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Thread: A call for help?...

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    Avalon Member Carpenters619's Avatar
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    Default A call for help?...

    Still tentative about doing this but here goes.....
    Hi all, I am asking for spiritual guidance here because I respect this forum and so far it seems the most reliable place for knowledgeable answers.
    I think I am a lost soul. - by this I mean my head or my soul is searching for something, but I have no idea what it is yet, and despite my efforts, I cannot find my purpose.
    My story- a history:
    Since a very young age, I remember thinking that there is no way we could not have lived a previous life. -This form of thinking was definately not acceptable in a strict Bretheren household, none-the-less my mind would not let these thoughts rest. I began questioning my religion and the cruelty of my 'God' to the dislike of my parents and even went through their process of being 'saved' as this is what I was sure they wanted me to do. I saw the 'tears of joy' of others who had gone through the same process yet felt nothing personally when I went through it. I was miffed.
    As the years went on my parents became divorced and excommunicated, and suddenly thought it was ok to go to different churches, taking me with them of course. My questions and search for answers however never ceased, and I secretly learnt about occultism, which led to conspiricies, which led to spiritualism, which led to politics, and then back round into the vicious circle.
    Throughout my childhood I believed I was special and had a very special task to complete and to do so I would need to learn everything I could about as much as possible. This to me wasn't feasable, so I chose to follow my synchronicities and learn whatever was taught to me.
    I am now only 28, and have been studying the aforementioned matters since I was about 11 when I would sneak off from my mother in the local library and only read the non fiction books on space, egypt, and religions. I have been trying to meditate since i was about 13 and attempting to remember my previous lives since I was about 7 years old. - to no real avail....
    To this date I have only one accessible memory of my previous time. It was of a life -between-life event. approx 5 seconds worth (i know time doesnt count) - I was lined up at a table to explain whether I had achieved my goal during my life, to which I said words to the effect of "I nearly got it, i'll need to go back and try again", "Im sure i can get it this time". then.........blank... (when I recalled this, I was 8 years old, and trying to go to sleep. I woke up with a start and a jump, to find myself still in my bed. I didn't at the time know this was a memory I had inadvertantly accessed).

    I cannot tell the difference between my head controlled thoughts and my soul knowings.
    Despite my meditations for sometimes 3+ hours, nothing becomes clearer. Even 6 years of attempted astral projections have failed.
    I fear that I am trapped heavily in the 3rd dimension somehow since adolescence.
    I also do not feel for the current plight of the human race as I know I should.
    I teach music to all ages and am an accomplished classically trained musician.
    I am married (not because I needed too, but because the opportunity arose, and it seemed like the best thing to do)
    I have 1 daughter with one on the way. again not because I needed to... (she is divine though..... )
    I run a seed and confectionary wholesaling business, worked as a nasty bouncer, private investigator, and currently studying to be a nurse.
    Despite the profile so far,.. I don't believe I'm a sychopath, or socially inept. I understand people's feelings and read people very well, I just don't share their feelings. I enjoy helping and teaching people what I have learnt, but if they dont want to learn then I couldn't care less.

    The time has come to ask for help, I would like to find out who I am, and where I belong in this massive game.

    I understand this is alot of information, and a lot of it's quite personal. Perhaps this is not the right forum to present this, but I'm reaching out to access the collective in the only way I am currently able to.

    Please share your thoughts, you may be surprised what info helps me and others that may be unfortunate enough to be in the same boat.


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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    beyond what you've written above and other than what you're experiencing in the here and now...do you have an idea of who or what you would ultimately like to become?

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    Avalon Member ViralSpiral's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hello Carpenter

    Thanks for sharing. There is a WONDERFUL thread on here started here: started by Greybeard

    Great suggestions & advice

    Have you seen this documentary? : Who's driving the Dreambus?

    In Greybeards thread, there is also a clip from the documentary, which at the end has a great line: The thing that we fear most, and long for most: is our own absence

    Good luck on your search
    .... be gentle with your anger. Sixto Rodriguez, Cape Town 20.02.2013

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    United States Avalon Member PixieDust's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    I'm a youngin and i dont have much experiance in spiritual guidence but I have a feeling to respond to you and even came back to your post twice. I had a couple thoughts after reading your post like 5 times but i dont know if they'll help you much or mean anything.

    When you had the experiance when you were 8 of the inbetween life, did anything else in your life or view points change? I've heard of step ins where souls switch places and a new soul steps into a body. It could be that at that moment it was you stepping into your body. Im just going by whatever crazy thought pops into my head i just got that the original soul may have ties to the body still and thats whats blocking you.

    Also the other thing i got from your post as far as your purpose or task. You have the need to research and learn but you also enjoy teaching what you have learned. I think theres something to that. Maybe you've already came to that conclusion. I think you already know what you need to accomplish but you have yet to smack into it yet.

    Have you done any energy work on clearing your blockages? I know you said you meditate but if youre not getting anywhere perhaps you need to clear something thats not allowing the meditation to clear you. if that makes sense.

    youve seen many sides of this world. highly religious to your own freelance studies.. the darker shallow side of being a bouncer and now healing and helping by studying to be a nurse. I think you hold more knowledge then you let yourself believe you have... whether its book knowledge or life knowledge. I keep getting in my head that you already know, you know what youre suppose to do. Im sure thats annoying to you cause you wouldnt be writing this asking for help if you didnt. Its annoying to me cause thats not helping you at all haha!

    and im out. I know this was scattered and crazy and i dont know if it made any sense at all or helped at all but there it is.

    hopefully someone more experianced will be able to guide you further and i wish you happiness and peace in your journey!

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hi Carpenter 619

    It was brave of you to be so open about yourself and your life and why not on this forum. I can relate to your early religious programming and your rejecting it for a deeper knowing of truth. Your childhood sounds very similar to mine in that respect. Even though you say you are a lost soul I would suggest your a lot more found than most people milling about this planet. I'm curious about you saying you don't share peoples feelings. Maybe I'm being a little slow here but by that do you mean you feel emotionless. Do you remember a time when you did share peoples feelings?

    If you do remember a time when you did feel emotion perhaps as a small child I would suggest that somewhere along the way there was some sort of trauma that had the effect of you not wanting to feel. I could be way off base of course. What can be maddening about this is sometimes we don't remember the trauma. Or it could have been alot of little traumas that had an accumutative effect.

    You said you felt you were special as a child do you still feel that way? If you do, I would say be careful of that. We are all special in our own individual way. Some of the most special people, say like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, were all very humble. They were just doing the work they were moved to do.

    It sounds like you are searching very hard, meditating for 3+ plus hours and such, I would suggest that you relax a bit on that. Let it go, sometimes when we stop looking so frantically is when we find what we are looking for. Sometimes we need to step away from the puzzle.

    I rejected my parents god's too but I did not reject the Great Spirit that in my knowning is Infinite Love and that knowing and surrendering to that intelligence has got me through some gut wrenching trials and tribulations. If I had not turned to my Source in times of trouble to show me the way I don't know if I would still be here. I do know it would have been a harder and longer struggle for me had I not surrendered and asked for help. That's sometimes hard for people because they feel like they need to know how the help is going to come but that's where the surrender part comes in. We just sometimes cannot know how our answers will come.

    Stop for a moment and just accept yourself totally with all the flaws you see in your self, all the good and so called bad. Accept your life situation and all the people in your life. Your past. Everything. Just totally accept it. Stop resisting, what is, is. How does that feel?

    thats my two cents for what it's worth. Wishing you all the best.

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    Canada Avalon Member rosie's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    "You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other."
    - Carl Sagan in Contact

    Dear Carpenters619, when I read your posting, I was reminded of the above quote. I like to think that while we are here on earth, we have a job to do here, and you sound like you are well on your way. Teaching music to all ages is a gift in itself, you are a healer in that respect, and I thank you for this. You are now going into nursing, which says quite a bit about your soul. You are everything that you are supposed to be, you just don't see how special you are yet.

    You, are your purpose, and once you reach that stage where you know yourself fully, everything will just fall into place.
    Every thought, action and reaction you do this moment, counts to your soul, more so then a previous life, for we are to learn from the past, not try to relive it, IMO. It is the "now" that counts, this is where our next dreams come from, and where are visions take us.

    Live today like it is your last, and you will not regret it. I know I haven't!

    In love & light
    The states of awareness we currently perceive are only a thiny fraction of the whole.
    The continuum extends deep into nonphysical areas of the universe far beyond our current physical comprehension ~ William Buhlman

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Meditation –Key to a Better Life

    By Aruna Byers

    It may seem as if the benefits of meditation have been extolled so often that those who could use them would be doing it regularly, but this is not the case. Even though we know it can reduce stress, help us stay centered, clear our mind and align us to the flow of life, it remains something most of us put off for some future time. Just like sticking to a good diet and exercising regularly, meditation is one of those things that requires strong will power to get into and maintain. Why is it so hard to sit quietly for awhile?

    There is a part of the psyche that really enjoys its role of running our life and it is not going to give up that control easily. It keeps us in line with mind chatter about everything and anything, not giving us even a moment of mental peace. There are the shoulds, woulds, coulds, can’ts, and won’ts; the should haves, could haves, I wants and I don’t wants to think about. There is also every possible scenario about the past, the future and all of our judgments of the present that keep us oblivious to the other voice inside that really does know what is in our highest good and can lead us to it.

    Most of us are convinced that this ongoing commentary on our life is helping us to move forward, but it is actually keeping us stuck in the past. This is because our memories, beliefs and attitudes that formed in past experiences continue to attract similar situations and trigger the same old reactions. Reactions we had as a child usually don’t fit the person we have become as adults, but the voice in our head wants us to believe that they do and it will do anything it can to keep us from accessing that wiser voice inside that can provide a better response. So whenever there’s a choice between spending time meditating and doing something else on your “to do” list, that controlling voice in your head is going to make sure you put off meditation because that is where the other voice can be found.

    If you are one of those who know meditation is needed in your life and are not doing it, here is an approach that can help you deal with that pesky controller in your head:

    Whenever you find yourself thinking about something in particular, change your attention to whatever is happening in the moment. Just observe and fully experience everything without thinking about it. The mind will continue to spew forth thoughts, but you are not your thoughts so you can choose to ignore them. This level of awareness about your thoughts may seem strange at first, but observing thoughts instead of accepting them as your life’s director will give you the opportunity to understand how irrelevant and destructive they can be. You will be amazed at how much you have missed in life while engaged in thinking. If you are comparing one experience to another you cannot be fully engaged in the present moment. Being fully present in the moment gives you a new experience that does not have to be tainted by your memories of the past. You just need to keep your attention out of the past to fully appreciate it.

    This disengagement from your thoughts is a good preparation for meditation. Once you are cognizant of the fact that being directed to do something else instead of meditate is merely a ploy to keep you stuck in the past, it is possible to make a different choice - the choice the very wise part of you is hoping you will make.

    This wise part of you, your True Nature, is very different than the personality that has been formed by your childhood experiences, DNA and soul memories. It is a loving, peaceful presence that is always happy no matter what is happening in your life. To know this part of you is to awaken it. This part of you, your True Nature, has been veiled by an entire lifetime of thoughts, but is always trying to guide you through impulses, intuition and inspiration. To seek and follow its guidance instead of accepting the directions of your thoughts is the most direct path to wholeness and a better life. Regular meditation provides the opportunity to meet your True Nature and know the peace and happiness that is available to you when you live life free of the past.

    Sitting quietly, aware of what is going on but not engaged in it, allows your True Nature to reveal itself. This does not mean that you will receive visions or messages because these only provide more food for the mind. It means that you will get to know that quiet, peaceful, joyful part of yourself by directly experiencing it. This is the ultimate form of prayer, because the part of you awaiting your attention is also your divine essence. Honoring the divine with silence allows that silent, non-personal presence to expand until it consumes the false personality. In this way, meditation helps you become the full expression of who you truly are.

    There are many ways to meditate. Some require rigid postures, others use mantras, etc. There is no “right” way. The way that works best for you is the one to do. Sitting, standing, lying down, eyes open, eyes shut - all are ok, as long as you remain alert and present to what is happening without participating in any way. This quiet detachment is the goal of meditation. Visions, ideas, etc. are still mental thoughts. Let these and every other thought come and go without accepting any of them. Just stay aware of them as they rise and disappear. Focus your attention on the place where they are rising from, that silent space that is the source of all thoughts.

    You may have a sense of bliss – or not. It doesn’t matter. Just experience whatever you experience without comment because every comment takes you back into your head and reignites the thought machine.

    Once you are able to detach from all your thoughts and physical experiences you are in meditation. All techniques are methods to get you there. Stay as long as you can. Ten minutes is great. Twenty is better. Whatever you can manage in your daily routine will be a benefit. Once a day is good and twice a day is better. If you miss a day you will not regress. If you miss several days you will because the mind machine has resumed control. Remember, you always have the ability to choose what your heart wants over that chatter in your head. Your soul is challenging you to do it.

    The eternal happiness your soul longs for is just waiting for you to reject the monkey mind so your True Nature, the source of all happiness, can come alive inside of you. Once you are regularly experiencing inner silence and detachment in meditation, you have prepared the foundation for an even greater awakening, the one that leads to enlightenment.

    ****Aruna Byers is a Spiritual Coach who supports Awakening. She also teaches meditation, how to access inner guidance and The Enneagram. www.awakeningcoach.com

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hi Carpenter619, it sounds to me like you'll be just fine. You're asking good questions, ones many people spend a lifetime not even dreaming of. I would agree with Loveisall21, back away for a bit, take a breather man. Meditation is a tool, not the end all be all. Sometimes you CAN just get too up close to this stuff, it's easy to find yourself being the fish frantically zipping around looking for water.

    Try this, and find out for yourself that it works: Stop dead in your spiritual tracks, and put forth a challenge, YES, A CHALLENGE to the universe that if you're supposed to be here doing something in particular, it had better get cracking and clue you in. If this is the most important thing in your life, prepare for an answer. Caution though, things may get a little freaky...


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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    A call for help

    Hello Carpentry

    Thanks for sharing.
    I can recommend you to do some Holotropic Breathwork.
    Go to http://holotropic.com/ for information.

    Love and light

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    Ireland Avalon Member finally there!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hey Carpenter619, hope your well..
    Man i feel your pain i still feel quite lost at times..To be honest i dont really have any expertise on spirituality or anything in particular but from what i read of your post
    your a very lucky man to have all of that in your life,family work etc. my mam always says make the most of what you've got. anyways godd luck on your journey and stay strong

    love and respect

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    Germany Avalon Member christian's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Carpenter, you seem to be pretty thought- and soulful to me. You take part in society very actively, you meditate, you teach and help people, yet you are not into petty 'human' emotions.

    You seem like a decent chap to me, maybe you are not allowed to 'know' a lot of things right now, because that might further increase the distance between yourself and the people around you, thereby taking your positive loving influence away from them or causing you to relate less to your fellow men.

    Maybe you are doing exactly what you are meant to do. Reaching out to people and experiencing stuff, that can virtually only be experienced here on earth in this period of time. Maybe you came from somewhere else and are accustomed to another lifestyle, maybe you just took the chance to be here at this very special time.

    Anyways, enjoy yourself

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    I'm new so just want to say hello to everyone. Hello!
    I have been reading the threads on a daily basis for some time now and have began to feel that the people on here are genuine and care, which in this world is much needed. I also felt that I wanted to be part of a caring and intelligent group.
    Another reason that made me join NOW was your thread Carpenter619 and your request for help.
    I wanted to let you know that all you are feeling is natural and the questions and experiences you have had in the past are natural too, questioning your religion, having remberence of previous lives (very likely).
    You said that your belief when you were young was that you ‘were special’ ... you were and you still are. We all are.
    It sounds to me like you are finding your higher Self/Divine Self more and more and this is absolutely the goal to greater enlightenment Keep meditating, but dont try so hard at it, by that I mean don’t seek for an ‘aha’ moment, let it come to you, it will. You say that “I cannot tell the difference between my head controlled thoughts and my soul knowings”. What you might be battling with is the mind/ego/personality vs. the higher self/Divine, inner whisper (whatever name fits best for you). What I would suggest is that when you ask a question to your Divine Counsel of Light or your Spiritual Guides (again whatever you call them/It) then wait for the answer and if it ‘feels right’ and you have a positive feeling about it (normally in the solar plexus area) then it’s probably the right answer. If you feel the answer comes in and you still have a feeling of doubt, then it’s likely the ego/mind/personality is at work vs. the higher self. Your answer may come in the form of a sign that you won’t understand straight away. It could be a picture that whizzes past in your mind or a tune that is sending a message or a number sequence, but watch out for it. Ask and you WILL receive.
    Peace & Harmony to you.

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Carpenters619 "I cannot tell the difference between my head controlled thoughts and my soul knowings."

    You are right to be unconcerned about whether what you teach is accepted or not. If you were to take on board everyone's feelings you will be swamped with stuff that you are not responsible for.

    Challenge your thoughts, but know that thought thinks it is king. Thought prevents us from progressing until we have learned what thought is.

    Perhaps you could watch and take in some Kirshnamurti/Prof David Bohm debates on thought. I think this will help to resolve your problem.

    I hope this helps.

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hi Carpenters619-

    I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially this statement "I also do not feel for the current plight of the human race as I know I should." I feel similar and this is actually the first time I have admitted this publicly for fear of what others would think. Well, I am now at the point where I don't care as much (I'd like to think I don't care at all, but hah!) what others think, so there it is. It's not that I dislike humanity- but I feel disassociated from this group as a whole. The only way I can explain this to myself is that I have come here to do my part and help out, or whatever- I'm not exactly sure yet what it is I'm supposed to be doing- but I'm sure it's something- but in a detached way. Who knows why I feel this way- frankly I am tired of trying to analyze it. It's interesting in that sometimes I feel like giving up and letting my guides, etc know that I am done here and would like to come home- but then I imagine myself "home" and being disappointed that I didn't stay and accomplish what I came here to do. Sort of like what you said about standing at the table and stating that you know you can do it this time. I think a lot of people are just eager for things to get moving so that we can finally truly know and understand the bigger picture- I know I am! The only advice I can offer is to trust that you are on the right path and that eventually you will know why you are here- that's what keeps me going.

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Carpenter619, your call for help is unaccepted brother.
    From what i made of your comments and proper questions.
    You are doing exactly what you should be doing, man.
    Asking questons and taking names.


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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Seems to me that you do a lot of different things.
    All highly creative.
    Yet, there is a loss for passion in life.
    Is your heart open?
    Are you doing all you do because you Know its right
    or because you have a passion?

    You marry because an opportunity came.
    You have a daughter but not because you needed to...

    You spend many hours meditating but no answer comes...

    and you work a lot!

    Somehow I think there is a blockage in the heart.
    Not that you have no heart..
    for you certainly do
    elsewise you would not do the things you do

    But I sense a blockage there.

    You need to laugh, to sing, to dance with your children,
    to make wild passionate love with your wife,
    to cry in perceiving the beauty of the natural world.
    to rejoice in the music around you
    You need a release.
    A breaking apart of your constraints
    to get out of your head
    to find your heart.

    We are here to learn the workings of all our chakras
    to move energy through them
    to experience fully
    to manefest and experience love
    to give and receive love with all we meet
    freely, with compassion
    with the joy of creation

    Find your way to this my friend
    Last edited by Arrowwind; 10th August 2011 at 14:39.

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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    I feel displaced sometimes too.....like I want to go home. Then I remind myself that I chose to live this life. It's a gift not to be able to recall past lives, it would be hard to live in the "here and now" if we did. What would we learn if we could see through this charade we call life? All is right with the world, we are exactly where we are meant to be, we can't get lost or do it wrong. Revel in life, in the perceived good and bad. It's been carefully planned out for our greater good, every perceived wrong turn is a learning curve.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.....it reminded me of what I think/know.....because sometimes I forget!!

    P.S. I too love meditation but don't let it become a form of escapism, let your life become the meditation
    Life is what it is. How you perceive it creates your reality.

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    New Zealand Avalon Member Carmen's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Carpenter, you are 28. I didnt have a clue what I was meant to be 'doing' at that age and I would think many here would say the same thing. Just 'be' your own unique self. Answers will come.

    All the Best


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    Avalon Member TraineeHuman's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Carpenters619, one thing most people will notice in your opening post is that you are way too hard on yourself. That in itself is a black-energy thing. Unfortunately, almost everyone involved in organisations like the Brethren totally swallow the lie that this kind of emotional self-flagellation is right. But it keeps you in a self-made prison. It’s very destructive.

    The truth is, you have very little chance of ever becoming truly good (or to realize that deep inside you are already good) if you try to get there by trying very hard to “be good”. (That’s why in the Prodigal Son story, the Prodigal Son was worth more than 99 of his brothers, because he was the only one who found out for himself what it really means to become good.) Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying try being a nasty or a rude person or doing something criminal or whatever. But it does mean stop judging the world around you, for one thing. I take it most Brethren believe that any alcohol or any dancing or any sexual activity is “pure evil”, and to be avoided at all costs. True forgiveness means accepting everything and everybody for who and what they are, and being OK with that. Accepting that somebody is a thief means you know it’s your own fault if you leave some money around and it disappears.

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    Avalon Member Carpenters619's Avatar
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    Default Re: A call for help?...

    Hi all....

    I sincerely thank you all for your responses so far. I feel blessed and humbled that you all took the time to send me your thoughts.
    I have read all your posts with great intrigue numerous times. And feel a little daunted, as I feel as though i should repay you all the respect by replying to each of your posts individually. However, life becons again, and I humbly accept your comments and thoughts through the time you spent responding as gifts. THankyou all.

    A little closure for you all.
    The reason this call went into the universe for help, was, the night before I wrote the initial post, I was out walking round my neighbourhood, as i often do at 10pm. I found myself reminiscing about my life-between-life flashback. I asked myself what it was that i needed to come back here and achieve. - The answer that hit me immediatly was... "nothing". This answer confused me, so I probed a little deeper, as this made no sense at the time. Why was 'nothing' what i had to learn or achieve this life?... because, I have all of eternity to achieve it.
    I was perplexed for a day or so before I asked for your help.
    Reading all of your wonderful responses has caused a great deal of personal reflection again. and an overwhelming theme became ' you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now ' - so therefore, my soul has calmed. I have accepted my place as an observer for the moment and have come to the understanding that there is no rush for me to return to the source. This is an eternal game we are playing, and personally, I dont care how long it takes, how many lives, how many attempts. While I'm here, I'm going to 'smell the roses', even if it makes me late to a meeting. My motto over the last few days has been.... 'I have no better place to be, than in this lifetime' - so there is no hurry for me to spiritually advance, as i have an eternity to play this game.
    While i am here though, i may as well help others as much as possible, and so i shal continue with where life takes me, and listen to the quiet voice inside.
    This newfound spiritual calmness, does not mean there isn't some possibility of trauma or chakra blockage. I personally have felt for years that i have had a serious heart chakra blockage - This is not something I believe i am able to clear on my own though. I believe this should be my new personal focus.

    To the universe: I am here with nowhere better to be right now. While I am here I may as well help in whatever way I can. I am now capable of helping more than i have in the past. So when you need my abilities, you know where I am.


    Just read all you posts again.... I cant thank you all enough, you are incredibly insightful.
    P.S. star1111, welcome, glad your finally able to post
    Last edited by Carpenters619; 11th August 2011 at 13:04.

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