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Thread: Is My Mission Over?

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Is My Mission Over?

    Hi Avalon!

    I have an ongoing situation I wish to share.

    The situation as it stands is too complicated to rehash here but I have been encouraged to post here and ask for help. I know when to surrender to the universe (sometimes), and this is one of those times. Heyoka_11, Fred and Starsha have suggested I do this. It is very hard for me...

    I joined Starsha's Shadowwork Group hoping to help others - little did I know at the time it would be me needing the help. The details are in the bad day thread, mostly. I invite anyone interested to read it to catch up. Here I will only outline my "problem".

    Where do I start, how do I keep it short? Is this even respecting the rights of those involved to anonymity? Am I crossing some imaginary line of fairplay? Last time, I shared this with my family (8 years ago) and they now have nothing to do with me or my "situation". It is a taboo subject now and so a lot of my feelings have been stuffed deep down inside my heart. I do not want to let my soul-mate down, as I promised her I never would, not ever. But there comes a time when promises must be broken, if the other party takes advantage of such a solemn vow, right? Right! But it really hurts, I feel like a heel (old saying).

    When I came to my present girlfriend I was at the height of my power, well on the way to destinations unknown. On my 45th birthday I met her and she touched my heart in a way I've never been before. I fell in love immediately. Her story is a series of tragedies starting from a very early age. And when I met her, she was close to the end (I believe).
    So I dropped my life as I knew it, left everything behind, and came to save her.

    The next four years were a nightmare of ups and downs like nothing I had ever experienced before. It included violence, police, incarceration, courts and worst of all, breach of trust. Yet through it all , I stubbornly refused to give up on her, wanting to show her that there is a thing in this world called unconditional love (I was learning the meaning of that in spades).

    I managed to help her beat one of her addictions, which was simply unacceptable to me and a condition of our continued relationship. I had to leave her then to show her I meant it. And after she got out of jail (three months) on an unrelated charge (ya, right, you need money for drugs right, shoplifting is one way to do that, right?) she came back to me, clean. And she has remained so for the past four years.

    Three years ago her daughter moved in with us "just for a few months until I get back on my feet again", and has been with us ever since. I tried at first to extend my healing power to her as well but she was having none of that. So her presence has been an extremely disruptive influence on our relationship (with her mother).

    A few weeks back daughter somehow convinced mom to fall off the wagon, again. So while I was asleep, they spent many hundreds on illicit narcotics. The story goes on, when I found out she had spent the rent money, I lost it. I hit her with open hand on shoulder, many times, saying, "Stupid, stupid woman!" - over and over. She called the police and I ran away. She charged me with assault again and now I'm a fugitive from the law.

    And again I went back to her! But my heart is no longer in it. The only thing that keeps me there is my vow never to leave her. I love her but she just won't come around, maybe she can't - I don't know. And her daughter just keeps up the same behavoir, partying, stumbling in at all hours of the night, getting drunk at home and just generally being disruptive. For the most part I hide in my room to not cause waves.

    But my personal growth is effectively limited by this negative aura around me. My space I keep clear as well as I can but it does creep in from time to time. I'm starting to wonder if the dark forces have some sort of concerted effort going on against me. And I keep telling myself that I am no one of importance so why would they bother? That don't seem to wash any more. I want to heal and this situation is not conducive to that endeavor.

    Well, I've covered most of it, I guess.

    I must also put in that, of course, it has not been all bad. I have learned a great deal about myself from this experience. And my woman has a gentle heart. She needs help, has needed it all her life but the "system" failed her repeatedly. She was even part of a semi-famous trial here in Toronto years back (20?) that netted the guilty party a whopping 2 years in jail for the atrocities he perpetrated.

    What can I do? What should I do? Especially since my greatest sticking point is abandonment issues. Do I now abandon my girl? Is that the lesson.

    I welcome all suggestions, comments, observations - healing?

    And if you ever by chance run across this thread: Know I love you, I still do and always will. But I cannot heal another if I myself am not whole. May you find what you seek...
    Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. Bruce Lee

    Free will can only be as free as the mind that conceives it.

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    Avalon Member norman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    RESCUE!.... there's the problem.

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Ernie, you have given so much of yourself to save this woman who touched your heart. too see it all fall apart is a tragedy, indeed. you have answered your own question though: "But my heart is no longer in it." in matters of the heart, i have always tried to stick to my own intuition. i have made many mistakes when i haven't followed what i know inside to be true. those mistakes have cost me gravely. i say too you: there are some people that can never be saved. they have fallen into taking, taking, and still more taking. in order for you to regain your own inner balance, you should follow your intuition. she will have to save herself now. perhaps standing on her own two feet and finding out what the world really has too offer is what she needs to do. maybe she can't see that, or maybe she doesn't want too. she hasn't been able to resign herself to stay clean. the daughter is still there so that she has justification to continue on her path.

    i can't tell you to leave her; but i can say that your heart needs light and love in return too. i wish you the very best.
    warmest regards, corson

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Ernie, I would stay if I were you. But first ask her if she still needs your Love. If she still considers your promise as bonding... You made a promise... And you can't help people if they don't want to be helped... But it's nothing new...
    I was constantly in such "bonding" before I met my better half. I wanted to stay because it seamed better than being alone. And I never asked if I was needed... I think I have made such promises like you but I can't (or don't want to) remember. Those relationships just used to fade away on one day. Being replaced by another. No one recalled me about my promises... But a promise is a promise. Seems now I have some unpaid bills Thanks for recalling that to me Ernie...

    I think I am not good at "connecting dots" after all
    I am sorry
    Last edited by Robert J. Niewiadomski; 21st September 2011 at 20:22. Reason: spelling
    Best wishes and free energy to all
    Robert

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    Germany Avalon Member christian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    I love you, I still do and always will. But I cannot heal another if I myself am not whole.
    You got it.

    Instead of 'breaking the vow', take a different perspective on it. You want to help her the best way you can, whatever it might take, I guess. So leaving her physically might be perfectly right, you don't abondon her in your heart anyways.

    Could it be possible, that bright souls attract darker ones in a type of 'Mother Therese complex'? It seems like some bright souls tend to be willing to shoulder all the load, that they can find. If this is true to some degree, then where is the gain in that? You take on too much, thus hurting and hindering yourself, and you even steal from others their opportunities to self-responsibly learn.

    Quote Posted by norman (here)
    RESCUE!.... there's the problem.
    "Rescue without participation is not an option." Handbook for the New Paradigm
    Last edited by christian; 21st September 2011 at 19:57.

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Hello Ernie

    Thank you for sharing, I know this must have been difficult and it means a lot to you.
    Perhaps some dont wish to be "rescued"? Or, their hurt is so deep, you may never heal it?
    Some people have to have drama to just "be".
    My suggestion would be to step off of the stage before you are caught in the spotlight.

    You made a vow. At what cost?

    If you haven't done shadow work, may I suggest you read: The Dark Side of The Light Chasers by Debbie Ford


    My thoughts are with you during this trying time

    ((hugs))
    .... be gentle with your anger. Sixto Rodriguez, Cape Town 20.02.2013

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Too overcome with emotions to respond right now.

    Thanks to all who are sending love/healing/clarity.

    Know that I feel in no uncertain terms the caring thoughts sent my way (wave after wave washes over me).

    I am speechless and in awe of such power!
    Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. Bruce Lee

    Free will can only be as free as the mind that conceives it.

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Actually, there is another book you may wish to invest in: Radical Forgiveness, by Colin Tipping

    Here an excerpt:

    "Take your situation. You and Jeff have this drama going on. That much is clear, but what if beneath the drama something of a more spiritual nature was happening -- same people and same events but a totally different meaning? What if your two souls were doing the same dance but to a wholly different tune? What if the dance was about you healing? What if you could see this as an opportunity to heal and grow? That would be a very different interpretation, would it not?"
    .... be gentle with your anger. Sixto Rodriguez, Cape Town 20.02.2013

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Get out now.
    If you go under, their will be nothing left anyway.
    So you can't do anything for her or your self.
    Slowly killing your self off, serves no purpose.
    She has abused the soft option, this will just continue.
    You are being played, and manipulated, how ever sweetly she dose it.
    I know there is a back story. She decided to trash what you had, discount it.
    Your being disempowered at every turn, and not far off being penniless.
    She and her daughter have deviously stolen, there is no end to this.
    Please help your self, there is only you now.
    much love and light to you.

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Hey guy....hang in there.
    My suggest is to go to your family doctor ...explain the situation a bit and see if he can hook you into some serious counseling.

    There is no shame in seeking help when our mental troubles get the better of us.

    Good luck.

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    UK Avalon Member Jayke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    It's never too late to commit yourself to a more empowering vow based on the wisdom you've gained since this relationship began...

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Hi Ernie,

    I recognize the courage it took for you to write your story for everyone to see. So I will summon up some courage too, and tell you my family's story. Take from it what you will.

    My younger son married a woman who needed rescuing, and there was alcoholism and bulemia added in. It was well hidden for awhile. I think it would've been hard for him to leave, but she ended up leaving him after 4 years. It was very hard on him at first, but he has recovered and is the wiser for it. He was left with all the debt from the marriage, which he has recently paid off completely. He owns two cars, completely paid off, is working on finishing his college degree, and has a wide circle of friends & a job where he is highly valued. All that came after the breakup.

    I still care about my former daughter-in-law, and wish her well. But I'm so glad she is not in my son's life anymore. I hope her new life situation brings her the help or strength that we could not give her, althought we tried mightily.

    I do energy healing ... just let me know if that is something that would help you. I would be honored. In any case, I'm sending you good vibrations now.

    All love,
    Marianne

    ¤=[Post Update]=¤

    ps: he is also soooo glad it's over

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    I say get out now. You have a superman complex. Also a martyr complex. I speak so bluntly because I have been almost exactly where you are. You've learned the lesson you needed to. But each day that you stay in that situation you are opening yourself up to negative potentialities, because, as you know quite well, any little thing at all can lead to an escalation that may turn to violence.

    With me, the universe opened up to end the relationship almost perfectly and that will happen with you as well if you do not have the strength or the economic wherewithall to just get up and leave right now. If that is your choice, that is fine, we are all exactly where we need to be. But until that happens, you have to exercise self-control.

    1) Don't argue.
    2) Leave the house if you have to.
    3) Don't argue.
    4) Don't confront the daughter.

    Support your woman in positivity, but not negativity. If you cannot do so without fighting, state your piece and leave it alone. Don't argue.

    You are in my thoughts. Because you did not ask for energy or prayers, I will send none, but I do wish you the highest potential in your situation and that you all come out of this in full understanding of the shared lessons you have all learned.

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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Ernie, though the pain may be acute, this may possibly have happened to all concerned for a very positive, or several positive reasons. A stepping stone that helps to clarify and identify the choice of paths that are before us. As I have not yet read your prior posting, it appears as though this relationship was prearranged to allow these choices to be made by each. And perhaps, just perhaps, this gift is being offered to you by her. It is possible that this prearrangement is for you.

    Decades ago when I was young and without any direction in mind, I met and became engaged to a young man I barely knew. I had no advanced warning that he was in need of psychological help. On the night that we became engaged, he attempted to strangle me simply out of the blue. This was a huge flag that something was horribly amiss and I knew that there was nothing that I could do to help him except to leave him. I was able to walk away from him and to this day, I have not regretted this decision. I have never been angry because I knew that something was not right. But I also knew that the help that he needed could not come from me. Even to this day, I send him positive thoughts and hope that he is happy and doing well. He was a gorgeous guy. What a loss.

    As I look back, I see the mammoth gift that he gave to me that night. It was on that night that I learned unconditional love from the face of personal pain.
    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.
    Plato

    Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

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    United States Avalon Member enrique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    ernie,
    There's a lot of excellent, well intentioned, love and advice... at this moment...
    Take it in, it will make you stronger.. at the end of the day, only you will be able to make the changes needed...

    Find the feelings hidden in the thoughts.. embrace them and move past them. I find that feelings can easily be expressed with just one word.. love, hate, fear, anger, joy.... thoughts are twisted and tangled in many words and can't always be trusted....


    trust your feelings, you are a good soul...

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    Sao Tome Unsubscribed
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Ernie , if i rescue you ? who will rescue me ? You ? then who will rescue you ? Me ? ...

    sometimes healing means we have to let go.

    Holding on is an attachment to an old paradigm that needs to evolve ... she cant evolve with you and neither can you with her..

    its time to let it all go if you have the courage ...

    N
    N

  32. Link to Post #17
    Ilie Pandia
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Hello Ernie,

    You are brave man to write a post like that!

    With regards to your question I agree with chiquetet's post.

    To that I would add: if you know yourself to be an immortal being having a human experience, recognize the same in your friend! And I think that, in that broader perspective, there is no right, or wrong, and there are no mistakes to be made, only different journeys.

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    Avalon Retired Member
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Quote Posted by Rahkyt (here)
    I say get out now. You have a superman complex. Also a martyr complex. I speak so bluntly because I have been almost exactly where you are.
    Yep, been there too! Excellent advice. I would add this: Ernie, you obviously have a great heart and have lots to give humanity if you choose so. But if you sacrafice yourself to this one soul who has freely chosen her path of destruction, what use will you be to the many you can touch and help in life?
    Maybe the universe wants you to let go......

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    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Ernie you are a Pisces.
    I have known many- my brother, my first husband, sister-in-law, brother-in-law,
    the last three all born March 16th, different years.
    And it's nearly always the same story. All are mushy sentimentals who go so deep into the mushiness
    until the LONG to be tied up or even jailed, just to get into an orderly routine.

    One thing, if you leave her now I predict you will find yourself in no time in the same situation again.

    I say stay- not because she sucked you in, or because you want to sacrifice yourself, and feel good about being Mr. Nice Guy,
    but because the opportunity you will now have from here on to put order into your life and each situation that spells potential chaos.

    Pisces are born with the understanding of universal oneness,
    and during their sojourn on earth will have plenty of opportunity to teach that principle to others,
    but for themselves they need to learn from Virgos,
    their opposite sign, how to categorize, how to put everything into it's proper place,
    and how to run a tidy and orderly household.

    The daughter will be given a set of rules and you will make her pay you back the money she stole from you.
    Each single person in your household has to have their boundaries staked out.

    Rules have to be made and adhered to with firmness.
    First of all she has to drop all the charges against you, and never again call the police,
    as equally, you will never again lay a hand on her.
    You are both equally guilty for not managing your emotions.

    This relationship is not about love, you have enough of that already,
    all that love talk is nothing but sentimentality.

    Now, if someone who is normally cool and reserved mentions love, I would listen.
    But never in the case of a Pisces...there is just too much mushiness to begin with.

    Each sign needs to study and copy it's opposite sign,
    then they will find their divine power, as the balance is restored.
    In your case this would be Virgo.
    (Where is Carmody when I need him??)

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  38. Link to Post #20
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    Default Re: Is My Mission Over?

    Quote from Richard Bach's "Illusions":
    Here is a test to find out wether your mission on earth is finished or not;
    If you're still alive, it isn't.

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