Dealing with negative people.

[Tony]

Dealing with negative people.

Empathetic skills seems to come from experiencing a lot of personal suffering, to know how someone else might be feeling. So suffering is of value - it can benefit others!

Dealing with other's negativity.
This might depend on ones capacity, and one has to realistic about this, other wise one could end up exhausted and depressed!

My teacher said after dealing with negative people, take a shower. Maybe this has to do with dorgone energy =negative/dead energy. As opposed to orgone energy = positive energy = chi =prana.

I said to him that I have empathy for negative people, and compassion for happy people! So called happy people are not quite there yet, it is still a temporary state. He nodded.

Nobody wants to by negative, we all get stuck for a while.
Of course being happy and positive is good, but it can create hope and expectations, which can lead to disappointment and frustrations...which can lead to negativity!!!

So just letting go is safer...this is emptiness. There is nothing beyond Emptiness so it is universal. So, your true empty nature/essence IS universal consciousness.

It is actually very simple. The problem is...it is too simple, so it goes unnoticed.

Tony

[Star1111]

Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

[Corncrake]

I agree with this. I have turned several sad events I have witnessed into something positive by being able to listen empathetically to people going through those same events in their own lives.

With regard to negativity as with happiness it is contagious. My husband is a very positive upbeat person (sometimes annoyingly so!) but when he visits a certain office he comes away absolutely drained because the people there only want to complain. One day he returned home feeling his normal happy self and realised that one particular woman in a senior position was away on holiday. The rest of the office were not following her lead and there was a far happier atmosphere there. I went to a lecture by Lynne McTaggert on her latest book the Bond last night and was surprised to hear her relate this same story.

[Muzz]

Hi pie'n'eal

Thanks for this post. Made me think about how Ive changed in the last few years. I used to be very negative.

My experience so far is that when I get too cocky, I hit a brick wall. Pride is always followed by humiliation, extreme happiness followed by horrible sadness. I'm slowly learning to stay neutral and exist in sort of peaceful joy. When I manage to do this the rollercoaster ride eases off and I just flow down the river. In this state I notice all the details of life and stop to wonder at the most seemingly normal things with a whole new enthusiasm. Thanks to places like Avalon I am learning that this is my natural state.

Cheers
Muzz

[the trojan]

Hey pie'n'eal,
that was the most negative thing of yours Ive ever read.

[crosby]

i am generally the same happy upbeat person every day. i live by the mantra that every day is a new day and no mistakes have been made. i try very hard not to let negativity get under my skin. and i try to spread good cheer. however, sometimes, it is impossible to ignore. i've noticed that there are many people who are so unhappy that they suck the positive energy away from whomever they possibly can. it's like a parent living vicariously through their children. it does drain you to the point of exhaustion. when i find myself in the center of the negativity circle, i get out as soon as possible. it usually happens when i'm at work, or visiting others. when i'm leaving the negativity, my mind is telling me too breath. when i reach my safe destination, usually home, i take about 20 minutes to decompress. frank sinatra usually helps with quieting the upheaval.

it's a sad thing to know that so many people are in an almost constant state of negative energy. they've become so used to depleting others' of their positivity they do not realize that they're doing it and why they spend so much time alone, or constantly complaining.......they haven't been able to figure out that their own negativity is keeping them grounded in such an empty space. it's easy to talk to family members or close friends and relate to them what you're feeling from them, but when the negativity is coming from total strangers (at work, say) then it's often very difficult to get the message across to them because of time constraints, task management etc.

empathy is a great tool, but sometimes, i just need to get out of the line of fire.
warmest regards, corson

[Tony]

Posted by Star1111 (here)
Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

You've been talking to my family haven't you!

The answer to your question is easy...love them more!!!
The application of that is very hard!!!

I hope this doesn't sound wet...
They are seeing your inner beauty, and it is could be causing an inner conflict for them.
They also have this inner beauty, but cannot see it ..yet.
Be confident in what you know, be patient, be generous.

True inner unconditional happiness no outside force can disturb.
Let them win, take a back seat, you have nothing to prove.
The trick is not to expect any acknowledgment...that is tough!

[Tony]

Posted by Muzz (here)
Hi pie'n'eal

Thanks for this post. Made me think about how Ive changed in the last few years. I used to be very negative.

My experience so far is that when I get too cocky, I hit a brick wall. Pride is always followed by humiliation, extreme happiness followed by horrible sadness. I'm slowly learning to stay neutral and exist in sort of peaceful joy. When I manage to do this the rollercoaster ride eases off and I just flow down the river. In this state I notice all the details of life and stop to wonder at the most seemingly normal things with a whole new enthusiasm. Thanks to places like Avalon I am learning that this is my natural state.

Cheers
Muzz

Dear Muzz,
I agree with you. I was MR. ANGRY for years... smoke coming out of every orifice!!!!

[Lisab]

Let them win, take a back seat, you have nothing to prove....so true! Im dealing with a "little" drama at the moment and have decided to do exactly the above Tony. The louder we shout the less we're heard I think. Great thread and timely for me thankyou. Lisa x

[markpierre]

This came up a lot in healing sessions, which was kind of honest in that these individuals might not be aware of how much they turned in on themselves for protection and even sustenance. Yet they were aware enough to request help for whatever, something wasn't right but they couldn't know what. It doesn't seem any different in day to day experiences, though I have to admit that I don't encounter it alot anymore. I'm very grateful for that. But if I just regard them n their fear (which is all it is) somehow I become a protector and advocate (in my own mind), and it isn't really 'dealing' with anything, it's just doing what seems natural. I don't mind it. Anything too over the top and I would bother to close off or smudge. After a long period of just avoiding people in general, it seems that I'm not less empathic but less vulnerable to 'infection'? Is that a fair word? Sounds a bit brutal, it doesn't mean anything disrespectful. We had to learn some very strict protection methods in healing, but I've only ever casually employed them.
Some people are so angry that you just have to let them spin. I figure the current is going to pick them up at some point and it doesn't need me.
But when a situation is confrontational and I find myself buying in and getting triggered I can be sure that it's my own fear that's being shown to me. It's really nice to be able to spot that sooner than later.
If you want a useful little technique, its a bit obvious. You just find something in their worthiness that they will be able to accept and start from there. Virtually everyone will respond to that. If you gave them their full worth they might turn around and slit your throat, so exercise a little caution. We might operate at a slightly higher frequency, but we still bleed.

[<8>]

Hi Tony..

I think it can be healthy to interact with negative people from time to time on your journey in this life.
I have personally experienced a sense of self awareness and growing stronger mentally after you break free of them.

Negative people have a tendency to bring you down, i think thats there purpose in life. I whant to thank them, because they have made me question myself on every level.

[Star1111]

Posted by pie'n'eal (here)

Posted by Star1111 (here)
Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

You've been talking to my family haven't you!

The answer to your question is easy...love them more!!!
The application of that is very hard!!!

I hope this doesn't sound wet...
They are seeing your inner beauty, and it is could be causing an inner conflict for them.
They also have this inner beauty, but cannot see it ..yet.
Be confident in what you know, be patient, be generous.

True inner unconditional happiness no outside force can disturb.
Let them win, take a back seat, you have nothing to prove.
The trick is not to expect any acknowledgment...that is tough!

Thank you for your response, but I still have a question (or 2)
Agree that we should love them more and that that is hard. But when you say Let them win, take a back seat doesn't one have to also PROTECT onselves from people who want to (for want of a better phraze) 'mess with your journey'?
In letting them win, are we not allowing people to take over our life path to fulfill their own desires and needs.
For them seeing the inner beauty of another and it causes them conflict then this is another expression for jealousy yeah?
I agree with 'giving of thyself' wholeheartedly (although its difficult with some) but are you saying then that we should continue to do this if it damages our psyche, health, emotional stability OR are you saying that we need to rise above all of this and IGNORE the 'behaviour' of others regardless of how it affects us.

Or perhaps we should work towards not LETTING it affect us

(sigh) ........... so much to learn!

[ulli]

I ask myself the question: "what was it in me that brought them into my reality?" as they are mirroring something of mine. Some negative people I meet are in a space where I was once myself, faced with the same hurdles, and need a helping hand. I am not against playing the savior in those cases, it just depends on the person and general situation.
Others represent aspects I have not yet faced inside myself, that's when it becomes interesting.
I need to encounter meaning in my relationships. So rather than looking for a way of "dealing" with them I see negative people as a chance for my personal growth and contemplate why I manifested them on the screen of my life. What is there to be learnt? This can mean that I need to set limits, and not allow myself be used by habitually parasitical people. My own learning happens when I distinguish between those who are in real need for an energy present and I can spontaneously pour out my helpfulness, and those who are better served by being given an awareness of what it is like to meet someone who knows that they have no real desire to be helped but only want to drag another into their favorite swamp. I also realize that there is a special polarity dynamic in the saviour-parasite paradign, just as it exists in the predator-victim paradigm...neither are healthy, which is why I'm careful not to let my savior complex get the upper hand.

[Mad Hatter]

Mad Hatter dons his tuppence worth cap...

Most, if not all, are familiar with the concept of polarity leastways within this 4d construct. As such one can quite easily grasp the perspective of there being three sates of being. One would be that of positively charged, another that of being negatively charged and the third state, which some may describe as a the universal optimum of balanced, but lets say nuetral for the sake of this analogy.

In thinking about this way, it then should be obvious that someone in a highly negatively charged state may, in actual fact, have a real need to deliberately seek out someone in an opposite state purely in an attempt to bring about an equilibrium in their own energy field via discharging some of that energy at an opposite pole.

When we are the recipient of such energy discharges, how we choose to feel about that is down to us. One thing I have found to help with this process, assuming you can see it this way, has actually been derived from the many posts here from gifted healers. The hint for me was the many references to the fact that they let the universe operate through them.

So taking that on board it became obvious to me that no matter which state I am personally in at the time, all the energy required to bring the other party to whichever level of equilibrium they where seeking is supplied or absorbed by the universe itself and therefore I have no need to alter my current state in order to help accomodate the process.

It does bring a slightly different perspective to say the LOA material but in thinking this way it allows me, from a nuetral position (wouldn't say I'm in any way balanced ), to use compassion and empathy to help to process any discharge without necessarily draining my own energy in the exchange. It simply becomes water of a ducks back so to speak.

This does of course raise the spectre of what it might really mean to be a 'Coppertop' but thats a whole other discussion...

cheers

PS smoke coming out of every orifice!!!! one keyboard full of virtual coffee coming your way!!

[Tony]

Posted by Star1111 (here)

Posted by pie'n'eal (here)

Posted by Star1111 (here)
Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

You've been talking to my family haven't you!

The answer to your question is easy...love them more!!!
The application of that is very hard!!!

I hope this doesn't sound wet...
They are seeing your inner beauty, and it is could be causing an inner conflict for them.
They also have this inner beauty, but cannot see it ..yet.
Be confident in what you know, be patient, be generous.

True inner unconditional happiness no outside force can disturb.
Let them win, take a back seat, you have nothing to prove.
The trick is not to expect any acknowledgment...that is tough!

Thank you for your response, but I still have a question (or 2)
Agree that we should love them more and that that is hard. But when you say Let them win, take a back seat doesn't one have to also PROTECT onselves from people who want to (for want of a better phraze) 'mess with your journey'?
In letting them win, are we not allowing people to take over our life path to fulfill their own desires and needs.
For them seeing the inner beauty of another and it causes them conflict then this is another expression for jealousy yeah?
I agree with 'giving of thyself' wholeheartedly (although its difficult with some) but are you saying then that we should continue to do this if it damages our psyche, health, emotional stability OR are you saying that we need to rise above all of this and IGNORE the 'behaviour' of others regardless of how it affects us.

Or perhaps we should work towards not LETTING it affect us

(sigh) ........... so much to learn!

Ah! You are allowed to bark...not bite!!
Actually there should be a diamond quality to ones actions - unbreakable!
Even a stubborness...I will not come down to that level!
We are not doormats. We need to be skilful, sometime we just have to remove
ourselves from a situation. ie, people whispering.

We can love them from afar.

One of my tricks, is to question them more closely and move into 'their' territory,
- they quickly back off. Or agree with them, this is very disarming. Saying they are right,
from their point of view. If they have a right to a point of view, then so do you.

All my family think I'm crazy and will not come near me, this is wonderful.
I am happy and they are happy.

[truth4me]

Posted by Star1111 (here)
Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

2 types of energy vampires and both will accomplish the same goal-----knowingly or unknowingly. That goal is to bring you down. They suck the energy smooth out of you. Now if in case of a sudden crises in their life such as a death of a loved one it's understandable BUT those self serving who are manipulative ,self pitying, and jealous those are the ones where you must practice restraining yourself from going off on them where you don't pick up negative karma IMHO. Don't play their game. Just get away. Don't try to reason because they already know they just want to argue. They are IMO the worst of humankind. They are sickening. I have a neighbor who is of that manipulative game playing type. I avoid her unless I just have to be around her for what ever reason. Really there is no good answer to dealing with those type.....just don't associate with them.

[markpierre]

Posted by Star1111 (here)
Tony
I do just that with negative people. I let it go. I listen, empathise, then let it go.
Negative people are 'easy'.

My question to you is :

how do you deal with people who are manipulative, self pitying, and jealous.

Those people who want to bring you down because they are not happy with their lives or with who they are but are in denial about the fact that they are not happy (due to their own actions).
Those people who are jealous of your strength, because they are weak.
Those people who lie and manipulate so that you will do what they want you to do so that it benefits them.

Interested to hear YOUR view on this.

Peace and LOVE

I'm interested in this question, thanks for bringing it up. It's such a common thing, people who feel they're almost under attack, or used for whatever unsavory purposes by others, who seem so intrinsically attached that the possibility never occurs that it's us who are attached to them. Family is the obvious one. But other 'structural' relationships can can be that compelling. Sense of duty, obligation, belief systems that define 'roles' and support them. I don't know. I always felt a lot of unwarranted loyalty to a lot of people in my life. I've been through pangs with family members over misunderstandings about what I'm doing or what's actually occurring in me at different times. Mostly it was me needing to be vindicated by people who couldn't possibly understand me, let alone respect me. But the only example that comes to mind to illustrate something helpful is with my oldest sister. Very narcissistic and self serving. Using, belligerent, uncaring, greedy etc. All the good stuff I could use to resent and justify battling back or overcoming 'the problem' which was represented as her. The only solution came when it dawned on me that she was just another human in my experience and I could regard her in the same way as any other unhealthy influence. I didn't owe her anything. I don't mean I don't love her, it's just not an unhealthy obligatory thing. I can best express it by avoiding her entirely. She's as obscure to me as any past acquaintance that hasn't paced my own journey. This is MY journey after all. And in that distance we get along fine because we don't bother in a very honest way. She can't get anything from me that isn't useful in a way that isn't interesting to her. What the cool part is though, I don't feel any guilt or tug to feel there's anything different that I should do. That really was the healing for me. There's no good reason to associate with anyone like that and be vulnerable to them. And they don't really need me and never did, unless it's just to demonstrate that to them. That was an important discovery too.
It might seem difficult depending on your belief system or what you regard as your responsibilities, but I can affirm that you in particular, will never be short of beneficial relationships in your life. Those are relationships that support you. Your first responsibility will always be your own awakening. That's how you best help everyone.
Hey, its worth considering.

[Star1111]

Sense of duty, obligation, belief systems that define 'roles' and support them. I always felt a lot of unwarranted loyalty to a lot of people in my life. Mostly it was me needing to be vindicated by people who couldn't possibly understand me, let alone respect me. Your first responsibility will always be your own awakening. That's how you best help everyone.

MarkPierre - wise words indeed and its just gone 'TING' in my head................ I get it!! Thank you!
Tony - now I know that its ok to bark but not bite it helps. From now on I will be a diamond !

[THIRDEYE]

when i encounter negative poeple i send them love from my heart to there heart...negative poeple are evrywhere...i have to remember i am powerless over poeple places and things...i also turn the negative into positive by learning from them what not to do....i have family members that are negative and they ridicule me cause i dont fit into there lives..and i have free will also so i just let them be who they are and send them positive afframations of light and love..some members kecth on and some dont...i always remind myself that they are here to learn there lessons as well as me....and recarnated for what ever they have to learn....light love and abundance thirdeye.....

[Tony]

This subject could bring us back to considering the different types of “I”.
The mere “I”, the reified “I”, the self cherishing “I” and the social”I”.

The mere “I” is the one we meditate with, barely there, just noticing.
The reified “I” is the one we make solid, produced by our personal belief system.
The self cherishing “I” is... self cherishing - the one we protect.
The social “I” is the one reflected back from others.

This social “I” is interesting in the light of what is being spoken about. How others relate to us can be quite complex and cause a lot of pressure.

George Orwell describes his period as a policeman in India. He had the only gun in the village and when a rogue elephant appeared in the fields, there was much enthusiasm to shoot it. He saw no need to kill the elephant but the pressure from the villagers forced him to shoot.

We are constantly getting feed-back from those around us, and if we are not careful fall into their trap or dream. Most of our lives we are living in someone else's dream. This happens in families and at work...