Finally NASA Disclosure of ET life (The Onion - Satire)

[woodshreder]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/int...n-dista,27276/
Is this what we've all been waiting for?

[watchZEITGEISTnow]

Isn't The Onion like a parody? And therefore not real?

[woodshreder]

I am not familiar with this news source. Im just the messenger

[watchZEITGEISTnow]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

Google is your friend! (well sometimes it is when it isn't spying on everything you do ....)

Yeah it is satire ....

[RMorgan]

Hahahaha! Very funny indeed! Thanks!

Cheers,

Raf.

[Zebra]

Cute story. Thanks for this.

[WhiteFeather]

I found this pretty humorous to say the least!
"We were extremely excited to have made contact with this highly advanced form of life, but it quickly became clear they're pretty big jerks," said NASA scientist Raymond Morrison, referring frequently to a 24-page transcript of the interstellar transmission filled with patronizing language and backhanded compliments. "After telling us they hadn't exactly been holding their breath waiting for us to figure out how to make contact with our 'charmingly simplistic devices,' they informed us they had studied our planet millennia ago but decided it was 'too hopelessly primitive to be worthwhile.'"

[Cidersomerset]

Thanks woodshreder trying to find more info....There is a Raymond Frank Morrison in the directory....

https://people.nasa.gov/webdir_publi...&email=&phone=

Is this a wind up ????? Its a satirical magazine...Stand down .....

[J0urney]

This is a joke..Yes? It would seem to me that if a press conference had been called for this it would be all over the news. The funniest part was that they want a jet ski. I love it. Please note I'm not saying I don't think we haven't made contact. I am doubting this story though.

[Snowbird]

It's a joke. It's a joke. The Onion is huge satire. They start out with truth and simply twist it until you laugh so hard that you have tears running down your face....like peeling an Onion.

What do the Onion and CNN and MSNBC and BBC have in common?

[woodshreder]

So Snowbird , If that's the case
Where is the truth in the beginning of this story ? just curious
Peace always Peace

[Intranuclear]

The truth is that there is NASA, there is a Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center, and there was a recent announcement of a most distant galaxy about 13.8 billion light years away.

The Onion a a very famous parody site where the articles are written in a serious tone but with ludicrous and extremely funny, side splitting twists as Snowbird said. They have been around for about 9 years that I remember.

[perolator]

I began to laugh with "the jet ski" part!!!

[Paul]

Perhaps I should have left it alone ... but I just added the words "(The Onion - Satire)" to this threads title.

[onawah]

Thanks Paul. I think it should have been posted on the Lighter Side subforum myself.
It's an annoyance and a waste of time when we go to a thread expecting some real new evidence and find something silly instead.

[woodshreder]

Believe me there was no malice or annoyance intended .With everything that's been posted on this forum of late ,this story seemed as possible as any to contain some truth ..Even though I was and am unaware of the satirical nature of this news organization there seemed to be some kind of strange syncronicity to the timing of this story That was my justification for posting this on the disclosure thread ...
I can actually imagine the ET's being quite annoyed with us .
Peace always Peace

[bodhii71]

HOUSTON—Marking a momentous leap forward in humankind's understanding of the universe, NASA scientists announced today they had received a radio transmission confirming the existence of intelligent, extremely condescending life in a galaxy nearly 13.8 billion light-years away.

According to officials at the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center, the message arrived several days after researchers sent a signal to the recently discovered URFy-32924369 galaxy. Members of a highly arrogant alien species responded, saying it was "nice to finally hear from [our] quaint planet" and that it "certainly took [humanity] long enough."

The extraterrestrials explained they had intercepted NASA's transmission using their "far superior technology," because they did not want to "wait the intervening billions of years to receive a simple message from a species working within the laughable constraints of the speed of light."

Enlarge Image


"We were extremely excited to have made contact with this highly advanced form of life, but it quickly became clear they're pretty big jerks," said NASA scientist Raymond Morrison, referring frequently to a 24-page transcript of the interstellar transmission filled with patronizing language and backhanded compliments. "After telling us they hadn't exactly been holding their breath waiting for us to figure out how to make contact with our 'charmingly simplistic devices,' they informed us they had studied our planet millennia ago but decided it was 'too hopelessly primitive to be worthwhile.'"

According to NASA, the alien species described Earth's 78-percent nitrogen atmosphere as a "decent start," and said mankind had "come a long way in the past century, relatively speaking, considering it took [humans] a full 4 million years to walk upright."

Scientists have expressed mix feelings about the landmark event, noting that while the thrilling discovery of intelligent alien life signals the dawning of a new age in our ability to answer fundamental questions about the very nature of existence, they had not expected an extraterrestrial species to be so dismissive of virtually every aspect of human life.

"We sent them very peaceful, welcoming messages, and they responded by saying it was 'marvelous' that the human race had managed to sustain itself for so long without having made any noteworthy advances of any kind," Morrison said of the aliens, who described the physical appearance of humans with the phrase "interesting-looking, would be the most polite way to put it." "I mean, they weren't threatening us in any way, but they didn't have to be such pricks about everything."

The contemptuous transmission casually discounts centuries of human achievement, with the aliens saying they could not believe mankind still deals with issues of disease and overpopulation. The message then goes on to openly mock humans' "pathetically short life spans."

"When we sent them examples of our very best cultural offerings, they said they 'rather enjoyed the amusing little tinklings' of Mozart and the 'adorable scribblings' of Rembrandt,'" said Morrison, adding that his team will no longer transmit samples of music and art for the aliens to belittle. "They then said they could completely understand how our incredibly low intelligence and level of evolutionary development would allow us to enjoy such 'low-caliber' sensory stimuli."

"They were absolutely relentless," Morrison continued. "I personally feel pretty terrible about myself right now."

The NASA scientists noted, however, that the tone of the discourse changed dramatically after the aliens were sent images of a man jumping from ramps while riding a Kawasaki Jet Ski.

"For some reason, when they saw this footage, we received a barrage of messages saying 'Hold on a second, what is that ?' and 'Please, tell us everything about this Jet Ski,'" said Morrison, later reading several more excerpts from the transmission, among them, "How fast can the Jet Ski go?" and "Is the man riding the Jet Ski a king on your planet?" "They are evidently completely mesmerized by Jet Skis, and have offered us anything we want in exchange for the technology."

At press time, NASA had received a transmission from the alien species in which they apologized for their earlier messages, saying they had "greatly underestimated the Keepers of the Jet Ski."



"We were extremely excited to have made contact with this highly advanced form of life, but it quickly became clear they're pretty big jerks," said NASA scientist Raymond Morrison, referring frequently to a 24-page transcript of the interstellar transmission filled with patronizing language and backhanded compliments. "After telling us they hadn't exactly been holding their breath waiting for us to figure out how to make contact with our 'charmingly simplistic devices,' they informed us they had studied our planet millennia ago but decided it was 'too hopelessly primitive to be worthwhile.'"

According to NASA, the alien species described Earth's 78-percent nitrogen atmosphere as a "decent start," and said mankind had "come a long way in the past century, relatively speaking, considering it took [humans] a full 4 million years to walk upright."

Scientists have expressed mix feelings about the landmark event, noting that while the thrilling discovery of intelligent alien life signals the dawning of a new age in our ability to answer fundamental questions about the very nature of existence, they had not expected an extraterrestrial species to be so dismissive of virtually every aspect of human life.

"We sent them very peaceful, welcoming messages, and they responded by saying it was 'marvelous' that the human race had managed to sustain itself for so long without having made any noteworthy advances of any kind," Morrison said of the aliens, who described the physical appearance of humans with the phrase "interesting-looking, would be the most polite way to put it." "I mean, they weren't threatening us in any way, but they didn't have to be such pricks about everything."

The contemptuous transmission casually discounts centuries of human achievement, with the aliens saying they could not believe mankind still deals with issues of disease and overpopulation. The message then goes on to openly mock humans' "pathetically short life spans."

"When we sent them examples of our very best cultural offerings, they said they 'rather enjoyed the amusing little tinklings' of Mozart and the 'adorable scribblings' of Rembrandt,'" said Morrison, adding that his team will no longer transmit samples of music and art for the aliens to belittle. "They then said they could completely understand how our incredibly low intelligence and level of evolutionary development would allow us to enjoy such 'low-caliber' sensory stimuli."

"They were absolutely relentless," Morrison continued. "I personally feel pretty terrible about myself right now."

The NASA scientists noted, however, that the tone of the discourse changed dramatically after the aliens were sent images of a man jumping from ramps while riding a Kawasaki Jet Ski.

"For some reason, when they saw this footage, we received a barrage of messages saying 'Hold on a second, what is that ?' and 'Please, tell us everything about this Jet Ski,'" said Morrison, later reading several more excerpts from the transmission, among them, "How fast can the Jet Ski go?" and "Is the man riding the Jet Ski a king on your planet?" "They are evidently completely mesmerized by Jet Skis, and have offered us anything we want in exchange for the technology."

At press time, NASA had received a transmission from the alien species in which they apologized for their earlier messages, saying they had "greatly underestimated the Keepers of the Jet Ski."

[Mulder]

Oh no, my hopes of disclosure were raised here, but then dashed again.

[Sidney]

Well KRAPPOLA, I thought it was real. Geez I just woke up my hubby to read it to him. MY Bad rotfl