Here and Now...What's Happening?

[ulli]

Posted by Belle (here)
Still shaking. I lost it. Big time. Scorpio triggered...and I let it loose...allowed it free reign for the first time in many years.

Long story short....my son became crippled close to four years ago with back pain so severe that the nerves in his body cannot be controlled...occasionally his legs give out and he falls.. when he is able to walk. In Massachusetts, you must have health insurance....without a job, he applied for MassHealth, was accepted, but then was denied the MRI that the doctor required...was dropped from MassHealth in a 'falling through the cracks' kind of way and had to apply again...and again...and again. Finally, last July he was granted the health insurance. In the meantime, the only relief he had from the pain was when we could get hemp...not an easy thing to get where we are because of chronic police raids and arrests.

I'm skeptical of the medical community to begin with, and would have nothing to do with them if getting my son's life back wasn't so important.

Mike has lost everything...his job as lighting director for two of the biggest clubs in Boston, his apartment there, his friends...everything. And had to move in with 'mommy'. I have supported him financially, emotionally and spiritually. But he needs his own life, and financial freedom would allow him to move where he chose and be with the people he chose. To get that, we have to go through the medical community first...either to fix it and return to work or find out it can't be fixed and apply for disability.

His primary care physician is young and so programmed she could be an intelligent robot rather than flesh and blood. He can't drive, so I take him to his appointments, and speak for him since the pain causes difficulty thinking clearly.

At today's appointment, she lied to us to cover her own butt and more. Lies are my trigger. I can take just about anything else, but not lies. This is my son's life, not some kind of game of pass the blame. Saw red, temper flared, and Scorpio came out to play.

My 'surgically' applied outburst did end up getting us an appointment with a neurosurgeon...so I guess that is some kind of progress. But I hate that it was necessary to lose it in order for her to be honest with us and attempt to do something outside of her programming.

Sorry to bring this up here...I tend to hold such things inside, but this time I need to let it out before it eats me up. My husband is his stepfather and doesn't get along with Mike no matter how hard my son tries...so I can't talk to him about any of this.

My heart and soul are hurting...for both my outburst and losing my center, and for Mike who doesn't feel validated by his own doctor or accepted by his stepfather, and just wants to give up. He's such a gentle and loving spirit...it breaks my heart to see him go through all this.

I feel like that stupid old commercial, “I've fallen and I can't get up.” I know it will get better and I'll come back to myself with time, but I sure could use a hug here and now. Thank you...

We are here to give you emotional and spiritual support, Belle. I so hope your son can get better.

That famous Scorpio self control does have it's limits, tell me about it.
But it's harder to throw a tantrum when there isn't even any emotional energy behind it...like an actor does.
The point is to get the desired response from "those people".
Knowing that they can't handle scenes very well, especially the younger ones,
you just rehearse your tantrum ahead of time inside your head, then pounce on them.
I finally learnt to do that.
It can be done only when their is no fear of what people might think of you.
I had taken friends of mine to the airport and their two dogs were inside their traveling cages, and the check-in guy refused to check the animals in
as Miami was supposedly "threatened" by a hurricane.
We had checked the weather forecast before...the threat was not severe and we had even called AA to make sure the animals could get on the plane.
Anyway,the guy wouldn't budge.
So I put my two fists on my hips, legs slightly apart, full upright posture and started yelling at this guy, loud enough for everyone to turn their heads.
Full blast righteous anger tantrum.
The animals got on the flight.
That guy became so embarrassed he rushed to the back and returned with the supervisor who also didn't want to have to deal with me,
and just made my friends sign a statement that they would take responsibility.
All went well. Where there's a will, there's way.
Be proud you got results.
Never mind about losing your temper.
I wish more people would.

[1inMany]

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ0zhsvhynw

Getting the most out of the life we have here...takes passion...

[astrid]

Belle, wow, there is a lot there to shoulder,
i don't blame you for losing it,
i would have also. The mainstream medical profession i tend
to stay well away from. On your son's issues, do you think
he would be open to us here helping, its worth a try, but we need his
ok ideally..

much love,
Astrid XX

[Lettherebelight]

For Belle and Mike...
Sending you both big hugs...



Never feel bad about playing your Mama Bear role...

It is our right and duty....springing from Love!

[Belle]

Posted by astrid (here)
Belle, wow, there is a lot there to shoulder,
i don't blame you for losing it,
i would have also. The mainstream medical profession i tend
to stay well away from. On your son's issues, do you think
he would be open to us here helping, its worth a try, but we need his
ok ideally..

much love,
Astrid XX

Thanks, Astrid. He has given his permission...he wonders if you can connect to his frequency.

[Samsara]

Hugs to you Belle. I would have lost it too... been there done that with the medical system. I'm actually proud of you.

Much Love to you and your family.

[astrid]

First of March and its like someone has flicked a switch and we are in Autumn.
My favorite season. The weather has changed dramatically and over night,
from blistering heat to high winds, rain and chills.
Right in time for the sun to hit my Saturn too.
Wet blankets anyone? I have many to share, lol.

[Sierra]

Dear Belle,

My mother was a dragon lady too, and she needed to be to deal with "the system" for me. I wouldn't be here if she hadn't been a triple Scorpio ...

Hugs and comfort to you and Mike. (joining the healing for Mike.)

[Belle]

Ulli, your words are such a comfort. Releasing anger in a controlled manner is something I struggle with...and tend to hold it in. The idea of preparation and giving myself permission for righteous anger rings so very true.

In hindsight, she was rather uncomfortable to say the least as my voice became harder, firmer, louder and as I made it clear I would not accept bs in return. Inside I was dying a little...outside confidence and truth reigned firm. I would have no arguments from her, only truth. This is what I would accept...this is what I would not. Deal with it. And she did.

It is a part of me, this seeing and correcting, but not one I am comfortable with.

Love the dog at the airport story...have flown with my dogs and can seriously relate.

[Nora]

Loving prayers to you Belle and your son Mike.....

and it really is a lot...... it's really strong of you both to reach out for help.

thank you for the permission.

this is just a suggestion medical Qi Gong is very good for a lot of conditions can be done while sitting down -worth investigating.

Love

Nora

[astrid]

More Astro words from my Vedic friend
I will just copy it straight, he has his own style of writing,
another Aspie mind here...

"moon is exalted and in its own star but conjunct ketu so the emotions may be detached or wierd in some way.ketu has been in this moon star for 5 months and 3 months to go so this moon ketu effect has been happening.there may have been a tendency to reject what the moon represents in the chart.past life emotional issues are worked through at these times...also building up in the next 4 days is a sun mars opposition. lots of vital energy but conflicts may arise around issues of pride.mercury uranus conjunction is also building up and the mind wants no restrictions, but to run free , defying logic and inspired by new ideas.venus is now in aries in youthful spontaneous ashwini ,playful love is its expression...have fun with this mixed bag of influences, something for everybody.."

[Belle]

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers, healing and all.

Asking for help is even harder than releasing anger...something in me relates 'needing' to shame. Oh great, more shadow work.

But it is not shame I feel now...it is gratitude and love and wonder of the people of the Village who support, heal, encourage, and share their hearts in such a powerful way.

I love you all.

[astrid]

Yes i went through that i nearly lost a house due to my fierce independence and
inability to ask for help. When i got over this block, a whole new life opened up
and so fast. The flow of energy is certainly stifled if you can only give and not receive.
But of course you already know this.

[ulli]

Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto. Both are about strength.
The compulsion to appear strong at all times, to oneself and others, takes over and the outcome is often false pride.
False pride is the downfall of man.
When this is seen clearly, first in others, and later in the self, then the inner essence has a chance to come forth and put ego in the back seat where it belongs.
Nothing wrong with ego, but spirit and soul should be in charge.

[Nora]

Thank you Ulli and Astrid for your posts, they resonate with me in so many ways.

About being multi-dimensional human being..... your post reminded me of taking care of myself.....
and I need to go to the beach and patter around in the ocean waters do more cleansing.

Love

Nora

We are all related

[meeradas]

Posted by astrid (here)
First of March and its like someone has flicked a switch and we are in Autumn.
My favorite season. The weather has changed dramatically and over night...

First of March and its like... yes, same here, but we're in sudden Spring on the 'upside',
at least where this body is located.
The quality of the air has changed completely, from standstill to promising; i do like it.

Belle, your outburst was just right. Do not worry over it.

Take this from an old Calcuttan toy shop owner:

"You are a role set by the Great Designer. Play your part well, alive to the fact that you do whatever He chooses you to do. He is the pilot of your life and you have come here at His Will to taste of His overflowing Love. Flow with the stream of life without attempting to stem its tide. You are One with Him, and yet separate so that you may Love-play with Him. You can miss this Supreme Relish only if ego is allowed to wallow in self-importance. So, merge yourself into His all engrossing Love."

[REILLY]

We never had winter where this body is located.

[meeradas]

Posted by PurpleLama (here)
We never had winter where this body is located.

Lucky you!
I've been freezin' my donkey off around here.
Good the permanent minus twenty C times are over, for now...

[meeradas]

Dense fog above approx 100 meters here,
making the skyscraping bank towers of the city
disappear completely. What a change in atmosphere.
Quiet outside, 03:22 am. Nice.

[giovonni]

Some sad news today...

Here's a guy who i never had the pleasure of meeting, but have always felt a kinship with

"We're told Davy suffered the heart attack at a ranch near his Florida home, where he was visiting his horses. Davy began experiencing distress while he was sitting in his car, and that's where a ranch hand found him. The ranch hand told Sheriff's detectives ... the singer began to complain that he was not feeling well and was having trouble breathing. Paramedics were called and Jones was taken to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead. Authorities say there are no suspicious circumstances surrounding his death.

Jones is survived by his wife Jessica and 4 daughters from previous marriages. He was 66-years-old. Jones was married to Jessica Pacheco -- his 3rd wife."

***********

Davy in the Day ~

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MkKnkDO2SA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=6MkKnkDO2SA

Blessings Davy

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7DZqeFWnPU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=q7DZqeFWnPU