestimated their commitment, for a rare few it's PURE BLISS... bless you

I recently became involved in an OPEN relationship with a lady,
in total honesty and freedom towards each other
Without the jealousy component it seems to work having relationships with more than ONE @ the same time...

I've been extremely Monogamous all my life, but @ this moment it feels ludicrous to me...(having no kids involved BTW)..maybe it's just a phase I am going through
but I am feeling free now

What ever you prefer... stay open minded and liberate the people in their free thinking.

Love

Paul1972

[ulli]

Whatever two people agree on is fine.
Cheating is the real issue, whether married or not, monogamous or not.

Once children are around there is real hurt if either partner goes off with someone else because there will be resentment,
one person doing all the work, while the other is getting it off with someone else.

Schwarzenegger now has to face the divorce courts, because his wife won't forgive him.
She is hurt.
I wonder if they would have agreed to an open relationship, initially?

[Seikou-Kishi]

I think we have to take a few definitions first:

• Monogamy - Marriage to one person
• Polygamy - Marriage to multiple people. This is illegal, but the word is usually used as substitute for polyamory
• Polyamory - Love and/or sexual relations with multiple people.

Monogamy is seen in a few animal species, so it *is* natural in the sense that animals do it. The distinction should be made obvious between an open relationship and a 'closed' relationship in which one of the people is cheating on the other. Cheating on anybody cannot be justified without appealing to an egoistic rationale.