Hi, all
We've all read stuff about how your name can influence your mind, your path, your everything. When given the right name, everything in your life is just right, and a person with a wrong name always need to experience and suffer a lot to find its right path.
There are some people who have wrong names. And I think my case is quite extreme, so I want to share it here.
Every time when I was introduced with my name, I felt clumsy and didn't know how to behave. Cause when hearing the words "this is xxx", something would always cry from the deep "no, this isn't."
Having a wrong name make me understand perfectly how a name can do things to my life. I can feel myself possessed. It grows and strengthens like a cancer. I can feel every cell of my body filled up with grievance. Above all, my heart feels brutally offended.
I can feel its energy even stronger when I try to live on the right trajectory or to understand my real self. I always try to think of my real name but never succeeded. I like the story of Spirited Away. I find it resonates in me. Yubaba makes her worker hers by taking their names and giving their new names herself. Haku told Chihiro that she must remember her name, or she would be like himself, working for Yubaba forever, because he had forgotten his name and therefore his way home.
That's quite like me and my mother. She's the one who gave me the name, and she has this power over me that I can't surpass.
I don't know when I can find my real name. But now I'm 21, and given the situation here, there's a lot to live on......