+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 10 FirstFirst 1 5 10 LastLast
Results 81 to 100 of 189

Thread: Cheating

  1. Link to Post #81
    Palestinian Territory Unsubscribed
    Join Date
    4th January 2011
    Location
    Coruscant
    Age
    51
    Posts
    7,237
    Thanks
    37,899
    Thanked 33,087 times in 6,276 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    I think what you mean to ask is, "Is love about control or letting go of fear?"

    For most people, love is about desperately clutching the other person in the relationship in fear of either losing them or in fear of them making their own decisions for themselves. It doesn't have to be this way, but we are conditioned socially and genetically to react this way in certain situations. It is a similar principle as occurs during disagreements between people. Most people believe that if another person doesn't share the same opinion or beliefs as them, that this is an act of violence. What is violent is the projection of perceived violence onto the other party when one feels insecure.
    How do you know it is most?

  2. Link to Post #82
    Avalon Member OnyxKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th May 2010
    Location
    In a troubled world ...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    1,202
    Thanks
    2,375
    Thanked 5,509 times in 929 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Seikou-Kishi (here)
    Your tenor lacks a certain, je ne sais quoi, Onyx, but I loved your post and research your presented. A great post, all things considered.
    Quote Posted by DNA (here)
    Quote Posted by Seikou-Kishi (here)
    Your tenor lacks a certain, je ne sais quoi, Onyx, but I loved your post and research your presented. A great post, all things considered.
    I enjoyed Onyx's post as well. I felt it could have been a tad,,,,well,,,,nicer, but I just don't think that is Onyx's style.
    Thanks

    Sometimes when I come across a topic I'm "sensitive" about (one way or another) there seems to be a tendency for me to compose posts that display a slightly aggressive lyrical tone.

    Its how I often post, I think most people know that about me here, and that its just how I word myself, not how I actually feel about the person I'm having the discussion with (If I do, I point that out).

    Most often, its the people who haven't had the opportunity ( or misfortune) to stumble across me on a thread, and find my posts ... welll... harsh? Its those people usually. Or new members.

    I'll try to work on my approach in future lol.

  3. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to OnyxKnight For This Post:

    DNA (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (28th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Seikou-Kishi (28th November 2011), Star1111 (28th November 2011), WhiteFeather (28th November 2011)

  4. Link to Post #83
    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    25th January 2011
    Location
    Toronto
    Age
    61
    Posts
    3,562
    Thanks
    15,218
    Thanked 20,869 times in 3,325 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    When I was 16 I cheated on my girlfriend. We had been dating for about 6 months by then. She was my "first". I really thought I loved her and that we could go on to have a happy little life together and all that. I felt so guilty I finally had to admit my infedility. My girlfriend took it in stride, to my surprise.

    After that I did not feel the same for her. It took me another six months to realize it but eventually I broke up with her.

    I never cheated again, in my mind at least. If I find myself thinking about straying I interprete that as meaning my relationship is in danger or at risk in some way. If I do cheat it is my way of declaring the end of a relationship, a severing.


    It is strange, but over the years I've come to realize that a relationship is not about sex. That was a hard one to accept since I usually pair up with a partner on the basis of sexual attraction. If it's not about sex then the criteria for sexual coupling is the wrong benchmark to use for selecting a mate. That is where the friction comes from. Marriages fail because expectations are not met. Expectations are not met because those were not the criteria used to select a mate - sex was. Simple, but hard to learn while experiencing the leason.

    I'm sure many criteria exist other than sex, like money, fame and power. But are any of these things a true reason to be in relationship - to be in love?

    Then again, is there any real reason to have an exclusive relationship with anybody? So many of us go into a relationship to compensate for some defficiency of some sort perceived either in themselves or their partner. Is that a good reason to be in love - because of a character flaw? How would two advanced humans look like in relationship, I wonder? I'm sure there is relationships in 4D too. Do they swear fidelity just to get a little action? Or are there other reasons to couple at the exclusion of everyone else?
    Forget about it

  5. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Ernie Nemeth For This Post:

    Eagle (28th November 2011), Ellisa (29th November 2011), Inaiá (28th May 2018), lisa (28th November 2011), Lord Sidious (28th November 2011), motherlove (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Ria (30th November 2011)

  6. Link to Post #84
    Avalon Member lisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    17th March 2010
    Location
    Bay Area, CA, USA
    Posts
    120
    Thanks
    100
    Thanked 123 times in 34 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Ugh, this thread caught my eye because of the hole i am in...

    I love my hubby to death and we have been together for 13 years. I had one boyfriend before that, but we did not consummate our relationship. Naively, I thought that there is one and only match for each person. It is now apparent that there are more than one person i am compatible with, whom i want to spend time with, know intimately and help at a deep level.

    I met a guy about a year ago. I don't understand why, but he likes me a lot since we first met. I was scared to be alone with him, irrationally afraid that he might do something to me. Normally, i become a brick wall. This time, i decided not to do that as i am working on opening my heart. My fear of him turned around quickly and i was drawn to him soon after.

    He has a big heart. He is funny, intuitive and charming. Unlike me, he is not a robot. He has emotions and he hardly repress them. There is something compelling about his gaze, his words and his touch, but i am programmed (by my upbringing) to stay a foot away when it comes to hugging times.

    I feel his pain when i am not physically open. It is a pity how our relationship can only be superficial. Nevertheless, i know there will come a time when we no longer see each other and the feelings will fade.

    To those of u who practise sacred sex, i envy u. I have been interested for years, but had only dabbled in it because my hubby has zero interest in anything spiritual so far. He is very scientific, which is awesome in its own way.

    Love, with all my heart!

  7. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to lisa For This Post:

    DNA (29th November 2011), Eagle (28th November 2011), Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), Inaiá (28th May 2018), Lord Sidious (28th November 2011), OnyxKnight (28th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Ria (30th November 2011), Unified Serenity (29th November 2011)

  8. Link to Post #85
    Avalon Member nearing's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd February 2011
    Location
    High in the Mountains of Mother Earth
    Posts
    1,371
    Thanks
    6,674
    Thanked 4,181 times in 1,061 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Cheating = Betrayal when 2 people have taken vows 'for better or for worse' and for life.

    And this Betrayal can devastate the person cheated on since they may not be able to open themselves up to trusting another human again.

    Please think, think, think very hard before deciding to cheat. It's far better to try hard to revive and save the relationship you are in and then leave if that fails before getting into another relationship (or one night stand) for all of the people involved. Far better.

    I speak from experience.
    Last edited by nearing; 29th November 2011 at 18:03.
    "In science, I discovered, you cannot find the Truth."
    --Marcel Messing (during an interview with Bill Ryan)

    We demand Tesla technology

  9. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to nearing For This Post:

    Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), Inaiá (28th May 2018), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), OnyxKnight (28th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Ria (30th November 2011), toothpick (29th November 2011), Unified Serenity (29th November 2011), WhiteFeather (28th November 2011)

  10. Link to Post #86
    UK Avalon Member vibrations's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th January 2011
    Location
    planet Earth..for now
    Posts
    616
    Thanks
    220
    Thanked 2,062 times in 518 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Why not try with freedom? If you are free and your partner is free, if you two really feels love to each other, than there is no problem. The relationship is emotional connection, sharing everything because of just one reason.....Love. And where there is no love anymore, why not just talk about it and go everyone to his/her own direction. Nice theory. But there is a house, kids, mortgage, friends, so conditions to retain the social appearance as it is. Wrong. Overcoming this artificial s...t will help you to find the freedom and from that freedom the partner can come which will fill your need to express emotions. Cheating is not more than assisted masturbation, a false feeling of sharing something which ends before in reality starts. And real emotions are one of the most important things in our life.

  11. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to vibrations For This Post:

    Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), lisa (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), motherlove (29th November 2011), OnyxKnight (28th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  12. Link to Post #87
    Avalon Member Sidney's Avatar
    Join Date
    12th April 2010
    Location
    down the Rabbit Hole
    Posts
    5,040
    Thanks
    14,239
    Thanked 20,882 times in 4,415 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    My personal opinion is, and I can only speak for myself, but I believe that if you want to cheat, do cheat, or simply have a wandering eye, it certainly devalues that little thing we call love. And If you no longer love someone, you have no business pretending to be in a monogamous relationship. Either you are with someone forever, or your not. Kinda like being a little bit pregnant. Get out, get a divorce, and then have your cake. Its a simple question of morals.

    again, I speak for how I feel. Its obviously open for debate.

  13. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Sidney For This Post:

    Ellisa (29th November 2011), Laurel (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), nearing (29th November 2011), OnyxKnight (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Star1111 (29th November 2011), toothpick (29th November 2011)

  14. Link to Post #88
    Australia Avalon Member
    Join Date
    7th July 2011
    Posts
    1,113
    Thanks
    4,638
    Thanked 3,057 times in 950 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Whilst I do not believe in soul-mates and the notion that there is only one person on the planet who will be my chosen mate I also do not believe that having decided to marry or live as a couple it is in any way at all right to cheat,-- ---leave maybe, confess maybe, but deliberate cheating is wrong. Deciding to marry or live together means commitment and trust as well as love. Cheating is a betrayal of that trust.

    I totally agree with Starchild's sentiments. Get out and start again with someone else and be honest about your need to cheat. You may find someone who agrees with you!

    I too, am obviously speaking for myself however I speak from experience here. I have been married a long time (47 years) and together we have faced lots of challenges-- but I can honestly say that I have no better friend, or anyone I'd trust more. It's a much better reward than cheating could ever be.

  15. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ellisa For This Post:

    ktlight (29th November 2011), Laurel (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), nearing (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Star1111 (29th November 2011)

  16. Link to Post #89
    United States Avalon Retired Member
    Join Date
    8th May 2011
    Location
    Arizona
    Age
    47
    Posts
    3,931
    Thanks
    27,040
    Thanked 20,812 times in 3,643 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    I know this might sound like a broken recored here, but this whole idea of cheating to me is secondary to if you have kids.
    Cheating on a partner where no kids are involved is something that can devastate a person.
    But, it is your life.
    Cheating when their are children involved creates repurcussians that extend past the hurt feelings of a spouse.

    Again, I doubt folks would like to hear this but I repeat, if kids are involved, then the luxary of falling in love with another person other than your spouse should not be done.
    If you think you can get away with something that doesn't involve love, and find it some what satisfying, I guess do what you have to do.
    Not only do spouses carry around a grudge when some one cheats, but children find out, and will hold a grudge towards that parent for a while as well, sometimes for the rest of their life.

    My best freinds mom cheated on his dad when he was young, and he can't say a nice thing about his mother now without throwing that in.
    It has effed him up, and his views on women as a whole as well.

  17. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to DNA For This Post:

    Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), lisa (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), nearing (29th November 2011), OnyxKnight (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  18. Link to Post #90
    UK Avalon Member ktlight's Avatar
    Join Date
    2nd March 2011
    Location
    West London
    Posts
    6,461
    Thanks
    12,482
    Thanked 24,191 times in 5,187 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    We hold images in our minds and when the image is broken, the love goes. That is not love. If it were love, nothing would be broken. Love cannot be controlled or bought or owned. When love is in a partnership, there is a lot of compassion, honesty and truth, therefore, no room for any way of being that leads to regrets. Accept indiscretions since these are of who you have partnered with. This is easily done if there is love.

  19. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ktlight For This Post:

    Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), lisa (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  20. Link to Post #91
    UK Avalon Member vibrations's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th January 2011
    Location
    planet Earth..for now
    Posts
    616
    Thanks
    220
    Thanked 2,062 times in 518 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by ktlight (here)
    We hold images in our minds and when the image is broken, the love goes. That is not love. If it were love, nothing would be broken. Love cannot be controlled or bought or owned. When love is in a partnership, there is a lot of compassion, honesty and truth, therefore, no room for any way of being that leads to regrets. Accept indiscretions since these are of who you have partnered with. This is easily done if there is love.
    Beautiful words Kathie, I feel very much the same.

  21. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to vibrations For This Post:

    ktlight (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  22. Link to Post #92
    Avalon Member OnyxKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th May 2010
    Location
    In a troubled world ...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    1,202
    Thanks
    2,375
    Thanked 5,509 times in 929 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by NancyV (here)

    Although we have outgrown the need to reproduce plentifully since we probably have an overpopulation problem
    What makes you think we have an overpopulation problem?

  23. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to OnyxKnight For This Post:

    Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), motherlove (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), Unified Serenity (29th November 2011)

  24. Link to Post #93
    United States Unsubscribed
    Join Date
    16th March 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Age
    54
    Posts
    2,944
    Thanks
    5,907
    Thanked 12,350 times in 2,555 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by OnyxKnight (here)
    Quote Posted by NancyV (here)

    Although we have outgrown the need to reproduce plentifully since we probably have an overpopulation problem
    What makes you think we have an overpopulation problem?
    Thank you OnyxKnight, we don't have an over population problem we have a greed problem. There is plenty of good land to grow food on, there is plenty of land for all the people and animals, our problems come from greed, war (greed), cruelty to mankind in need (greed) often abused by their own leaders for power plays.

    All we have to do is manage our resources better and get rid of STS bastards, LOL.

  25. Link to Post #94
    Avalon Member lisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    17th March 2010
    Location
    Bay Area, CA, USA
    Posts
    120
    Thanks
    100
    Thanked 123 times in 34 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Maybe people cheat because they do not know that they can have an open relationship, or they thought they may hurt their partners if they are open. I am not capable of cheating because truth just spills out of my mouth like i have terrets.

    Hubby and i are not having kids or mortgage, but i do have concerns about shocking/disgracing my family/friends. My options are:
    * Status quo - stay the course and not make any waves. I know how to do this because being the brick wall is my specialty.
    * Open marriage - hubby and i discussed about this, but the logistics are mind-boggling. I cannot begin to imagine how to split my time between two people. However, this will help me work on purging jealousy out of my system.
    * Celibacy - I can see myself becoming celibate and no longer crave human intimacy. Hubby is not too into this.

    In my mind, my hubby is perfect for me and he has been an immense source of growth. I was sitting on the middle seat of a plane with two guys on my sides. Our conversation goes something like this:
    Guy A: "What do you and your husband argue about?"
    I pondered and said: "We rarely argue, but when we do it is about our beliefs."
    Guy A, incredulous: "Beliefs?! Most people argue about money."
    Guy B: "Yeah! Money or sex."

    I think it is important to know the "truth". My hubby does not. My beliefs changed so much over the years that our beliefs are a world apart. We seldom talk about our beliefs anymore because it is like a dog talking to a cat.

  26. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lisa For This Post:

    DNA (30th November 2011), Ernie Nemeth (29th November 2011), ktlight (29th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  27. Link to Post #95
    Avalon Member nearing's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd February 2011
    Location
    High in the Mountains of Mother Earth
    Posts
    1,371
    Thanks
    6,674
    Thanked 4,181 times in 1,061 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by lisa (here)
    Maybe people cheat because they do not know that they can have an open relationship, or they thought they may hurt their partners if they are open. I am not capable of cheating because truth just spills out of my mouth like i have terrets.

    Hubby and i are not having kids or mortgage, but i do have concerns about shocking/disgracing my family/friends. My options are:
    * Status quo - stay the course and not make any waves. I know how to do this because being the brick wall is my specialty.
    * Open marriage - hubby and i discussed about this, but the logistics are mind-boggling. I cannot begin to imagine how to split my time between two people. However, this will help me work on purging jealousy out of my system.
    * Celibacy - I can see myself becoming celibate and no longer crave human intimacy. Hubby is not too into this.

    In my mind, my hubby is perfect for me and he has been an immense source of growth. I was sitting on the middle seat of a plane with two guys on my sides. Our conversation goes something like this:
    Guy A: "What do you and your husband argue about?"
    I pondered and said: "We rarely argue, but when we do it is about our beliefs."
    Guy A, incredulous: "Beliefs?! Most people argue about money."
    Guy B: "Yeah! Money or sex."

    I think it is important to know the "truth". My hubby does not. My beliefs changed so much over the years that our beliefs are a world apart. We seldom talk about our beliefs anymore because it is like a dog talking to a cat.
    I am not so sure that a dog and a cat should be married to one another. There is no shame in leaving if 'beliefs' can't be reconciled.
    "In science, I discovered, you cannot find the Truth."
    --Marcel Messing (during an interview with Bill Ryan)

    We demand Tesla technology

  28. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to nearing For This Post:

    DNA (30th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  29. Link to Post #96
    United States Avalon Member Rantaak's Avatar
    Join Date
    5th August 2011
    Location
    A valley in the redwood forest by the ocean
    Posts
    451
    Thanks
    743
    Thanked 1,451 times in 358 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    "How do you know it is most?"

    Observation.

  30. The Following User Says Thank You to Rantaak For This Post:

    pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  31. Link to Post #97
    Palestinian Territory Unsubscribed
    Join Date
    4th January 2011
    Location
    Coruscant
    Age
    51
    Posts
    7,237
    Thanks
    37,899
    Thanked 33,087 times in 6,276 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    "How do you know it is most?"

    Observation.
    I think your sample group would have to be a minute representation of the world.
    So, like most polls, it is flawed.

  32. Link to Post #98
    Virgin Islands Avalon Member TargeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    30th June 2011
    Location
    St. Croix
    Age
    40
    Posts
    7,515
    Thanks
    21,385
    Thanked 39,716 times in 7,043 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Posted by OnyxKnight (here)
    Quote Posted by NancyV (here)

    Although we have outgrown the need to reproduce plentifully since we probably have an overpopulation problem
    What makes you think we have an overpopulation problem?
    Social suggestion/indoctrination you can't EVER let your guard down.. question everything; AWAYS!





    I've recently grown out of an 8 year monogamous (on my part) relationship; I was "cheated on" twice while in that relationship (& I think "cheat" is being focused on too much here, the topic is really monogamy is it not? we can agree that lying is bad; no need to debate that)

    Her justification for the first one was good rationalization for her; and the 2nd didn't really have much backing; I would use these incidents to be emotionally childish and "rub it in her face" as the opertunity presented itself; how is that healthy for anyone?

    I honestly never bought into monogamy, if its the way it's "suppose to be" then why does it feel so forced 'n wrong? Granted these feelings are from base urges (lower vibration i guess... which to me means easily surmountable; &/or easily indulged pick your poison).

    This made me start to question relationships in general why am I always drawn to them, I'm a "serial dater"; haven't been single for very long my entire life... It seems that co-dependence & lack of personal identity/knowledge were heavy factors.

    now I've not fully explored this; I'm not sure what I want, but sex is definitely high on the list; I imagine trust is as well (which we can boil down to lack of fear right?) financial concerns are fear again, now that I think about it; aside from sex & bonding with someone I don't want a lot out of relationships however; when ever I think of "what I want" I start an internal battle between my (probably mine, or at least what I've been indoctrinated to) desire & the "shame" of selfishness that it seems to bring on (more social indoctrination).

    I never thought of the sex magic angle; that honestly makes a lot of sense as every long term relationship I've had has fallin into "rut sex" unless effort was made by me & even then it seemed a passing thing.. I can't imagine the drive & energy that is associated with new exciting relationships is inconsequential (however I haven't gotten into any tantric practices; though I am highly interested.. it seems that monogamy doesn't really figure into that much though.) & with so much popular "vampiric" references (especially mixed with sex, vampires and sex are never far apart) I have a hard time not being inclined to think there is something to either the "extra dimensional" energy siphons or something...

    I can only speak from the male perspective; with hopefully at least a little feminine influence (as I strive for ballance) but I have never had a desire to be monogomus that wasn't based out of fear (I think i can boil it all down to that) or simple respect for someone elses wishes (or in other words, bowing to their control).


    edit:

    Hmm, strange that love didn't make my list of wants, maybe thats what I meant by bonding......
    Last edited by TargeT; 29th November 2011 at 22:38.
    Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
    Where are you?

  33. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to TargeT For This Post:

    DNA (30th November 2011), Lord Sidious (29th November 2011), NancyV (29th November 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011)

  34. Link to Post #99
    France Avalon Member
    Join Date
    4th June 2011
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    218
    Thanked 75 times in 26 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    What a beautiful and honest thread thank you.

  35. The Following User Says Thank You to fosselovelight For This Post:

    Lord Sidious (30th November 2011)

  36. Link to Post #100
    Canada Avalon Member Daughter of Time's Avatar
    Join Date
    7th November 2011
    Posts
    1,067
    Thanks
    8,622
    Thanked 8,902 times in 1,057 posts

    Default Re: Cheating

    Instead of "until death do us part" I would prefer "until our journey together has ended". And sometimes the journey will last forever.
    Cheating is wrong only because it's dishonest. Lies hurt.
    If a relationship is not working anymore, the bond should be broken, but not by cheating nor walking away and breaking the other person's heart. The issue should be discussed, understood, and the bond should be broken in a loving ritual of appreciation for all that was shared with the other person. This may be difficult to accomplish, but it is possible. I attended a ritual at the end of a marriage, and it was beautifully moving. They are now very good friends.

  37. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Daughter of Time For This Post:

    DNA (30th November 2011), Lord Sidious (30th November 2011), nearing (1st December 2011), pharoah21 (30th November 2011), TargeT (30th November 2011)

+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 10 FirstFirst 1 5 10 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts