Bullied, help needed for teacher please

[Flash]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

[shadowstalker]

I have no words that would help But i am sending love/healing/harmony vibes to help in the thinking process on your side.

[Unified Serenity]

Oh God Flash, my heart is breaking for your daughter. I can feel so much for her and you as her mother. I am sure she has the most beautiful and giving heart ever! I am not saying this as fluff. It's the beautiful spirits who are targeted to be crushed. I have a definite spiritual response as a mother and given charge / authority over what other spiritual influences are allowed on my children, and I use my authority and always have, to protect them. I lay hands on their heads and heart, speak protection and blessing on them. I have done this in their sleep,and I have done waking blessings in the positive so as not to instill fear in them.

That all being said, I would definitely set up a school conference with the teachers. I would change her class, and change the energy if possible. I would definitely consider home schooling. I have home schooled my children in the past. They are currently in a mixture of schools, and my son ultimately left high school to be home schooled and ended up getting his GED because of how he is wired. He scored so highly on his tests with only an official tenth grade education that when he chose to go to a technical school the officials were shocked because he could get into any college he wanted with full scholarships. He does not want to go to university and I support him. He is a highly gifted musician and is learning to repair automobiles and work with engines. I just want him to be happy.

I say all this because being supported at home is the most important thing. I will do Hooponono for her. Let me do it here for you as well from my heart to yours. I am truly sorry for this wrong, please forgive me. I love you both dearly and pray for your best in healing and success. Thank you for allowing me to do this.

Much love,

Serenity

[Carmen]

Flash, to me it comes down to the 'culture' of the school. I would approach this problem at the principal and school board level, or whatever equivalent you have in America. Until parents kick up a serious fuss about the this insidious problem it will continue to be!

Don't stand for it! The teacher needs to stop this and have a firm directive and backup of her/his principal and board to do so. Is there a possibility of sending her to a different school if you get no satisfactory responses from her present school regarding this problem?

I have four grandchildren attending high school this year. Two go to what I would call the conventional high school and two go to the Catholic school. My family are not religious. The catholic school was chosen because of it culture! They all look out for each other! The school is like a big family. Not having had any connection to this school previous I have been delighted with it. The conventional school seems to to be much more separatists and I don't see my granddaughter that attend that school enjoying it in particular, just marking time till they leave. It is a single sex school. My granddaughter who attend the catholic school are bright but quite chubby girls. It is a mixed sex school. I did worry slightly how these country kids would get on there, but man they have flown and have been very well accepted.

I feel very sorry for your little daughter and you. Bullying is just awful and such a cowardly thing. It has to be dealt with.

Love to you and you daughter

Carmen

[Flash]

You cannot imagine how much both your words touch me. Definitly needed. I would also lay hand on her, good idea Unified Serenity.

I can't homeschool being a single mother I need to work to put food on the table. I thought of changing her class, but it is a small school for learning disabled that are mostly deeply dyslexic, and few classes of the same levels, and they all work together across classes. Changing school could be detrimental because she is surrounded by specialists and she has wondeful teachers.

I forgot to tell that she was so good in primary school that they made her jump one year upon arrival in high school, so that she would not loose time if she decide to go to College (which in itself would be a miracle, most dysphasics do not even end up primary schooling). She is also a musician and singer, this is her passion and it does help her.

I am fine with Hoopoonoo, any time, thanks.

thanks Carmen, i am in Canada and she goes to a special school for learning disabled (with normal intelligence and supposedly no behavior problems). The teacher is listening to me, I just do not know how equipped she is to do anything worth it while not putting my daughter more into rejection from the students. I need to equip the teacher, that is what I feel. Thanks

[corson]

hi Flash. my heart is with you right now. one of my daughters' has been through the same thing. bullying should be stopped before it leads to an extremely unhealthy situation. when my 19 year old daughter was in high school, she was bullied daily by another girl whom had broken up my daughter and her boyfriend. my daughter was subsequently diagnosed with major depression. and had twice tried to commit suicide. the other girl was actually pushing her to follow through and 'get it right'...... she told my daughter: "why don't you get it right this time. open a vein, you are a loser." we pulled the school psychologist and the school counselors in and the other girl and the girls' mother. nothing was accomplished as everything that occurred was not taken as seriously as it should have been. i pulled my daughter out of school for the last 6 weeks of her senior year and had her homebound schooled. it was an awful situation. and it still is going on. we have taken legal action now. we have no other recourse but to take it too the court systems. we have filed for a PFA. i don't know if it will help.

if i were you, i would have all of the parents pulled in and make the school system answer for this situation. do not let them pass it off as kids just pranking around. it may very well get entirely out of hand if it isn't taken care of soon.
my heart goes out too you. if i can help at all, please pm me and i will do all that i can for you.
warmest regards, corson

[Siberia9]

What a horrible situation. The only thing that I can say is that for myself, I would NEVER allow my daughter to be schooled outside of my house and this is but one example of why. The whole govt indoctrination center experience is just one form or another of mind rape and brain washing. You expose them to so many possible ways to be damaged by these idiots that it is simply not an option for me. I control what goes into head, and what life experience's she user's to understand the world she is in. The result is she is very happy and only knows that walking away and over to me or her mother is all she needs to do when the idiots say or do what she deems negative. Her Martial arts training will begin soon at the age of six, this will be as close to a school that she will experience, under my watchful eye of course. I guess my point is that I have decided not to allow this type of victimization into our lives, a conscious decision to stand on a position of strength. Its only going to get worse as she goes through this system so I hope you find a way to change your options. I hope you will choose not to experience this anymore Flash its not healthy.

[EsmaEverheart]

Flash,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I had a similiar problem with my son when he was in school. Feel free to PM me. I can tell you loads of things I had to so for my son.

[1inMany]

Wow. I understand... All three of my daughters have been victims of bullying at school, one is classified special education and is quite heavy because of medications, one is quite tiny and has always had anxiety, and the third used to be quite timid but has learned to outsmart them-she is a little chunky and a bookworm. The kids usually wanted to handle things themselves, and I supported that until such time as I did not support that any more. I am also a teacher, choosing to stay home for a while, and special education is my certification, working usually with kids who were...fragile but quite rough on the outside. As a teacher, I made up a list of classroom expectations. As a class we all discussed it, and anyone that agreed with the expectations signed the paper. I hung it up in a very conspicuous place. That stopped a lot of crappy behaviors before they even started. I think I explained to the class that I wanted this to be a safe place for all of my students, and I think I even asked them for some ideas of what to put on the list. They, themselves, came up with things like "no put-downs"... When they had a part in creating the safe environment, they made it so.

I also believe very strongly in a restorative justice system. I have decided I no longer believe in bullying, per se, that I believe in the existence of cruelty but that I don't like giving something so nasty - something that destroys fragile self-esteem and even the strongest of families- a cute and politically correct buzzword. Sorry, that's just one of my soapboxes. Restorative justice, in this case, would mean that first and foremost anyone who causes injury to another other human being must accept responsibility for that injury. Step 1 is seeing that a behavior (cause) has caused harm to someone else (effect). Step 2 is taking responsibility for that action (stating in one's own words why the behavior was a problem). Step 3 is making amends for the injury (effect). So, someone talked during a lesson...that behavior caused the teacher to stop teaching and devote time to correcting a problem, it also caused the entire class to stop their learning for the same reason. Step 1 asking the child him/herself why interrupting class is a problem. Step 2 Student taking responsibility for the problem caused. Step 3 How to make amends? Couple of ideas- 1-apologize to the teacher, and then to the class, for causing them all to wait for him/her to correct his own behavior, 2-have the student do something that restores the class to safe...make a poster about listening perhaps. This is extremely powerful for bullying. Apparently, in this day and age, no one makes a child take ownership of hurting another. No one asks a child to figure out why put-downs are a problem in the first place. And, no one ever asks a child to make amends. These methods DO work. I assure you. If your teachers are receptive, that will fix the problem.

Unfortunately, too many times teachers are not receptive to the ideas of parents (speaking from a parent's perspective now). So, I have also used the big guns. There is a school or district bullying policy in writing somewhere. Find it, copy it, and get to know it personally. Ask them what they are doing to follow this policy, and do all of this in writing. If you can't find it, ask the school for a copy.

I'm not sure where you are located, but in the United States there are federal laws that protect children with special needs and challenges. You may need to "force" the teachers to put a stop to it immediately by reminding the school and the teachers of these laws. Every child has a right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education, commonly referred to as F.A.P.E. It has been my long and extensive experience with schools, that using that term gets the attention of those who make the decisions, the ones who do not want you to go above their heads to solve problems. Obviously, if the school cannot control the bullying, they are not able to provide your child with F.A.P.E., and in writing make that statement to them. Ask them for a response, in writing, as to their explanation of their failure to do so. Also, I have found this statement to be quite powerful: "It is my hope this problem can be solved at the campus level." This is a nice way of letting the school know you are serious.

As far as ideas for your daughter...sigh. My daughters each are extremely sensitive in their own ways. None of them, the first year of being bullied, would stand up for themselves and they became withdrawn, depressed, and sometimes did refuse to go to school. I told them all the same things...you are beautiful, you are smart, blah blah blah...all the right things from a parent seem to fall right under all the wrong things from their peers. But, my bookworm has evolved into quite the formidable force - if some one makes fun of her for reading books, she tells them "it's just too bad you will never make it through high school, being illiterate and all." Or, if someone bullies a special ed kid in her class, she says "aw, that's so sad. Is that the only way you can make yourself feel worth anything is to pick on people? I feel so bad for you." Remember, she says these things with quite the attitude.

There are only 2 things that helped my kids, but there are 2. Hopefully, you will find something that works for yours. First, a special relationship with a teacher...a special responsibility...that no one else is really qualified for. One daughter used to take the teacher's notes to the office-giving the teacher a moment to get onto the rest of the class for something, and making her feel special - and the notes were usually folded up blank pieces of paper. The other thing was explaining how truly miserable these other kids are, way down deep inside...reminding them that all three of my girls were bullied-one for being "too small", one for being "psycho" for taking medicine & also for being "fat," and one for being a "bookworm." In other words, bullies will make fun of other kids regardless of their physical stature or abilities. Truly. Someone's too normal, too tall, too short...doesn't matter. Oh-one more thing in closing...it did help for them to practice comebacks, even though they didn't truly buy into what they were saying...like, Bully: "You read too much" CB: "Aw, thank you for noticing, I'm flattered." Bully: "You must be a retard, you can't read." CB: "If I can be as smart as you some day, who will you make fun of then?" The reason this helps is because bullies keep bullying because they have an effect...if a child can pretend they don't care, the bully sometimes stops and moves onto another target.

I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you. Please PM if you'd like.

Much Love,
1inMany

[Unified Serenity]

Home schooling is very hard to do when one has small children and is a single parent. It really only takes about 4 hours a day and can be done in the evening. There is almost never any homework. Florida has an incredible homeschooling system and the teachers are extremely attentive. It's all done online through FLVS.com, and I believe people from other states can use it.

Of course you can do your own system from home which I did for my sons first grade. He excelled in it and we the best reader in all of his classes. He was reading and writing on a college level in the 6th grade, that was if I could get him to do his work. He's just not wired for traditional schooling. If you have family or friends who can help watch her while you work, you could try home schooling. Some countries treat home schooling very differently than they do here in America. We have had to fight hard to keep this right, but for the most part if you keep proper notes and progress reports then the authorities leave you alone. The old idea that home schooled children are poorly socialized does not wash anymore. I do think there was a problem in the early days because the kids just did not know how to interact and often had zero social skills, but today there are wonderful networks to get the children together for events and outings. You can still sign your child up for school sports, art, and music if you want to do that.

I would definitely bring the seriousness of the damage being done to their attention at school, but I would not mention or focus on the suicide aspect because that could open to door for family services to come in and "evaluate" the home life and then you have a whole new kettle of wax to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but I have studied extensively on parent's rights in school choice and vaccinations. None of my children were vaccinated and they managed to go to daycare and public school with no problems. It was not until my ex put them in Catholic school they had to get vaccinated, but precautions were taken, and I shall continue to try to wipe out the effects of that via chelation. Sorry, not wanting to derail thread talking about vaccines.

Flash stand strong for your daughter. Talk to her and reaffirm her beauty, your love, and that these children who are picking on her are doing so out of hard hearts, meanness and if the attention is on her then they will be left alone. It does not make it right, but it might make her understand group dynamics. Let her know they are wrong, she does not need to believe anything they say. She has a special purpose in this world and those kids are not worth her time or hurt. There are some great internet videos designed for gays who think life is too hard and want to commit suicide. These are older gays who made it through and share how much better life gets after school.

There might be some on bullying. If not, use some of the gay one's to show her that they were picked on horribly and their lives got better. Lots of hugs too for her, which I am sure you are doing.

Much much love to you both!

Serenity

[Khaleesi]

Flash,

I was bullied in school so I can tell you from your daughter's perspective you are doing all the right things! Showing her that you love, support and most importantly, believe her are the greatest things you can do! I will not go into what happened to me as a child. This is about your daughter. I will say, my father found out about a particular incident and went straight to the principal. It was taken very seriously. The principal actually came to my classroom, sat down and told the whole class in no uncertain terms that this would stop or students would be expelled. There was a lot of resentment and excuses, but it stopped. This can lead to isolation but you can help her find different friends outside of school to alleviate that problem. Push the teachers and principal to get actively involved! You are doing a great job and I admire your strength!

much love and respect,
Khaleesi

[Unified Serenity]

1inMany may I say you have earned my hero button for the day! Well done, and absolutely spot on advice! I loved your classroom contract, they are extremely useful.

Terrific post! Actually, Flash I'd print it out and do the things 1inMany has said, and also give a copy of pertinent parts to her teacher as in "from another teacher". You could even just give this to the Principal and say, this might help......

Serenity

[The Arthen]

What is the bloody USELESS teacher doing???

Sometimes, even when the bullies are KIDS - you have to intercept their "bully mojo", in a sense.

Sometimes simply banging your fist and screaming at them DOES help.

I know this sounds like male baboon bull****, but when all else fails.....it DOES help.

Of course I do not suggest hitting the bullies at all.

Sometimes you just have to prove your point when love and healing falls on deaf ears, but in this case the bullies are still kids.

I will not tell you how great you are by how much love you give your kid, because I know that will never change.

The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

[Unified Serenity]

Posted by The Arthen (here)
What is the bloody USELESS teacher doing???

Sometimes, even when the bullies are KIDS - you have to intercept their "bully mojo", in a sense.

Sometimes simply banging your fist and screaming at them DOES help.

I know this sounds like male baboon bull****, but when all else fails.....it DOES help.

Of course I do not suggest hitting the bullies at all.

Sometimes you just have to prove your point when love and healing falls on deaf ears, but in this case the bullies are still kids.

I will not tell you how great you are by how much love you give your kid, because I know that will never change.

The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

That could get you arrested, and open the door for family services. I suggest 1inMany's methods first.

[1inMany]

The Restorative Justice approach allows the bully to feel quite embarrassed...as well he/she should. Eventually, it just isn't any fun to bully.


added: and, don't get me started on the underlying issues of the bullies and how society should go about dealing with those...

[Lifebringer]

Is it hard to find special schools there that address your daughter ailment? If not, i suggest a public school that allows for the disability, but the children are of a understanding that all are under some sort of hardship and are taught that bullying will not be tolerated. Sometimes the private teachers are not gonna risk alienating other parents and just look out for their job, when the child's distress is ignored. I took my son out after he attended a sports event at(" Kennedy High") and a bullet fromthe other teams spectators whizzed by his head. I put him in the Job corp to allow hime to diploma and obtain a trrade. But in Your daughters case, I would allow her exposure to more welcoming students that understand and leave these weak schools alone. We are the only protection our children have and thier ability to learn, must be moved to the utmost importance. i didn't listen one time and there were more of the same, only progressively worse. Now if you don't seek another school the protection of your child is at stake.

You can address the superintendent to speak about bullying in school, depending on his schedule, or let them at the school know, it could also happen to other children and withdraw your child.

I hope I have been of assistance as I have raised 9. 6 of my own and 3 step children. I am African American and used to be middle class, so I know the stigmas in some small towns also.

Children come first, you could move to another district, and give your child the safety of another school start away from the continued humiliatory circumstances of the students in the current school.

God speed on you quest for protection of your childs confidence in life.

[Flash]

Posted by 1inMany (here)
Wow. I understand... All three of my daughters have been victims of bullying at school, one is classified special education and is quite heavy because of medications, one is quite tiny and has always had anxiety, and the third used to be quite timid but has learned to outsmart them-she is a little chunky and a bookworm. The kids usually wanted to handle things themselves, and I supported that until such time as I did not support that any more. I am also a teacher, choosing to stay home for a while, and special education is my certification, working usually with kids who were...fragile but quite rough on the outside. As a teacher, I made up a list of classroom expectations. As a class we all discussed it, and anyone that agreed with the expectations signed the paper. I hung it up in a very conspicuous place. That stopped a lot of crappy behaviors before they even started. I think I explained to the class that I wanted this to be a safe place for all of my students, and I think I even asked them for some ideas of what to put on the list. They, themselves, came up with things like "no put-downs"... When they had a part in creating the safe environment, they made it so.

I also believe very strongly in a restorative justice system. I have decided I no longer believe in bullying, per se, that I believe in the existence of cruelty but that I don't like giving something so nasty - something that destroys fragile self-esteem and even the strongest of families- a cute and politically correct buzzword. Sorry, that's just one of my soapboxes. Restorative justice, in this case, would mean that first and foremost anyone who causes injury to another other human being must accept responsibility for that injury. Step 1 is seeing that a behavior (cause) has caused harm to someone else (effect). Step 2 is taking responsibility for that action (stating in one's own words why the behavior was a problem). Step 3 is making amends for the injury (effect). So, someone talked during a lesson...that behavior caused the teacher to stop teaching and devote time to correcting a problem, it also caused the entire class to stop their learning for the same reason. Step 1 asking the child him/herself why interrupting class is a problem. Step 2 Student taking responsibility for the problem caused. Step 3 How to make amends? Couple of ideas- 1-apologize to the teacher, and then to the class, for causing them all to wait for him/her to correct his own behavior, 2-have the student do something that restores the class to safe...make a poster about listening perhaps. This is extremely powerful for bullying. Apparently, in this day and age, no one makes a child take ownership of hurting another. No one asks a child to figure out why put-downs are a problem in the first place. And, no one ever asks a child to make amends. These methods DO work. I assure you. If your teachers are receptive, that will fix the problem.

Unfortunately, too many times teachers are not receptive to the ideas of parents (speaking from a parent's perspective now). So, I have also used the big guns. There is a school or district bullying policy in writing somewhere. Find it, copy it, and get to know it personally. Ask them what they are doing to follow this policy, and do all of this in writing. If you can't find it, ask the school for a copy.

I'm not sure where you are located, but in the United States there are federal laws that protect children with special needs and challenges. You may need to "force" the teachers to put a stop to it immediately by reminding the school and the teachers of these laws. Every child has a right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education, commonly referred to as F.A.P.E. It has been my long and extensive experience with schools, that using that term gets the attention of those who make the decisions, the ones who do not want you to go above their heads to solve problems. Obviously, if the school cannot control the bullying, they are not able to provide your child with F.A.P.E., and in writing make that statement to them. Ask them for a response, in writing, as to their explanation of their failure to do so. Also, I have found this statement to be quite powerful: "It is my hope this problem can be solved at the campus level." This is a nice way of letting the school know you are serious.

As far as ideas for your daughter...sigh. My daughters each are extremely sensitive in their own ways. None of them, the first year of being bullied, would stand up for themselves and they became withdrawn, depressed, and sometimes did refuse to go to school. I told them all the same things...you are beautiful, you are smart, blah blah blah...all the right things from a parent seem to fall right under all the wrong things from their peers. But, my bookworm has evolved into quite the formidable force - if some one makes fun of her for reading books, she tells them "it's just too bad you will never make it through high school, being illiterate and all." Or, if someone bullies a special ed kid in her class, she says "aw, that's so sad. Is that the only way you can make yourself feel worth anything is to pick on people? I feel so bad for you." Remember, she says these things with quite the attitude.

There are only 2 things that helped my kids, but there are 2. Hopefully, you will find something that works for yours. First, a special relationship with a teacher...a special responsibility...that no one else is really qualified for. One daughter used to take the teacher's notes to the office-giving the teacher a moment to get onto the rest of the class for something, and making her feel special - and the notes were usually folded up blank pieces of paper. The other thing was explaining how truly miserable these other kids are, way down deep inside...reminding them that all three of my girls were bullied-one for being "too small", one for being "psycho" for taking medicine & also for being "fat," and one for being a "bookworm." In other words, bullies will make fun of other kids regardless of their physical stature or abilities. Truly. Someone's too normal, too tall, too short...doesn't matter. Oh-one more thing in closing...it did help for them to practice comebacks, even though they didn't truly buy into what they were saying...like, Bully: "You read too much" CB: "Aw, thank you for noticing, I'm flattered." Bully: "You must be a retard, you can't read." CB: "If I can be as smart as you some day, who will you make fun of then?" The reason this helps is because bullies keep bullying because they have an effect...if a child can pretend they don't care, the bully sometimes stops and moves onto another target.

I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you. Please PM if you'd like.

Much Love,
1inMany

"I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you" are you kidding me? If you do not mind, I will copy paste your whole post and send it to the teachers and to the school director. These ideas are outstanding.

I am presently building a file and sending it to the direction and teachers to help them solve the problem. All ideas are welcome. I decided that I would bombard them with help. So they will have to do something and I will be entitled to ask for commitment, results and description of action taken.

Siberia 9: I hope you will choose not to experience this anymore Flash its not healthy

I am quite aware of the unhealthy situation. Yours is young, mine is now a teenager. The worst part she says is the exclusion from the group being cultivated through nastiness throughout the day.
As I can't homeschool, I have to find other solutions. As for what is being put into her mind, you are quite right, I had to work all those years to undo some of the wrong inputs that would show up through comments of hers (I used NLP to undo the damages - this tool can be used positively or negatively - mostly around beliefs, and other tools) but this situation got out of control. At this point, more is needed. I had achieve to get her through primary school with all her self confidence even if leaning disabled, and the last year destroyed it.
I do keep in mind the unhealtiness of the situation, thanks for your concern and to remind me.

Unified Serenity: I would definitely bring the seriousness of the damage being done to their attention at school, but I would not mention or focus on the suicide aspect because that could open to door for family services to come in and "evaluate" the home life and then you have a whole new kettle of wax to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but I have studied extensively on parent's rights in school choice and vaccinations. None of my children were vaccinated and they managed to go to daycare and public school with no problems. It was not until my ex put them in Catholic school they had to get vaccinated, but precautions were taken, and I shall continue to try to wipe out the effects of that via chelation. Sorry, not wanting to derail thread talking about vaccines.

Thanks Unified Serenity, I will definilty check the law here in Canada and in Quebec and use it when needed (I should know it much in advance to plan the strategy though, so thanks, I would not have thought of it).

And oops, too late for the suicidal thoughts, they already know. If youth protection shows up, I have to turn it into an advantage (maybe squiz free psychologist). Thanks, I will plan that as well.

Khaleesi: The principal actually came to my classroom, sat down and told the whole class in no uncertain terms that this would stop or students would be expelled. There was a lot of resentment and excuses, but it stopped.

I may ask them to do this. Thanks. It is sublte and is working through exclusion of my daughter.

That is what has to be adressed, this whole request of mine to all of you makes me think much further, this was needed. thanks.

The Arthen: The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

I totally agree with this. HOwever, in Canada and more in Quebec, you have this belief that one has to be "politically correct" and that good is in everybody and they will not intervene strongly. This is what made Canada's reputation but it is also to the detriment of victim of violent behavior. I will have to insist and be strong on it.

[Carmen]

The Arthens approach is typically a red blooded man's one. Love it! Made me giggle. Sometimes a bit of passion is needed. We are soo politically correct nowadays that everyone's approach becomes very wishy washy. He cared enough to post.

I agree, 1inMany, your advice is excellent. An agreement decided upon by the children, for the children, written down and displayed for all to see and referred to often is a superb approach. A code of conduct produces a sense of pride in the whole classroom. Not sure if that is exactly as she stated, but something similar.

Also Flash, your daughter musical talent is a source of pleasure and empowerment. I know my own granddaughter's guitar and singing talent affords her much admiration and encouragement from her peers.

[New Dawn]

How sad. I'm really sorry to hear this. Show her this message, as a start perhaps? This is directly to your daughter...

I know what its like to be bullied, I too was at school for a while. When you're different in any way from the way you look, talk, or the music you listen to etc.

You are more special than you know.

People bully other people to make themselves feel better, plain and simple. The worst thing you can do is change your life because of them, because you are giving your power away.

I wish I could offer a quick solution, but I hope you understand that what I am telling you is the truth - You are more special than you know....and there are thousands of people who are going through exactly the same thing, so you are not alone.

Stay unique, and between you and your mum, you will find a way to end it....

[TigaHawk]

Posted by Flash (here)
Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

I can compare with the bullying, unfortunately i dont think that when push comes to shove the school will do anything untill push has allready turned to shove and there is an issue (ie she snaps or somenoe else snaps hits her, etc) due to how touchy people are these days.

My mum tried head on with the parent of a child that was bullying me. It's like they're incapable of seeing any faults within themselves, like they are perfect with no possible fault. "My daughter? She'd never do that! you'rs is lying and if they continue to spread such lies i'll be talking to the principal about slandar and harasment from yourself" or the sorts. They honest to god cannot comprehend the thought that them, or their offspring could possibly do something wrong or bad.

I was moved schools in 2nd grade to avoid being physically beaten. Fresh starts dont help. You're daughter, is literaly a magnet to that stuff. Why? Confidance. Kids can see that very very well.

Catch 22.

If i diddnt go thru all the crap that i did when i was a kid, i would not be who i am today. I would not probably not be so against those things becuase i would not have experienced first hand what its like to be on the arse end of what they're doing. I would not be able to take a step back and go ok - this is my story and reasons behind what im doing, and that person over there, they're doing this because of that caused by that.


The only thing i can suggest is trying (im pretty sure my mum tried too, but there may be a forcefield around a child's head that refuzes to let this kinda stuff in) - its school, tho it seems like you're entire life revolves around it now, it wont be that long till you're out of there, able to drive a car and make you're own decisions. The people that are doing the bullying generaly never grow up. If your'e allowed to take you're child to you're work - and you have one of those classic "dolly birds/boys" working for you (My definition of a Dolly Bird/boy is a young but pretty woman/man that got their job purely from their looks/buttkissing - when it comes to actualy working, or having a clue/understanding of life outside of a fashion magazine its like watching bricks try to fly) - and let her know a large number of the people bullying you will end up like this. Visualy appeasing yes, good for anythign else, including holding a conversation with? no.

goodluck!