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Thread: Cheating

  1. Link to Post #21
    United States Honored, Retired Member. Sierra passed in April 2021.
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Amity (here)
    Quote Posted by Robert J. Niewiadomski (here)
    Hi All

    This jealousy starts with the promise: till death do us apart. And children are learning from their parents and then from their peers not to keep promises. It start with the "small" things. Promissed toy/favor "forgotten" here or there. Cheating is not inherited with DNA. It is a habit passed down the generations. Indigenous people do not cheat each other untill they meet "whites". If somebody doesn't plan to keep the promise he/she should stay single and avoid making promises to his/her partner. Simple IMHO.

    Have you read a book Magical Child by Joseph Chilton Pearce?
    I don't understand how you can make that statement?

    How on earth could you or anyone say that no indigenous people cheated untill they met Whites?

    I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous.
    It's because they didn't have the institution of "marriage". There was no rule of monogamy in most indigenous culture. In Eskimo culture, they actively encouraged sexual mixing, to keep the gene pool healthy. In most Indian cultures, on American soil, they did as they wished, moving in and out of relationships. Not until the white man came along, brought in Christian Judgement and alcohol, deadly to the indigenous biology, did things go south.

    Some of the spiritual books I read, talk about the different kinds of relationships and how people are "built". The key is to understand yourself, your needs, and to be honest about them. If you are a "union" (union meaning more than one sexual relationship at a time) sort of person, you are going to die in a "monogamous" relationship. As well, if you are a monogamous type, but do not work on the relationship throughout the decades ... what do you expect?

    Personally, I think marriage is old paradigm, patriarchal paradigm, a bad paradigm that at the core, does not honor us. It places a burden of limitation, of expectation, of demands, of judgement ... and we can spend our lives trying to fit into a box not of our own making, built by Disney, tradition, and male power. That being said, once we bring down the Patriarchy, this may break open the prison of marriage as it is, and let it be as it should be. Who knows what we'll create ...

    Best thing I ever learned about how to make a marriage work, have more fun than you fight. If you can keep the balance on the side of fun ... you can keep going. There is always going to be crap no matter what system you operate under. Crap is pretty much the whole point, how to resolve crap regardless of how you run your life. The monogs deal with boredom and resolution and tension, the unioners deal with loss, letting go and moving on ... That is why we are here, for the crap. The fun is the reward to keep us going ...

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Certain things are implied when you enter into a relationship and are never discussed at the time (usually) so it's customary to abide by the unspoken rules and, sorry, imo cheating doesn't come into it.

    But . . . . if you get married, like it or not, marriage is a contract - a binding contract - made even more binding imo if you then make promises in front of witnesses, not to mention the religious aspect of it (if you are that way inclined). If you break any other kind of contract - like a business contract for instance - then the penalties are dire. Therefore, cheating if you're married is a breach of contract, pure and simple.

    Very interesting discussion - things could get lively

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    Default Re: Cheating

    ,,You are in love with someone? Thats wonderful! You may want to go out with her/him and have great time together! Have a lot of fun, and joy. Hug and kiss, and have sex. Thats wonderful!
    You are willing to give all great gifts of life : love , light, freedom .. and you are giving them with all your open heart and soul. Unconditional. Without waiting for same answer. You just give best of your energys and emotions, to the person you love, and his happiness is making you very happy. You want to see the smile on his face, and to know that happiness is in his life. And what if she/he is in love with someone else also? And your beloved want to have great time with other person too? She/he want to kiss other person and to have fun, joy and great moments with another human beings ? But she/he wants to see you also and have fun and joy with you too?
    Why not? You are giving the freedom she/he wants! You are not egoistic, and you dont want all that greatness of the person you love only for yourself. You are happy that other human being is going to expirience the same greatness with your beloved energies and love , just like you did!
    They want you to join a trip to mountains? Or to sea? Together? Yes! Why not? You can take someone else with you too. Someone you love and who love you. And everything is without jealousy and ego feelings, no physical addictions between, and no habbits involved.
    When people are happy to see the love in the air around them and around other people. And what is that ,, other people’’ anyway? We are all one! And when your beloved see someone great and fall in love again, dosent mean that she/he dont love you anymore! And you know that! Human heart is so big! It can put the love for the universe and there will be so much space left. We can love many people in same time, be with them and expirience great moments together!
    So imagine you and all people you love, and all the people they love, go to a great journey of love and light together as one family of angels! ''

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Star1111 (here)
    Be honorouble and tell the person that you are with that 1) you don't want to be with them anymore becuase the feeling has gone 2) because you want to be with someone else or 3) ask them if its o.k with them if you can 'be' with other people or 4) whatever the reason is ............ but tell them, don't cheat on them.
    Speaking generally, the two main reasons why many people don't do this is either lack of guts or because it's more thrilling to do it secretly. - Doing something just because it is thrilling is actually an impulse that drives us all somehow, isn't it, both the light side and the dark side offer that thrill in their own ways...

    Anyway pharoah, you get what you give, if you ask yourself how you would like to be treated, take that as a guideline, whatever it is in your case.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote This thread may make me the enemy of the forum.........but I just gotta bring this up
    My friend you are still one of us and we all love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Some of the post i have done have raised a few eyebrows but hey thats what makes us human

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by pharoah21 (here)
    This thread may make me the enemy of the forum.........but I just gotta bring this up.

    Why is cheating in a relationship considered wrong? I find that most people who are stuck with one person all their life tend to decline in health at a fast rate (put on weight, lose their passion and enthusiasm for life etc), while those who stay living the single life look so much younger, healthier and more fit.

    After a long time in a relationship, most men and women start to develop wandering eyes, the sex between them tends to become quite grey, that's if it still exists at all.

    Now I know most of you will try to give me an example of a relationship that is working out perfectly after x amount of decades, but that is probably less than 1% of humanity who will ever encounter the stereo typical soul mate to live the rest of their life with happily ever after.

    Why do we get jealous when someone cheats? When you think about this logically, isn't this selfish behaviour? To expect someone MUST give themselves to you and ONLY you, for the rest of their lives........doesn't that sound wrong to you? Even scientists have supposedly found that "cheating" is in our dna, that is, for a man to feel the need to spread his seed to many different women to ensure survival of his lineage.

    Now I'm not saying we should all become promiscuous, if you're truly happy in a long term relationship, kudos to you. All I'm saying is I think when we fall in love, the endorphins rush, we have an amazing time with one special person, and then that river eventually starts to dry up for most people, yet some of us force ourselves to stay in that relationship while dehydrating because "we should be together forever"

    “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” - Oscar Wilde
    I do not understand how someone can be "stuck" with someone else. If you're not happy, leave. The word "cheating" by itself tells me dishonesty, lies, trickery, that is why I would say it would be wrong. The sexual act is nothing really, it is how you treat that other person you are stuck with that matters. If you are to be stuck, at least be true.

    My opinion, but then, what do I know. I'm not a sticky one.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Samsara (here)
    Quote Posted by pharoah21 (here)
    This thread may make me the enemy of the forum.........but I just gotta bring this up.

    Why is cheating in a relationship considered wrong? I find that most people who are stuck with one person all their life tend to decline in health at a fast rate (put on weight, lose their passion and enthusiasm for life etc), while those who stay living the single life look so much younger, healthier and more fit.

    After a long time in a relationship, most men and women start to develop wandering eyes, the sex between them tends to become quite grey, that's if it still exists at all.

    Now I know most of you will try to give me an example of a relationship that is working out perfectly after x amount of decades, but that is probably less than 1% of humanity who will ever encounter the stereo typical soul mate to live the rest of their life with happily ever after.

    Why do we get jealous when someone cheats? When you think about this logically, isn't this selfish behaviour? To expect someone MUST give themselves to you and ONLY you, for the rest of their lives........doesn't that sound wrong to you? Even scientists have supposedly found that "cheating" is in our dna, that is, for a man to feel the need to spread his seed to many different women to ensure survival of his lineage.

    Now I'm not saying we should all become promiscuous, if you're truly happy in a long term relationship, kudos to you. All I'm saying is I think when we fall in love, the endorphins rush, we have an amazing time with one special person, and then that river eventually starts to dry up for most people, yet some of us force ourselves to stay in that relationship while dehydrating because "we should be together forever"

    “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” - Oscar Wilde
    I do not understand how someone can be "stuck" with someone else. If you're not happy, leave. The word "cheating" by itself tells me dishonesty, lies, trickery, that is why I would say it would be wrong. The sexual act is nothing really, it is how you treat that other person you are stuck with that matters. If you are to be stuck, at least be true.

    My opinion, but then, what do I know. I'm not a sticky one.
    I disagree, the sexual act is a HUGE deal.
    Not only is it the most intimate act possible, there is a merging of the two individuals concerned as they do what they do.
    Many religions cover this too, by the way.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by pharoah21 (here)
    Why is cheating in a relationship considered wrong?
    "Cheating" really covers a narrow range of things but your post seems to imply that you're thinking of other things. For example, you say people who stay with one person all their life eventually go 'down hill'. The thing is, one needn't stay with one person. If you decide a relationship is going badly for you, you can end the relationship and maybe begin a new one. That's not cheating, that's ending the relationship because it's no longer good for you.

    On the other hand, maybe you mean you should be free to sleep with other people but otherwise in a relationship. There are people who prefer open relationships, but in such a relationship, sleeping with another person is not cheating.

    Cheating is a betrayal of the person of the relationship. If your relationship is an open one, 'sex on the side' isn't cheating. It only becomes cheating when you go behind that person's back. There is never a need to betray somebody in that way. If your relationship isn't giving you what you want, end it before you dishonour them and yourself by cheating. If your relationship is open and allows (by common consent) sex outside the relationship, that's not cheating. Cheating is a betrayal of trust. Why would you need or want to do that?

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Lord Sidious (here)
    Quote Posted by Samsara (here)
    Quote Posted by pharoah21 (here)
    This thread may make me the enemy of the forum.........but I just gotta bring this up.

    Why is cheating in a relationship considered wrong? I find that most people who are stuck with one person all their life tend to decline in health at a fast rate (put on weight, lose their passion and enthusiasm for life etc), while those who stay living the single life look so much younger, healthier and more fit.

    After a long time in a relationship, most men and women start to develop wandering eyes, the sex between them tends to become quite grey, that's if it still exists at all.

    Now I know most of you will try to give me an example of a relationship that is working out perfectly after x amount of decades, but that is probably less than 1% of humanity who will ever encounter the stereo typical soul mate to live the rest of their life with happily ever after.

    Why do we get jealous when someone cheats? When you think about this logically, isn't this selfish behaviour? To expect someone MUST give themselves to you and ONLY you, for the rest of their lives........doesn't that sound wrong to you? Even scientists have supposedly found that "cheating" is in our dna, that is, for a man to feel the need to spread his seed to many different women to ensure survival of his lineage.

    Now I'm not saying we should all become promiscuous, if you're truly happy in a long term relationship, kudos to you. All I'm saying is I think when we fall in love, the endorphins rush, we have an amazing time with one special person, and then that river eventually starts to dry up for most people, yet some of us force ourselves to stay in that relationship while dehydrating because "we should be together forever"

    “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” - Oscar Wilde
    I do not understand how someone can be "stuck" with someone else. If you're not happy, leave. The word "cheating" by itself tells me dishonesty, lies, trickery, that is why I would say it would be wrong. The sexual act is nothing really, it is how you treat that other person you are stuck with that matters. If you are to be stuck, at least be true.

    My opinion, but then, what do I know. I'm not a sticky one.
    I disagree, the sexual act is a HUGE deal.
    Not only is it the most intimate act possible, there is a merging of the two individuals concerned as they do what they do.
    Many religions cover this too, by the way.
    I probably expressed myself wrongly, so let me explain. I think the injury to the person betrayed will be more from the betrayal itself (dishonesty, lies, trickery) and very little from the infidelity (sexual act). By no means do I believe that sexual intimacy is to be taken lightly.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Sierra (here)
    It's because they didn't have the institution of "marriage". There was no rule of monogamy in most indigenous culture. In Eskimo culture, they actively encouraged sexual mixing, to keep the gene pool healthy. In most Indian cultures, on American soil, they did as they wished, moving in and out of relationships. Not until the white man came along, brought in Christian Judgement and alcohol, deadly to the indigenous biology, did things go south.
    No, Sierra, that's just a lack of 'necessary relationship permanence'. Indigenous cultures weren't laissez-faire "oh look, here I am coming home to find my neighbour and my wife en flagrante". 400 years ago, divorce wasn't really a possibility, but just because it is now and people are free to end their relationships, it doesn't mean we live in a cheating-riddled world.

    A lack of sexual inhibition is absolutely not the same as cheating. A lack of sexual inhibition may be involved in cheating, but it's not all of it. Cheating is a betrayal of trust upon which the relationship is based. If the relationship doesn't require sexual exclusivity, promiscuousness is not cheating. On the other hand, if the relationship is exclusive/monogamous, sex isn't even necessary for cheating, even if it is the standard form. If indigenous cultures were quite happy to see those in a relationship dissolve their union, it cannot be taken to mean that people could not cheat in those days or that cheating is a by-product of a marital society. Cheating is the betrayal of trust, what form that betrayal takes is relative to the relationship and possible in every culture.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    I do not understand. When I am in love, the last thing I want is to cheat. If we are not having much sex or the sex is "gray" then so what? I've got two hands and an imagination. Why would I want to destroy the relationship with anonymous sex? Of course that's just me. I know others are not wired that way. I have some friends who cheat all the time. Well, not friends, people I know. I would not be frends with a cheater, I can't. My one criteria for friendship is integrity.
    Maybe that's why I have so few friends...
    Course, the ones I have are impeccably honest, helpful, loving and truthful.
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    Default Re: Cheating

    I don't understand the real meaning of marriages - is it to pair up two souls in love or what? but I think whatever the meaning of marriage was has been twisted just like the what love is by the mass media. For example cheating - this word is designated to a situation just like other words but whether its wrong or right it comes back to your perspective of it.
    my perspective is that I feel cheating not a good thing for two reasons: one is because I still believe truly understanding what love is or maybe the meaning of what it really is like to be "imprinted" on someone is different from what it was or what it is meant to be - so until I understand these I guess I can be in a relationship with someone without the judgements and the so called impulsive act by human emotions...or maybe I wouldn't even call it a relationship until I can fully understand what love is.
    Second thing is cheating doesn't feel right is that besides the negative side to it like the feeling of betrayal, selfishness and whatever - the media in movies, drama they also depict cheating as something you shouldn't do but then the storyline goes on to explaining what happened and why the person did it so its feel like they are justifying for the act of cheating and portraying as its something that is normal and will occur in a real relationship. And especially when reports such as cheating is in our DNA feels absurd to me because it feels like again we can't do anything about it - its in our genes we can't help it, it can't be changed and that I feel is crap...

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Samsara (here)
    I probably expressed myself wrongly, so let me explain. I think the injury to the person betrayed will be more from the betrayal itself (dishonesty, lies, trickery) and very little from the infidelity (sexual act). By no means do I believe that sexual intimacy is to be taken lightly.
    Aha, ok.
    I can let you off this time then.
    Just don't let it happen again.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Lord Sidious (here)
    Quote Posted by Samsara (here)
    I probably expressed myself wrongly, so let me explain. I think the injury to the person betrayed will be more from the betrayal itself (dishonesty, lies, trickery) and very little from the infidelity (sexual act). By no means do I believe that sexual intimacy is to be taken lightly.
    Aha, ok.
    I can let you off this time then.
    Just don't let it happen again.
    Fiou...

    I can't promise it won't happen again though. I have language issues...

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Samsara (here)
    Fiou...

    I can't promise it won't happen again though. I have language issues...
    Me f**kin too.
    But I usually don't give a s**t and just say what the f**k I like.
    Oh, wait, you did mean that sort of language, didn't you?

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Great post pharoah21. I don't think you could ever make me your enemy because I have an enormous amount of respect for you.

    I have wrestled with this question for most of my life. I have never had a partner who did not stray multiple times. Do I think they cheated me? No. Obviously they had needs or desires that I was not fulfilling but none of them could ever say specifically what was missing in our relationship. Perhaps it was the thrill of being intimate with someone for the first time. I can understand that. I have been there too.

    Why do some people feel they have to possess another and where does this notion of exclusivity come from? Is it religious indoctrination? Why do some religions accept polygamy and others abhor it. Very often, those who preach exclusivity do not practice it. Aren't we all (or most of us) hypocrites?

    Partnering with another makes sense for reproduction. Clearly, in our time, monogomous relationships are seen as the norm but the reality is the opposite.

    Very thought provoking post, pharoah21. Thank you.
    Last edited by Cjay; 25th November 2011 at 02:44.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    I've been reading this book called The Ethical *censored* after having a string of rather strange relationship circumstances in my life. I think it is a good thing to rethink social programming of any sort, especially when it comes to sex and relationships, as the current modes of thinking seem rather outdated.

    http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-****-P...2189345&sr=8-1
    Nothing is alien but that which is perceived as alien.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote All I'm saying is I think when we fall in love,
    Pharaoh, there is no such a thing as falling in love. Sexual attraction is only a passion, it's not love. passion has symptoms of Love, but it's much lesser vibrations. In fact sexual passions interfer with Love.

    Quote isn't this selfish behaviour? To expect someone MUST give themselves to you and ONLY you,
    I can't pretend to understand the mind of a Woman, but maybe a woman can clarify this point.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Speaking generally, the two main reasons why many people don't do this is either lack of guts or because it's more thrilling to do it secretly. - Doing something just because it is thrilling is actually an impulse that drives us all somehow, isn't it, both the light side and the dark side offer that thrill in their own ways...
    Chris, this is what I call surgical understanding.

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    Lord Sidious (25th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

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    Canada Avalon Retired Member
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by 9eagle9 (here)

    Some people are really becoming tuned in to a higher sort of intellgience and prefer not being attached as it provides something that a plain old ordinary human relationship lacks. All these conditions that some people require , they carry their own energy, people's conditions carry energy, period, and as some people become more unconditionable they find the energy of some relationships intolerable or only undertaken in small doses. And this a new place in time for those sorts of people where they old paradigms about relationships still rule and their essential selves are going against that established grain.
    Today has been a very challenging day - and this paragraph shot me into an eye-wide synchronicity. You have defined exactly what has happened (or has been happening) to me, and nailed the reason why today my relationship with my Fiancee finally ended.

    I dont have much to add at this very moment (altho clear I'm still rather emotional), But I will say thank you for this thread - altho our situation wasnt ended due to cheating, this one post helped me sum up why I felt completely foreign to something I honored and loved for so long -- and am finally able to release and let go of any guilt associated with 'how things should be because of....'

    Following YOUR innate voice is key to experiencing the many beautiful blessings that never cease to come while we are here on Earth... and that voice has no laws governing it. Listen to it, even if it kills you - what waits on the other end is something that goes far beyond any beliefs or 'isms' humans and other have made over the years here on our lil planet.
    Last edited by Zillah; 25th November 2011 at 03:23.

  36. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Zillah For This Post:

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