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Thread: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

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    Avalon Member Tangri's Avatar
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    Default Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Today, My Grade 8 Daughter came from school and told me about her teacher showing them this video to teach them respect for their parents.

    I am worried for those kids and their future generation with this kind of parenting.


    https://youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    And what is wrong with children respecting their parents? From
    personal experience and from what i see other parents going through,
    children are just plain rotten to their parents.

    I think i misunderstood what you were trying to ask here.
    My answer would be that there will always be some sort
    of frustration when raising children. Kids will be kids and
    i think every parent expects their kids to do the wrong thing
    every now and then. This is nothing more than a learning
    experience for normal kids when they do do something
    wrong.

    The thing is, a lot of kids take it to the extreme and really
    get the parents nerves on edge almost on a daily basis and
    this is when things really get heated up in the family.

    With kids selling drugs, committing crimes and getting in
    trouble in school and the law, this is when parents really
    get frustrated. This isn't something a normal kid would do
    and the only reason that i can come up with as to why they
    do it is because of pressure from their so called friends or
    maybe even gang members.

    I think if the law would do their jobs and completely eradicate
    all gangs, kids would return to doing the right thing for a change.
    Last edited by humanalien; 15th February 2012 at 23:28. Reason: Took post the wrong way.

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    Canada Avalon Member TWINCANS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Sure the issue is complicated but here's not a bad response. Raises the whole energy of the dialogue imo. Interesting poetic presentation too:

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=-uq32...eature=related

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    I have a lot to say about this but not much time at the moment.... I asked both of my daughters 19 & 15 and the father of my daughters, who is one of the greatest fathers I know, to watch this video and read the follow up article about it.

    ************************

    http://www.wsoctv.com/news/news/loca...visit-a/nHbcR/

    This cracked me up ...

    "The former Marine Jordan's post also said if he had to do it again he would, "Not be smoking a cigarette ... not have used the word "ass" in my comment directed at my daughter ... would have worn my Silverbelly Stetson, not my Tilley hat if I'd known that image was going to follow me the rest of my life and I'd probably have cleaned my boots."
    **********************************

    In short Levent yes you reap what you sow... so this father and his daughters relationship is all about control and shame and compliance to "it was so hard for me. so it should be hard for you also".

    I am 53 years young and the father of our daughters is 61 years young... we (me and the father of my daughters,) were both physically beaten into submission (however not as much as our parents would have liked). We transcended and raised our daughters and supported our daughters to get in touch with who they are and not what we wanted them to be. Our daughters are kind compassionate, intelligent caring young women and our 19 year young daughter still lives at home and is going to commuter college and is so grateful to be living is a nurturing and supportive environment. And I her mother am so thrilled that she did not chose to flee far far away from home (as I and her father chose to do).

    I have been telling my daughters since the day they were born "thank you for choosing to come live with us". My 15 year young daughter says to me and her father each morning before going to school and each night before going to bed..."Thank you mommy & daddy for being my mommy & daddy, I love you so much". Again our family is an example of what you reap is what you sow....

    Don't believe me... try it for yourself!!!

    SO yes again Levent... yikes on the teachers message... I showed my daughters this video today to thank them and remind them how loved and respected and how peaceful our family is!!!!

    I will try to get back with more about this if I can...

    Much love to us all!!

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by humanalien (here)

    The thing is, a lot of kids take it to the extreme and really
    get the parents nerves on edge almost on a daily basis and
    this is when things really get heated up in the family.
    .
    Just a reminder.... that the only power we humans have is over ourselves... If my children "get on my nerves' it is only because I allow that to happen.

    It is not about "them" it is all about me. I have no power to make you happy or sad...only you have the power to chose to be happy or sad... NO ONE can make you happy or sad except YOU!!!

    Much love!

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by TWINCANS (here)
    Sure the issue is complicated but here's not a bad response. Raises the whole energy of the dialogue imo. Interesting poetic presentation too:

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=-uq32...eature=related
    I have NOT had this experience.... I did not demand that my daughters respect me... I respected them and therefore they respect me.. you can not demand respect you need to be respectful in order to be respected in return!!!..

    So I have and my daughters father has given our daughters respect for who they are, not who we want them to be... and in return we are all respected!!!!

    Much love!!!

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by Kimberley (here)
    .... I did not demand that my daughters respect me... I respected them and therefore they respect me.. you can not demand respect you need to be respectful in order to be respected in return!!!..

    So I have and my daughters father has given our daughters respect for who they are, not who we want them to be... and in return we are all respected!!!!

    Much love!!!

    Absolutely !!!!!

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by Levent tonga (here)
    Today, My Grade 8 Daughter came from school and told me about her teacher showing them this video to teach them respect for their parents.

    I am worried for those kids and their future generation with this kind of parenting.


    https://youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU
    I substituted teached a few times and was shocked at what the children are taught.

    I realize that I am opinonated.
    But so are they (the children)....but they get ignored (or worse) for having any opinions (at all).
    I just felt too racked with guilt (for being the 'teacher' of such trivial stuff that I was forced to say) and stopped (myself). Never gone back to that career.

    If you want to teach people, realize that you do harm if the knowledge you give them is inaccurate (to the best of your judgement) ...though staying ignorant may be a worse disease. You decide.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by eileenrose (here)
    Quote Posted by Levent tonga (here)
    Today, My Grade 8 Daughter came from school and told me about her teacher showing them this video to teach them respect for their parents.

    I am worried for those kids and their future generation with this kind of parenting.


    https://youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU
    I substituted teached a few times and was shocked at what the children are taught.

    I realize that I am opinonated.
    But so are they (the children)....but they get ignored (or worse) for having any opinions (at all).
    I just felt too racked with guilt (for being the 'teacher' of such trivial stuff that I was forced to say) and stopped (myself). Never gone back to that career.

    If you want to teach people, realize that you do harm if the knowledge you give them is inaccurate (to the best of your judgement) ...though staying ignorant may be a worse disease. You decide.
    Well , surprising side of the story is . Parents , teacher(she was not a substituted one) and most of the kids are favor of the father's(overkill) act.

    If it was happened in Canada I would have the Children Aid Society put in charge.

    Am I at different reality world, that video and corresponds were surprisingly merciless.

    My father never yelled at me. He always wait my exploratory reactions and tried to show second ,third view of the situation. His explanation about that " Yelling did not worked at his brother" ( although the brother become a dentist and a laud father),

    My daughter is a gift , a god's host to my house hold . She came to experience this world. I can tell her the options, paths and protect her from immediate &/developmental dangers. But rest is on her, I am not her military trainee or prison guard. I am not an owner.(even for my budgie) I am just a depositor. a trustee. Reap what you sow.

    Love and PEACE with you

    She has to do (act ) by her self, to find consequences , rebounds and rewards from her acts.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Hi Livent, I spent more than a few minutes and politely watched the first part of the video (so we are on the same page). I help my sister raise her children and now their children. I don't think of it in terms of parenting. There is no such thing. We are each responsible for ourselves and if we are with someone who isn't responsible, then, for whatever reasons, we each get to choose how to respond. If the people I am with are too young to understand one explanation, then I find another.
    Guess what, we don't fight one another and we all have different ideologies.

    The family in the video are in a type of game being played out for all the drama it is worth. The word family got lost and got replaced with just beings who live with one another. Shocked? I doubt it. We all know we arn't good at playing 'family' in western society. We are taught to be competitive and be driven. So much so we put aside our family obligations (every one does) and we replace them with ambition. Which says, yee with all the power wins whatever war (we have going on in our mind).

    In my family, we should be fighting. I even live with my family now (and look at my age).
    But none of us do. Some of us love fighting, and yet we don't fight at all anymore.
    I feel we did, before I decide to change everything (for anyone in my vicinity).

    There really can't be violence, if you are not violent yourself.

    anyway, probably just talking to myself again.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    I like this thread so I am bumping it!!!
    Much love!!

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    I can say in confidence and with great pride that I never really had issues with my children and still don't.
    But i can also say that i helped with others in babysitting and those kids where nasty ppl and I gave it right back to them, instant Karma as it where and the parent never minded me doing it.
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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Our children have been taught, that parents don't understand, but I specifically corrected that in my family. They don't give you lessons for each little individual soul's development and I imagine that's the same way that the God/Source obtains it's knowledge, through experience.
    I have raised 9 from ages 34 to 17 step child and my own. They came out pretty good considering the odds. I just always told them the truth, and when adults try to continue to lie, they see right through them because they know, I as their mother would not lie to them. The world can, but my responsibility is to present the truth when they asked of it, according to the age they asked it. I expanded the knowledge as they matured until they are pretty well balanced and understand just what is going on. They are spiritually aware and awake and my sons have shown this maturity at an early age. i wanted to raise good, productive, educated or skilled children/adults and thank God in his mercy, I did it.

    Watch out for private schools that have a title of religion on it. Sometimes the school is good, but the teachers are snake charmed in religion.
    Public schools give the child a chance to see, live among all races for understanding and practice for evolving into the next dimension more easily. Train the child up the way, he/she should go. A strong dose of love, understanding, listening, feeling and remembering the childhood, is good for communication between the child. They respect the dicipline of warning, time out, week of chores, or finally the spanking because sometimes when you tell a child NOT TO PLAY with fire, they don't listen. I had to strike a match, let the end burn and show them by telling them this is what flesh feels like when it is burning(they used to burn plastic straws) one tap on the tip of the finger, sent the pain endorphines racing, and they knew and never played with fire again, unless it was to light their cigarette. When I was around 5 yrs old, our grandparents home of 3 stories caught fire. We, my parents and I lived on the 3rd floor, and I almost lost my big brother who thought it was a bathroom waking, and went to the second floor bathroom. Smoke everywhere.
    Anyway, I thought it best to show, and make sure that they knew if they disobeyed this rule, while I was at work for them, that would be the type of pain, all over their body, if they didn't choke to death first.

    just my two cents, but some may not agree, but like I said, i have 9 live children three in college, and five grandchildren, no fires yet.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    I saw this video an at first I was mildy amused thinking back to my own somewhat thoughtless teenage years, but then I began to think "no wonder she is this way, look at how you are"

    It reminds me of this poem by Philip Larkin

    They **** you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were ****ed up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.

    I dont agree with the last verse though it's always possible to break the chain and make a better future for your kids.
    Last edited by unicorny; 20th February 2012 at 21:30.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    That guy was a real firecracker! I think Hannah got the message now...it's interesting to see the positive feedback he is getting from teenagers as well as parent.

    But ultimately, whatever his motivations, he's free to act in whatever way he feels is best. Who are we to judge? At least no one can accuse him of indifference...

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Quote Posted by Levent tonga (here)
    Today, My Grade 8 Daughter came from school and told me about her teacher showing them this video to teach them respect for their parents.

    I am worried for those kids and their future generation with this kind of parenting.


    https://youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

    I'm sorry, but I agree with the guy in the video. Kids today have it EASY and parents get the repeated proverbial slap in the face for all the modern toys we provide our kids with. The disrespect coming from todays teens is out of control. At some point a parent reached the threashold, and has to practice tough love. Sometimes its the only thing that gets their attention.
    Good for him I say.
    Last edited by Sidney; 20th February 2012 at 22:55.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    OK how about this for an alternative line.

    Maybe consider NOT having children. How many of you have had a child by the age 20 and this child now lives between 2 parents who do not live together. How many of you are divorced? How many of you are remarried and have multiple children with different mothers and fathers.

    If you cannot involve yourself in a stable relationship then how do you think you are qualified to raise children yourself.

    Are you thinking that bringing children into this world is doing them a favour? Well know this....i would not want parents who are separated and going through multiple partners. I would not want parents who are or have been into drugs/alcohol and just cannot control themselves. Just know that if this is you then you are not wanted as a parent.

    The problem is that when you irresponsibly breed, you breed these traits into the children and they end up doing the same thing and continue the cycle. This is why the children behave the way they do. Its not their fault its the parents who cannot control themselves.

    If the so called "culling" ever comes from the so called "PTB" then it will only be doing the world a favour.

    So if this is you then do yourself and the world a favour and do not breed. It is NOT your right.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Personally, I loved the video. However, I think that the family had problems long before the video was made and didn't deal with them when they were minor issues.

    A lot of parents want to be their kid's friend, not their parent. My son's 3 and he's so sensitive and he'll cry over the slightest correction. It's so frustrating at times, but that's how he's built. He's also very strong-willed, so it's hard to find a good balance when disciplining him.

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    to all the people defending the child in this post...

    take it from me, im 25, i was an absolute prick to my parents about the same time of my life as the child who's laptop was shot up.

    You realy have to see to believe what computers can do to kids.


    I would come home, jump on the PC, and stay there as long as i could. Anything i was asked to do (housework, helping out) i would do begrudgingly, and deliberately half-arsed job as well, hoping they'd notice i did it so badly and never ask me to do it again because of it.

    When they tried to handle the computer situation, it got worse.
    They tried restricting time on the pc, i threw tantrums.
    They took the modem, and hid it, i went thru all of their belongings untill i found it.
    They took the modem with them in the car each day after realising i found where they hide it - i stole money from them and brought another.
    They took the entire PC in the car with them each day - I'd steal money from them and go to an internet cafe instead.



    At that time in a teenagers life, all they can think about is themselves, the world revolves around them, simple things such as another schoolmate's opinion, to them is wether or not the sun will rise the next day.


    You have no idea in hell how savage, cruel and uncaring a teenager can be to their parents.


    I commend this parent for what he did, while feeling like absolute crap for all the things that i have done wrong by my parents

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    Default Re: Parenting. Should it be this frustrating and stressful?

    Like so many other posters here, I too believe that if you want respect from your children, it has to begin with the parent.

    If you raise your children with compassion and respect, you will receive compassion and respect from your child.

    I am the mother of four kids, two daughters aged 17 and 15, and two sons aged 9 and 4, and have always raised my children with the belief that respect is not an automatic given. To receive respect you must give respect. I'm happy to say that my kids are great kids. My teenagers are respectful and kind. They also do not drink or do drugs of any kind, and I have a very good relationship with my children

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