Posted by onawah
Love you Calz!
I am seeing something here which I think I can discuss from the vantage of personal experience, and hopefully without putting too fine a point on it...
I think the Here and Now thread is the right place to post this, since there is so much genuine, friendly compassionate support here.
It has to do with the need to be right.
I came from a very dysfunctional family; alcoholic father, suicidal mother and siblings, chronic depression, etc.
One step I took, once I reached adulthood, in coming to grips with the psychological and emotional burden I had inherited was to study the dynamics of Co-dependence.
I even joined a group and found the mirroring that went on to be most instructive.
What I discovered is that children with a very dysfunctional family life, with all the variables and uncertainties that they have to deal with at a time when they most need security and stability, tend to have a very strong need to be right in their observations.
The feeling of "rightness" creates a certain kind of internal refuge to which they can create when things around them are crazy and nonsensical.
"If I can at least see things as they are, then I won't be overwhelmed and confused by the craziness. If I can be right in the face of so much wrongness, I can be safe."
But it can also become a kind of prison, and understanding and interacting with the inner worlds of others can become very difficult.
A certain amount of flexibility and permeability is necessary in order to interact and merge with others.
The walls of the self-created refuge don't allow for that, as safety is felt to be maintained by rigidity, solidness and impermeability.
This need can even manifest in physical symptoms such as tendonitis or TMJ resulting from clenched jaws, etc.
The prison is maintained well beyond any actual need for it, unless the prisoner realizes his/her predicament and learns how to emerge.
Working on connecting with the Wounded Child can be very powerful in this healing process.
Hoping this may be of some help...