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Thread: Here and Now...What's Happening?

  1. Link to Post #52081
    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Hello, Everyone.

    Wow, and clearly I need to say a few things here. I'll be as diplomatic, kind, and as wise as I can muster.

    The easiest thing is to address (first) is Mara! OMG. @avid, thanks so VERY VERY much for mentioning her. It seems that two things have happened here, and in either (or both!) cases, I may have to ask you to please forgive me.

    The first is that as best I recall — and there may have been a misunderstanding! — I was never asking for "more funds". Never at all, unless I somehow gave the wrong impression. I'd never do that unless there was a real emergency and there was no way I could meet critical costs.

    The second is that I genuinely thought I'd posted an update that all was very very well. But maybe I didn't!

    She's all good. Like, really really fine. Her energy is high, she's really happy and in good shape, and (astonishingly) she just has no idea she's only got one eye. That's because her optic nerve was damaged, so her doggie brain doesn't get any signals that her eye is out of action. Because there are no signals at all, it's like there's no eye to be missed.

    Since her operation, and all the drops I had to administer every 4 hours night and day (OMG!), we've been on a number of big mountain hikes. Because I wasn't certain at first how easily she could judge distance when jumping around on the big rocks (like the ones in the English Lake District! ), I took it gradually and carefully. But we never encountered a single problem. Everything's just as it always was. I'm very very thankful and grateful.

    Here's a great panorama from a hike a few weeks ago. You get the idea! Do maybe click on the link for a large image, which may be well worth looking at.


    Huge version: http://projectavalon.net/Mara_on_the..._July_2019.jpg

    In a moment, I'll post something about our other friends who we've not heard from for a little while. We actually have very little information all round, but I'll share what I feel I can, just in case it may be helpful


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  3. Link to Post #52082
    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    In a moment, I'll post something about our other friends who we've not heard from for a little while. We actually have very little information all round, but I'll share what I feel I can, just in case it may be helpful

    Actually, I've just read Mike's very wonderful post here. Please do read it also.

    There are no bad guys here. None at all. Just human nature and the human condition, in all its entanglements.

    One of the biggest problems, as everyone reading this will understand, is that we're all massively constrained by the limitations of the very one-dimensional written word.

    I've said several times about the huge mods melt-down in June, that if we'd all been in the same real-world room, in real time, with coffee and cookies and comfortable chairs, all there at once, none of this chaos would or could ever have manifested. The internet practically encourages these things to happen, sometimes.

    And there are real sensitivities here. I do always try to protect people, especially those who are or were friends. I never want to hurt a soul. And some things really did happen that I'm as sure as I can be the folks involved would not wish to be made public.

    I don't know for sure, and maybe never will do, but I'd bet really quite a lot that some of the people who are definitely no longer with us (meaning, literally almost half the mods team, including those who asked to leave the entire forum) will have profound regrets.

    But at the same time, there are realities of some things that occurred, and some people made what I believe were some fairly major mistakes or errors of judgment, or carried away misunderstandings which were never identified or corrected.

    So when Ken (rightly!) wrote "honesty is the best policy", there's a subsidiary aspect to that. Which is: how far back does one go? Because all parties made mistakes, including some fairly big ones.

    At that time, back in early June, Constance was bullied, hounded, scapegoated, witch-hunted, and terribly hurt by some of the others. Utterly unfairly. Period. And by happenstance, all part of that dreadful perfect storm, all that happened when I was offline for a few days, primarily because I was exhausted by Mara's day and night eyedrop schedule.

    While I was away, all in a mere 4 days, all hell broke loose.

    What happened to Constance was disgraceful and horrific. It should never happen to anyone on the forum, whoever they were, under any circumstances, anywhere. And certainly not to any moderator, at the hands of half the other moderators. It was extremely hard to understand. It was like half the team had unaccountably lost their minds. I don't exaggerate.

    When I got back online, I was horrified. There was carnage. I defended Constance and fought for her, because what was right was right.

    There was no decision to be made. So this is also a major aspect to all that.

    When she wanted to leave back then (as she posted here: DO READ), I personally implored her to stay. She was one of the best moderators we've ever had. Her entire focus was on helping anyone she could, no matter what it took.

    Rachel/Innocent Warrior, please do read that.

    And there's a lot more, as well. Because Paula/RunningDeer) believed strongly (for reasons never made clear) that Paul was somehow unfairly treated himself, there's reason to suspect that something has happened that caused her to 'take sides' (or, take 'Paul's side').

    Qanon has something to do with that, too, as Paul was the only member of the mods team that ever lent Qanon any credence.

    I've never criticized Paul on the forum before. Not once. I wrote this here, publicly, in his praise. But he, too, behaved very badly, and did do, over a period, on several counts. As the most senior member present during the mods meltdown, in my absence, he had a duty and a responsibility to help mend every broken fence he could see. But he was actually a major part of the problem. I was more than disappointed.

    So now you have it. Whatever Paula/RunningDeer is assuming about Paul (and by implication, about myself, which is an important factor here), is incorrect.

    I do hope she may see this.

    But sometimes, we just have to release a prayer on the winds, hoping that it might somehow reach its intended target, and just let go.

    It's possible that I may have made an error of judgment myself, in saying too little. That, in turn, may have allowed assumptions and incorrect conclusions to grow among some people, maybe including some good folks reading this.

    If so, I do apologize. It's very hard sometimes to know what to say and what not to say about tough things that have happened. It's possible that even though some might find what I've written in this post a little harsh, it might just help a fraction. That's my only intention: that it somehow might.

    A final word. I've lost very close friends here. We all did. We worked closely together for years, through thick and thin. And always shoulder-to-shoulder. We were all comrades in arms.

    But now, those same friendships are fractured and broken, I suspect now beyond repair. I cannot adequately express in these limited one-dimensional words how impacted I was by all this. It cut very deep, and hurt very, very badly. It's not yet fully healed for me, at all.

    I conduct myself quite well on a day-to-day level, but what happened was major. And some things occurred that were simply bewildering. I think also, in retrospect, even now maybe to the perpetrators.

    But we have to continue. That's our duty. Constance is still listed as a moderator. She never asked to be removed. And I'm still hopeful she may return. If she did, she would have the very biggest red carpet (of flowers, and much else) awaiting her.

    Rachel asked to stand down as a moderator, and we honored that. Others who are reported Missing in Action (and there are quite a few, actually, if we do a total head count), I and we have zero information about.

    We wish them all the very very best, whoever and wherever they are. I simply can't say anything else other than that.


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  5. Link to Post #52083
    United States Avalon Member Valerie Villars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Paula has always quietly been the heart and soul of the forum imo. and not by putting herself front and center, but by always lifting and helping others humbly. she's just a remarkable human being. having her here on avalon all this time is akin to hitting the sweeps. we're all just incredibly fortunate. it's been an honor sharing this space with her, and it's been an honor being her friend.

    Rachel is one of the most unique individuals i've ever had the pleasure of meeting...and i've met a lot of unique individuals over the years. she's also one of the most intelligent, articulate, and brutally honest people i've ever met. also, she's a veritable buffet table of esoteric knowledge. cool thing about her is, she doesn't flaunt it. she's a force of nature in ways i'm only beginning to understand. i've told her many times that i'm going to marry her in our next life, and i'm still patiently waiting for her to say "yes"

    Constanceis utterly selfless and loving in ways that don't translate well into words. she's an angel. the first time i heard her speak, i thought there is something truly special about this woman. it's never a challenge for her to love and care for people and the planet - she was born that way..it comes perfectly natural to her. for some reason, we've all been lucky enough to cross paths with her in this universe...what a treat.

    another sorely missed member is Natalie Onawah: Nat and i have been buddies for a long time. we've had tons of laughs along the way. the thing that impresses me most about Nat, besides her high intelligence and sense of humor, is her resilience. this woman has been to hell and back...many times. but here she is, still standing and delivering the goods for us here on avalon. that's what the hero's journey really is: going to places others haven't been or fear to go to, and returning to articulate it for the rest of us. she's an amazing woman.

    ....this isn't meant as a eulogy! i still hold out hope that our sorely missed members will find their way back at some point. but i think it's important to let those people know how much theyre appreciated sometimes. it's too damn easy to take people for granted.
    Mike, what the hell is that on your face? Lipstick?
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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  7. Link to Post #52084
    Administrator Cara's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    To me, absence is a painful hollowing out of a space once filled with light and love.

    I have lost people: sometimes I let them go, sometimes they let me go, sometimes things simply changed.

    Here is a poem I wrote a few years ago about someone who was absent.

    ~~~

    Stripped

    Sliced -
    shoulder to hip:
    organs and secrets
    come tumbling out.

    Cut -
    forehead to nape:
    brain and ideals
    lost to the air.

    My, how your
    words,
    presence
    leave me bare.

    Pierced -
    straight through the eye:
    tears and memories
    come flooding out.

    Shot -
    now through the heart:
    blood and love
    spill into void.

    My, how your
    silence,
    absence
    strip me to core.
    *I have loved the stars too dearly to be fearful of the night*

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  9. Link to Post #52085
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Val, that right there is a scar. There was a fire the week before in an apartment complex, and after I heroically ushered 2 twin babies and their mother to safety I passed out from smoke inhalation and sliced my face on a shelf as I was falling to the ground and -

    ....its a straw. A stirring straw for mixed drinks and stuff like that. I'm trying really hard to appear casually cool, basically

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  11. Link to Post #52086
    United States Avalon Member Valerie Villars's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    I KNEW you would come back with quite an embellished story and then tell the truth.

    You ARE casually cool so you don't have to try to appear to be.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    It is sad. The first time this sort of thing happened to me I was floored. I had tried so hard to make friends based on solid evidence of sincerity, only to realize that was not the case. After all the selfless posturing, the claimed loyalty, the promises of fidelity, it turned out each had an agenda not conducive to our mission, including me.

    That is why I do not socialize much, it just leads to disappointment and too much investment of time and effort. To me I sound insincere when I try to make small talk. So I don't. I can only hope some see through the mask, as I try to see through theirs...

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  15. Link to Post #52088
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    I am sad to read about how such sincere strength in relationships can be stripped down so hollow, especially here where so far it has been my impression people go out of their way to be so nice. Maybe that was the problem. Too many feelings.

    "The hardest part is things already said."
    "Some things you lose, some things you give away."

    Lyrics from Sleater-Kinney's "Good Things"

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  17. Link to Post #52089
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Paula has always quietly been…
    Mike, I went for a walk after I read your post. My heart filled wide-big-warm.

    Months ago, I posted on my message board that I’ve gone fishin’. I’ll add this again here like I did some pages back on this thread.






    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    And there's a lot more, as well. Because Paula/RunningDeer) believed strongly (for reasons never made clear) that Paul was somehow unfairly treated himself, there's reason to suspect that something has happened that caused her to 'take sides' (or, take 'Paul's side').

    Qanon has something to do with that, too, as Paul was the only member of the mods team that ever lent Qanon any credence.

    {snip}

    So now you have it. Whatever Paula/RunningDeer is assuming about Paul (and by implication, about myself, which is an important factor here), is incorrect.
    Bill, those are inaccurate assumptions of me. Paul was only a sliver of my thought processes of why I needed to step back.

    Reality hit for me when I felt that I couldn’t go to administration with a post I found by an unsubscribed Avalon member on another forum. It was a synchronistic find because I stopped checking a year before. I went for a walk in the state forest to ground and by the time I returned the post was replaced with other "stuff". This is what he wrote: (his name begins with B)

    Note: The bold part is mine and I deleted her name.
    “just heard some ex-mods/admins are willing to testify and hundreds of ex-members.. gee... wonder what about?

    I assume Ryan and his concubine, current squeeze ****** will be delightfully surprised when they are served.. but what do I know.. they are all dear dear sweet people professing unconditional love to all people, right? (you too paula.. you and Dennis can think about what a subpoena to testify means..)”



    Two Avalon members were suspended for linking to that forum. You posted on the moderators thread that the next time they logged on a message would pop up. Until today, I’ve not log on because I didn’t want to read a similar message. Nor did I want an announcement about myself:

    Unsubscribed her.
    Another “Q” infected bites the dust.
    May she rest in peace.

    For the record: I’ve posted several times that I’ve never voted because I didn’t believed what the politicians said. And choosing “the lesser of two evils” never sat right with me. Almost 50 years later, I feel the same.




    It got to the point where any time I posted, I’d:

    1) carefully choose my words
    2) second guessed how it would be received
    3) weigh what’s acceptable and what’s not in this confusing forum climate

    I held my breath every time I logged on. I was exhausted every morning because in my dreams I worked and reworked posts. Avalon felt like a battle field and an unhealthy way to spend my days.

    In closing, while I’m on a fishing break, my wish is that my thoughts, feelings and deeds I’ve shared over the last 7 1/2 years weigh more than someone’s take on who they believe me to be or how/what I think…either here or on that other forum.

    To justntime2learn, Valerie, Ken and All, much love and thanks. Continued health and prosperity in whatever form that is for you.

    Stepping out of the thread…

    Have a restful weekend.
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 29th September 2019 at 17:29.

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  19. Link to Post #52090
    Scotland Moderator Billy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    It is so lovely to hear from you RunningDeer. I dearly hope you have a peaceful fishing break and you return feeling refreshed.
    You are missed very much

    Here and now I am in Malta with a group of 9 from around the world. 7 of us are all Avalon members and 2 are close friends of members.
    We have been here a week together visiting the ancient sites, the underground Hypogeum being one.
    Most folks will be leaving on Monday, I stay for another month.
    It has been a absolutely wonderful gathering for me and I think I can say the same for everyone else. I am very impressed with the grace, awareness, kindness and patience of our group. There are some outstanding souls here on Avalon. We have shared food, drink and lots of laughter also.

    I will be updating my Hypogeum thread after I reflect and process everything. Photos will be posted after I receive permission to do so from all the individuals.
    I just wanted to share some good news, hopefully to spread some cheer after catching up in the here and now thread
    When you express from a fearful heart in the now moment, You create a fearful future.
    When you express from a loving heart in the now moment, You create a loving future.

    Have no fear, Be aware and live your lives journey from a compassionate caring nurturing heart to manifest a compassionate caring nurturing future. Billyji


    Peace

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  21. Link to Post #52091
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Hello Billy. Please forward good cheer to the Avalon Family members and their friends. May their travels homeward be swift and hassle free.

    How fortunate for you to be able to stay an additional month. Fortunate may not be the correct word. My experiences continue to show that: Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

    May your inner and outer knowings bring you to places in Malta that call up the kind of joy which moves one to silence. My sense is you know that sweet spot well.



    With heart,
    Paula

    Quote Posted by Billy (here)
    It is so lovely to hear from you RunningDeer. I dearly hope you have a peaceful fishing break and you return feeling refreshed.
    You are missed very much

    Here and now I am in Malta with a group of 9 from around the world. 7 of us are all Avalon members and 2 are close friends of members.
    We have been here a week together visiting the ancient sites, the underground Hypogeum being one.
    Most folks will be leaving on Monday, I stay for another month.
    It has been a absolutely wonderful gathering for me and I think I can say the same for everyone else. I am very impressed with the grace, awareness, kindness and patience of our group. There are some outstanding souls here on Avalon. We have shared food, drink and lots of laughter also.

    I will be updating my Hypogeum thread after I reflect and process everything. Photos will be posted after I receive permission to do so from all the individuals.
    I just wanted to share some good news, hopefully to spread some cheer after catching up in the here and now thread
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 29th September 2019 at 03:24.

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  23. Link to Post #52092
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Paula has always quietly been the heart and soul of the forum imo. and not by putting herself front and center, but by always lifting and helping others humbly. she's just a remarkable human being. having her here on avalon all this time is akin to hitting the sweeps. we're all just incredibly fortunate. it's been an honor sharing this space with her, and it's been an honor being her friend.

    Rachel is one of the most unique individuals i've ever had the pleasure of meeting...and i've met a lot of unique individuals over the years. she's also one of the most intelligent, articulate, and brutally honest people i've ever met. also, she's a veritable buffet table of esoteric knowledge. cool thing about her is, she doesn't flaunt it. she's a force of nature in ways i'm only beginning to understand. i've told her many times that i'm going to marry her in our next life, and i'm still patiently waiting for her to say "yes"

    Constanceis utterly selfless and loving in ways that don't translate well into words. she's an angel. the first time i heard her speak, i thought there is something truly special about this woman. it's never a challenge for her to love and care for people and the planet - she was born that way..it comes perfectly natural to her. for some reason, we've all been lucky enough to cross paths with her in this universe...what a treat.

    another sorely missed member is Natalie Onawah: Nat and i have been buddies for a long time. we've had tons of laughs along the way. the thing that impresses me most about Nat, besides her high intelligence and sense of humor, is her resilience. this woman has been to hell and back...many times. but here she is, still standing and delivering the goods for us here on avalon. that's what the hero's journey really is: going to places others haven't been or fear to go to, and returning to articulate it for the rest of us. she's an amazing woman.

    ....this isn't meant as a eulogy! i still hold out hope that our sorely missed members will find their way back at some point. but i think it's important to let those people know how much theyre appreciated sometimes. it's too damn easy to take people for granted.
    Oh if only I could share my feelings so eloquently Mike... you are so wonderful at expressing in words!

    You dearest, lovely souls are so very dear and perfect to me in all your wonderful ways.



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  25. Link to Post #52093
    Avalon Member justntime2learn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    I've noticed Paula's always building Bridges. I've also noticed when it's hard for her to tell the truth.

    Perhaps I lack words in volume, so I try to make each count.

    To me, Paula is a spirit guide. Does anyone feel the same?
    “To develop a complete mind: Study the art of science; study the science of art. Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else” – Leonardo Da Vinci

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  27. Link to Post #52094
    Avalon Member Hym's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Love has not an end for it is a choice born far beyond this thing called time. We forget......


    Love has no beginning, yet begins each time we recognize the spark it brings in us,

    pulling us from the shadows of our selves, not yet forgiven by the greeting light we will, at some life's end, begin to know intimately....


    In the spirit of a creation it is self-illumined and shines equally upon all,

    the one true memory we carry into each new life.


    Sometimes we run into that Dear One and are reminded to slow down,

    to breath,

    to simply take a break before we are broken.....


    Some Lights we know, born from that spark...

    In this I know of a Woman.....Paula.
    Last edited by Hym; 29th September 2019 at 02:22.

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  29. Link to Post #52095
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by justntime2learn (here)
    I've noticed Paula's always building Bridges. I've also noticed when it's hard for her to tell the truth.

    Perhaps I lack words in volume, so I try to make each count.

    To me, Paula is a spirit guide. Does anyone feel the same?
    Hi Chuck and thank you,

    It’s not that I’m not telling the truth, it’s difficult to be forthright through a computer screen. Subtle cues, a flash of silent communication between me and other, there’s a lot of working parts at levels that I’m only beginning to consciously bring to the fore. And really too many words just get in the way.

    And there’s a part of it that’s pure listening, so other can hear his/her answers. I’m a work in progress on the whole thang.

    I don’t know about spirit guide. I’m like a growing number of folks finding what works for their unique self. Like Home is the heart-mind, ground zero that connects with big me that connects to the bigger. But alas I keep forgetting it. Over and Over and Over.

    One time a friend asked who are my role models? It never crossed my mind to get one. I don’t know if that's good or bad, but it sure un-complicates things if one is in the business of retiring limited beliefs.


    These are some desktop pictures that help me to keep on keeping.
    And a Warrior’s Philosophy which resonates with me and has been a part of my journey longer than not.








    xo
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 29th September 2019 at 12:36.

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  31. Link to Post #52096
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Wow, beautiful, powerful…
    I look forward to the day
    I experience total recall
    total understanding.

    Thank you, Hym.


    Quote Posted by Hym (here)
    Love has not an end for it is a choice born far beyond this thing called time. We forget......


    Love has no beginning, yet begins each time we recognize the spark it brings in us,

    pulling us from the shadows of our selves, not yet forgiven by the greeting light we will, at some life's end, begin to know intimately....


    In the spirit of a creation it is self-illumined and shines equally upon all,

    the one true memory we carry into each new life.


    Sometimes we run into that Dear One and are reminded to slow down,

    to breath,

    to simply take a break before we are broken.....


    Some Lights we know, born from that spark...

    In this I know of a Woman.....Paula.

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  33. Link to Post #52097
    Canada Avalon Member
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by justntime2learn (here)
    I've noticed Paula's always building Bridges. I've also noticed when it's hard for her to tell the truth.

    Perhaps I lack words in volume, so I try to make each count.

    To me, Paula is a spirit guide. Does anyone feel the same?
    Yes! Or an angel, Sprite or fairy. We don't always agree but I think she is amazing!

    ¤=[Post Update]=¤

    Quote Posted by Cara (here)
    To me, absence is a painful hollowing out of a space once filled with light and love.

    I have lost people: sometimes I let them go, sometimes they let me go, sometimes things simply changed.

    Here is a poem I wrote a few years ago about someone who was absent.

    ~~~

    Stripped

    Sliced -
    shoulder to hip:
    organs and secrets
    come tumbling out.

    Cut -
    forehead to nape:
    brain and ideals
    lost to the air.

    My, how your
    words,
    presence
    leave me bare.

    Pierced -
    straight through the eye:
    tears and memories
    come flooding out.

    Shot -
    now through the heart:
    blood and love
    spill into void.

    My, how your
    silence,
    absence
    strip me to core.
    Beautiful Cara. Thank you.

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  35. Link to Post #52098
    Canada Avalon Member
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    In a moment, I'll post something about our other friends who we've not heard from for a little while. We actually have very little information all round, but I'll share what I feel I can, just in case it may be helpful

    Actually, I've just read Mike's very wonderful post here. Please do read it also.

    There are no bad guys here. None at all. Just human nature and the human condition, in all its entanglements.

    One of the biggest problems, as everyone reading this will understand, is that we're all massively constrained by the limitations of the very one-dimensional written word.

    I've said several times about the huge mods melt-down in June, that if we'd all been in the same real-world room, in real time, with coffee and cookies and comfortable chairs, all there at once, none of this chaos would or could ever have manifested. The internet practically encourages these things to happen, sometimes.

    And there are real sensitivities here. I do always try to protect people, especially those who are or were friends. I never want to hurt a soul. And some things really did happen that I'm as sure as I can be the folks involved would not wish to be made public.

    I don't know for sure, and maybe never will do, but I'd bet really quite a lot that some of the people who are definitely no longer with us (meaning, literally almost half the mods team, including those who asked to leave the entire forum) will have profound regrets.

    But at the same time, there are realities of some things that occurred, and some people made what I believe were some fairly major mistakes or errors of judgment, or carried away misunderstandings which were never identified or corrected.

    So when Ken (rightly!) wrote "honesty is the best policy", there's a subsidiary aspect to that. Which is: how far back does one go? Because all parties made mistakes, including some fairly big ones.

    At that time, back in early June, Constance was bullied, hounded, scapegoated, witch-hunted, and terribly hurt by some of the others. Utterly unfairly. Period. And by happenstance, all part of that dreadful perfect storm, all that happened when I was offline for a few days, primarily because I was exhausted by Mara's day and night eyedrop schedule.

    While I was away, all in a mere 4 days, all hell broke loose.

    What happened to Constance was disgraceful and horrific. It should never happen to anyone on the forum, whoever they were, under any circumstances, anywhere. And certainly not to any moderator, at the hands of half the other moderators. It was extremely hard to understand. It was like half the team had unaccountably lost their minds. I don't exaggerate.

    When I got back online, I was horrified. There was carnage. I defended Constance and fought for her, because what was right was right.

    There was no decision to be made. So this is also a major aspect to all that.

    When she wanted to leave back then (as she posted here: DO READ), I personally implored her to stay. She was one of the best moderators we've ever had. Her entire focus was on helping anyone she could, no matter what it took.

    Rachel/Innocent Warrior, please do read that.

    And there's a lot more, as well. Because Paula/RunningDeer) believed strongly (for reasons never made clear) that Paul was somehow unfairly treated himself, there's reason to suspect that something has happened that caused her to 'take sides' (or, take 'Paul's side').

    Qanon has something to do with that, too, as Paul was the only member of the mods team that ever lent Qanon any credence.

    I've never criticized Paul on the forum before. Not once. I wrote this here, publicly, in his praise. But he, too, behaved very badly, and did do, over a period, on several counts. As the most senior member present during the mods meltdown, in my absence, he had a duty and a responsibility to help mend every broken fence he could see. But he was actually a major part of the problem. I was more than disappointed.

    So now you have it. Whatever Paula/RunningDeer is assuming about Paul (and by implication, about myself, which is an important factor here), is incorrect.

    I do hope she may see this.

    But sometimes, we just have to release a prayer on the winds, hoping that it might somehow reach its intended target, and just let go.

    It's possible that I may have made an error of judgment myself, in saying too little. That, in turn, may have allowed assumptions and incorrect conclusions to grow among some people, maybe including some good folks reading this.

    If so, I do apologize. It's very hard sometimes to know what to say and what not to say about tough things that have happened. It's possible that even though some might find what I've written in this post a little harsh, it might just help a fraction. That's my only intention: that it somehow might.

    A final word. I've lost very close friends here. We all did. We worked closely together for years, through thick and thin. And always shoulder-to-shoulder. We were all comrades in arms.

    But now, those same friendships are fractured and broken, I suspect now beyond repair. I cannot adequately express in these limited one-dimensional words how impacted I was by all this. It cut very deep, and hurt very, very badly. It's not yet fully healed for me, at all.

    I conduct myself quite well on a day-to-day level, but what happened was major. And some things occurred that were simply bewildering. I think also, in retrospect, even now maybe to the perpetrators.

    But we have to continue. That's our duty. Constance is still listed as a moderator. She never asked to be removed. And I'm still hopeful she may return. If she did, she would have the very biggest red carpet (of flowers, and much else) awaiting her.

    Rachel asked to stand down as a moderator, and we honored that. Others who are reported Missing in Action (and there are quite a few, actually, if we do a total head count), I and we have zero information about.

    We wish them all the very very best, whoever and wherever they are. I simply can't say anything else other than that.

    This is really sad. Being cut to the quick is hard enough but being blindsided by it is doubly difficult. You must have felt deeply betrayed, even if that wasn't the intent. That was a bad week. I stayed right off the forum I was in such a weird frame of mind.

    Maybe it's best for people to take a short break when they feel they are getting too enmeshed, entangled or losing perspective?

    I hope Constance comes back. She is extraordinary, plus...she can consume more fruit in a day than your average flying fox and that alone is commendable!

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  37. Link to Post #52099
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Yes! Or an angel, Sprite or fairy. We don't always agree but I think she is amazing!
    Hello AutumnW. I resonate with some of those realms. xo
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 29th September 2019 at 04:28.

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  39. Link to Post #52100
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)

    Yes! Or an angel, Sprite or fairy. We don't always agree but I think she is amazing!
    Now imagine if that was modified to read:

    We don't always agree but I think you are amazing!

    Quite the mantra!

    A perfect reminder that everyone has something to offer and there is no need of casualties.

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