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29th February 2012 00:43
Link to Post #1
My Fear
What can I say... Right now, I'm at a point where this crushing anxiety seems like it will rain over me forever, the shadows of fear enveloping me in their dirty deeds. Intellectually, I'd like to think I am in complete control of my life and all of my behaviors, when in reality, there is this automatic negative response system that is so hard-wired in my brain that it seems impossible to overcome.
Years of fear-riddled programming anchored in my mind, forcing the suppression of my beautiful inner self whilst on the surface the ugly truth of my lack of confidence oozes out from every pore of my body. Experience, books, pictures, videos, gurus, internet, nature, mediation, therapists, friends, family and the rest could not unlock the intense grip that fear holds over me. My fear of rejection is intense. It inhibits me in my social, career and relationship realms of life.
Follow my dreams? How? With the staggering agony and deprivation around us, how can one follow their dreams without feeling guilty about the ones who are just trying to survive? When the people of Plato's cave won't turn around, should we just leave them there?
I like to believe that we're all one, connected through 'Christ consciousness' and that everything around us is just a representation/frequency of the 'source.' But no matter how much I think about this, when put into the right situation, I will judge and conform and criticize and feel hatred towards others and myself.
Is most of the upper echelons of success corrupt, or is this just an external representation of my own inner turmoil? Should I work in the matrix to then be able to support myself, or should I stay out and be a recluse?
I want to travel, why, to escape this reality? There's no escaping that.
Phoenix
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29th February 2012 02:40
Link to Post #2
Avalon Member
Re: My Fear
Dear Phoenix,
I just listened to an interview with James Gilliland of ECETI (see thread "up at the ranch"). He said "hey folks, these times are energetically challenging so don't beat yourself up". Just a suggestion, but you might want to start by calling it simply FEAR. It's not yours. Because you are a perfect god-being of light. You are the fourth person in my circles with Phoenix as part of your name. You are the same age as my daughter. I feel for you because I just lost my job. It is not easy finding work that is in integrity. But you can't help anyone, until you help yourself. It's your movie. Change it for the better and you will change the world. Follow your passion. It has never been more obvious that when you do, the universe responds tenfold. No kidding!
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to lilac For This Post:
Cjay (29th February 2012), Debra (29th February 2012), DoubleHelix (29th February 2012), Kristo (29th February 2012), lslimerick (29th February 2012), Phoenix (4th March 2012), sygh (29th February 2012)
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29th February 2012 04:15
Link to Post #3